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Mad
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.01.27 01:43:00 -
[1]
Ok, theres a girl who I have been on and off with but really have always had strong feelings for her since we first got together. Would rather say I'm infatuated with her than say the L word, but it has popped in my mind when thinking about her... btw she's 4 years younger than me and hawt. ( I'm 23 )
Only problem is one of the times while we were split she met this dude and she has no inhibitions at all in talking about her relationships, she was tellin me how much she liked this new dude but he was moving ( approx 3000 miles away ), well after around 2 weeks after he was gone we started kinda gettin back together again it seemed like. And then she noticed some odd stuff
She was pregnant, by the other dude, that had just moved 3000 miles away. The only 2 people she had ever 'been with' was me and that dude. And before you start, yea I know 100% that it is his, there was around a month between when we split up the last time and when she got with that dude.
And like I said, I still have really strong feelings for her, and I dont know wtf to do... Should I **** off just because she's pregnant? And she has been trying to get back with me, just doing obvious things. And I dont even know how to act around her anymore... And I'm also kinda scared because I'm worried that she may just be wanting to get back with me again because she's pregnant, she wants someone to look after her and be with her, and it worries me that she just might be using me... My brothers saying not to get back with her and said 'she just wants a baby daddy' :D
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Benco97
Gallente
Multiverse Corporation
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Posted - 2007.01.27 01:50:00 -
[2]
I can't tell you what to do but I can say what I would do in this situation..
I'd get back with her, be with her and the kid and eventually have another kid with her.
Still, like I said, that's just me and I want to adopt.. so.. you know..
Anyway, whatever you do make sure it's what you feel happy with.
"MY GOD KEEP THIS AWAY FROM BENCO97!!!!!" - Constantine Arcanum |
Samuel Freedom
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Posted - 2007.01.27 01:52:00 -
[3]
Edited by: Samuel Freedom on 27/01/2007 01:50:51
Edited by: Samuel Freedom on 27/01/2007 01:49:34
Dude, The fact that your even questioning it give you the answer ..... If you was sure you would be sure and if your gonna bring up another man kid you'd better be sure 100% or it will be worse for everyone in the long run.
Do you want to bring up another dudes kid as your fiorst borne, I wpouldn't. I know alot of people will disagree with me maybe but im just gonna tell it like it is. Think of all them hard times to come with arguments and when the kid starts playin up when he/she old. It ALOT harder when it's not your own blood bro.
My verdict = You aint sure are you ? be gutted at losing the girl for a few months you'll find someone you will love and bring up a kid thats your toghther if thats what you want.
Don't do it. Plenty more fish in the sea.
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Cipher7
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Posted - 2007.01.27 02:02:00 -
[4]
Walk away.
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Mad
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.01.27 02:32:00 -
[5]
 Originally by: Benco97
I can't tell you what to do but I can say what I would do in this situation..
I'd get back with her, be with her and the kid and eventually have another kid with her.
Still, like I said, that's just me and I want to adopt.. so.. you know..
Anyway, whatever you do make sure it's what you feel happy with.
How old are you tho? Like I said I'm 23, she's 19... Dont really want kids while I'm in college.
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Ice Conch
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Posted - 2007.01.27 02:36:00 -
[6]
Originally by: Cipher7
Walk away.
im going with cipher here
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Benco97
Gallente
Multiverse Corporation
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Posted - 2007.01.27 02:43:00 -
[7]
Originally by: Mad
How old are you tho? Like I said I'm 23, she's 19... Dont really want kids while I'm in college.
Ahh well then, yes, if it's going to mess with things in such a way then it's best to do as the others say.
"MY GOD KEEP THIS AWAY FROM BENCO97!!!!!" - Constantine Arcanum |
Marcus TheMartin
Gallente
Tuxedo.
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Posted - 2007.01.27 02:54:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Ice Conch
Originally by: Cipher7
Walk away.
im going with cipher here
Yeah walk away and never look back
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DeMundus
The Establishment
Establishment
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Posted - 2007.01.27 03:09:00 -
[9]
Questining that gives you the answer, and you are only 23.
Besides lots of babes in College
-Dr. Love
Abandon all hope But take care of teh cake!11 - Immy |
Asimov Andies
Gallente
Red Blade Industries
United Corporations of Eve
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Posted - 2007.01.27 03:20:00 -
[10]
I'd say walk away for 2 reasons.
1) you are 23, you don't want a kid at 23 unless you are financially sound and mature enough to deal with a kid.
2) she got knocked up at 19... I have a feeling that one is gonna be a cheater.
-=##=-
Why are they shooting at us Captain? |
Kyguard
Fire Mandrill
Curse Alliance
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Posted - 2007.01.27 04:02:00 -
[11]
Hmm tough situation. I'd consider an abortion, but that's just me. I know there are lot of people against it and since no one has suggested it, I don't think anyone is for it.
Tbh, you've got your entire life ahead of you. I've personally never been in your shoes where I had to make a choice between myself and someone else, so I really can't say. It's a critical decision, you gotta think about it long and hard.. if she ends up messing around at a later date then you will regret it very very much.
-
WeComeInPeace Video |
Dreez
Destructive Influence
Band of Brothers
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Posted - 2007.01.27 04:14:00 -
[12]
Ditch the *****. I¦ve never been the forgiving type of dude.
When i found out my girl had been fooling around, i threw her
out with her head first. She cried, i didnt give a ****.
Ditch the *****, there will be others.
Bob farted, ASCN burped & then there was a nodecrash.
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dennyreborn
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Posted - 2007.01.27 05:31:00 -
[13]
i am going to be honest with you.
you do have two choices.
1. Marry her raise the kid.
2. move one.
I lean toward advising number 2 in your case because like you said you hesitate to use the L wood. And she is talking about how much she "LIKED HIM".
The Truth is neither of you are that into each other. You are lonely and She is scared.both such factors will fade in time and you will find your self married and with a baby to someone thats off and on again.
Go to the doctor with her and hear exactly how far along she is. I have a suspension she was more then a month along when she got back with you. If So she at least had a guess she was preg.
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Patch86
Di-Tron Heavy Industries
Freelancer Alliance
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Posted - 2007.01.27 11:39:00 -
[14]
I would totally not take advice on the matter from an MMO community public forums 
Anyhow, I go with the "leave it" crowd. You're better off out of that mess.
-----------------------------------------------
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Admai Sket
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Posted - 2007.01.27 11:48:00 -
[15]
You're asking the EVE population how to deal with this? Half the EVE Population don't know HOW to get someone pregnant, let alone deal with it! :P
I got my sig snipped again. Can someone make me a new one? |
Dario Wall
Caldari
Deep Core Mining Inc.
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Posted - 2007.01.27 11:54:00 -
[16]
From what you have written, it looks like she is using you as someone to fall back on now that she's pregnant. The fact that you can not say you love her shows that you and her are not ready to be together. If she truly cared for your feelings she would not be bringing up her past relationship, and would have moved on.
Even though you say you are 100% certain the child is not yours, you may want to have a paternity test done to see if it really is his child or not. If it turned out to be yours and you didn't find out until after you were in a relationship with someone else, there's a very high chance that it would ruin the relationship.
Honestly though, you should spend a while thinking things through before making any major decision. It comes down to what you decide, not what a bunch of people on an online forum tell you to do.
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wierchas noobhunter
The Collective
Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2007.01.27 11:56:00 -
[17]
I'm worried that she may just be wanting to get back with me again because she's pregnant, she wants someone to look after her and be with her, and it worries me that she just might be using me...
yes its true dont get back with her
run
run far away from her as u can
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Ebedar
Gallente
Primary Intelligence
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Posted - 2007.01.27 12:39:00 -
[18]
Seems as though she only split up with the baby's father because he moved away. What if he moves back - where does that leave you and how will she respond?
Don't let your feelings for her cloud the issue. Unless you can be certain that she would choose you over him in any situation, you'll always have that doubt at the back of your mind. Relationships are built on trust - if you don't feel that now, it's unlikely to become better over time.
It sounds to me as though it would be better for you to move on now rather than further down the line when you're going to be more invested in the relationship.
~
ioctl |
Fellet
Amarr
Delta team
Lotka Volterra
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Posted - 2007.01.27 13:02:00 -
[19]
Edited by: Fellet on 27/01/2007 12:58:43
Walk away , like other people said here . She only came back to you becuase the other guy went 3k miles away or something . And i dont think you want to get your heart broken agian by the same chick.
+ she will cheat on you
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PanzerGrenadier
Caldari
VentureCorp
Imperial Republic Of the North
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Posted - 2007.01.27 13:03:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Ebedar
Seems as though she only split up with the baby's father because he moved away. What if he moves back - where does that leave you and how will she respond?
Don't let your feelings for her cloud the issue. Unless you can be certain that she would choose you over him in any situation, you'll always have that doubt at the back of your mind. Relationships are built on trust - if you don't feel that now, it's unlikely to become better over time.
It sounds to me as though it would be better for you to move on now rather than further down the line when you're going to be more invested in the relationship.
$$$$ - This guy is right.
I'd leave.
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FooB2
Caldari
Pre-nerfed Tactics
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Posted - 2007.01.27 13:35:00 -
[21]
wait until shes asleep, and then stick it in her ear.
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madaluap
Gallente
Mercenary Forces
Exquisite Malevolence
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Posted - 2007.01.27 14:27:00 -
[22]
This is why you should have save sex, kids
Dont get back with her, just a shame of your own life
_________________________________________________
Breetime
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Pisi Mopsu
Caldari
Professional Interstellar Support Initiative
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Posted - 2007.01.27 15:02:00 -
[23]
Do not commit to being with her unless you are ready to commit to her and that child 100% for the long haul. That child will always be the other man's therefore he will always be a part of her life... no matter what. You need to sort out your feelings on your own, either way, before you commit. You need to hear what she wants flat out... open and honest... no assumptions.
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Admai Sket
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Posted - 2007.01.27 15:37:00 -
[24]
Originally by: madaluap
This is why you should have save sex, kids
Save sex? Is that where you can go half way, save your progress, and come back later? or reload an old session that was really good?
I got my sig snipped again. Can someone make me a new one? |
Marcus TheMartin
Gallente
Tuxedo.
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Posted - 2007.01.27 15:43:00 -
[25]
Originally by: Admai Sket
Originally by: madaluap
This is why you should have save sex, kids
Save sex? Is that where you can go half way, save your progress, and come back later? or reload an old session that was really good?
Well in case you crash you can reboot and resume at where you left off
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Ice Conch
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Posted - 2007.01.27 16:17:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Admai Sket
You're asking the EVE population how to deal with this? Half the EVE Population don't know HOW to get someone pregnant, let alone deal with it! :P
im sure most people in eve know how to get someone pregnant, but to deal with it, just push her down the stairs
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Yendri
Perkone
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Posted - 2007.01.27 17:02:00 -
[27]
my personal opinion is, if you've got to ask for opinions of what to do, it'll not work out in the long run. it takes a definate committment to be with her, knowing that in the next half year she's going to be going through a pretty tough time with a pregancy, and when that's over for her, as a couple, you've got a lifetime of raising a child, the entire time knowing its not yours.
one hell of a committment to give, and if you're not absolutely certain now... you may well live to regret it.
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Dau Imperius
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.01.27 17:12:00 -
[28]
Oi this is not really the forum to ask this.
Nobody here is halfway qualified, let alone the fect our opinions mean jack sheeba.
If I were in your shoes, I'd move on.
It's been covered why in these posts. But here's my two isk:
1.) She went and got pregneant with another bloke in the space of 1 month? Future cheater.
2.) The bloke could come back into her and life and then what? The child isn't yours, it's her to deal with in the way she feels is right (Abortion, whatever)
3.) Do not put any blame or guilt on yourself. That's a trap you'll never dig yourself out of. She did it all by herself. I'm not seeing any love if she goes and wonders that quick after you split.
Walk away. This is between her and her stupid choice of a bloke that got her pregnant.
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westernstab
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Posted - 2007.01.27 17:19:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Dario Wall
Even though you say you are 100% certain the child is not yours, you may want to have a paternity test done to see if it really is his child or not. If it turned out to be yours and you didn't find out until after you were in a relationship with someone else, there's a very high chance that it would ruin the relationship.
No way most states if you can go for 2 years with her claiming you as a the father will not force a paternity test or make you to pay child support if she changes her toon.
besides at that point it is easy to tell your new GF the her with a kid is crazy the courst have already ruled i am not the father.
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Doctor Fruitloop
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Posted - 2007.01.27 17:33:00 -
[30]
I dont know where you live so what i say should be taken with a pinch of salt.
Get the test done, is it yours.
Suggest that if she wants to have the child, she should move to where the father is, i presume that the only reason she broke up with him was because he moved.
It may put it into perspective, that if you stay with her, there are more than triple the years ahead of you in life than there is behind, are you able to deal with this, an old saying, "in for a penny, in for a pound".
Ultimately, its your decision, not hers or the guy she broke up with.
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Gikanzin
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Posted - 2007.01.27 19:16:00 -
[31]
Well all I can say is that if you can't make a choice from all the information you got on the forums provided by these kind ladies and gents. Maybe you should ask a Dev or a GM for a fix, maybe?
Sorry but it seems that they have said it all, also you will have to think about "If she will contact the other guy issue about the baby" if she does then where would you come in?
I'm not saying that you should be some evil bastard and just dump her there alone with no one close to be there for her, but it seems to me that you should'nt be making this choice alone and the 2 of you need to be on the same page.
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Sereifex Daku
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Posted - 2007.01.27 19:39:00 -
[32]
I guess persuading her to get an abortion isn't an option here? If she's ok with it then advise her to do it, not for the sole purpose of getting back with you, but simply because the kid will ruin her life, she will have to work very hard to raise that kid by herself. If she does this then get back with her.
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Tiolincan
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Posted - 2007.01.27 20:12:00 -
[33]
Originally by: Sereifex Daku
If she does this then get back with her.
What you said here sound like what the devil might say. And if you are him, can I get my soul back?
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Look'Down On'You
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Posted - 2007.01.27 21:29:00 -
[34]
We need pictures of this 'hawt' girl. Depending on how thick your beer-goggles need to be, I say you should stay with her and raise the kid. Then in 10 years or so you can train the kid to haul your ore.
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Juwi Kotch
Gallente
VIRTUAL LIFE VANGUARD
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Posted - 2007.01.27 21:29:00 -
[35]
It's been said before: You putting this question up here is reason enough to let her go.
If you would be absolutely sure that you love her, and proud and eager to shout that out to the world, then you two could have chance.
She just being "hawt" is the least important reason to stay with her.
Juwi Kotch
JOIN NOW, KLICK SIG! |
Sereifex Daku
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Posted - 2007.01.28 02:53:00 -
[36]
Originally by: Tiolincan
Originally by: Sereifex Daku
If she does this then get back with her.
What you said here sound like what the devil might say. And if you are him, can I get my soul back?
I get asked this a lot. Look, when I made you sign the contract in your own blood, and when I laughed uncontrollably after you did, didn't that tell you that there would be no backsies? 
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Araxmas
Black Lance
Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2007.01.28 17:12:00 -
[37]
Simple solution..
Wait till she's asleep
Get a coat hanger
Remove the baby
Problem solved
--------
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Aayan
Beagle Corp
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Posted - 2007.01.28 18:07:00 -
[38]
Do not get back with her. This sounds like you are trying to rescue her and using what sounds like a lack of options to decide to stay with her... I know when I was in my first big relationship I took everything so seriously and way too soon. I realize this is prolly not your first big relationship but maybe it is? The fact that you two are so off again on again is not what you want when you have a kid. She is the one who got pregnant with that other guys kid. Think about this:
-You are in college
-Just a guess but money prolly isn't pouring in
-She is only 19!!!!
-Good chance she is getting so close because of the pregnancy
-She was never steady with you to begin with!
-Did I mention she is 19?!?!?!?
I know how it feels to a degree. I used to be very good friends with this one particular girl who was extremely kind and beautiful. We would hang out all the time. Now she hasn't gotten pregnant but she started going on an off with this one guy for over a year and it started turning into us hanging out so that we could "talk" about them... hum... I don't know about you but I don't like the idea of being used. Crap would go down and guess who would get a call to bail her out... yeah I don't want to be here person go-to buddy. Needless to say we barely ever talk, I pretty much avoid her.
This may seem heartless but talk to anyone that has been in a similar situation and gone down the path you are considering and ask them how they feel. I bet almost all of them would change their mind if they could have the chance. Money is a huge deal. When people get married and there is so much "love" going around topics like money are avoided because it is heartless... I mean this is love no? Ha! All of a sudden little things start to creep up... I need this I need more of that... money plays a huge part in your life there is just no way to avoid it.
Honestly she was never stable with you... only left the other guy cause he moved... and now that she is pregnant she wants you! Let me guess she has told you over and over how it isn't like that and how awesome you make her feel... she is rebounding to a comfort zone and will suck you dry before you even know it! -Steve
- B E A G L E C O R P - |
Denrace
Amarr
Viziam
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Posted - 2007.01.28 18:25:00 -
[39]
A kid is one of the biggest and most important things that will ever happen to anyone.
If you arent 100% sure you want that kind of shared responsibility, I'd walk away - but in a nice way of course.
A potentially unhappy and akward relationship is not something to be a part of.
Best of luck either way.
Den
________________________________________
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madaluap
Gallente
Mercenary Forces
Exquisite Malevolence
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Posted - 2007.01.28 18:30:00 -
[40]
Originally by: Marcus TheMartin
Originally by: Admai Sket
Originally by: madaluap
This is why you should have save sex, kids
Save sex? Is that where you can go half way, save your progress, and come back later? or reload an old session that was really good?
Well in case you crash you can reboot and resume at where you left off
Nah you can go back 1 minute before she got pregnant (auto save F T W) and than abort session and get yourself one of these.
Yes repeating the best parts is possible aswell, so you can skip 1 hour of foreplay.
_________________________________________________
Breetime
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Araxmas
Black Lance
Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2007.01.28 18:35:00 -
[41]
Originally by: madaluap
Originally by: Marcus TheMartin
Originally by: Admai Sket
Originally by: madaluap
This is why you should have save sex, kids
Save sex? Is that where you can go half way, save your progress, and come back later? or reload an old session that was really good?
Well in case you crash you can reboot and resume at where you left off
Nah you can go back 1 minute before she got pregnant (auto save F T W) and than abort session and get yourself one of these.
Yes repeating the best parts is possible aswell, so you can skip 1 hour of foreplay.
What if it starts to not to respond. How do we ctrl alt del?
--------
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TheFirstInquisitor
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Posted - 2007.01.28 19:01:00 -
[42]
Ctr+ALT+Delete
Gain control.
Do the alternative methods.
Finaly, delete.
Note to all, What I say may be infact of a more humorous tone than comes accross. |
Lacrimae
Gallente
LFC
Lotka Volterra
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Posted - 2007.01.28 19:14:00 -
[43]
Edited by: Lacrimae on 28/01/2007 19:10:34
This coming from a girl:
Run away. Come back in a few years, if you're both still interested, fine, start again, else you'll just realize it wasn't what you thought it was. She has nfc what she's doing, what she wants etc; and she'll only end up wiping her feet on you some more (even if that's not what she's intending to do) if you let her.
Dead Stars Still Burn
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voogru
Gallente
Massive Damage
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Posted - 2007.01.28 23:15:00 -
[44]
To those suggesting an abortion, yes. Let's kill a child because someone made a mistake. What a great idea! 
I'd put it up for adoption.
As for the girl, I'd run.
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Mad
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.01.28 23:20:00 -
[45]
Originally by: voogru
To those suggesting an abortion, yes. Let's kill a child because someone made a mistake. What a great idea!
I'd put it up for adoption.
As for the girl, I'd run.
Btw her parents are telling her to get an abortion, she's not.
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Kehmor
Caldari
PAK
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Posted - 2007.01.28 23:45:00 -
[46]
All these people saying to walk away make me sick. Stay with her for the next 6 or 7 months, then walk away.
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Dmian
Gallente
Starline Engineering Corporation
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Posted - 2007.01.29 00:02:00 -
[47]
Listen to your brother. He's your family, he loves you and care for you. His advice is the best you have. Also, ask your parents about the issue. Your family will give you the best advice. Regards.
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Ranar Estraad
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Posted - 2007.01.29 00:44:00 -
[48]
I'm going to toss my few cents in here just because this is something that hits rather close to home.
I was in something almost exactly the same. I'm 23 and my first girlfriend and I were together for 3 years, and near the end became something of an on-again-off-again deal. Annoying, to be sure. Anyways, We broke up and her biological clock kicked into overdrive. Hooked up with a guy from work, dated for two months, engaged, married four months later, squirted out a daughter nine months after that. Then had an affair with a mutual ex-friend of ours, divorced moved out with the child into the new guys house, and wouldn't you know it, five months later guess who doesn't want anything to do with her anymore? The ex-friend. So now she is living in his house with the guy who doesn't give her enough attention ad can't move out because she hasn't enough money...and just GUESS who she regains contact with?
I'll give you a hint: ME
I hear her woes of being a single mother in a house with the guy who doesn't LOVE her, but doesn't mistreat her. Just behaves like her friend. Now she says she doesn't like trying to date other guys and, and I quote, "wants something familiar, something comfortable." Because the new guys bolt when they find out she has a kid I guess. (she's 22 which isn't THAT bad, but still)
I suggest you do what I did. I stil had feelings for her but like you I was debating it, which means that I know I shouldn't. Tell her you care for her, and still like her, but you're just not comfortable getting back into a relationship that was as unstable, and don't want to put yourself in that situation again.
Eventually it all comes down to whether or not the juice is worth the squeeze, metiphorically speaking.
P.S. Although, this may be your opprotunity to get some hot pregnant-sex. You're call.
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DR L337
Republic Military School
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Posted - 2007.01.29 00:57:00 -
[49]
Originally by: Cipher7
Walk away.
qft im afraid
___________________________________
I ART IN THINE ABODE BANGING THINE MUM |
Mad
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.01.29 00:57:00 -
[50]
Originally by: Ranar Estraad
P.S. Although, this may be your opprotunity to get some hot pregnant-sex. You're call.
Was waiting for someone to bring that up! 
like 5 buds of mine said "dude, get back with her for at least a couple weeks. pregnant chicks are horney as hell!" which kinda makes me wanna which is one of the main reasons im feelin kinda bad :P
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Carth Jared
Body Count Inc.
Mercenary Coalition
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Posted - 2007.01.29 01:04:00 -
[51]
Edited by: Carth Jared on 29/01/2007 01:02:41
Originally by: Kehmor
All these people saying to walk away make me sick. Stay with her for the next 6 or 7 months, then walk away.
Yes because walking away after the child is born is the solution... C'mon man :/
edit: Just occurred to me that you were prolly joking
If possible be there as a friend for her, but dont get too involved.
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Victor Valka
Caldari
Archon Industries
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Posted - 2007.01.29 03:02:00 -
[52]
Everyone's using everyone. That's how this little piece of rock keeps spinning. Don't bash yourself for it and don't bash her. Or anyone else.
My suggestion: Like her? Coo! Stick with her, help her out, whatever. You can both benefit. Just don't get married, 'kay! Neither of you needs that ****. That should give you enough headway and make her understand that you are not gonna do everything for her and she'll still have to drag her weight.
No need to thank me. The cheque will be in the mail.
Originally by: Diana Marc
Notice that BoB is agreeing with RA's concern. That's like Elrond and Sauron agreeing to reduce carbon emissions.
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Sereifex Daku
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Posted - 2007.01.29 03:13:00 -
[53]
Originally by: Mad
Originally by: Ranar Estraad
P.S. Although, this may be your opprotunity to get some hot pregnant-sex. You're call.
Was waiting for someone to bring that up!
like 5 buds of mine said "dude, get back with her for at least a couple weeks. pregnant chicks are horney as hell!" which kinda makes me wanna which is one of the main reasons im feelin kinda bad :P
I don't know about you but the idea of having sex with a chick with a little person in her belly would freak me out, I'd imagine a little foetus laughing at my pathetic attempt to pleasure it's mummy
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Fuh Q
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Posted - 2007.01.29 03:29:00 -
[54]
get rid of the *****, get a better one you can accually love
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Gealbhan
Caldari
The Big Sky Corp
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Posted - 2007.01.29 06:19:00 -
[55]
Originally by: Mad
Ok, theres a girl who I have been on and off with but really have always had strong feelings for her since we first got together. Would rather say I'm infatuated with her than say the L word, but it has popped in my mind when thinking about her... btw she's 4 years younger than me and hawt. ( I'm 23 )
Only problem is one of the times while we were split she met this dude and she has no inhibitions at all in talking about her relationships, she was tellin me how much she liked this new dude but he was moving ( approx 3000 miles away ), well after around 2 weeks after he was gone we started kinda gettin back together again it seemed like. And then she noticed some odd stuff
She was pregnant, by the other dude, that had just moved 3000 miles away. The only 2 people she had ever 'been with' was me and that dude. And before you start, yea I know 100% that it is his, there was around a month between when we split up the last time and when she got with that dude.
And like I said, I still have really strong feelings for her, and I dont know wtf to do... Should I **** off just because she's pregnant? And she has been trying to get back with me, just doing obvious things. And I dont even know how to act around her anymore... And I'm also kinda scared because I'm worried that she may just be wanting to get back with me again because she's pregnant, she wants someone to look after her and be with her, and it worries me that she just might be using me... My brothers saying not to get back with her and said 'she just wants a baby daddy' :D
My advice - run.
No way I'd raise another mans kid. sounds to me like she's using your feelings against you. Listen to your brother, drop her like a bad habit, quick.
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Anatolius
Amarr
PIE Inc.
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Posted - 2007.01.29 09:50:00 -
[56]
Originally by: Mad
Like I said I'm 23, she's 19... Dont really want kids while I'm in college.
Correct.
Originally by: Mad
she's pregnant, she wants someone to look after her and be with her, and it worries me that she just might be using me...
Also correct.
She gets impregnated by some dude who moves 3k miles away, and now she's looking for a provider. No offense, but a) a month and she gets knocked up - wtf?, b) birth control is inexpensive and very effective, c) in case of emergency, a small amount of money will take care of the problem. (Some religious and/or ethical objections may apply. )
Your brother saw it. Other people in this thread saw it. I'm merely posting to say it, because I see it too. Yeah, love, all those wonderful feelings and all that crap. Run dude - RUN. Load up on warp core stabs and inertial stabilizers. Warp to zero. Logoffski. Eject from your ship and spam warp to the nearest station.
In the words of the immortal Gandalf, "Fly, you fools!"
"If God be for us, whom can be against us?" |
Hypatia Iola
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Posted - 2007.01.29 10:26:00 -
[57]
I'm not sure what others have posted, but many of them seem kinda one-sided(that is to say, all the ones i read)
You need to ask yourself some questions:
1: am I capable of dealing with a child at this point in my life? (this is most likely a yes whether or not you know it)
2: Does it bother me that she was with this other guy?
3: does the biodad know about the kid?
4: If 3 is yes, is he going to help? if no, is she going to tell him?
5: do you trust her not to use you (this sounds iffy)
6: remember that when a woman finds out she's pregnant, it is a LIFE ALTERING THING, so have you considered that shock and worry may be fueling her behavior instead of a conscious desire to use you?
7: Last one here, you said you're infatuated, be honest about whether it's just that or someting more
Seriously man, this is not a small decision. One of my friends is with a girl who had a kid before she met him. They are doing very well (working on #3(2 his) now) and their relationship is strong. On the other hand, i've got friends who have had kids who i can't even deal with anymore because they are so thoroughly screwing up each others lives and the kids to boot. At the core of things you need to sit down and talk with her (big pain in the ass there) and find out what she wants, what you want, and where to go from there. This is definitely not just a "i'll take advice off the internet" kinda decision, and it affects more than just you.
Words of wisdom brought to you by: Ben, your lord and master.
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Mad
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.01.29 14:03:00 -
[58]
Originally by: Hypatia Iola
I'm not sure what others have posted, but many of them seem kinda one-sided(that is to say, all the ones i read)
You need to ask yourself some questions:
1: am I capable of dealing with a child at this point in my life? (this is most likely a yes whether or not you know it)
2: Does it bother me that she was with this other guy?
3: does the biodad know about the kid?
4: If 3 is yes, is he going to help? if no, is she going to tell him?
5: do you trust her not to use you (this sounds iffy)
6: remember that when a woman finds out she's pregnant, it is a LIFE ALTERING THING, so have you considered that shock and worry may be fueling her behavior instead of a conscious desire to use you?
7: Last one here, you said you're infatuated, be honest about whether it's just that or someting more
Seriously man, this is not a small decision. One of my friends is with a girl who had a kid before she met him. They are doing very well (working on #3(2 his) now) and their relationship is strong. On the other hand, i've got friends who have had kids who i can't even deal with anymore because they are so thoroughly screwing up each others lives and the kids to boot. At the core of things you need to sit down and talk with her (big pain in the ass there) and find out what she wants, what you want, and where to go from there. This is definitely not just a "i'll take advice off the internet" kinda decision, and it affects more than just you.
Words of wisdom brought to you by: Ben, your lord and master.
When she found out, I was actually the first person she told, which also scares the hell out of me because why the **** would you go and tell your off and on ex that your pregnant before you tell your family and even the father.
And yea the father knows, his family doesnt know, but he knows and seems kinda just ignoring it.
Originally by: Anatolius
Originally by: Mad
Like I said I'm 23, she's 19... Dont really want kids while I'm in college.
Correct.
Originally by: Mad
she's pregnant, she wants someone to look after her and be with her, and it worries me that she just might be using me...
Also correct.
She gets impregnated by some dude who moves 3k miles away, and now she's looking for a provider. No offense, but a) a month and she gets knocked up - wtf?, b) birth control is inexpensive and very effective, c) in case of emergency, a small amount of money will take care of the problem. (Some religious and/or ethical objections may apply. )
Your brother saw it. Other people in this thread saw it. I'm merely posting to say it, because I see it too. Yeah, love, all those wonderful feelings and all that crap. Run dude - RUN. Load up on warp core stabs and inertial stabilizers. Warp to zero. Logoffski. Eject from your ship and spam warp to the nearest station.
In the words of the immortal Gandalf, "Fly, you fools!"
B. she was on it and didnt skip a day :P I asked.
And yea I know I've pretty much made up my mind not to get back with her and try to stay just friends
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Araxmas
Black Lance
Against ALL Authorities
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Posted - 2007.01.29 14:51:00 -
[59]
Originally by: voogru
To those suggesting an abortion, yes. Let's kill a child because someone made a mistake. What a great idea!
Hey we all know that a baby is only classified as LEGALLY human when its 14 years old. Any time before that you can kill it and say its abortion.
--------
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Vari
Carbide Industries
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Posted - 2007.01.29 16:58:00 -
[60]
The fact that the baby is alive is not your, or the baby's own problem. It's the problem of it's mother and father. What they choose to do with it is their own thing. As long as the baby is alive, it has a rightful father who has abandoned it. And even if the baby is aborted, that says something about the mother who allowed such an operation.
The only available solution is to just leave her. I know it's hard and it definitely takes time, at minimum a year, to clearly see it from the viewpoint of your fellow EVE-ers.
You're 23, young and at your prime. Work on increasing your income (think EVE-wise with it's big numbers). Women love money among other things, so if a fine woman are your prime reason to be alive as it is with many males, get rich. (Well, don't do something you don't want to do for a living.) Lawyers, doctors and princes didn't get their beautiful, and possibly also intelligent, wife/wives because they're anything less than rich, now did they? There's millions of women out there, keep your eyes open.
However, if you're absolutely sure your ex is SUPREMELY beautiful, intelligent and overflowing with inner-beauty, even enough to forgive her for this transgression, welcoming her back would be the better answer. But chances are it isn't in this case.
Good luck mate 
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Sereifex Daku
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Posted - 2007.01.29 17:05:00 -
[61]
Why are so many people against abortion? Am I surrounded by catholics!? The simple matter is that teen pregnancy spells trouble for everyone, the mother usually has to drop out of school and get some crappy job, and the child will most probably suffer as it gets older, ya know, due to living in virtual poverty and knowing that his mummy works at a strip club or a crappy diner. Best to save the baby from all that and wait till one has a stable income before having a child.
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Kari Kayira
Amarr
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Posted - 2007.01.29 17:07:00 -
[62]
Edited by: Kari K****a on 29/01/2007 17:04:58
Originally by: Samuel FreedomDude
The fact that your even questioning it give you the answer...
I agree with this. If you were ready for that sort of life, you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers on a online gaming forum! Remain her friend, support her as best you can, but make it clear where you stand on the relationship.
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DarkMatter
Amarr
Mineral Aquisition Group
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Posted - 2007.01.29 17:24:00 -
[63]
Run dude, run...
She does not love you, so don't even bother... If she did, she would not have another mans kid in her...
Building the homestead |
Suze'Rain
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Posted - 2007.01.29 18:40:00 -
[64]
Originally by: Mad
When she found out, I was actually the first person she told, which also scares the hell out of me because why the **** would you go and tell your off and on ex that your pregnant before you tell your family and even the father.
And yea the father knows, his family doesnt know, but he knows and seems kinda just ignoring it.
And yea I know I've pretty much made up my mind not to get back with her and try to stay just friends
she trusts you. you're an ex-partner, and that implies there's a fair degree of intimate trust... and you're an ex who's not just screwed her, and left her up **** creek without a paddle. That's why she's gone to you. I suspect, if she went to you first, before family, that indicates that she's frightened (and rightly so) by what is happening, and really needs someone who she is safe with - you.
The best I can advise you is, really, don't sleep with her, because it'll only make things much more complicated in the future, but be there for her - listen to her, talk to her, help her out. a shag might help her feel ok for a brief while, but in the long run, it'll only hurt her more.
if she's going to keep the baby, she's going to be looking at something which will throw the next 15 years of her life into a completely different direction. While she'll certainly move on and have a life, turning 20 and suddenly realising you've got a responsibilty for a baby is going to mean an awful lot of effort for her. She's going to need people like you, who she can trust to be there to help her out as friends. Bedding her just because "pregnant chicks are horny" or whatever friends said is a sure-fire way to really mess her head up more than it probably is with a (very) unexpected baby on the way.
take care of her - but do that by being around as a friend. any village idiot can get into a girls' knickers - it takes a lot more worth to not do so, and have her just as a friend. and to be fair, if you've made up your mind, it's a pretty good way to make sure her, all her friends, and others she knows to look on you as a decent guy. You might not get her... but you might well get a lot more interest off her friends...
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Vari
Carbide Industries
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Posted - 2007.01.29 19:48:00 -
[65]
Edited by: Vari on 29/01/2007 19:44:40
Originally by: Sereifex Daku
Why are so many people against abortion? Am I surrounded by catholics!? The simple matter is that teen pregnancy spells trouble for everyone, the mother usually has to drop out of school and get some crappy job, and the child will most probably suffer as it gets older, ya know, due to living in virtual poverty and knowing that his mummy works at a strip club or a crappy diner. Best to save the baby from all that and wait till one has a stable income before having a child.
An unwanted child is wrongdoing on everyone's part. Not just the biological parents who are sometimes the least at fault (abstinence-based sex-ed), but also their parents, if not too old, and society as a whole if they'd rather a member of their own race die than enter this world. If those who oppose abortion would offer a viable alternative, fine, make it illegal. But if they're going to be jackasses and use religion (whatever happened to Thomas Jefferson's seperation of church and state) to just cause more problems, they're *******s, plain and simple. Restricting abortions doesn't make the numbers go down anyways. There's something called 'airplanes' and 'other countries', not that most of the conservative base have experience with these things, they're barely capable of any truly creative thought at all. It's just an issue fabricated by the Republican party to get votes; the upper echelons, aka the decision makers, really care only about their businesses and their stock portfolios. Taking our money and 'giving it back' isn't quite as good as just letting us keep it in the first place.
That being said, America's greatness comes from diversity which is based on our 'live and let live' principle. I personally oppose abortion, but believe it shouldn't be restricted in this nation. Abortion isn't the answer as long as there are viable alternatives which do exist. And sometimes they don't, at the fault of others.
I am an unplanned child of a very intelligent and capable woman who had high financial dreams. Had I been born in the 90's or 2000's who knows what could have happened? I do however say with every speck of me that I'm personally glad to be alive. This is far from saying that all non-aborted children would be happy, just some of them. Crushing the lives of those who aspire to live is a very personal decision.
Sorry for my political and philosophical rant, it's just my style. As you can see, the issue is very difficult, but I do ultimately stand by my stance of 'live and let live'.
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DarkMatter
Amarr
Mineral Aquisition Group
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Posted - 2007.01.29 19:56:00 -
[66]
Edited by: DarkMatter on 29/01/2007 19:53:50
Originally by: Vari
Edited by: Vari on 29/01/2007 19:44:40
Originally by: Sereifex Daku
Why are so many people against abortion? Am I surrounded by catholics!? The simple matter is that teen pregnancy spells trouble for everyone, the mother usually has to drop out of school and get some crappy job, and the child will most probably suffer as it gets older, ya know, due to living in virtual poverty and knowing that his mummy works at a strip club or a crappy diner. Best to save the baby from all that and wait till one has a stable income before having a child.
An unwanted child is wrongdoing on everyone's part. Not just the biological parents who are sometimes the least at fault (abstinence-based sex-ed), but also their parents, if not too old, and society as a whole if they'd rather a member of their own race die than enter this world. If those who oppose abortion would offer a viable alternative, fine, make it illegal. But if they're going to be jackasses and use religion (whatever happened to Thomas Jefferson's seperation of church and state) to just cause more problems, they're *******s, plain and simple. Restricting abortions doesn't make the numbers go down anyways. There's something called 'airplanes' and 'other countries', not that most of the conservative base have experience with these things, they're barely capable of any truly creative thought at all. It's just an issue fabricated by the Republican party to get votes; the upper echelons, aka the decision makers, really care only about their businesses and their stock portfolios. Taking our money and 'giving it back' isn't quite as good as just letting us keep it in the first place.
That being said, America's greatness comes from diversity which is based on our 'live and let live' principle. I personally oppose abortion, but believe it shouldn't be restricted in this nation. Abortion isn't the answer as long as there are viable alternatives which do exist. And sometimes they don't, at the fault of others.
I am an unplanned child of a very intelligent and capable woman who had high financial dreams. Had I been born in the 90's or 2000's who knows what could have happened? I do however say with every speck of me that I'm personally glad to be alive. This is far from saying that all non-aborted children would be happy, just some of them. Crushing the lives of those who aspire to live is a very personal decision.
Sorry for my political and philosophical rant, it's just my style. As you can see, the issue is very difficult, but I do ultimately stand by my stance of 'live and let live'.
Nice speech, but how would you feel if you were an abortion? Oh wait, you wouldn't...
My view on abortion is this. If you are mature enough to engage in sex, you are mature enough to suffer whatever consequences may follow. If you're not, too f'ing bad, you just can't erase your mistake utilizing murder without punishment...
I would allow abortion, but make the male & female who created the child (out of free will) serve a prison sentence for voluntary manslaughter...
And I'm not religious, so don't fire back with that crap...
Anyways, the OP should distance himself from this "woman", she is and will be nothing but trouble...
Building the homestead |
Nadarius Chrome
Minmatar
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Posted - 2007.01.29 22:01:00 -
[67]
Haven't read the previous responses, so this might already have been suggested.
She's hooking up with you because the needs a father for the kid. If you go there, she knows you can't leave without paying alimony. She just needs someone to take care of her financially, and I'm sure you realise that you're obviously not her first choice.
Ditch her, it's a bad situation. As a stranger on the intarweb I can give you the advice you don't want but you need to hear.
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D'uu M'ii
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Posted - 2007.01.30 00:04:00 -
[68]
I'd say walk away just because you are 23 and in college. It is not your responsibility. Also make sure she doen't try to put you down as the dad or if she does get the DNA test ASAP! You don't want to get saddled with support payments for a kid that isn't even yours.
This is from a guy who has support payments for his own kids and I am raising another mans kids. They have only known me as dad and I do consider them mine.
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Laythun
Cutting Edge Incorporated
RAZOR Alliance
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Posted - 2007.01.30 00:41:00 -
[69]
Originally by: Cipher7
Walk away.
The Man Speaks The Truth.
CEI's own Undercover Brother [MIA]
It's great being Amarr, aint it?Ö
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Cpt Toxic
Gallente
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Posted - 2007.01.30 12:01:00 -
[70]
Originally by: Gikanzin
I'm not saying that you should be some evil bastard and just dump her there alone with no one close to be there for her
You should. She deserves it. |
Invader Skooge
Minmatar
Dopehead Industries
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Posted - 2007.01.30 12:40:00 -
[71]
Walk away dude its not worth the pain and hastle
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-Behind This Mask There Is More Than Flesh, Behind This Mask Is An Idea Mr. Creedy...And Ideas Are Bulletproof- |
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