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Kirra Liu
Gemini Industries Inc
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Posted - 2009.01.12 16:52:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Kirra Liu on 12/01/2009 16:57:59
Umm, clicked on new post rather than reply, so...
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird ****!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
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Acedias
Infusion.
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Posted - 2009.01.12 16:55:00 -
[2]
I concurr.
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Fyrewyre
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Posted - 2009.01.12 17:20:00 -
[3]
Why are Pirates called Pirates?
Because they ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
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Eudamidas
Caldari State War Academy
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Posted - 2009.01.12 17:32:00 -
[4]
I phoned up work the other day, told my boss I was sick
Boss - "Exactly how sick are you?" Me - "Well I'm in bed with my sister" ~ Woke up, got myself a gun |
Sol'Kanar
Minmatar SRIUS BISNIS
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Posted - 2009.01.12 17:38:00 -
[5]
Originally by: Eudamidas I phoned up work the other day, told my boss I was sick
Boss - "Exactly how sick are you?" Me - "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
Oh, that's not right. |
Bfoster
The Tuskers
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Posted - 2009.01.12 17:40:00 -
[6]
Good one.. |
Malusae
Caldari House CHOAM Terrebellum
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Posted - 2009.01.12 18:19:00 -
[7]
Originally by: Tchell Dahhn
A young man is captured by pirates and is persuaded to join the crew rather than walk the plank. After a few weeks at sea the captain speaks to the man and asks him how he is getting on. The man replies that on the whole he is enjoying things - the rum-soaked drinking binges, the plundering, etc - but there was one thing missing.
"What's that?" asks the captain.
"Well, there are no women" replies the man.
"Y'arr" says the captain "Follow me!"
The man follows the captain to what appears to be a barrel, on top of the barrel stands a coconut with a face drawn on and a few strands of wispy straw for hair. On the barrel is a crude outline of a woman's body and between the legs is a bung hole. "We calls her Carmen," says the captain, "and you may take her as you will". The man explains that he was unlikely to make use of her and goes on his way.
However, as the months go by with no respite, Carmen appears more and more attractive to the young man. Finally he can resist her no longer and the man has his wicked way with Carmen the rum barrel. To his amazement the experience is far more satisfying than he could ever have imagined!
The next day the captain greets him again. "How did you get on with Carmen then, lad?" he asks eagerly.
The man replies "Rather better than I thought... actually, it was rather good!"
"Good," says the captain, a great beaming smile splitting his black-bearded face. "It's your turn in the barrel tomorrow!"
Taken from this horrible thread: http://www.eve-search.com/thread/957712
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Concorduck
Gallente
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Posted - 2009.01.12 18:21:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Eudamidas I phoned up work the other day, told my boss I was sick
Boss - "Exactly how sick are you?" Me - "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
/Saved -----------------------------------------
Originally by: Crumplecorn Contact the CSM about it, voting themselves into disbandment wouldn't be pushing the boundaries of absurdity for them.
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Elora Danzik
Caldari Ward-Tech Industries
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Posted - 2009.01.12 18:45:00 -
[9]
Three guys walked into a bar; the fourth one ducked.
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CCP Mitnal
C C P CCP
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Posted - 2009.01.12 19:10:00 -
[10]
Moved to OOPE.
Mitnal Community Representative CCP Hf, EVE Online Email |
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rValdez5987
Amarr 32nd Amarrian Imperial Navy Regiment.
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Posted - 2009.01.12 19:17:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Eudamidas I phoned up work the other day, told my boss I was sick
Boss - "Exactly how sick are you?" Me - "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
thats HOT dude.... oh man Im gonna go puke now lol
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Irida Mershkov
Gallente Noir.
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Posted - 2009.01.12 19:34:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Eudamidas I phoned up work the other day, told my boss I was sick
Boss - "Exactly how sick are you?" Me - "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
Oh my, thread ends here.
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brakespear
Minmatar Heaven Up Here
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Posted - 2009.01.12 20:55:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Irida Mershkov
Originally by: Eudamidas I phoned up work the other day, told my boss I was sick
Boss - "Exactly how sick are you?" Me - "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
Oh my, thread ends here.
this man speaks the truth, no others need bother -------------------------------------------------- 'people will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it.' |
Archonus
Art of War
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Posted - 2009.01.12 21:15:00 -
[14]
What do you call an invisible persian |
Eudamidas
Caldari State War Academy
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Posted - 2009.01.13 09:31:00 -
[15]
Hmm wait...did I just win the internet? |
Vabjekf
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Posted - 2009.01.13 10:10:00 -
[16]
Edited by: Vabjekf on 13/01/2009 10:10:15 I dont feel like this deserves its own thread, but i though the little guy was cute, so im posting the link here.
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Taradis
Amarr The Imperial Assassins
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Posted - 2009.01.13 10:31:00 -
[17]
Originally by: Eudamidas I phoned up work the other day, told my boss I was sick
Boss - "Exactly how sick are you?" Me - "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
that is wrong is so many ways but yet so damn funny |
Taradis
Amarr The Imperial Assassins
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Posted - 2009.01.13 10:35:00 -
[18]
What do you call 3 blondes standing side by side?
A windtunnel.... |
annoing
Fallen Angel's
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Posted - 2009.01.13 10:40:00 -
[19]
The muslims have made a new 'talking' osama bin youknowwho doll to celebrate this coming Eid ... however no-one knows what it says as everyone is too scared to pull the string
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Sokratesz
Rionnag Alba Triumvirate.
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Posted - 2009.01.13 10:54:00 -
[20]
Edited by: Sokratesz on 13/01/2009 10:54:40
This one must a hundred years old..
Jack inherits an elephant from his deceased uncle, who owned a circus. The beast is costing him a fortune in food, so he thinks up a way to make money from it.
He has seen elephants stand upright on their rear legs but he has never seen an elephant jumps. So he hires a spot at a fair, and for 100 bucks people may try to get the elephant to jump, and earn 1000 if they succeed. Many try, many fail, but then comes Sjaak.
Sjaak is the type of man you'd expect at a rotary. Collar, hat, golf club. He pays one hundred bucks, takes position behind the elephant and gives it a firm tap on the balls with the golf club. For the first time in history an elephant is seen to jump - and Sjaak walks away with 1000 quid..
Damn, does Jack think, now people have seen it and they will copy it - I gotta think of something new! He has seen elephants shake their heads up-and-down but never from side-to-side. So he hires a spot again, and the same rules apply. Many try, many fail.
But here comes Sjaak again. He pays one hundred bucks, and confronts the elephant:
'Do you remember me?'
*elephant wobbels head up and down..
'Shall I do it again?' |
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