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Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.09 15:02:00 -
[31]
I'm somewhat entertained by the fact that the majority of posts in this thread have been oppositional in nature - do you really think trying to armwrestle your spouse into submission is going to work? Unless they're extremely avoidant that will fail miserably, and even if you just bully her into submission she won't be happy and she'll end up leaving you anyway - and if that's your point then just dump her and save you both the trouble.
 
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LAG - Hopefully teen-appropriate now.
IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
Locus Bey
Gallente
Qalandar
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Posted - 2007.07.09 15:06:00 -
[32]
Your biggest problem is how much time EVE can consume. If you have kids, a job, wife, etc etc, your time is already limited. By the sounds of it your ability to play EVE other than as a really casual gamer is ziltch. You'll be there waiting for a fleet battle to ensue, grinding through a storyline mission, and she will be on your ass to get off the computer and wash the dishes, dress the kids, come to bed, and so on. "I won't be long," or "this is important," isn't going to wash. Face it your screwed 
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Kalahari Wayrest
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Posted - 2007.07.09 15:07:00 -
[33]
I think the problem with MMOs instead of other hobbies that significant others find difficult to deal with is time + immersion.
If you're playing for an hour or so a night I don't see a problem - if you can stick to that. And it would be a difficult thing to stick to, as if you get involved in something, or something crops up that needs your attention, or a friend in game needs help...
Because it's such an immersive thing (and fun), time can pass very quickly to the person playing it. (But obviously very slowly to the significant other feeling neglected)So you could spend hours in it and not have realised. Aditionally, it requires a lot of attention unless you're travelling long distances and are going afk a lot. Any kind of fighting is going to require attention, as are any conversations that are going on in corp, gang, etc. It's easy while this is going on to put rl on autopilot because you're so involved, and answer "yes dear" irl, when yes dear really wasn't the correct answer 
If it's got to the point where she's so dead against it, then there's not much you can do really. If she's given you an ultimatum, then that's either your decision made or you should find someone who doesn't give you ultimatums.
But here's what I think anyway:
It's less to do with how much you're playing eve and more to do with how much less time you are spending with her. I think the perception that eve time is cutting into her time is the problem.
 tell her when and for how long you'll be playing eve and stick to it
if you can, try and get some of this time to fall when she's doing something else
if you're at any point where you could go afk, don't just get up, go to the toilet, get a drink, and sit back down. Go and give her a hug, tell her snippets of what's been going on, what you've been doing, and try and involve her.
set up a test account for her. might backfire if she's got to the point where she despises them, but then again, it might give her more of an understanding about what you're up to. go through it with her.
set a little time every day, or a lot of time once a week, to spend some quality time with her. It's not really important what you do, just that she feels she's special and warrants some time and attention.
That's all I got. If she won't budge, she won't budge. I'd try being open, honest and managing your time effectively so she doesn't get po'd you're spending it all in eve. Hope it helps.
__________________________
Indulge Me
Consider Yourself Indulged - Immy ♥
Wow immy scored  - Xorus |
Garat Mant
Minmatar
Moons of Pluto
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Posted - 2007.07.09 15:14:00 -
[34]
Some people spend all their non-work time playing eve. Get home, start eve, finish eve, go to bed. If you're in a relationship with that person, well, it is quite understandable that you'd feel neglected.
Some people spend every waking hour watching TV, or playing golf, or chatting on IRC, or reading blogs. Other people spend all their money on gadgets or cars, or drugs or drinking out at a bar.
For many people, eve is just a computer game. It's not a serious hobby like woodworking or classic car restoration or whatever. It also is related to the other most heinous of crimes, wasting money; you spend money on multiple accounts, upgrading your PC etc etc.
Now there are ways around this source of friction in a relationship. The non-game player can spend time with their friends, take up hobbies, go to evening classes, read, watch TV etc.
Where some problems happen is when one of the people in the relationship have nothing to do with their time, and expect the other to "entertain" them. Especially during summer months, or during a period when the non-eve player doesn't have much going on.
First off, you need to ask yourself "Is what my partner asking reasonable?". If you really are being asked to spend little to no time on the PC, then that is unreasonable. If you have taken care of all the chores, laundry, yardwork and you have spent time with your partner, asked them about their day, talked about their problems and fears, then you can reasonably be expected to spend time doing the things you enjoy.
Do you demonstrate to your partner that you love them? If you are spending all your waking hours obsessing about eve, then they are going to feel second best in your life. My wife knows that eve is a time sink, she knows that skills happen in real time, so sometimes during a TV evening, I may open the laptop (hers!) and fire up eve to change a skill. I also send my wife flowers now and then, chat to her at work, ask her about her day and show interest in her life. Most of the time, she knows that she is the most important thing in my life. Sometimes, she is vulnerable, upset, afraid, and I need to spend an evening, a whole day or weekend, talking to her and letting her know that she is OK.
Your girl needs to know that MMORPGs are a valid way to spend your time.
You need to know that at least an hour a night may be too long, especially if you are neglecting your girl or your responsibilities.
You need to understand that a hobby/eve should absolutely be the lowest priority in your life; Kids/Wife > You > Family/Friends > Home > Work > Hobbies. You need to know that relationships take CONSTANT work, you don't get one and then stop trying, as so many people do.
Digging your heels in and thinking your are right will only lead to one thing, loss of your girl. Compromise, tact, attention are all needed in a relationship. Once you know her friends names, how her work day is going, what she likes and dislikes and her hopes and fears, you're getting somewhere. Then when you've done all your chores, yardwork etc, you're getting further. When after all that, you can sit down with her and say "this game is important to me, it's not even close to you in my priority list, but it's something I enjoy. I want to spend X hours a week doing this, and I think that's fair if I continue to fulfill my responsibilities"
At that point, if she still says no, ask her to leave.
-G
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DarkMatter
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Posted - 2007.07.09 15:18:00 -
[35]
Edited by: DarkMatter on 09/07/2007 15:21:55
Well, if you were single and didn't live with or have children with this woman you could have just dumped her for EVE. She certainly would not have been the first woman dumped for an MMO...
Problem is, you do live with this woman and you have had children with her, you have made your bed now you must sleep in it... You have to grow up and be a man now, not a kid...
That bed obviously does not include EVE, or any other MMO for that matter. Looks like you didn't pick well when you picked a woman... Mine has no problems letting me do my own thing, and I let her do hers. We see each other 1-2 days a week or so, and MSN the rest of the time, and that's all we need... It's great...
Building the homestead
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Ruddnic
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Posted - 2007.07.09 15:31:00 -
[36]
 Originally by: Garat Mant
At that point, if she still says no, ask her to leave.
-G
Love it!!
Anyway on a serious note...my work takes up a lot of time and (thankfully) money isn't an issue as we both earn comfortable amounts of money.
Generally i will play eve in the evnings after dinner and when everyone is relaxing. My partner is the most important thing in my life and if push comes to shove then eve will have to take a backseat. BUT i just want to make her see that it is not this huge ogreish thing that will engulf my life.
I just have trouble understanding why this is so hard to do
Maybe im goin about it all the wrong way, tonight i will sit down with her after all the chores and other things are done and i will talk it through with her. I will report back here with the results. Watch this space
Er.....SIGNATURE |
Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.09 15:35:00 -
[37]
Originally by: Ruddnic
BUT i just want to make her see that it is not this huge ogreish thing that will engulf my life.
I just have trouble understanding why this is so hard to do
Maybe im goin about it all the wrong way, tonight i will sit down with her after all the chores and other things are done and i will talk it through with her. I will report back here with the results. Watch this space
She probably has a negative association with online games - that would be my guess anyway. Perhaps she knew someone who allowed them to control his/her life, or maybe she's some negative press about them. The best thing you can do is just explain it very reasonably and tell her that if you start playing it more than a certain amount of time per day/week, then she has every right to ask that you stop playing altogether. I think that's your best bet.
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LAG - Hopefully teen-appropriate now.
IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
Pisi Mopsu
NET Profit Trading
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Posted - 2007.07.09 22:00:00 -
[38]
OMG You sound like the male versio of me. Check out my bio in game sometime. LOL I don't think non-EVE players can really accept the level of addiction we experience... and sometimes even loved ones who play can't accept it.
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Veea Tsunoda
Sanctum's Edge
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Posted - 2007.07.09 22:17:00 -
[39]
I say somehow convince her eve is fun... and lure her into it....
Thats what my boyfriend did to me, and now we have 2 computers side-by-side in my room and play together!! Strange but true. Eve is a fun game I think most woman would like if they gave it a go. Just making the char was fun enough to get me into the game :)
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Shameless Avenger
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Posted - 2007.07.10 03:32:00 -
[40]
OP,
IMHO it all comes down to one thing. A girl needs to know she is more important than EvE. And they don't like to be just above it. They need to know they are *far* more important than the game. In my case, I love my wife deeply. Even if her anti-eve arguments are ridiculous and unfounded, I let her win most of the time because I like to see her happy. Making the wife happy > EvE.
Also keep in mind that some girls don't really care about EvE, MMOs, Games or whatever it is that you are doing. They just hate the fact that you are doing it. Trying to show them any good side of the hobby is futile.
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Lithalnas
Amarr
Hadean Drive Yards
Archaean Cooperative
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Posted - 2007.07.10 03:55:00 -
[41]
i just had a wonderful idea, EvE online hug pillows/real dolls. Have both the ability to play eve as much as you want and at the same time have a perverted romantic(snicker) obsession.
Im going to make so much money with this...
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Hadean Drive Yards
The EvE inflation, 80 Macro miners, 1.5b isk/day |
P3109
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Posted - 2007.07.10 06:00:00 -
[42]
Originally by: Ruddnic
I love Eve, always have and if left alone in a room with my shiny pc and eve, can be stuck playing the game for hours on end.....
.....this is what it was like 3 yrs ago....until i met a woman!!!!
Eve playing continued and things were ok until she was getting a little bit jealous of my relationship with eve, arguments ensued and in the end the vile female one and my eve account was cancelled 
Anyway back to present day, i still have the eve bug and have started out again with a trial account, now i have managed to play about twice for a good few hours and have got the bug back so want to subscribe again but how do i run it passed the missus? How can i let her know that she comes first and eve comes a (very very close) 2nd?
She doesnt believe me and hates/doesn't understand mmorpgs anyway.
I want to continue playing and would like to dedicate at least an hour a night to my beloved eve without my partner overeacting and thinking im having a love affair with my computer!!
Any help would be much appreciated!!
Moved from EVE General Discussion - Ductoris
dude i say that your lucky to have a girl, alot of other pepole would give up eve for a girlfriend......imso lonely
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Arvald's temporary alt....damn creditcard company not letting me put money on me card >< |
Tony Allizzar
Mortis Angelus
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Posted - 2007.07.10 08:11:00 -
[43]
Once a girlfriend of mine tryed to get a mate of mine to stop me playing eve, by getting me to go out drinking and clubbing all the time. all that actually happened is he now plays eve more than me HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
These days I do not have a problem, I am lucky enough to have a lady who has no problem with me playing. I told her early on about this 'internet game' i play with my 'friends' etc...
she has a very good job which requires her to be still sat at her laptop till 10pm working most evenings, so it really dont bother her.
I gues im lucky.
I would not ever let anybody come between me and something i enjoy. Yes im grown up, im 30 years old, but I realy think that you should not have to stop doing something you enjoy, and i dont mean just eve, could be anything, because some one is telling you to. Its not fair and that person obviously does not respect the person you are or your intrests.
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Christopher Scott
Caldari
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Posted - 2007.07.10 08:11:00 -
[44]
Edited by: Christopher Scott on 10/07/2007 08:14:16
1.) Have great sex with her, make sure she has at least ONE orgasm, or enough for her pass out on your bed/couch/floor. Play EVE as much as you want. Have food and beverages waiting for when she wakes up, she will be hungry.
2.) Play EVE at your friends house. Make her believe you are having "time with the guys."
3.) Play EVE while her favorite TV show is on.
4.) If she wants to lie down and cuddle, then use a body pillow to prop yourself upright while she lies down next to you. When she falls asleep, have a laptop plugged-in and within reach, so you are ready to play eve.
5.) Don't spend too much time on EVE when she approaches her period. That's the time to back off, and spend some quality time with her.
I find those work really well.
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I support the following changes:
Make warp acceleration faster! |
Ruddnic
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Posted - 2007.07.10 11:49:00 -
[45]
Well last night didn't go too well as my better half was pretty ill. Thought it would not be the best time to broach the subject.
Maybe i will have a better opportunity tonight.
Will keep you lot updated with the results.
Er.....SIGNATURE |
ElrondHubbard
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Posted - 2007.07.10 11:51:00 -
[46]
my gf and i have PCs next to each other so whilst i play computergames, she can play solitaire, talk **** and irritate me.
she thinks it's great :(
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Ruddnic
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Posted - 2007.07.10 11:54:00 -
[47]
Originally by: ElrondHubbard
my gf and i have PCs next to each other so whilst i play computergames, she can play solitaire, talk **** and irritate me.
she thinks it's great :(
The worst thing is we actually have 3 P.C's, 1 Laptop, a PS3, an Xbox and numerous handhelds within the house.
You would think she would be used to it.
Hell my boy and girl spend most of their lives glued to the computer and she doesn't moan about them!!
Er.....SIGNATURE |
Lucian Alucard
Caldari
Black Vice Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.10 11:59:00 -
[48]
If your married,your screwed. Unless you can get her to play as well,then its all good.
The other possibilities are pretty grim.
If she is your girlfriend still then get a new one that likes the things you like or can at least tolerate them,I did it and I am now a happily married aman and I have played for over 3 years. Women are more acceptant of us being addicted to our cars then to a video game which they see as silly and childish and frankly most of the reason why people play is due to the need to escape from the bs and drama of real life. IMO if someone is willing to ditch you or cause a fuss because you like to play a game and won't even make the effort to see why you like it so much then you really shouldn't be with them because frankly they do not care enough to get to understand you better. We all play for different reasons with that said if she wanted to dig to find them out she probably would find issuses that need addressing,the lack of prying is a bad thing inshort.
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The Captian
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Posted - 2007.07.10 12:36:00 -
[49]
Originally by: Ruddnic
Generally i will play eve in the evnings after dinner and when everyone is relaxing.
Personaly I see this is where you are going wrong, it's good you are having dinner together and I assume doing the chours together, but you shoukd be spending that time relaxing WITH her.
You will have both had busy days so there will be nothing better that just sitting there with each other, yes you may just be sitting watching the tv but it really is needed.
After this time together go have your hour of EvE or what ever.
But hey what do I know :P |
Tyrannosaurus Alan
Minmatar
Republic Military School
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Posted - 2007.07.10 12:43:00 -
[50]
bought my gf an Xbox... it soon shut her up 
====================
I'll 'av you for breakfast! |
ElrondHubbard
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Posted - 2007.07.10 12:58:00 -
[51]
Originally by: Tyrannosaurus Alan
bought my gf an Xbox... it soon shut her up
you beat her to death with the controller?
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Araxmas
The Blue Dagger Mercenery Agency
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Posted - 2007.07.10 13:22:00 -
[52]
Originally by: ElrondHubbard
Originally by: Tyrannosaurus Alan
bought my gf an Xbox... it soon shut her up
you beat her to death with the controller?
haha,
Well my advice is just inject her with a couple of vials of stfu. When she is sleeping have fun with eve.
But on a serious note just give her some rohypnol...
...but on the REAL serious note just play eve and pay attention to her when she wants it. Don't just grunt or mutter a yes when she is talking.
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Robbie Rotten left me |
Kindakrof
Caldari
Cruor Frater
Coalition of Carebear Killers
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Posted - 2007.07.10 14:23:00 -
[53]
If you're reading this then you're doing the wrong thing.
Quit EVE. GTFO. Give me you stuff and never come back.
No jokes. |
Tarminic
Black Flame Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.10 14:47:00 -
[54]
Edited by: Tarminic on 10/07/2007 14:47:08
Originally by: Kindakrof
If you're reading this then you're doing the wrong thing.
Quit EVE. GTFO. Give me you stuff and never come back.
No jokes.
Enjoy your visual depictions of nekkid ladies.
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LAG - Hopefully teen-appropriate now.
IBTL! IBDS/DC! IBTC! 1st in a BoB post! And other such forum tom-foolery. |
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CCP Eris Discordia
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Posted - 2007.07.10 16:06:00 -
[55]
Show interest in her hobbies and if she likes Desperate Housewives buy her that game, if she can connect to any game it will make it easier for her to understand why you like it. To avoid having her feel like she is the one to adapt also show a genuine interest in one of her hobbies you can participate in.
If she doesn¦t like Desperate Housewives try to find another game that might appeal to her, it¦s hard to predict really what kind of game women tend to like tbh. What works for some doesn¦t work on others..kinda reminds you of something else.
Anyway, goodluck and Voodoo¦s suggestion is a must too, it¦s not good if she forbids you to persue a hobby.
Pink Dread has been hijacked
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Father Weebles
Repo Industries
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Posted - 2007.07.10 23:11:00 -
[56]
Originally by: Pisi Mopsu
OMG You sound like the male versio of me. Check out my bio in game sometime. LOL I don't think non-EVE players can really accept the level of addiction we experience... and sometimes even loved ones who play can't accept it.
Thats cool. Too bad 95% of gamer girls are obese.
"You leave anything for us?"
"Just bodies." |
Hyper Drive
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Posted - 2007.07.11 00:04:00 -
[57]
Originally by: Patch86
Option 1: Get a girlfriend who isn't anally retentive about video games.
Option 2: Make sure you only play in your FREE time, and not when she's after your attention.
Option 3: Find something she spends an hour a day doing, and bring it up whenever she tries to yell.
Option 4: Get her addicted to EVE (or another game) to level the playing field.
Option 5: Eunuch. You know it makes sense.
There is also... Option X.
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KingsGambit
Caldari Knights
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Posted - 2007.07.11 00:08:00 -
[58]
Originally by: ElrondHubbard
Originally by: Tyrannosaurus Alan
bought my gf an Xbox... it soon shut her up
you beat her to death with the controller?
The controller is a little off balance, so you get a wobbly downswing. The Wii controller is much more solid, and while waving your arms like a loon playing Wii Sports anyway...accidents happen...
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My T2 Shop |
Avery Eclipsen
Minmatar
54th Knights Templar
O X I D E
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Posted - 2007.07.11 00:25:00 -
[59]
my gf plays eve and so do my other 2 female roomates :D
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Ruddnic
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Posted - 2007.07.11 08:02:00 -
[60]
Originally by: Hyper Drive
Originally by: Patch86
Option 1: Get a girlfriend who isn't anally retentive about video games.
Option 2: Make sure you only play in your FREE time, and not when she's after your attention.
Option 3: Find something she spends an hour a day doing, and bring it up whenever she tries to yell.
Option 4: Get her addicted to EVE (or another game) to level the playing field.
Option 5: Eunuch. You know it makes sense.
There is also... Option X.
Ha Ha Ha>>>>COUGH!!
Maybe Not
Er.....SIGNATURE |
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