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Viceroy
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:22:00 -
[1]
Greetings fellow citizens of EVE, I'd like to call upon your attention to display a new sort of hate mail in universal history.
To this date, the hate mail that pirates and pirate-hunters alike have recivied have been limited to the examples below;
a) The everlasting blood feud client: YOU'RE DEAD. I'M GOING TO KILL YUO! I'LL DEDICATE MY WHOLE LIFE TO YOUR DEMISE! HAHAHA! (Notice the ego patching laughter)
b) The man with lots of big friends: I HAVE X FRIENDS IN Y BATTLESHIPS Z SYSYEMS AWAY! YOU'RE SO DEAD! LOSER! HAHAHAH! + lmao/lol (Again the ego repair kit is active)
c) The alliance man: WE'RE MEMBERS OF THE LOLLERSKATES WITH LUBE ALLIANCE! YOU'RE DEAD! 695732864 BATTLSHIPS AND 2975652! CRUISERS ARE GOING TO HUNT YOU FOREVER AND EVER! MUEHAUHUEEGTAREAEAGHBV! (cough)
d) The guy that just doesnt get it: I DONT KNOW WHY YOU DID THAT, I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO YOU, I WAS JUST MINING WHEN YOU ATTACKED ME. I NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?
e) The man with hopes of reimbursement: LOOK I'M READY TO FORGET THAT YOU EVER DID THAT IF YOU JUST SEND ME X ISK, ELSE I WILL HAVE TO TURN INTO (a), (b) or (c). K?
f) The man of ethics/psych 101: YOU ARE A PSYCHOPATH/LOSER/ANTI-SOCIAL GEEK/HOMOSEXUAL/MAN WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND/SMALL ***** COMPLEX/LIVE WITH YOUR MOM/15 YEAR OLD KID etc.
And we can possibly expand our examples without pointing any fingers.
But today I was utterly shocked and delighted when i got the following eve-mails. I couldnt believe my eyes at first. This man was the hybrid of all the examples above, and much more! He actually cared for me! Such a revolution couldnt go unheard, so i'm posting the mails here, with no names ofcourse, as we dislike humiliating or overrating people;
 Quote:
2004.04.11 16:35:00
*That part was censored as I care for your already fragile mental state.
I decided to make you my project. I realised that bullies are very unhappy people and need help. And so i will attempt to help you, even if it kills you, pardon my pun. Now what I am going to do is send you messages of support and guidance in the difficult and challenging world of eve. I think Daily messages are a minimum requirement and i will try to write more often, as we can't afford to lose any time with this matter. We must stop your suicide-inviting tendencies before they escalate, don't we?
This really is an introductory email and we won't start the actual therapeutic work until the next one. By the way, this is a voluntary process and you can unsubscribe from these messages by sending a message with Unsubscribe in the topic and 12mil isk to cover the damages from your attack and the time spent restoring all to normal.
I am gonna be a little busy right now, but i will get back to you as soon as i can.
Such care and devotion... my eyes were wet with joy when my mailbox started to flash again.
Quote:
2004.04.11 16:42:00
Just a quick one this time. The other message was running out of space and there was a tiny bit of goodness that just wouldn't fit in. With today being Easter I thought that I best remind you of it, so that you have a chance to go to church today and ask forgiveness for your sins on this day. Now, obviously you may not be a christian, not everyone is, so if you are not disregard the Easter part of the message for now. We will get back to it later. In fact do tell me of your religeous situation so that i know how to approach that side of your fascinating psyche.
As i said, just a short message for now. I will come up with some excercises for your low self esteem and feeling of being unable to do anything productive. Have a nice day.
My god! I now have a personal psycholog to help me with all my problems ingame and in real life! These are times when I'm glad I decided to be a pirate! Thank you Mr.Psyhc, and i'm looking forward to your next therapy session! Hopefully i will become a productive member of society with high self-esteem very soon!
Viceroy
File Number: 1337
State Mental Institution Report
New Caldari
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Tansien
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:27:00 -
[2]
Viceroy, all the great stuff happens to you :-/
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Outcastino
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:31:00 -
[3]
I hope you feel important now.
--------------------------------------------
I love the smell off cookies in the morning, smells like victory! |
Ulendar
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:31:00 -
[4]
STOP STOP STOP!!!
/me gasps for air
OMG OMG OMFG
MORE PLEASE!
Originally by: cashman
It's time for Eris to get a clue. CCP should make a statement about this.
It's the exact same things as what Zombie did, you may not attack in "safe-areas" (empire/within sentry range) without loosing your ship.
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Driaus Zarraboas
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:33:00 -
[5]
end yourself stupid nub. you make my face hurt.
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Joshua Calvert
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:33:00 -
[6]
Awesome *lol*
LEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! |
Lianhaun
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:34:00 -
[7]
Someone has way to much time on his hands
This is not a hijack
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Ulendar
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:34:00 -
[8]
Quote:
I hope you feel important now.
/me prepares to send Outcastino free lessons in 'a guide to a sence of humor'
:p
Originally by: cashman
It's time for Eris to get a clue. CCP should make a statement about this.
It's the exact same things as what Zombie did, you may not attack in "safe-areas" (empire/within sentry range) without loosing your ship.
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Nova Ivanova
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:37:00 -
[9]
Hahahahaha but we all know viceroy is beond help! 
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Hakera
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:43:00 -
[10]
OMG - you get all the best fans! 
Reminds me of Lethal Weapon with the cop psychologist who always bothers Mel Gibson
Dumbledore - Eve-I.com |
vecdran
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:48:00 -
[11]
Oh man, that's awesome!
Nice to see someone still has a sense of humour around here
The Civilized Civire |
vecdran
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:48:00 -
[12]
Edited by: vecdran on 11/04/2004 17:49:20
Edit: Er, double post
The Civilized Civire |
GeoNoSiS
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:53:00 -
[13]
i never get fun hatemail 
-----------------------------------------------
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world |
Drice
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Posted - 2004.04.11 17:54:00 -
[14]
Quality response...but who is that phantom Anger Management Therapist?
Good to see an intelligent retort for a change though
I think you will soon wish you hadn't tangled with this one Mr Viceroy!
"The Walker does not choose The Path...The Path chooses The Walker" |
Sinjin Smythe
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Posted - 2004.04.11 18:17:00 -
[15]
That's not funny.. that's frickin hilarious!
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Carmen Priano
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Posted - 2004.04.11 18:28:00 -
[16]
Hilarious? No, not at all. It's, it's.. -beautiful.- *sniffle.* To think that someone truly cares about Viceroy, truly wants to help him! I'm moved -- well and truly changed by such a show of love and warmth.
(*coughsputterlaughroll* Oh dear god!)
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olyyy
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Posted - 2004.04.11 18:29:00 -
[17]
rofl ! don't block him, it's too hilarous
Galaga (Galaxian - XIF corp) And yes, Olyyy is on our KOS list so she enjoys stirring the "flames" ( 2004.05.25 ) |
Aerick Dawn
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Posted - 2004.04.11 18:30:00 -
[18]
eheheh comedy gold Viceroy :)
______________________
What Aerick has been up to lately.. |
Riddari
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Posted - 2004.04.11 18:30:00 -
[19]
If you can fight with guns, why not with evemails?
¼©¼
a history |
Sassinak
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Posted - 2004.04.11 18:34:00 -
[20]
ROFL
Sass
Arcane Technologies |
Jane Vladmir
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Posted - 2004.04.11 18:44:00 -
[21]
:(
lucky
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voogru
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Posted - 2004.04.11 19:16:00 -
[22]
ROFL
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Your 425mm Prototype I Gauss Gun perfectly strikes Guardian Enforcer, wrecking for 827.3 damage. |
Shintoko Akahoshi
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Posted - 2004.04.11 19:21:00 -
[23]
Quote:
By the way, this is a voluntary process and you can unsubscribe from these messages by sending a message with Unsubscribe in the topic and 12mil isk to cover the damages from your attack and the time spent restoring all to normal.
Wait! Are you saying that this guy is doing all this because he lost a cruiser?!?
You get all the best fan mail...
There's no meaning to life when you cling only to common sense |
Hardin
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Posted - 2004.04.11 19:52:00 -
[24]
That guy is the ultimate carebear!
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Archain
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Posted - 2004.04.11 20:10:00 -
[25]
Please post the rest of the Eve-Mails please as they come in...I'm already laughing about a screenshot I saw the other day.
Space Invaders Movie Library - [SPVD]
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Viceroy
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Posted - 2004.04.11 20:14:00 -
[26]
Shhhh Archain! 
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Kaleigh Doyle
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Posted - 2004.04.11 20:22:00 -
[27]
If only that could work in real life; i blow up my therapists' car and then she gives me free sessions...
Glamour Bunnies Entertainment Corporation
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kyuuki
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Posted - 2004.04.11 21:58:00 -
[28]
Tell him you find it therapeutic to kill him, and that he must arive in a pod at x time every y days so you can hear the sweet sound of a pod pop, to stop you commiting suicide.
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Darrin Tobruk
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Posted - 2004.04.11 22:06:00 -
[29]
Now taking bids on when we'll see Viceroy reformed and mining veldspar in New Caldari...
ROFL!
_______________________________________________
Eris Discordia: On the scale of funny and constructive it scores low, real low. |
Jet Jagowrath
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Posted - 2004.04.11 22:29:00 -
[30]
Thats possibly the most disturbing eve mail ive ever seen....
be afraid Viceroy be very afraid, that Psychological mind washing will have you preaching peace and love in no time
i wish this player in question much suffering in eve, so that he may become what he hates most....
see if you can arrange some councilling with him where you "work out your issues" on his pod.
JJx
King Jadrut of The Alliance That Kicks Your Arse Very Badly And Whoops You Like You've Never Seen Before, TATKYAVBAWYLYNSB for short, owns all Jove space, stay away or bad things will happen to you and your hamsters and/or gerbils mmmk
La Maison de tous les plaisirs - Where politics and pleasure meet...
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