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Taxman VIII: Vlad in the 25th Century

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Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2010.01.01 10:34:00 - [1] The year is April 2009, the IRS launches the last of the agency's deep space probes. In a freak computer mishap, Helios 3 and its pilot Agent Vladimir Norkoff are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit 1000 times more vast returning Vlad Norkoff to EvE... over two-hundred days later! It's a new age of darkness... A time of even deeper crisis... And chaos and carnage still sweep across the four great Empires of EvE... In this new era of woe, few are willing to take a stand for justice. Few will fight to right the fiscal wrongs that afflict mankind. Few are willing to walk the thankless path of tax collection. We are those few. We are the IRS. These are our logs... And so begins the eighth installment of the critically acclaimed Taxman series. Other chapters being Taxman I: The Taxman Cometh, Taxman II: Amarr Safari, Taxman III: Attack of the Blob, Taxman IV: Rogue Agent, Taxman V: Back in Black, Taxman VI: Voided Ledger, and Taxman VII: Kingdom of Vlad. As always thanks to all of our readers for the comments and feedback we have received (big humbled thanks to Jorshan). For those who do not enjoy the audit logs, please go play in traffic (in-game). And in this one, I'll most likely die horribly. Taxman VIII: Vlad in the 25th Century
Ekon Bor Amarr Van Diemen's Demise	Posted - 2010.01.01 10:41:00 - [2] Yay! More Taxman! Welcome back Vlad, the stories have been missed.
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2010.01.01 10:45:00 - [3] Audit Log - Prologue - It's gone. All of it. J162700 has fallen. No tower crooning for the Blood God. No field of corpse cans. No bubbles waiting to suck in the unwary. The Kingdom is no more. POS modules lost to a wandering Black Serpent Technologies chump in a Nighthawk. Tower lost to Sic Transit Gloria. Killed slowly. Over days. Bastards. But can't dwell on it. It's the past. Two hundred days ago. Ancient history. Relic of another age. Just like me. But now it's time to forge a new destiny. A new goal. A new path. And what better way than to go back to what we always do. Enforce the tax code. In Mito. Course that might be hard in the only ship we have left. The Helios. Whatever. Will burn that bridge when we get to it. First things first. Scan a wormhole and head home. Leaving a beacon alt behind of course. Won't dwell on J162700. But will never forget it. Or forgive. One day, we will return. Spend the next few days rebuilding the fleet. Killing Guristas with a single Hobgobbie. One Plunderer at a time working towards a Merlin. Then quickly get bored and just use the billions left over from the T3 BPCs. Honestly, working for ISK is simply too much effort. Besides, have to get back to taxing other peoples work. And there are plenty of unlicensed miners about. Toiling away with their lazors, filling cans for hours on end, only to have their illegal gains impounded. It's justice. And it feels good. Course some fight back. Most die. Find one group in particular. ICE. Somehow it stands for "On the Rocks"... Oh wait... How cute. Haven't seen an alliance name like that since BLOB. Christ. Start digging into their past. Run the books. And no surprise, they're shady. Denizens of the North. Freighter pilots. Unrepentant miners. And even associated with Black Serpent Technologies. Possibly even connected with the mysterious evil MasterMind of the North. Only downside is ICE already seems to be in a war. Call up these anti-ICE vigilantes. "Death's Right Hand". Nice name. Goes well with taxes. Leader is named "Death Tou". Sounds foreign. But decent enough chap. Figures they'll continue for only another week or so. Which is good. Eager to start and not terribly keen on sharing. Seems interested in us starting sooner though. Asks how much the Concord filth would charge us to start our audit now. Humor him. Click apply action to see how much it would cost. Oh... Seems to cost 100mil. Because that's how much we are now missing... And the audit starts tomorrow... Fecking Concord. 674 criminal thugs in 13 corporations. One tax agent and 7 of his Right Hand men. Hope there's enough thugs to go around. Taxman VIII: Vlad in the 25th Century
Agnostos Theos Gallente Southern Cross Trilogy Flying Dangerous	Posted - 2010.01.01 11:11:00 - [4] Welcome back Vlad !
Eowen Darkstar	Posted - 2010.01.01 11:19:00 - [5] Ah, Mr Norkoff returns. Glad to have u back Vladimir, your audits have been missed...
Zedrik Cayne Gallente Standards and Practices	Posted - 2010.01.01 11:19:00 - [6] The IEEE approves of this product or service. Welcome back Vlad. -- Originally by: "RedSplat" You're the internet equivalent of a Deepfried Mars bar filled with stupid.
SolusLunes Caldari 22nd Black Rise Defensive Unit General Panic.	Posted - 2010.01.01 12:55:00 - [7] Ah, that sweet smell. IT SMELLS LIKE JUSTICE. In other, related news, Mitnal was never here.
Spectre Wraith Darwin Inc.	Posted - 2010.01.01 15:10:00 - [8] Welcome back Vlad, you were missed.
JordanParey Minmatar Suddenly Ninjas	Posted - 2010.01.01 16:14:00 - [9] <3
Lauren Sheaperd Minmatar Blood Money Inc. The Blood Money Cartel	Posted - 2010.01.01 16:52:00 - [10] <3. About time you got back.

Slash Overkill Red Slice Enterprise	Posted - 2010.01.02 09:49:00 - [11] Nothing sobers you up like cold hard poddage Was it as good for you as it was for us? 2010.01.02 07:35 Victim: Vladimir Norkoff Corp: Income Redistribution Service Alliance: None Faction: NONE Destroyed: Myrmidon System: Vuorrassi Security: 0.5 Damage Taken: 33782 Involved parties: Name: 4orce (laid the final blow) Security: 2.0 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Drake Weapon: Caldari Navy Terror Assault Missile Damage Done: 18192 Name: Tanchico Security: 1.4 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Rokh Weapon: Hammerhead II Damage Done: 5826 Name: Nokomi Security: 3.7 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Drake Weapon: Hobgoblin II Damage Done: 4452 Name: Wong Chou Security: 2.7 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Capsule Weapon: Caldari Navy Mjolnir Torpedo Damage Done: 4018 Name: Diego Sarmoti Security: 0.2 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Drake Weapon: Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile Damage Done: 1294 Destroyed items: 220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II 220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II 220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II EMP M, Qty: 420 X5 Prototype I Engine Enervator Medium Electrochemical Capacitor Booster I Medium Tapered Capacitor Infusion I Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II Medium Armor Repairer II Medium Armor Repairer II Medium Standard Container (Cargo) Cap Booster 800, Qty: 12 (Cargo) EMP M, Qty: 631 (Cargo) Medium Nanobot Accelerator I Medium Auxiliary Nano Pump I, Qty: 2 Hammerhead II, Qty: 7 (Drone Bay) Ogre II, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay) Warrior II, Qty: 3 (Drone Bay) Dropped items: 220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II 220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II 220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II EMP M, Qty: 420 Cap Booster 800 Warp Disruptor II 10MN Afterburner II Medium Armor Repairer II Damage Control II Energized Adaptive Nano Membrane II Warrior II (Drone Bay) Hobgoblin II, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay) Chill brother! Have a drink. On the rocks.. Kill, kill. You will not kill!
Slash Overkill Red Slice Enterprise	Posted - 2010.01.02 10:07:00 - [12] Oh yeah and your rival says Hello: 2010.01.02 06:34 Victim: Death ToU Corp: Deaths Right Hand Alliance: None Faction: NONE Destroyed: Hurricane System: Jita Security: 0.9 Damage Taken: 20152 Involved parties: Name: Infinint Security: 1.6 Corp: sankkasen mining conglomerate Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Hurricane Weapon: 220mm Vulcan AutoCannon II Damage Done: 11883 Name: Tanchico (laid the final blow) Security: 1.4 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Rokh Weapon: Modal Mega Neutron Particle Accelerator I Damage Done: 4671 Name: DARKWANDERER Security: 5.0 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Zealot Weapon: Heavy Pulse Laser II Damage Done: 1947 Name: Daluien Security: 0.6 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Harbinger Weapon: Heavy Anode Pulse Particle Stream I Damage Done: 640 Name: Mr Ewog Security: 1.5 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Raven Weapon: Bane Torpedo Damage Done: 600 Name: Atimathus Stuhlinger Security: 1.8 Corp: sankkasen mining conglomerate Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Armageddon Weapon: Armageddon Damage Done: 411 Name: 4orce Security: 2.0 Corp: Shadow's of Ezra Alliance: On the Rocks Faction: NONE Ship: Scorpion Weapon: 'Hypnos' Multispectral ECM I Damage Done: 0 Cheers! Kill, kill. You will not kill!
Jason Marusic Gallente Sankkasen Mining Conglomerate On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.01.02 10:22:00 - [13] Being a fan of Vlad's stories, it's a shame that we're now the subject of them. Ah well, here's to a good bout of stealing cable and evading the taxes as long as possible!
Grukar Amarr Sankkasen Mining Conglomerate On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.01.02 10:54:00 - [14] Guys, please. This is one of the few respectable war targets we've had. Let the man do his logs. also, wish i had been there to pump you full of lasers, vlad!
RuleoftheBone Minmatar The Littlest Hobos Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2010.01.02 11:42:00 - [15] Welcome back Vlad! CCP can just shut down the rest of c+p
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2010.01.02 12:04:00 - [16] Audit Log 20100101.0632 - A new year, a new audit. Seems crime never takes a holiday. Means we never get to either. Will have to make our own fireworks then. 200mil ISK of them. Start patrols in Mito with a Vexor. Usual suspects lurking about. Docked up in groups of two or three. Waiting til their numbers build up no doubt. Typical. Try the waiting game, but never really been much of one for camping. Boredom. Switch to the Arazu and wander south. Head towards their base in Sankk. Chat up with the vigilantes and bounce about searching for criminals. Barely miss a Navy Raven. Unfortunate. Cruise through Sobaseki when a call comes in. Vigilante engaging an ICE Myrm in Jita. Thug is some chump named Nike Airwalker. Always good to name yourself after your footwear. Jump in and head to the only station in system. Just in time to see the Myrm warp towards a gate. Good. Can't dock at gates. Follow and jump through after him. Light shoeboy up, hit him with rails, drones, and points. He burns back to gate, lols me in local, and jumps. Just as expected. There are two of us ace. Arazu on one side, vigilante Curse on the other. He's fecked. Tries to make a run from the Curse. Like that's gonna work. Let him fully commit to his lemming run and then jump through after. Oops, forgot drones. Whatever. Not like it matters. We kill him slowly, plinking away with rails and missiles until bored. Then sending in the Curse's drones. It ends quickly. So does the pod. ICE outstanding taxes and fines now stand at 110,000,000 ISK. Nice start to the audit. Let's see if we can make it continue. Criminals make themselves scarce down south. Head back up towards Oimmo and switch to a Myrm of my own. Poke about and find a festering pit of ICE s****in Vourassi. Finally locate their station hideout. Five of them. Decent enough odds I guess. Flush 'em out and undock into them. Scorp, Rohk, Raven, 3 drakes. This should be... interesting. Raven and two drakes warp, rohk vanishes. Lock the Scorp and Drake. Scorp jams and bails, only the Drake left. It's Mr Ewog. Amusingly, had actually considered making him my apprentice before. He's moving but not warping. Station is as close to a kick-out as Caldari get. 10km docking ring. This smells of something. But what the hell. It's a triple rep Myrm. Shouldn't be a problem. Point & web the still non-warping Drake. Overheat the ACs, launch the drones. Drake shields melting. One rep easily negating the missiles. Drake hits half shields and the Rohk undocks. Huge surprise. Pull drones and cancel mods. Kick on a second rep. Raven and Drakes show up. Joy. Burn back towards the station. Missiles and Torps start hitting. Ouch. Third repper on. Into hull. Overheat the rack. Armor bouncing back and forth. Alarms blaring. Cross fingers and keep counting. 28. 29. 30. Hit dock. Still aggro'ed. Crap. 25% hull. Try again. Phew. Skin of the teeth. Just like always. Repair, hop out, and they're gone. Hmmm. It's almost as if they know their trap failed and have abandoned the attempt. It's almost as if... they're competent. Very odd. Remainder of evening is uneventful. They try switching to a Rohk-Scorp-NeutDomi combo. Vigilantes only have a BC and Recon nearby for support. Even if I switched to our Domi it'd be too much. It's a stalemate. But there's always tomorrow. Taxman VIII: Vlad in the 25th Century
Tre Circuit	Posted - 2010.01.02 17:49:00 - [17] Welcome back Vladimir, have missed reading new posts from you. Looking forward to seeing you in space.
Pistrik Minmatar Noir. Noir. Mercenary Group	Posted - 2010.01.02 18:51:00 - [18] The taxman returns! How your stories have been missed (C&P sucking per usual in the meantime). And I think I speak for others when I ask the morons who post KMs in a thread to stop trying to derail it and be quiet.
Awesome Possum Imperium Signal Corps	Posted - 2010.01.02 19:02:00 - [19] \o/ Vlad's back! time to re-read the old audits. ♥ Wreck Disposal Services
Vladimir Norkoff Income Redistribution Service	Posted - 2010.01.03 08:21:00 - [20] Audit Log 20100102.1840 - Next day starts poorly. Complete boredom. Not a target to be seen from Oimmo to Jita. Criminals huddling in stations. Cowering. Informants claim ICE moving faction ships out of area. Odd. Run the pipe looking for targets. But their spies are efficient. Roaches disappear into the cracks whenever we arrive. Pathetic. Take a break. Return to find out the vigilante leader got popped in Jita. Can't think of a more embarrassing place to die. But at least he got to shoot something. Almost a bit jealous. Bounce back up to Vuorassi and see a Drake on gate. It's 4orce, one of their phonetically challenged elder pilots. No real combat record to speak of. Six other criminals in local. Doesn't feel right. Swap out to the Helios and launch probes. Other thugs slowly filtering out of system. Soon only the drake and one other scuumbag in system. Really doesn't feel right. Ackbar alarm going crazy. Meh. Feck it. Time to grab the Myrm. Jump back thru and the alphanumeric chump is still there. Hit the AB and target him up. No response. Odd. Hold off on the aggro for the moment. He asleep at the wheel? Nope. There he goes targeting back. It's on. Point, web, ACs, standard drone pack. Missiles hit. HAMs. Think we'll go straight to two reps. Manticore uncloaks. Not good. All three reps on. Torps hurt but managing. Plus bomber is painting and scramming. Wait.. wut? Scram? Point blank bomber is dead bomber. Swap to warriors and switch targets. More show up. Rohk and another 2 Drakes. Crap! Wasn't watching local. Bomber pops. Pull everything in, overheat the reppers and pray. Armor swinging back and forth. More and more hull dropping. Jump timer almost done. Spam. Spam. Flash and jump. In a pod? What the..? Pods can't jump after explosion. Fluid levels and all. Hell it's my favorite way to enforce justice. Weird. Must of been simultaneous. If only we'd been half a second quicker. Damn. But saves the indignity of having to warp away. And that's always nice. Quick swap to the Arazu and head back. Everything is gone. Thugs. Wrecks. Drones. Everything. Like it never even happened. Eerie. Like no criminal we've seen before... Then again, perhaps they are. Just simple generic thugs. Turns out they are inordinately proud of blobbing a Myrm. And yet, seem to have difficulty documenting their own losses. Typical. But that's why they are criminals. And that's why they end up getting audited. ICE outstanding taxes and fines now stand at 155,000,000 ISK. Taxman VIII: Vlad in the 25th Century

Grukar Amarr Sankkasen Mining Conglomerate On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.01.03 09:47:00 - [21] In regards to the killboard, its a widely reported Y2K-like bug. week one of 2010 started partway through week 53 of 2009, and the killboard freaked out. theres a fix, but it won't be applied until the maintenance crew returns from holiday. kills only show up because the homepage is set to show the most recent kills. if you click the Kills button, they magically disappear. everything is there, it's just not being displayed properly. anyway... good read so far.
Slash Overkill Red Slice Enterprise	Posted - 2010.01.03 11:54:00 - [22] Originally by: Grukar anyway... good read so far. It's really not a very good read at all, it's full of Bs. I know you suggested no smacktalk and I am not giving it, I am replying to you. This griefer guy is full of **** and griefing hundreds of people while running scared himself. His stories are mostly lies and we ran into him at a gate tonight and he just ducked, ran and pulled the Big Logoffski. All you raving and waving save Vlad flags are just buying into a big illusion, try reading a real book if you crave fiction and let's move on from this crap.. Those of you hyperventilating right now, don't worry, the truth shall set you free someday. Crime does not pay and justice will get your silly ass as well in the end! Kill, kill. You will not kill!
Kazang Wrecking Shots	Posted - 2010.01.03 12:37:00 - [23] Originally by: Slash Overkill Originally by: Grukar anyway... good read so far. It's really not a very good read at all, it's full of Bs. I know you suggested no smacktalk and I am not giving it, I am replying to you. This griefer guy is full of **** and griefing hundreds of people while running scared himself. His stories are mostly lies and we ran into him at a gate tonight and he just ducked, ran and pulled the Big Logoffski. All you raving and waving save Vlad flags are just buying into a big illusion, try reading a real book if you crave fiction and let's move on from this crap.. Those of you hyperventilating right now, don't worry, the truth shall set you free someday. Crime does not pay and justice will get your silly ass as well in the end! Typical response, anger only affirms your guilt. Tax evasion is a serious offence and you will pay for your crimes. Kazang
Grukar Amarr Sankkasen Mining Conglomerate On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.01.03 13:52:00 - [24] Edited by: Grukar on 03/01/2010 13:52:19 This is not a combat log, he's telling a story, and as the author he has the right to shade things as he sees them. Writing "engaged small ICE fleet and lost a myrm" makes for ****ty storytelling and a waste of everyone's time. also, that counts as smack. i probably shouldn't be posting either, for that matter.
Tellenta Gallente Invicta.	Posted - 2010.01.03 13:55:00 - [25] Edited by: Tellenta on 03/01/2010 14:03:59 Originally by: Slash Overkill Originally by: Grukar anyway... good read so far. It's really not a very good read at all, it's full of Bs. I know you suggested no smacktalk and I am not giving it, I am replying to you. This griefer guy is full of **** and griefing hundreds of people while running scared himself. His stories are mostly lies and we ran into him at a gate tonight and he just ducked, ran and pulled the Big Logoffski. All you raving and waving save Vlad flags are just buying into a big illusion, try reading a real book if you crave fiction and let's move on from this crap.. Those of you hyperventilating right now, don't worry, the truth shall set you free someday. Crime does not pay and justice will get your silly ass as well in the end! It's people like you that ensure the posting quality of forums is typically very low. His posts may be garnished to tell a story but it is a lot better that the "lulz look a kill mail!!!!11!!11 zomg I'm bad ass" posts that can be expected from your ilk. Let me guess you jumped 8 people on to his frigate and you are calling him a sissy because he ran off? Save yourself the effort and post less take a deep breath and try to be less angry. Edit: Holy crap just noticed you are not even involved in either kill you posted. Just wow, but some people have a lower standard of self entertainment I guess.
Licurgus Gallente Gallente Mining and Manufacturing Inc On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.01.03 14:57:00 - [26] Edited by: Licurgus on 03/01/2010 14:58:48 To be perfectly honest...I would perfer to see someone make something completely up than tell half or quarter truths. In this griefer's case he tells a story that is just that, 25-50% truth. The rest he paints to make himself look like hes some angel of justice. What he does I see as an interesting read...but to see him spout off lies/half-truths as fact is down right degrading. I personally wish I had been around for that Myrm kill. Not for the killmail, not for the feeling of seeing a griefer get what he deserves, only to know truth...he blew up and fell for a trap while feeling over confident. /me salute to a player that takes the game one step further. /me turns his back to a writer that cares nothing for those he harms or degrades with words. ----------------------------------------- Come back with your shield or on it.
Sainsbury Minmatar Native Freshfood	Posted - 2010.01.03 15:48:00 - [27] great thread, until it went off the rails claiming the 'year was april'. seeing as that's only the 4th word in the thread didn't last very long. ------- Quote: "Te audire non possum, musa sapientum fixa est in aura" - I can't hear you, i have a banana stuck in my ears.
w1ldt4ngent SWARTA	Posted - 2010.01.03 16:03:00 - [28] Edited by: w1ldt4ngent on 03/01/2010 16:03:49 Originally by: Licurgus Edited by: Licurgus on 03/01/2010 14:58:48 To be perfectly honest...I would perfer to see someone make something completely up than tell half or quarter truths. In this griefer's case he tells a story that is just that, 25-50% truth. The rest he paints to make himself look like hes some angel of justice. What he does I see as an interesting read...but to see him spout off lies/half-truths as fact is down right degrading. I personally wish I had been around for that Myrm kill. Not for the killmail, not for the feeling of seeing a griefer get what he deserves, only to know truth...he blew up and fell for a trap while feeling over confident. /me salute to a player that takes the game one step further. /me turns his back to a writer that cares nothing for those he harms or degrades with words. The tears are strong with this one... ___________________________ Swartans! Tonight we dine in Hek!
Licurgus Gallente Gallente Mining and Manufacturing Inc On the Rocks	Posted - 2010.01.03 17:05:00 - [29] w1ldt4ngent of SWARTA I don't know you and you don't know me. Let's leave it at that. /me walks away from this thread ----------------------------------------- Come back with your shield or on it.
SolusLunes Caldari 22nd Black Rise Defensive Unit General Panic.	Posted - 2010.01.03 18:08:00 - [30] Originally by: Licurgus w1ldt4ngent of SWARTA I don't know you and you don't know me. Let's leave it at that. /me walks away from this thread Don't let your tears hit you on the way out. Oh wait... In other, related news, Mitnal was never here.



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