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It's that time again: Ask an Ammatar Pt 4

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Pulgor	Posted - 2005.04.30 21:31:00 - [1] It's time for me to put in my community service hours again. The judge says I only have 3,670 to go! So lets see if we can shave that number down a bit huh? First an FAQ: Q: How do propose a querie to this service? A: Simply post your query below and it will be answered by one of our trained representatives (me). Q: No... that's all the Q's, this isn't a hard thing to figure out. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Ceratin	Posted - 2005.04.30 21:35:00 - [2] Dear Pulgor Everytime i step away from my console for more than a few moments, a senior member of my corp starts to stroke my legs. I've told him that i consider this to be unacceptable, and that he should at the least wait until i'm back to enjoy it, ut he seems to get a kick out of doing it. What should i do?
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.04.30 21:53:00 - [3] Edited by: Pulgor on 30/04/2005 21:53:14 Originally by: Ceratin Dear Pulgor Everytime i step away from my console for more than a few moments, a senior member of my corp starts to stroke my legs. I've told him that i consider this to be unacceptable, and that he should at the least wait until i'm back to enjoy it, ut he seems to get a kick out of doing it. What should i do? Well, this cannot go un punished! Here's some things you can do: - Stop shaving them, now this will cause the opposite problem of NOBODY wanting to stroke your legs. - Another alternative would be to buy him a GLB "Pleasure hub" rated calander. This will make him far too busy to consider other tasks. However I once saw a corp go under because the CEO was looking at the GLB calander as opposed to attending meetings. - As well you could hire Wetwork, my attorney to take the case to CONCORD court! He will win the case and the judge will order this man to only stroke your legs when you are available to enjoy it! ITX-9 wanted to add an idea as well: "Master, I think she should simply blast the sack of meat if he does it again. Although that may be wishful thinking on my part, Master." I hope this helps. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Kyle Caldrel	Posted - 2005.05.01 00:12:00 - [4] May i stroke your legs? (not u pulgor).
Ikvar	Posted - 2005.05.01 00:19:00 - [5] Edited by: Ikvar on 01/05/2005 00:18:58 Dear Pulgor, Why do I keep bothering you with stupid questions and can I have your corpse yet? Love, Ikvar. _________________
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 00:46:00 - [6] Originally by: Kyle Caldrel May i stroke your legs? (not u pulgor). No... Actually I don't know but I'll assume no. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 00:50:00 - [7] Originally by: Ikvar Edited by: Ikvar on 01/05/2005 00:18:58 Dear Pulgor, Why do I keep bothering you with stupid questions and can I have your corpse yet? Love, Ikvar. That's TWO questions! 1) Why do you bother me with stupid questions? I don't know, although answering strange questions is kind of what we do around here. 2) Can you have my corpse yet? No dammit, I'm using it right now! And before you ask: Yes, I do need my eyes! ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Wilvarin Sense	Posted - 2005.05.01 00:58:00 - [8] Dear Pulgor, A friend of mine had the misfortune of losing a brand new assault frigate under some minor embarassing circumstances a few days ago. Since then, my friend have been trying to get revenge.. COMPENSATION, from the person in question, who for some reason seems to have gone into hiding. Because of this, the individual have not been seen for several days. What should I do to get my compensation? My friend do, I mean. Sincerely, Wilvarin Sense
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 01:28:00 - [9] Originally by: Wilvarin Sense Dear Pulgor, A friend of mine had the misfortune of losing a brand new assault frigate under some minor embarassing circumstances a few days ago. Since then, my friend have been trying to get revenge.. COMPENSATION, from the person in question, who for some reason seems to have gone into hiding. Because of this, the individual have not been seen for several days. What should I do to get my compensation? My friend do, I mean. Sincerely, Wilvarin Sense Well this is a tricky proposition. The problem here is that the perpitrator may be hiding out for a while. here's some things I can recommend: - If you have this person's picture, put it up in a bathroom stall with the words, "4 H0T Luv, contact: <Name here>" This works best if the bathroom stall is in a gallente pleasure hub. - Another trick is to pirate him and his corp mates until you make the money back. Simply pirate or pod kill them until the amount lost equals what the assult frigate was worth. - If you see the perp in a bar, then toss some X-instinct in his drink, he should act a bit more chipper then usual =). Other fun things are: Crash, Bluepill, Drop, and synthetic oil. Wait, why synthetic oil you say? Well unlike regular oil, synthetic oil will dissolve into most heavier drinks when stirred enough (Drinks like wine, spirits etc... work very well for this). Then upon drinking the intestin removes the wine but leaves the synthetic oil which will recombine at the bowel causing extreem constipation. Even the strongest laxitives take a while to remove the pain. I hope one of these tricks works for you. Oh wait... there's one more: - Hire the GHSC to cause them financial ruin. However beware, this costs a fair sum of money and you may have to listen to Istvaan talk for hours and hours about his various hiests. If he starts that I recommend the stuff in drink trick =P. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Nero Scuro	Posted - 2005.05.01 10:50:00 - [10] Question to the Ammatar - If a girl is 15 years old, and a man is 30 years old, then the man is twice as old as the girl. Twice as old! That's a big difference. Yet in 15 years, the girl will be 30 and the man 45! Assuming both of them survive... forever, doesn't that mean both of them will eventually be the same age? If the difference between the two keeps getting smaller and smaller, it must! MUST, I SAY! ---------------- Haha, stupid monkey! Now I'VE got the Oscar! Enjoy your worthless gun!
Brute Helmet	Posted - 2005.05.01 10:54:00 - [11] Mr Pulgor. That rude droid of yours, do you rent him out on occasion ? There are some people that I know who would benefit from some blasting.
Tar Kovsky	Posted - 2005.05.01 13:05:00 - [12] Originally by: Nero Scuro Question to the Ammatar - If a girl is 15 years old, and a man is 30 years old, then the man is twice as old as the girl. Pulgor, don't the Caldari have laws against statuatory rape?
Nero Scuro	Posted - 2005.05.01 14:55:00 - [13] Originally by: Tar Kovsky Originally by: Nero Scuro Question to the Ammatar - If a girl is 15 years old, and a man is 30 years old, then the man is twice as old as the girl. Pulgor, don't the Caldari have laws against statuatory rape? Question to the Amateur - Are all Minmatar this dirty minded? It was a perfectly innocent question! ---------------- Haha, stupid monkey! Now I'VE got the Oscar! Enjoy your worthless gun!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 16:28:00 - [14] Originally by: Brute Helmet Mr Pulgor. That rude droid of yours, do you rent him out on occasion ? There are some people that I know who would benefit from some blasting. I used to rent him out but the prospect turned too dangerous. He gets a little.... carried away sometimes. It's probably best if you just blast the humans yourself as then there's no risk of bystandards getting shot. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 16:33:00 - [15] Originally by: Nero Scuro Question to the Ammatar - If a girl is 15 years old, and a man is 30 years old, then the man is twice as old as the girl. Twice as old! That's a big difference. Yet in 15 years, the girl will be 30 and the man 45! Assuming both of them survive... forever, doesn't that mean both of them will eventually be the same age? If the difference between the two keeps getting smaller and smaller, it must! MUST, I SAY! Actually Nero, that will only happen if they are trapped in a time differentiation anomaly like the one I encountered on Ossoger II. I was there on a routine patrol when suddenly time slowed down. I could tell because it took 6 minutes for my coffee to reheat as opposed to 3 minutes! I immidiately notified CONCORD but when they arrived the anomaly was gone! I explained to them what happened and they had the nerve to tell me that it was just the microwave on my ship! The microwave is fine! They can't just dismiss this, sooner or later it will bite them in the butt then who will have the last laugh!..... well actually they probably will if they get caught in an anomaly that slows time because then it'll take them twice as long to laugh as it will me. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 16:41:00 - [16] Originally by: Tar Kovsky Originally by: Nero Scuro Question to the Ammatar - If a girl is 15 years old, and a man is 30 years old, then the man is twice as old as the girl. Pulgor, don't the Caldari have laws against statuatory rape? Probably, but then again Nero could just be weird too. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 16:43:00 - [17] Originally by: Nero Scuro Originally by: Tar Kovsky Originally by: Nero Scuro Question to the Ammatar - If a girl is 15 years old, and a man is 30 years old, then the man is twice as old as the girl. Pulgor, don't the Caldari have laws against statuatory rape? Question to the Amateur - Are all Minmatar this dirty minded? It was a perfectly innocent question! OOooooh, clever insult "Amateur". I'll give you one Minmatar Fun Snack just for that. Also, yes, all Minmatar are that dirty minded. Now you know why they are the way they are =P. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Nero Scuro	Posted - 2005.05.01 17:18:00 - [18] Originally by: Pulgor OOooooh, clever insult "Amateur". I'll give you one Minmatar Fun Snack just for that. Well I WAS saving it for some witty retort to something, but all your answers are so benign (not to mention, not actually answers. Well, not to the questions asked anyway), makes it a little hard. * Nero Scuro munches on the Fun Snack ---------------- Haha, stupid monkey! Now I'VE got the Oscar! Enjoy your worthless gun!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 17:52:00 - [19] Edited by: Pulgor on 01/05/2005 17:52:34 Originally by: Nero Scuro Originally by: Pulgor OOooooh, clever insult "Amateur". I'll give you one Minmatar Fun Snack just for that. Well I WAS saving it for some witty retort to something, but all your answers are so benign (not to mention, not actually answers. Well, not to the questions asked anyway), makes it a little hard. * Nero Scuro munches on the Fun Snack Here now! If you have a problem with the service, please write to our office in Yulai. After 6 - 8 days they'll maybe probabaly send your letter back to you with a drawing of what they think you look like. Here's a sample: Dear Ask an Ammatar Complaints Dept: I am unsatisfied with the answers I've recieved from your service! I don't think they're answers to the questions that we're asking. Please remedy the problem. ---- Thank you for your letter. It has been recieved and will be processed soon.... no really, now that we already have your money we'll promptly get on it! Oh, and just for fun, we've included a drawing of what you may look like: --------------------------------------- So don't hesitate, send in your complaints now! ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Zaintiraris	Posted - 2005.05.01 18:17:00 - [20] Dear Pulgor, Where can I find Ceratin, and what are her off-hours, so that I can stroke her legs? --- Originally by: CCP Hammer This game was so much better back before people knew math.
Graelyn	Posted - 2005.05.01 18:19:00 - [21] Dear Pulgor: As a CEO, I try to make sure our corp hangars and offices make our pilots and crew feel at home during long deployments. As such, I often blare my favorite Kheram Symphonies over the loudspeakers. This has led to apparent self-inflicted head trauma among some of my Ammatar personnnel. In the interests of preserving the brain cells and cranial integrity of my people, what should I switch to? Minister - Public Affairs AEGIS MILITIA ATCR Forums
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 18:28:00 - [22] Originally by: Zaintiraris Dear Pulgor, Where can I find Ceratin, and what are her off-hours, so that I can stroke her legs? With all these people wanting to stroke her legs, I'm beginning to think you sould start your search in a Pleasure Hub! ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 18:42:00 - [23] Originally by: Graelyn Dear Pulgor: As a CEO, I try to make sure our corp hangars and offices make our pilots and crew feel at home during long deployments. As such, I often blare my favorite Kheram Symphonies over the loudspeakers. This has led to apparent self-inflicted head trauma among some of my Ammatar personnnel. In the interests of preserving the brain cells and cranial integrity of my people, what should I switch to? Now this is tricky, because Ammatar and Amarr music tastes differ very much. You're not going to beable to keep both camps happy. I recommend headphones and digital players with a selection of songs that both parties can enjoy then everyone can listen to what they want! However this does create a problem of people not being able to hear commands. Expect your accident ratio to tripple! However I'm not sure if this solves your problem as now that the braincells and integrity of the crewmen are saved.... the physical limbs arn't. Win some, lose some? ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Tirun Araun	Posted - 2005.05.01 18:59:00 - [24] Dear Mr. Pulgor, I'm reading all your fabulous hints with fascination. It must really be really really FASCINATING to have an Ammatar. I'd like to prod one. I figure, I could probably lure one with some Matar wine, they're really REALLY good by the way, you should try one, so do you have an address where I can mail order one, please? Really REALLY good wine! Here I'll share one with you. You must look dashing without those eyeshades. Tirun Araun smiles sweetly. -- "The planets of a trillion suns can [...] become infected with the itch of thought - that great pandemic! - as readily as one." Tigerishka, in "The Wanderer" by Fritz Leiber
Ikvar	Posted - 2005.05.01 19:24:00 - [25] Dear Dr. Sunglassesmguy, What makes you qualified to answer questions? _________________
Amataras	Posted - 2005.05.01 20:03:00 - [26] Edited by: Amataras on 01/05/2005 20:02:57 Dear Pulgor, are you going to be making any public appearances any time soon? -------------- The Eve Diplomacy Table
Tariel Orenia	Posted - 2005.05.01 20:20:00 - [27] Dear Mr. Pulgor; Why are you so darned handsome? And would you consider a relationship with a nubile young Gallentean man?
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 20:36:00 - [28] Originally by: Tirun Araun Dear Mr. Pulgor, I'm reading all your fabulous hints with fascination. It must really be really really FASCINATING to have an Ammatar. I'd like to prod one. I figure, I could probably lure one with some Matar wine, they're really REALLY good by the way, you should try one, so do you have an address where I can mail order one, please? Really REALLY good wine! Here I'll share one with you. You must look dashing without those eyeshades. Tirun Araun smiles sweetly. Sorry, only Khanid wine for me! Besides I won't fall for your obvious trap. Now maybe if you could spice up the deal a little I would be more inclined to accept your offer. And you'll have to do better then Matari wine, I think I use that stuff to take out blemishes in my ships hull! ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 20:40:00 - [29] Originally by: Ikvar Dear Dr. Sunglassesmguy, What makes you qualified to answer questions? I went to Quafe University where they teach you such classes as: -Answering questions -TV/VCR repair -Home vetrenarian -1337 Sp3a\|< 101 -SRX Droid Repair. -Councelling -Rehab administration -Or get your degree! ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!
Pulgor	Posted - 2005.05.01 20:42:00 - [30] Originally by: Amataras Edited by: Amataras on 01/05/2005 20:02:57 Dear Pulgor, are you going to be making any public appearances any time soon? I appeared at an Ammatar Arms weapons convention once.... I don't do many public appearences though. See, the thing is... I've got lots of people that want to kill me and this creates a problem. ----------------------------------- Pulgor --- In service to Saram. Visit the Ammatar channel ingame!

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