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Constantine Arcanum
IMPERIAL SENATE Pure.
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Posted - 2007.02.15 00:32:00 -
[1]
Edited by: Constantine Arcanum on 15/02/2007 00:31:00 Ok, these are the rules of the thread.
A poster will specify two items.
You must come up with an innovating and novel way to kill someone with said items.
You can't copy someone else's innovating and novel way to kill someone.
Once you have posted your innovating and novel way to kill someone, you specify two innovating and novel items.
[eg:] rusty coat hanger and a bag of salt
Place the coathanger betwixt your victim's buttocks, like a kind of clamp, and shovel as much salt as humanly possible into the now-exposed rectum until death.
Snowglobe and Bleach
[/eg]
I will begin, with a watermelon and a garden hose.
EDIT: Spelltard
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Ebedar
Gallente Primary Intelligence
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Posted - 2007.02.15 00:42:00 -
[2]
Put either end of the hose in the victim's nostrils. Fill their mouth with the melon and watch them slowly die through lack of oxygen.
A torch (flashlight) and a length of rope.
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Constantine Arcanum
IMPERIAL SENATE Pure.
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Posted - 2007.02.15 00:48:00 -
[3]
Smash the lens of the torch and tie the rope to the handle. Force the makeshift grappling hook down their throat as far as it will go, and hope it snags. Use the rope to pull out the torch, hopefully the glassy mess will have snagged on something on the way out.
repeat until death.
A lavalamp and a pair of tweezers.
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jbob2000
Gallente KIA Corp KIA Alliance
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Posted - 2007.02.15 00:57:00 -
[4]
Edited by: jbob2000 on 15/02/2007 00:56:42 Heat up lava in lava lamp. Stab victim with tweezers until puncture. Fill holes with hot goo.
A cheese grater and a bowl of chili
________________________________
KIA Recruitment |

Patch86
Di-Tron Heavy Industries Freelancer Alliance
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Posted - 2007.02.15 01:05:00 -
[5]
Totally IBTL \o/
Anyhow.......Use the cheese grater to "open" the victim's wind pipe at the throat, grate the chilli into the person's lungs.
A bicycle and a sturdy pair of trousers. --------
Originally by: Constantine Arcanum most problems can be solved with chloroform.
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Derovius Vaden
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Posted - 2007.02.15 01:13:00 -
[6]
A box of Q-tips and the movie Speed. Enough said.
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Ebedar
Gallente Primary Intelligence
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Posted - 2007.02.15 01:15:00 -
[7]
Originally by: Patch86 Totally IBTL \o/
Anyhow.......Use the cheese grater to "open" the victim's wind pipe at the throat, grate the chilli into the person's lungs.
A bicycle and a sturdy pair of trousers.
Use the trousers to lassoo the person as they walk past, causing them to fall to the ground. Then park the bike in between their cheeks and ride it forward with enough force to split them in half.
A balloon and lump of cheese.
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jbob2000
Gallente KIA Corp KIA Alliance
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Posted - 2007.02.15 01:20:00 -
[8]
Originally by: Ebedar
Use the trousers to lassoo the person as they walk past, causing them to fall to the ground. Then park the bike in between their cheeks and ride it forward with enough force to split them in half.
A balloon and lump of cheese.
Place balloon over head of victim, eat cheese while watching them suffocate.
Large ant farm and a box of *****ers ________________________________
KIA Recruitment |

Cyberflayer
Mercurialis Inc. Interstellar Alcohol Conglomerate
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Posted - 2007.02.15 01:26:00 -
[9]
Originally by: jbob2000
Originally by: Ebedar
Use the trousers to lassoo the person as they walk past, causing them to fall to the ground. Then park the bike in between their cheeks and ride it forward with enough force to split them in half.
A balloon and lump of cheese.
Place balloon over head of victim, eat cheese while watching them suffocate.
Large ant farm and a box of *****ers
Cram *****ers in important orifices; crumble on eyes, in nostrils, on genitals, etc. Introduce ants. Lots of ants. ---
Originally by: JabJabVVV Apparently titans cost over a billion isk to produce
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Yendri
Perkone
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Posted - 2007.02.15 01:48:00 -
[10]
Inflate blowup doll with helium. attach B/W Tv, and float the TV over the head of the target. Drop Tv from altitude onto target's head. Watch cathode ray tube impode on contact.
your next target must be eliminated with... a ball of wool(no knitting needles), and a nice, safe, comfy chair. 
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Dark Kavar
Caldari Even-Flow
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Posted - 2007.02.15 03:48:00 -
[11]
Originally by: Yendri Inflate blowup doll with helium. attach B/W Tv, and float the TV over the head of the target. Drop Tv from altitude onto target's head. Watch cathode ray tube impode on contact.
your next target must be eliminated with... a ball of wool(no knitting needles), and a nice, safe, comfy chair. 
a combination of strangling them with wool and smothering them in the chair
an empty can of soda and a magnifying glass
Originally by: id rather leave on a good note but I hate my corp and do not want to play with them.
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Letri Bimmet
Gallente
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Posted - 2007.02.15 05:59:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Dark Kavar an empty can of soda and a magnifying glass
Beat a random person with the sodacan until unconsieus. Then shove the magnifying glass via the ear into the brain.
A keg of beer and an empty shotgun
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Copine Callmeknau
The Splinter Syndicate SMASH Alliance
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Posted - 2007.02.15 08:01:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Letri Bimmet
Originally by: Dark Kavar an empty can of soda and a magnifying glass
Beat a random person with the sodacan until unconsieus. Then shove the magnifying glass via the ear into the brain.
A keg of beer and an empty shotgun
Drink the beer, beat him to death with the shotgun
3 pieces of beef ravioli and a AA battery
----- Sig removed, email [email protected] for more info - Ductoris
Originally by: wrong on so many levels you could only be more wrong if you where tuxford.
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Kharakan
Amarr Magnificent Beavers Exquisite Malevolence
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Posted - 2007.02.15 08:05:00 -
[14]
This is a must-post in all 'killing' threads:
Quote: <evilada>: Best suicide plan ever <mcm310>: what is it? <evilada>: you go up to the top of a roof <evilada>: string piano wire tight across the front edge at neck level <evilada>: tie a cord to your foot and the other end to the building so that you'll be above sidewalk level when its fully stretched <evilada>: then you put super glue on your hands <evilada>: and put your arms around the front of the wire and then back to touch your head <evilada>: then you lean forward, so the piano wire cuts your neck but not your elbows <evilada>: when the cord goes taut, youll be hanging upside down with no head....except your head will be in your outstretched arms thanks to gravity and the glue, staring at someone upside down and spewing blood everywhere. <evilada>: And some poor bastard will be traumatized for LIFE. <mcm310>: i dont think i can be your friend anymore
Thankyou, bash.org 
this signature space is claimed in the name of eris, haha I got to him first. neeneer
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Admai Sket
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Posted - 2007.02.15 09:11:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Copine Callmeknau
Originally by: Letri Bimmet
Originally by: Dark Kavar an empty can of soda and a magnifying glass
Beat a random person with the sodacan until unconsieus. Then shove the magnifying glass via the ear into the brain.
A keg of beer and an empty shotgun
Drink the beer, beat him to death with the shotgun
3 pieces of beef ravioli and a AA battery
This is possibly the most violent thread EVER 
Stamp on the battery, splitting it open. Feed your victim a beef-ravioli-and-battery-acid dinner then watch them squirm as the battery acid disolves their innards. Don't forget to cover their mouth if they try to vomit. You could always stuff the remains of the battery in their throat to block the windpipe/gullet too.
The next victim must die by way of:
- A betamax cassette tape - A stapler
I got my sig snipped again. Can someone make me a new one? |

Ebedar
Gallente Primary Intelligence
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Posted - 2007.02.15 09:27:00 -
[16]
Remove the tape from the cassette and wrap it around the victim's head in such a way that it keeps their eyelids held back/leaves their eyes exposed.
Fire staples at their eyeballs until they burst and become infected, then wait for the infection to spread until they die.
A pencil and a football.
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Crumplecorn
Gallente Eve Cluster Explorations
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Posted - 2007.02.15 10:06:00 -
[17]
Originally by: Ebedar Remove the tape from the cassette and wrap it around the victim's head in such a way that it keeps their eyelids held back/leaves their eyes exposed.
Fire staples at their eyeballs until they burst and become infected, then wait for the infection to spread until they die.
A pencil and a football.
Ask said person to sign said football with said pencil. Hold said ball obnoxiously close to said person's face as they do so. Wait until said pencil is roughly in line with one of said person's eyes. At this point, smack said person violently in the face with said ball.
A rubber band and a turtle. ----------
IBTL \o/ Fix the ******* map! Privateers FTW |

Constantine Arcanum
IMPERIAL SENATE Pure.
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Posted - 2007.02.15 12:35:00 -
[18]
attach the turtle to the person's head by using the rubber band. Smash their face against the floor until their head explodes. The added weight of the turtle will accelerate this.
A spork and can of deodorant
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Agent Li
Galactic Defence Consortium
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Posted - 2007.02.15 12:50:00 -
[19]
Gouge out eyes with spork, exposing brain - spray brain liberally with deodorant.
A PC and a running copy of EVE...
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Crumplecorn
Gallente Eve Cluster Explorations
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Posted - 2007.02.15 15:34:00 -
[20]
Edited by: Crumplecorn on 15/02/2007 15:31:59 A PC and a running copy of EVE... Stand said person next to PC's speakers. Turn all hardware and software volumes to maximum possible. Warp somewhere.
A pack of sweets and a shovel. ----------
IBTL \o/ Fix the ******* map! Privateers FTW |

Admai Sket
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Posted - 2007.02.15 15:44:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Crumplecorn Warp somewhere.
YOU WIN! LOL
balance the sweets on the end of the shovel, and tell the victim they can have the sweets, but must grab the bag with their teeth. as their heads nears the shovel - thrust it into their face. Death should soon follow.
Heavy lifting equipment and a grand piano (but the obvious answer to this one is NOT ALLOWED!)
I got my sig snipped again. Can someone make me a new one? |

Verone
Veto. Veto Corp
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Posted - 2007.02.15 15:48:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Admai Sket
Originally by: Crumplecorn Warp somewhere.
YOU WIN! LOL
balance the sweets on the end of the shovel, and tell the victim they can have the sweets, but must grab the bag with their teeth. as their heads nears the shovel - thrust it into their face. Death should soon follow.
Heavy lifting equipment and a grand piano (but the obvious answer to this one is NOT ALLOWED!)
Ask said person to take Piano lessons, drop heavy lifting equipment on said persons head as he play's Beethoven's 5th.
A Fedo, and a deck of playing cards.
NEWEST MOVIE : VETO FOR HIRE
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Zezman
Murder of Crows E N I G M A
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Posted - 2007.02.15 15:53:00 -
[23]
Challenge the Fedo to a game of 52 pickup. The resulting smell will incapacitate and eventually kill the person who spewed cards all over the floor.
A razor blade and a fleshlight.
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Kharakan
Amarr Magnificent Beavers Exquisite Malevolence
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Posted - 2007.02.15 15:58:00 -
[24]
Originally by: Zezman Challenge the Fedo to a game of 52 pickup. The resulting smell will incapacitate and eventually kill the person who spewed cards all over the floor.
A razor blade and a fleshlight.
Hide the razor blade in the fleshlight and give it to them. Wait for them to die from A: Infection or B: Loss of blood or C: Humilation from the resulting injury.
this signature space is claimed in the name of eris, haha I got to him first. neeneer
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Grimpak
Gallente Twisted Attitude Apocalyptica.
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Posted - 2007.02.15 16:05:00 -
[25]
since the guy didn't specify, I'll post my own:
a cubical room with only a small light illuminating small table and a butter knife in the center, put the "bananaphone" music in auto-repeat forever inside the room, toss the guy inside of the room and close the room tight.
if the doesn't try to cut himself with the butter knife, he will atempt to either bash the head against the wall, or go totally mental.
a spoon and a toothpick. -------
Originally by: Tiuwaz for caldari perception weapons that hit up to 100km are short range weapons 
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doingitwithskienze
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Posted - 2007.02.15 17:18:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Grimpak since the guy didn't specify, I'll post my own:
a cubical room with only a small light illuminating small table and a butter knife in the center, put the "bananaphone" music in auto-repeat forever inside the room, toss the guy inside of the room and close the room tight.
if the doesn't try to cut himself with the butter knife, he will atempt to either bash the head against the wall, or go totally mental.
a spoon and a toothpick.
tell the victim there is no spoon, and while he's trying to figure that out, stab him in the intestines with the toothpick, and wait for septaecimia to set in.
bottle of amyl nitrate, and a orange
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Macrowarp
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Posted - 2007.02.15 18:54:00 -
[27]
Gently peel said orange with fingers until peeled. Start distributing amyl nitrate in a haphazard manner around the room.
Insert random muffled chants where appropriate.
When victim enters room, simply point at the specks of nitrate on the floor, and when he gets that confused look on his face MERCILESSLY SHOVE PEELED ORANGE into his mouth while blocking nostrils with two fingers. Cue choking.
A timblefull of olive oil and a speck of dust.
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Ebedar
Gallente Primary Intelligence
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Posted - 2007.02.15 19:12:00 -
[28]
Take the olive oil in your mouth and spit it in your victim's face. While the victim is disorientated, fire the speck of dust at their head at such high speed that it penetrates the skull and destroys the brain.
A calculator and a DVD case.
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Etumretniw
Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan
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Posted - 2007.02.15 19:39:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Ebedar Take the olive oil in your mouth and spit it in your victim's face. While the victim is disorientated, fire the speck of dust at their head at such high speed that it penetrates the skull and destroys the brain.
A calculator and a DVD case.
Put calculator inside DVD case. Give the case to the victim, telling them its a gift. The peron will then die from the horror of seing the calculator. (I'm assuming here that the victim has some sort of extreme fobia of calculators. It could happen!)
A paper back book, and a cubic meter of water.
Masuat'aa Matari website Ushra'Khan Recruitment thread
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Fazoli
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Posted - 2007.02.15 19:44:00 -
[30]
Pour the water at the top of a large flight of stairs. Read the book while waiting for someone to slip.
1 gram of uranium and a bubble gum wrapper.
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