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Carebears insulting and harassing pirates

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Hydrian Alante The Scope	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:35:00 - [1] Let me introduce myself, Yes I¦m a pirate... but not a -10.0 one that is going around and kills the smallest frigate. I Just kill targets that can yield profit for me. If you go out there, pirating¦n stuff it¦s nothing special if ppl let there emotions out in local,convo or eve mail. The results are the the wildest insults a human can imagine. Most times I just stay cool but this time it goes to far. I will finally petition it. Insulting ppl that way isn¦t even funny anymore and it just shows how bad the character of these ppl really is. Now here comes the chat log: [ 2007.01.18 00:12:42 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Isenan Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:12:49 ] Hydrian Alante > ARRRRRRRRRRRRR [ 2007.01.18 00:14:13 ] Hydrian Alante > gimme yll your doubloons or I will board your ships [ 2007.01.18 00:19:17 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Atlulle Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:19:55 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Isenan Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:20:09 ] Hydrian Alante > come on where are u hidin? [ 2007.01.18 00:20:25 ] WIngman4508 > plain sight [ 2007.01.18 00:24:02 ] Hydrian Alante > weeeeeee [ 2007.01.18 00:25:25 ] Slicksicard > this sucks well here goes my ship [ 2007.01.18 00:26:55 ] Hydrian Alante > this won¦t happen if u had given me your doubloons [ 2007.01.18 00:27:10 ] Slicksicard > it is just a ship [ 2007.01.18 00:30:14 ] Hydrian Alante > nobody wants to fight? [ 2007.01.18 00:30:43 ] Dark Ortu > skat skat out of the system [ 2007.01.18 00:31:00 ] Dark Ortu > you won't be warned again [ 2007.01.18 00:31:05 ] Hydrian Alante > lol [ 2007.01.18 00:31:07 ] Hydrian Alante > arrrrr [ 2007.01.18 00:32:30 ] Hydrian Alante > alll cowards yarrr [ 2007.01.18 00:36:49 ] SimBy > hydrian we don't have time to play with morons [ 2007.01.18 00:36:53 ] SimBy > time is money u know ;) [ 2007.01.18 00:37:10 ] Hydrian Alante > did I ask you to play with them? [ 2007.01.18 00:37:31 ] FallenHero > well yes [ 2007.01.18 00:37:34 ] FallenHero > when you asked [ 2007.01.18 00:37:38 ] FallenHero > Hydrian Alante > nobody wants to fight? [ 2007.01.18 00:37:44 ] SimBy > lol [ 2007.01.18 00:37:49 ] Hydrian Alante > asked for a fight not to play [ 2007.01.18 00:38:03 ] FallenHero > fight in a game [ 2007.01.18 00:38:04 ] Hydrian Alante > and you can always logg of if u want to [ 2007.01.18 00:38:06 ] FallenHero > seems like playing [ 2007.01.18 00:38:08 ] FallenHero > not fighting [ 2007.01.18 00:38:27 ] Hydrian Alante > fallenhero you are such a small light in this game [ 2007.01.18 00:38:34 ] FallenHero > you know what [ 2007.01.18 00:38:38 ] Hydrian Alante > if I were you I would just shut the hell up [ 2007.01.18 00:38:46 ] FallenHero > it will be a great favor to everyone [ 2007.01.18 00:38:51 ] FallenHero > luckily you are not me [ 2007.01.18 00:38:52 ] Hydrian Alante > and wait for the pain that comes over me [ 2007.01.18 00:38:54 ] FallenHero > and im not you [ 2007.01.18 00:39:08 ] FallenHero > shut the hell up thats a new one [ 2007.01.18 00:39:14 ] FallenHero > people usually say shut the ** up [ 2007.01.18 00:39:15 ] Vj Fury > Hydrian is hitting on guys again [ 2007.01.18 00:39:32 ] FallenHero > yeah he is a pest what can i say [ 2007.01.18 00:39:38 ] Hydrian Alante > sure like u showed me last night [ 2007.01.18 00:40:01 ] Vj Fury > nobody in this system swings this way Hydrian try the local * bar [ 2007.01.18 00:40:13 ] Hydrian Alante > yeah [ 2007.01.18 00:40:20 ] FallenHero > good one Vj [ 2007.01.18 00:40:27 ] FallenHero > hydrian [ 2007.01.18 00:40:30 ] Hydrian Alante > come on in my fluffy phoon og hawtness [ 2007.01.18 00:40:32 ] FallenHero > your char is not the pest [ 2007.01.18 00:40:34 ] FallenHero > you are [ 2007.01.18 00:40:41 ] FallenHero > the person that controls it [ 2007.01.18 00:40:43 ] Hydrian Alante > I will show you things that dkiller wasn¦t able to show you [ 2007.01.18 00:40:48 ] FallenHero > doesnt matter how many SP you got
Sahne MuhMuh	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:41:00 - [2] [ 2007.01.18 00:40:49 ] SimBy > hydrian why do u talk like a moron [ 2007.01.18 00:40:53 ] SimBy > u have a brain defect? [ 2007.01.18 00:40:55 ] FallenHero > you still gonna be a * looser [ 2007.01.18 00:41:00 ] Vj Fury > like what a small wiener ? [ 2007.01.18 00:41:13 ] FallenHero > vj [ 2007.01.18 00:41:16 ] FallenHero > what wiener [ 2007.01.18 00:41:22 ] FallenHero > he told me chopped it off [ 2007.01.18 00:41:30 ] FallenHero > to get a sex change [ 2007.01.18 00:41:53 ] Vj Fury > i don't think he ever needed a sex change unless he was trying to be a man to begin with [ 2007.01.18 00:42:00 ] Hydrian Alante > so who is talking bull in lcoal? [ 2007.01.18 00:42:06 ] Hydrian Alante > alwys you dkill guys [ 2007.01.18 00:42:09 ] FallenHero > hydrian i doubt you got anything useful to show us [ 2007.01.18 00:42:24 ] FallenHero > unless is the arts of becoming * and being a *** [ 2007.01.18 00:42:35 ] Hydrian Alante > lose on the battlefield with 5 guys against one but always got a big mouth in local [ 2007.01.18 00:42:37 ] Hydrian Alante > amazing [ 2007.01.18 00:42:46 ] FallenHero > lets see [ 2007.01.18 00:42:50 ] SimBy > hydrian your head could be used for argo expander [ 2007.01.18 00:42:51 ] FallenHero > everyone in local hates you [ 2007.01.18 00:42:56 ] SimBy > since theres so much empty space there [ 2007.01.18 00:42:58 ] FallenHero > whats the point of sticking around [ 2007.01.18 00:43:01 ] FallenHero > also [ 2007.01.18 00:43:06 ] FallenHero > only people that got no life [ 2007.01.18 00:43:13 ] FallenHero > bully people in a game [ 2007.01.18 00:43:17 ] Hydrian Alante > yeah [ 2007.01.18 00:43:20 ] Hydrian Alante > it¦s fun [ 2007.01.18 00:43:23 ] FallenHero > so i guess you dont have a life hydrian [ 2007.01.18 00:43:32 ] FallenHero > yeah real fun [ 2007.01.18 00:43:42 ] FallenHero > let me tell you whats fun [ 2007.01.18 00:43:48 ] Vj Fury > its called griefing , he is a looser so he has to try to provoke ppl to fight him [ 2007.01.18 00:43:52 ] FallenHero > a guy buys +3 set of implants new ship [ 2007.01.18 00:43:56 ] FallenHero > 5 months training [ 2007.01.18 00:43:58 ] Hydrian Alante > It makes more fun than mining,mission whoring or blob warfare in .0 [ 2007.01.18 00:44:00 ] FallenHero > does plex [ 2007.01.18 00:44:04 ] FallenHero > hydrian comes in [ 2007.01.18 00:44:09 ] FallenHero > blows him and pods him [ 2007.01.18 00:44:16 ] FallenHero > fun fun [ 2007.01.18 00:44:24 ] FallenHero > made the guy loose implants and ship [ 2007.01.18 00:44:25 ] FallenHero > well done [ 2007.01.18 00:44:29 ] FallenHero > that sounds like fun [ 2007.01.18 00:44:35 ] Hydrian Alante > so would u plz shut up and let me play the game the way I want to play and stop drawing parallels to real life that are totally wrong [ 2007.01.18 00:44:39 ] SimBy > it is for him [ 2007.01.18 00:44:46 ] SimBy > since he doesent have any other fun in life [ 2007.01.18 00:45:00 ] FallenHero > only in your mind this is fun and what im saying wrong [ 2007.01.18 00:45:01 ] CptBbq > wrong... yeah right [ 2007.01.18 00:45:13 ] Hydrian Alante > yeah that was really fun [ 2007.01.18 00:45:16 ] FallenHero > hyrdrian style [ 2007.01.18 00:45:24 ] FallenHero > is to play the game by not letting others enjoy it [ 2007.01.18 00:45:26 ] FallenHero > nice [ 2007.01.18 00:45:36 ] CptBbq > its not our fault your parents hated you coz u were ugly [ 2007.01.18 00:45:52 ] Hydrian Alante > again stupid bull in local [ 2007.01.18 00:45:53 ] FallenHero > also that your father molested you everyday [ 2007.01.18 00:45:54 ] SimBy > lol [ 2007.01.18 00:46:03 ] Hydrian Alante > till now I will petition every ** u say [ 2007.01.18 00:46:04 ] FallenHero > you know if you got issues [ 2007.01.18 00:46:10 ] FallenHero > resolve them with a doctor [ 2007.01.18 00:46:13 ] FallenHero > not in a game [ 2007.01.18 00:46:22 ] FallenHero > lets see [ 2007.01.18 00:46:26 ] FallenHero > everyone in local [
mafesto Minmatar Luna Tech Manufacturing Industries	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:42:00 - [3] and?
Hydrian Alante The Scope	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:43:00 - [4] [ 2007.01.18 00:46:30 ] FallenHero > agrees with me [ 2007.01.18 00:46:33 ] SimBy > yep [ 2007.01.18 00:46:35 ] SimBy > we do [ 2007.01.18 00:46:39 ] SimBy > :) [ 2007.01.18 00:46:41 ] FallenHero > only you think its bull** [ 2007.01.18 00:46:41 ] CptBbq > and your mama put a weenie necklace round your neck so the dog would play wit u [ 2007.01.18 00:46:53 ] FallenHero > lol that would sad [ 2007.01.18 00:46:56 ] Hydrian Alante > -_- [ 2007.01.18 00:47:17 ] Hydrian Alante > ok I warned you [ 2007.01.18 00:47:25 ] Hydrian Alante > say good bye to eve [ 2007.01.18 00:47:28 ] FallenHero > HYRDRIAN IS ED! [ 2007.01.18 00:47:31 ] FallenHero > why! [ 2007.01.18 00:47:39 ] FallenHero > lol [ 2007.01.18 00:47:40 ] CarRamRod > he's on the *** rag [ 2007.01.18 00:47:42 ] FallenHero > hydrian [ 2007.01.18 00:47:46 ] SimBy > hydrian u really think anyone at cpp cares about u? [ 2007.01.18 00:47:46 ] Hydrian Alante > you are playing against the eula [ 2007.01.18 00:47:54 ] Hydrian Alante > harassing and insulting ppl [ 2007.01.18 00:47:59 ] Hydrian Alante > thats a rule brake [ 2007.01.18 00:48:03 ] FallenHero > im harassing? [ 2007.01.18 00:48:05 ] Hydrian Alante > and I will petition it [ 2007.01.18 00:48:10 ] SimBy > pls do [ 2007.01.18 00:48:12 ] SimBy > asap [ 2007.01.18 00:48:20 ] Vj Fury > thats cool petition it all you want [ 2007.01.18 00:48:28 ] FallenHero > i think you are harassing isenan [ 2007.01.18 00:48:29 ] Vj Fury > while your at it seach in the rules for griefing [ 2007.01.18 00:48:33 ] FallenHero > im insulting you [ 2007.01.18 00:48:44 ] FallenHero > big difference [ 2007.01.18 00:48:54 ] Hydrian Alante > fallen hero it¦s not against the eula to fly around and kill ppl in low sec [ 2007.01.18 00:49:14 ] FallenHero > harassing people is constantly doing it [ 2007.01.18 00:49:19 ] FallenHero > on a group of people [ 2007.01.18 00:49:22 ] Hydrian Alante > if u don¦t want to get killed, leave low sec and hug trees [ 2007.01.18 00:49:41 ] FallenHero > hug trees ? wtf? [ 2007.01.18 00:49:56 ] SimBy > lol [ 2007.01.18 00:50:09 ] FallenHero > hydrian should write a book called [ 2007.01.18 00:50:09 ] SimBy > tree huging pirate [ 2007.01.18 00:50:11 ] Vj Fury > go petition something already [ 2007.01.18 00:50:13 ] FallenHero > the worst insults ever [ 2007.01.18 00:50:25 ] FallenHero > yeah lol [ 2007.01.18 00:50:39 ] Vj Fury > so we can point and laugh at you like ccp does [ 2007.01.18 00:50:52 ] Vj Fury > and throw you a hanky to wipe your tears [ 2007.01.18 00:51:15 ] Hydrian Alante > you are the guys taht have real issues [ 2007.01.18 00:51:18 ] SimBy > pirate petitioning cpp cos of insults loool [ 2007.01.18 00:51:20 ] SimBy > thats some funny ** [ 2007.01.18 00:51:26 ] Vj Fury > your right i do have issues [ 2007.01.18 00:51:28 ] FallenHero > we do yes of course o.O [ 2007.01.18 00:51:32 ] Vj Fury > thank you for noticing [ 2007.01.18 00:51:53 ] FallenHero > oh god i wish Hydrian played NWN [ 2007.01.18 00:52:00 ] FallenHero > world of torture for his kind [ 2007.01.18 00:52:21 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Atlulle Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:53:27 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Droselory Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:54:47 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Vitrauze Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:56:48 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Onne Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:58:39 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Aeschee Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 01:01:10 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Lisbaetanne Local Channel Alt post 4tl :p
Iudex Caldari CaIdari Navy	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:44:00 - [5] Edited by: Iudex on 18/01/2007 01:43:26 Excuse me, but you are not using less bad language here than the other guys. Moreover it was you who started the whole conversation by insulting the other guy first - why don't you just shut up if you don't like smacktalk ? If you feel harrased file a petition but don't whine in forums about this. And the headline is pathetic too, do you think your kind of "noble" because you are a pirate and the others are "carebears" ? L...i...b...e...r...a...t...e.........C...a...l...d...a...r...i........P...r...i...m...e.!
Celestal	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:46:00 - [6] cry me a bucket i cant be @ssed to read your whinefest yes your a pirate your whole being is to impose your will on those that dont want it guess what kid 99% of the population dont give a rats about u or your kin I think I will create some mommas with huge shoulders then rent them out to dumb kids to cry on
Maria Ravenwind Infinity Enterprises Interstellar Alcohol Conglomerate	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:49:00 - [7] Uhh, is it that? I was expecting something, well, insulting. It seems like you have some history with these guys, and theyre tired of your crap. Grow up, you're playing the part of a pirate. That means no one likes you.
Celestal	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:50:00 - [8] poor ikkle piwat hes not happy that the fun kids dont like him
Lowanaera Amarr 1st Praetorian Guard Vigilia Valeria	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:51:00 - [9] The conversation was initiated by you, and in it you were being just as childish and immature as they were, up until the point where it stopped being funny to you and you started whining. If I had made the poor choice of acting in this manner, I sure wouldn't be running to the forums to post it for all to see.
DarkMatter Amarr Mineral Aquisition Group	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:54:00 - [10] I don't get it, you were the first one to start being a jerk... Maybe you should petition yourself... Building the homestead
MysticNZ Solstice Systems Development Concourse The Forsaken Empire	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:57:00 - [11] This *****ed me up: [ 2007.01.18 00:42:50 ] SimBy > hydrian your head could be used for cargo expander hahaha -=====-
Marcus TheMartin Gallente Tuxedo.	Posted - 2007.01.18 01:58:00 - [12] I didn't read your chat log I just wanted you to know that the mods are going to have more fun with this post than a drunk pre gross lindsey lohan Best Dressed Corp of 2006 and 2007! -ISD Marcus Thinks Eve who knew!?
DarkMatter Amarr Mineral Aquisition Group	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:01:00 - [13] Originally by: MysticNZ This *****ed me up: [ 2007.01.18 00:42:50 ] SimBy > hydrian your head could be used for cargo expander hahaha That is a good one, lol... Building the homestead
Sahne MuhMuh	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:03:00 - [14] Originally by: Iudex Edited by: Iudex on 18/01/2007 01:43:26 Excuse me, but you are not using less bad language here than the other guys. Buy some glasses. Originally by: Iudex Edited by: Iudex on 18/01/2007 01:43:26 Moreover it was you who started the whole conversation by insulting the other guy first - Where? Show me the part. Originally by: Maria Ravenwind It seems like you have some history with these guys, and theyre tired of your crap. Grow up, you're playing the part of a pirate. That means no one likes you. I don¦t care if some1 doesn¦t like me. But that¦s not a reason to insult ppl that way. And just if I pirated this area frequently does that mean I have to stop it now? After this bull**** I Will put even more effort in to kill the guys there. If they don¦t like my playstyle they can leave everytime. If they want to be in low sec they have to deal with them withoult randomly insulting them. Plain and simple
SSgt Sniper Gallente Zekarus Ltd.	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:05:00 - [15] Hehe, pwned. I would not have posted this particular chat, it makes you look moronic. Oh, by the way, ibtl. --------- Representing all the casual gamers happily living in Empire, that want NO PART of your 0.0 annoyances. However, I do not represent my corp. We vote first.
DarkMatter Amarr Mineral Aquisition Group	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:09:00 - [16] Originally by: Sahne MuhMuh Originally by: Iudex Edited by: Iudex on 18/01/2007 01:43:26 Excuse me, but you are not using less bad language here than the other guys. Buy some glasses. Originally by: Iudex Edited by: Iudex on 18/01/2007 01:43:26 Moreover it was you who started the whole conversation by insulting the other guy first - Where? Show me the part. Originally by: Maria Ravenwind It seems like you have some history with these guys, and theyre tired of your crap. Grow up, you're playing the part of a pirate. That means no one likes you. I don¦t care if some1 doesn¦t like me. But that¦s not a reason to insult ppl that way. And just if I pirated this area frequently does that mean I have to stop it now? After this bull**** I Will put even more effort in to kill the guys there. If they don¦t like my playstyle they can leave everytime. If they want to be in low sec they have to deal with them withoult randomly insulting them. Plain and simple Well, we now know who your alt is dumbass... Building the homestead
Soporo	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:11:00 - [17] Quote: YARRRR gimme yll your doubloons or I will board your ships Now theres a fella that likes his job. I wish all pies announced there arrival in Local like that.
Mazzazuri Beer and Kebabs Pirate Coalition	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:27:00 - [18] ur an idiot spamming the forums with smack talk bet ur not really even a pirate more like a n00b
Dame Schaifa	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:27:00 - [19] Hydrian, If you had an electron microscope you still wouldn't be able to see how much we care. Why don't you retire before your whining gives all pirates a bad name?
Sin'ath	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:45:00 - [20] Originally by: Mazzazuri ur an idiot spamming the forums with smack talk bet ur not really even a pirate more like a n00b Go back to school and learn to spell. Actually nevermind, go play in traffic since you're pretty much useless to anyone but your mom.
Iudex Caldari CaIdari Navy	Posted - 2007.01.18 02:48:00 - [21] Edited by: Iudex on 18/01/2007 02:47:02 Originally by: Sahne MuhMuh Originally by: Iudex Edited by: Iudex on 18/01/2007 01:43:26 Moreover it was you who started the whole conversation by insulting the other guy first - Where? Show me the part. Now here comes the chat log: Quote: [ 2007.01.18 00:12:42 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Isenan Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:12:49 ] Hydrian Alante > ARRRRRRRRRRRRR [ 2007.01.18 00:14:13 ] Hydrian Alante > gimme yll your doubloons or I will board your ships [ 2007.01.18 00:19:17 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Atlulle Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:19:55 ] EVE System > Channel changed to Isenan Local Channel [ 2007.01.18 00:20:09 ] Hydrian Alante > come on where are u hidin? [ 2007.01.18 00:20:25 ] WIngman4508 > plain sight [ 2007.01.18 00:24:02 ] Hydrian Alante > weeeeeee [ 2007.01.18 00:25:25 ] Slicksicard > this sucks well here goes my ship [ 2007.01.18 00:26:55 ] Hydrian Alante > this won¦t happen if u had given me your doubloons [ 2007.01.18 00:27:10 ] Slicksicard > it is just a ship [ 2007.01.18 00:30:14 ] Hydrian Alante > nobody wants to fight? [ 2007.01.18 00:30:43 ] Dark Ortu > skat skat out of the system [ 2007.01.18 00:31:00 ] Dark Ortu > you won't be warned again [ 2007.01.18 00:31:05 ] Hydrian Alante > lol [ 2007.01.18 00:31:07 ] Hydrian Alante > arrrrr [ 2007.01.18 00:32:30 ] Hydrian Alante > alll cowards yarrr Thats a good way to start smacktalk - making others down can often be a bait to answer with stronger words, don't you think ? Once started, such a conversation can get fast out of hand and might get insultive, but again, if you don't like it, simply don't start it - or don't whine when it happens, this doesn't make you look good, trust me. L...i...b...e...r...a...t...e.........C...a...l...d...a...r...i........P...r...i...m...e.!
Cipher7	Posted - 2007.01.18 03:04:00 - [22] You're like my friend Alex. He'll come and hit me while I'm working, I'm like "cut it out, I'm working" but he won't leave me alone until I wrestle him to the floor and beat his leg black and blue. I understand, in your mind you're just being playful. But the good humor just isn't there anymore. It's not play, it's harassment.
Syril Mert Serenity Technology	Posted - 2007.01.18 03:12:00 - [23] LOL. If you don't like being insulted then don't start word fights. You asked for it mr pirate :)
Iracham Gallente	Posted - 2007.01.18 03:12:00 - [24] TL;DR
Vodka Neat Vendetta Underground Rule of Three	Posted - 2007.01.18 03:18:00 - [25] This is why I read the forums. The irrational whining the expectation of being correct and more importantly the expectation that people will agree with you. Then the posts start coming in and I can almost feel the floor falling out from under them. I love every second of it. -Why don't the NPC pilots have pods?-
Marcus TheMartin Gallente Tuxedo.	Posted - 2007.01.18 03:25:00 - [26] Originally by: Vodka Neat This is why I read the forums. The irrational whining the expectation of being correct and more importantly the expectation that people will agree with you. Then the posts start coming in and I can almost feel the floor falling out from under them. I love every second of it. To answer the question in your sig npc pilots don't have pods because they fly old school. Capsule technology isn't universally available Best Dressed Corp of 2006 and 2007! -ISD Marcus Thinks Eve who knew!?
Zeebakes	Posted - 2007.01.18 03:50:00 - [27] yuk yuk yuk, the care bears strike back! <~~ care bear @ heart
hotgirl933	Posted - 2007.01.18 03:53:00 - [28] yawn cares who says me no one says everyone
Aphotic Raven Gallente E X O D U S Imperial Republic Of the North	Posted - 2007.01.18 04:14:00 - [29] Edited by: Aphotic Raven on 18/01/2007 04:13:15 You're an ass... no wonder you're in The Scope... if i were to tell you to stab yourself in the face and die in a pit filled with your own blood i'd be the one getting banned.. like this poor guy in local... theres irony for you! Also stfu, you're the pirate, learn to deal with it. The rest of us have. EDIT: GO BACK TO WOW
Snarls McGee	Posted - 2007.01.18 04:36:00 - [30] I Like Monkeys! The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys. ---------- We've all heard that a million monkeys typing will eventually create something intelligent. Thanks to message forums we know that isn't true.

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