| Pages: 1 2 3 4 :: [one page] |
| Author |
Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Neamus
   |
Posted - 2008.09.30 21:48:00 -
[1]
Because mission running is boring..
I'll start.
1.
A man walks into a bar with a horse, the horse lies down and the man starts drinking.. After a few drinks the man staggers to the door to leave, but the bar tender says "Oi! you cant leave that lyin there!"
The man says "Its not a lion, its a horse"
2.
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says "Is this a joke?"
|
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 21:48:00 -
[2]
Because mission running is boring..
I'll start.
1.
A man walks into a bar with a horse, the horse lies down and the man starts drinking.. After a few drinks the man staggers to the door to leave, but the bar tender says "Oi! you cant leave that lyin there!"
The man says "Its not a lion, its a horse"
2.
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says "Is this a joke?"
|
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:02:00 -
[3]
25 views and not a single contribution?
/sadface
Just goes to show what a humorless place eve can be *sniff*
|
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:02:00 -
[4]
Whats brown and sticky?
a stick
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:03:00 -
[5]
What do you call a cowboy with paper trousers?
A rustler
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:10:00 -
[6]
Where would you find a duck with no legs?
Where you left it.
|
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:16:00 -
[7]
What do you call a bear with no ears?
B
|
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:19:00 -
[8]
what do you call a fish with no eyes?
fsh
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:21:00 -
[9]
A horse walked into a bar
the barman said: why the long face?
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
Irida Mershkov
Gallente
War is Bliss
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:23:00 -
[10]
 Originally by: Gloria Stitz
Whats brown and sticky?
a stick
That one was absolutely terrible.
Where's the best place to have a party on a ship?
Where the Funnel be.
...
|
Tony C'dale
Supernova Security Systems
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:23:00 -
[11]
Two men walk into a bar,
The third one ducks. |
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:25:00 -
[12]
Edited by: Neamus on 30/09/2008 22:26:08
Two men are walking their dogs through a graveyard...
One man turns to the other as they pass and says, "Morning."
The other man replies, "No, just walking the dog."
|
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:26:00 -
[13]
2 fish in a tank.
one says: 'i'll drive, you use the gun'
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:27:00 -
[14]
Edited by: Gloria Stitz on 30/09/2008 22:27:35
2 birds on a perch
one says: can you smell fish?
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:28:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Gloria Stitz
2 fish in a tank.
one says: 'i'll drive, you use the gun'
That one produced a lol
|
ReaperOfSly
Gallente
Lyrus Associates
The Star Fraction
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:38:00 -
[16]
I had a stroke of luck on the stock market today! 
I managed to trade 3 Oxo cubes for a jar of Bovril.
__________________________
Quote:
...bored, skint, no charter, and a ship that looks like an explosion in a girder factory...
|
Epegi Givo
Amarr
181st Legion
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:38:00 -
[17]
What is green, has 4 legs,and will kill you if it falls from a tree?
A pool table
-------------------------------------
Total tractor beam overhaul/engine strength |
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:45:00 -
[18]
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, in the sea
Bob
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:51:00 -
[19]
What do you call a dinosaur with four eyes
Doyouthinkhesawus
|
Na'Thuul
Caldari
Perkone
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:52:00 -
[20]
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A Walk
---
|
ReaperOfSly
Gallente
Lyrus Associates
The Star Fraction
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:54:00 -
[21]
The credit crunch has hit Japan. Origami Bank has folded.
__________________________
Quote:
...bored, skint, no charter, and a ship that looks like an explosion in a girder factory...
|
Gloria Stitz
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:54:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Na'Thuul
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A Walk
LOL, i'd forgotten that one
-------------
'Don't try to learn Eve all at once, otherwise your brain will explode' - Albert Einstein
------------ |
General Sadistis
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 22:55:00 -
[23]
A guy is sitting at a bar in a skysc****r restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an ******* when you're drunk, Superman."
|
Irish Whiskey
Caldari
The Black Fleet
The Black Alliance
|
Posted - 2008.09.30 23:23:00 -
[24]
5 aircrew are standing in the lobby....
If you were ever there you'd know it.
|
Baldour Ngarr
Interwarp Plexus
Controlled Chaos
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 00:05:00 -
[25]
What's red and bad for your teeth?
...A brick.
________________________________________________
"I tried strip mining, but I lost, and it's cold flying around in space naked." |
Last Wolf
Umbra Wing
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 01:11:00 -
[26]
Edited by: Last Wolf on 01/10/2008 01:11:33
What do you call a Homosexual Dinosaur?
Megasoreass!
__________________________________________________________
Originally by: Liang Nuren
wrong forum isroy i am vjery drunm
|
General Sadistis
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 01:56:00 -
[27]
Edited by: General Sadistis on 01/10/2008 01:56:48
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Some
Some who?
Some a-hole telling you knock, knock jokes.
|
General Sadistis
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 02:00:00 -
[28]
Edited by: General Sadistis on 01/10/2008 02:02:09
Last one i promise this is too funny
Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me ôTony Blair.ö Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her ôGordon Brown.ö We take care of your needs, so we'll call you ôthe People.ö We'll call the maid ôthe Working Class,ö and your baby brother we can call ôthe Future.ö Do you understand, son?
Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.
That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.
|
Pans Exual
Low Sec Liberators
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 02:04:00 -
[29]
Originally by: Gloria Stitz
Whats brown and sticky?
a stick
What is pink and fluffy?
pink fluff.
---
basically:
"nerf rock, paper is fine" -scissors |
Pans Exual
Low Sec Liberators
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 02:04:00 -
[30]
What's blue and fluffy?
Sad pink fluff!
---
basically:
"nerf rock, paper is fine" -scissors |
General Sadistis
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 02:17:00 -
[31]
Originally by: Last Wolf
What do you call a midget who is the subject of millions of bad jokes?
Chuck Norris
HAHA CHUCK NORRIS CLASSIC... seriously im suprized it took this long to get a chuck norris joke in here
|
|
CCP Mitnal
C C P
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 02:18:00 -
[32]
Q. What's orange and sounds like a carrot?
Q. A parrot.
Q. Did you hear about the prawn that went to a disco?
A. It pulled a muscle.
tyvm I'm here all week.
Mitnal
Community Representative
CCP Games, EVE Online
Email / Netfang |
|
General Sadistis
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 02:22:00 -
[33]
Originally by: CCP Mitnal
Q. What's orange and sounds like a carrot?
Q. A parrot.
Q. Did you hear about the prawn that went to a disco?
A. It pulled a muscle.
tyvm I'm here all week.
... ROFLMFAO ON THE SECOND ONE... the first one was slightly weak nice imput tho mitnal
|
General Sadistis
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 02:24:00 -
[34]
Ways To Annoy Bathroom Friends
1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, ''May I borrow a highlighter?''
2. ''Uh-oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that.''
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. ''Hmmm, I've never seen that color before.''
5. ''Damn, this water is cold.''
6. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
7. ''Now how did that get there?''
8. ''Hummus. Reminds me of hummus.''
9. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,''Whoa! Easy boy!!''
10. '' Interesting....more sinkers than floaters''
11. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say,''Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?"
12. ''C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"
13. ''Boy, that sure looks like a maggot''
14. ''Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?''
15. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
16. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your ''Cross-Dressers Anonymous'' newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent stall.
17. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, ''Peek-a-boo!''
18. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing ''Born Free.''
|
Etumretniw
Minmatar
Sebiestor tribe
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 06:41:00 -
[35]
Edited by: Etumretniw on 01/10/2008 06:41:10
|
Jaffacake Box
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 07:30:00 -
[36]
Guy, "what do you want for christmas this year darling?"
Girl "a divorce"
Guy "whoooo I didnt want to spend that much"
|
Prof Patpending
Bodgit and Scarper Industrial
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 07:42:00 -
[37]
Three fellowes wenten into a pubbe,
And gleefullye their handes did rubbe,
In expectatione of revelrie,
For 'twas the houre known as happye.
Greate botelles of wine did they quaffe,
And hadde a reallye good laffe.
'Til drunkennesse held full dominione,
For 'twas two for the price of one.
Yet after wine and meade and sac,
Man must have a massive snack,
Great pasties from Cornwalle!
Scottishe eggs round like a balle!
Great hammes, quaile, ducke and geese!
They suck'd the bones and drank the grease!
(One fellowe stood all pale and wan,
For he was vegetarianne)
Yet man knoweth that gluttonie,
Stoketh the fyre of lecherie,
Upon three young wenches round and slye,
The fellowes cast a wanton eye.
One did approach, with drunkene winke:
"'Ello darlin', you fancy a drink?",
Soon they caught them on their knee,
'Twas like some grotesque puppettrie!
Such was the lewdness and debaucherie -
'Twas like a sketch by **** Emery!
(Except that **** Emery is not yet borne -
So such comparisonne may not be drawn).
But then the fellowes began to pale,
For quail are not the friende of ale!
And in their bellyes much confusione!
From their throats vile extrusione!
Stinking foule corruptionne!
Came spewinge forth from droolinge lippes,
The fetide stenche did fille the pubbe,
'Twas the very arse of Beelzebubbe!
Thrown they were, from the Horne And Trumpette,
In the street, no coyne, no strumpet.
Homeward bounde, must quicklie go,
To that ende - a donkey stole!
Their handes all with vomit greased,
(The donkey was not pleased,
And threw them into a ditche of shite!)
They all agreed: "What a brillant night!"
|
Slade Trillgon
Siorai Iontach
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 10:52:00 -
[38]
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake 
What do you call a cow on the ground?
Groundbeef
Slade
Originally by: Crumplecorn
NerfBat is now known as the WaveMachine.
≡v≡ |
Dantes Revenge
Caldari
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 14:52:00 -
[39]
A boy runs into his parents bedroom on the morning of his birthday, looking for his present.
His father says, "I have been working all week son so I couldn't get your present. I will let you have anything you want.
The boy looks really excited, looks at his wrist and shouts "I wanna watch."
So they let him.
--
There's a simple difference between kinky and perverted. Kinky is using a feather to get her in the mood. Perverted is using the whole chicken. |
WishBlade
Caldari
League of Disgruntled Fast Food Employees
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 16:50:00 -
[40]
A blonde is on the millionaire show.
Question #1: How many years did the "hundred year war" last?
a) 116
b) 99
c) 100
d) 120
The blonde dowsn't know, and calls a friend
Question #2: From which country originates the Panama Hat
a) Brazil
b) Panama
c) Equador
d) Costa Rica
The blonde asks the crowd
Question #3: In which month did the october Revolution happen?
a) September
b) October
c) November
d) December
The blonde goes with September
Now, if you're laughing at the blonde, check your answers:
The Hundred Year War lasted for 116 years
The Panama Hat originates from Equador
The October Revolution was in November
Aweseomenessness |
117654
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 20:55:00 -
[41]
This one is worth reading
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
|
117654
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 20:59:00 -
[42]
Another one that made me lol
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
|
Bambi
Existentialist Collective
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 21:42:00 -
[43]
What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?
Run over.
EVE is dead, long live EVE!
|
Bambi
Existentialist Collective
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 21:54:00 -
[44]
Originally by: Na'Thuul
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A Walk
What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?
a currant
EVE is dead, long live EVE!
|
harry kendo
|
Posted - 2008.10.01 22:25:00 -
[45]
Whats the most useless thing to say in an emergency...........
Lets ask the United Nations.
|
Jago Kain
Amarr
Pan Galactic Traders
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 00:14:00 -
[46]
How many CCP devs does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The existing lightbulb is fine and the logs show no problems.
___________________________________________________
The game will never be over, because we're keeping the meme alive. |
SniperWo1f
Omega Enterprises
0mega Factor
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 00:26:00 -
[47]
Edited by: SniperWo1f on 02/10/2008 00:25:58
jesus walks into an inn and hands the inkeeper three nails then asks
can you put me up for the night?
 |
Roxanna Kell
Caldari Provisions
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 01:44:00 -
[48]
Q: Why did the holby city star jump from the balcony.
A: She wanted a part in casualty.
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Quote:
There is no Dishonor in winning fools, so do it any way you can.
|
Captain Hudson
Caldari
Caldari Provisions
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 01:55:00 -
[49]
Edited by: Captain Hudson on 02/10/2008 01:55:59
Hear about the fight in the local fish and chip shop?
The fish got battered
Bin Laden Dancing |
Woodwraith
Digital assassins
G00DFELLAS
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 03:55:00 -
[50]
Whats the difference between barnum and baileys circus and the rockettes?
the circus is a cunning array of stunts.
Nightmare mode: have 6 beers and then tell it to the cutest chick at the bar without getting punched in the face because you botched it. 
|
nyogen
Gallente
Ninmu Seijaku
Big Bang Quantum
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 11:39:00 -
[51]
US banks' balance sheets: "on the left side there is nothing right, on the right side there is nothing left"
|
Last Wolf
Umbra Wing
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 14:51:00 -
[52]
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
dam
__________________________________________________________
Originally by: Liang Nuren
wrong forum isroy i am vjery drunm
|
Tao Han
Ginnungagaps Rymdfarargille
Blade.
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 15:04:00 -
[53]
A baby seal walks into a club...
--------------
|
Captain Hudson
Caldari
Caldari Provisions
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 18:01:00 -
[54]
Originally by: Tao Han
A baby seal walks into a club...
lol
Bin Laden Dancing |
kor anon
Amarr
Sons Of The Fallen
BROTHERS GRIM.
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 18:08:00 -
[55]
ok ill repost some of my old ones
whats the best thing about f**king twenty four year olds? theres twenty of em
cant remeber the other one, but i have plenty of even naughtier ones that are not appropriate
|
Lord Zoran
House of Tempers
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 18:23:00 -
[56]
two men walk into a bar
you would've thought 1 would've seen it
|
Zak Zerachiel
Caldari
Slacker Industries
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 19:02:00 -
[57]
For Canadians:
How do you kill a one legged Fox?
Make it run across Canada.
(re: Wiki "Terry Fox")
The Olsen twins walk into a bar and ask for a myasshurts.
The bartender asks "What's a myasshurts?"
The Olsen twins respond "It's a chocolate milkshake that Bob Saget used to make us - you drink it and wake up three hours later thinking "ow... myasshurts"
|
kor anon
Amarr
Sons Of The Fallen
BROTHERS GRIM.
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 19:09:00 -
[58]
Originally by: Zak Zerachiel
The Olsen twins walk into a bar and ask for a myasshurts.
The bartender asks "What's a myasshurts?"
The Olsen twins respond "It's a chocolate milkshake that Bob Saget used to make us - you drink it and wake up three hours later thinking "ow... myasshurts"
thats not crap i loled
|
Eomar
Veto Corp
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 20:03:00 -
[59]
what goes oo??
a cow with no lips.
...in accordance with the prophecy |
Agent Darko
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 20:30:00 -
[60]
Two apples, in an oven.
One apple turns to the other and says,
"Sure is hot in here, isn't it?"
The other apple,
"Holy shit, a talking apple!"
|
Last Wolf
Umbra Wing
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 20:38:00 -
[61]
Two strangers are sitting next to each other in a plane, one is a man the other is a woman.
The plane suddenly starts losing altitude, The captain comes on the overhead and says "We're going down, brace yourselves for a rough landing"
The Woman turns to the man and says "I don't want to die yet!!" she rips off her shirt and screams "Make me feel like a woman one last time!!!"
The man, without any hesitation, rips off his own shirt holds it out to her and screams...
"IRON THIS!!!"
__________________________________________________________
Originally by: Liang Nuren
wrong forum isroy i am vjery drunm
|
Micheal Dietrich
Caldari
Terradyne Networks
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 20:50:00 -
[62]
Originally by: Last Wolf
Two strangers are sitting next to each other in a plane, one is a man the other is a woman.
The plane suddenly starts losing altitude, The captain comes on the overhead and says "We're going down, brace yourselves for a rough landing"
The Woman turns to the man and says "I don't want to die yet!!" she rips off her shirt and screams "Make me feel like a woman one last time!!!"
The man, without any hesitation, rips off his own shirt holds it out to her and screams...
"IRON THIS!!!"
that got a laugh
|
Elysarian
Minmatar
dudetruck corp
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 22:39:00 -
[63]
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idea...
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea!
|
Elysarian
Minmatar
dudetruck corp
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 22:40:00 -
[64]
And... while I'm here,
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat mate!
|
Micheal Dietrich
Caldari
Terradyne Networks
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 22:48:00 -
[65]
Fred shows up at the bar one night to hang with his friend Tom. As Fred walks in he see's 2 very fine ladies sitting at a table to his right checking him out. One lady leans over to the other and says 'nine'.
Feeling very proud Fred walks over to his buddy Tom and says 'Hey man, those chicks just rated me a nine!'
Tom reply's 'I wouldn't get to excited. When I came in they were speaking German.'
|
Rudolfus
Macabre Votum
Morsus Mihi
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 23:43:00 -
[66]
A three legged cat walks into a bar and says...
I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw.
Please resize image to a maximum of 400 x 120, not exceeding 24000 bytes, ty. If you would like further details please mail [email protected] - Cortes |
Alex Raptos
Caldari
The Firestorm Millennium
|
Posted - 2008.10.02 23:48:00 -
[67]
Originally by: Agent Darko
Two apples, in an oven.
One apple turns to the other and says,
"Sure is hot in here, isn't it?"
The other apple,
"Holy shit, a talking apple!"
Its muffin -.-
|
Last Wolf
Umbra Wing
|
Posted - 2008.10.03 00:18:00 -
[68]
Originally by: Micheal Dietrich
Fred shows up at the bar one night to hang with his friend Tom. As Fred walks in he see's 2 very fine ladies sitting at a table to his right checking him out. One lady leans over to the other and says 'nine'.
Feeling very proud Fred walks over to his buddy Tom and says 'Hey man, those chicks just rated me a nine!'
Tom reply's 'I wouldn't get to excited. When I came in they were speaking German.'
I don't get it
__________________________________________________________
Originally by: Liang Nuren
wrong forum isroy i am vjery drunm
|
Baldour Ngarr
Interwarp Plexus
Controlled Chaos
|
Posted - 2008.10.03 01:29:00 -
[69]
Originally by: Last Wolf
Originally by: Micheal Dietrich
Fred shows up at the bar one night to hang with his friend Tom. As Fred walks in he see's 2 very fine ladies sitting at a table to his right checking him out. One lady leans over to the other and says 'nine'.
Feeling very proud Fred walks over to his buddy Tom and says 'Hey man, those chicks just rated me a nine!'
Tom reply's 'I wouldn't get to excited. When I came in they were speaking German.'
I don't get it
Nein (pronounced "nine") - German for "no."
________________________________________________
"I tried strip mining, but I lost, and it's cold flying around in space naked." |
Micheal Dietrich
Caldari
Terradyne Networks
|
Posted - 2008.10.03 01:47:00 -
[70]
Originally by: Baldour Ngarr
Originally by: Last Wolf
Originally by: Micheal Dietrich
Fred shows up at the bar one night to hang with his friend Tom. As Fred walks in he see's 2 very fine ladies sitting at a table to his right checking him out. One lady leans over to the other and says 'nine'.
Feeling very proud Fred walks over to his buddy Tom and says 'Hey man, those chicks just rated me a nine!'
Tom reply's 'I wouldn't get to excited. When I came in they were speaking German.'
I don't get it
Nein (pronounced "nine") - German for "no."
My German teacher told us that one.
|
Dantes Revenge
Caldari
|
Posted - 2008.10.03 16:44:00 -
[71]
Jim and Edna are mental patients. One day jim jumps into the pool and sinks to the bottom. After he's been there some time and it's obvious he is drowning, Edna jumps in and drags him out, saving him.
The next day, the manager of the institution calls Edna in and tells her, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we are releasing you since you have shown that you are sane by saving a drowning man. The bad news is that Jim hanged himself in the bathroom.
Edna looks at him confused. "He didn't hang himself in the bathroom, I hung him there to dry out."
--
There's a simple difference between kinky and perverted. Kinky is using a feather to get her in the mood. Perverted is using the whole chicken. |
Neamus
|
Posted - 2008.10.03 20:20:00 -
[72]
Originally by: Last Wolf
Two strangers are sitting next to each other in a plane, one is a man the other is a woman.
The plane suddenly starts losing altitude, The captain comes on the overhead and says "We're going down, brace yourselves for a rough landing"
The Woman turns to the man and says "I don't want to die yet!!" she rips off her shirt and screams "Make me feel like a woman one last time!!!"
The man, without any hesitation, rips off his own shirt holds it out to her and screams...
"IRON THIS!!!"
I try not to be sexist, I really do.. But this made me lol hard! 
|
Sharupak
Minmatar
Brutor tribe
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 01:10:00 -
[73]
Edited by: Sharupak on 04/10/2008 01:11:13
Crap Joke |
Rudolfus
Macabre Votum
Morsus Mihi
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 02:06:00 -
[74]
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attacked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one type of fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing hard for no apparent reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."
Please resize image to a maximum of 400 x 120, not exceeding 24000 bytes, ty. If you would like further details please mail [email protected] - Cortes |
Terianna Eri
Amarr
Scrutari
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 03:58:00 -
[75]
So, three men are wandering through the jungle - an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Scotsman.
Suddenly, they are ambushed by a tribe of murderous cannibals, the leader of which - obviously - speaks english.
The three men are captured and tied up, and the leader approaches them and says "Right, so, we're going to kill you, skin you, and eat you, and then we're going to turn your skin into a canoe. But before we do that, each of you gets one last request." He turns to the Englishman first.
"Sir, do you have a last request?" he says.
"Yes I do; I would like a knife," the Englishman replies. So the cannibals get him a knife and he slits his throat, saying "For my Queen!"
So the cannibals untie him, skin him, eat him, turn his skin into a canoe and paddle around and have a jolly good time.
The leader then turns to the Frenchman.
"Sir, do you have a last request?" he says.
"Yes I do; I would like a knife," the Frenchman replies. So the cannibals get him a knife and he slits his throat, saying "For my country!"
So the cannibals untie him, skin him, eat him, turn his skin into a canoe and paddle around and have a jolly good time.
The leader then turns to the Scotsman.
"Sir, do you have a last request?" he says.
"Yes I do; I would like a fork," the Scotsman replies. So the cannibals think this is a little odd, but go and get him a fork anyway, at which point...
The Scotsman sticks himself with the fork in the chest over and over again, and yells "Screw your canoes!!!"
fin
__________________________________
Originally by: Arthur Frayn
How much to ruin all your holes, luv?
|
Vabjekf
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 06:53:00 -
[76]
Following is a real live conversation I had today.
Them: Have you seen mothballs?
Me: sure
Them: How did you get the tiny legs apart?
|
Raymond Sterns
Utopian Research I.E.L.
The ENTITY.
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 07:12:00 -
[77]
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you want to hear a blond joke?".
Then the bartender says, "Look pal, most of the people here are blond, are you sure you want to do that?"
Then the man says, "Hmmm, maybe not. I don't feel like explaining it 20 times."
|
Brock Nelson
Caldari
Flux Technologies Inc
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 07:47:00 -
[78]
An oldie
A magician is running his daily show aboard a cruise ship. However, the captain always attend the show with his parrot. The parrot would reveal the magician's trick;
"BAWK! It went in his sleeves"
"BAWK! It went in his pocket"
"BAWK! It went in his hat"
After awhile, the magician was sick of the parrot and took out a pistol and took a shot at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bullet hit a propane tank behind the bird and blew the ship to billion of pieces.
The magician and the parrot were the lone survivor; hanging on for their dear life on a debris.
The parrot went: "Alright, I give up; where did you hide the damn ship?"
|
Iris Palere
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 18:23:00 -
[79]
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff,
Ba-dum-Tschhh.
|
Akiba Penrose
The Movement
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 18:32:00 -
[80]
The Polish test for virginity
Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.
You paint one ball red and one ball blue.
On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!" |
Kazuo Ishiguro
House of Marbles
Zzz
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 22:16:00 -
[81]
A bear walks into a bar, and says: "A pint of ale...
...and a packet of crisps,"
"Why the big pause?"
---
DIY copying in Liekuri
20:1 mineral compression
Eve Online folding@home team |
Jana Clant
New Dawn Corp
New Eden Research
|
Posted - 2008.10.04 23:50:00 -
[82]
Originally by: Brock Nelson
An oldie
A magician is running his daily show aboard a cruise ship. However, the captain always attend the show with his parrot. The parrot would reveal the magician's trick;
"BAWK! It went in his sleeves"
"BAWK! It went in his pocket"
"BAWK! It went in his hat"
After awhile, the magician was sick of the parrot and took out a pistol and took a shot at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bullet hit a propane tank behind the bird and blew the ship to billion of pieces.
The magician and the parrot were the lone survivor; hanging on for their dear life on a debris.
The parrot went: "Alright, I give up; where did you hide the damn ship?"
I lol'd at this one.
Join New Eden Research today and never worry about queues again!
|
HankMurphy
Minmatar
Pelennor Enterprises
|
Posted - 2008.10.05 05:49:00 -
[83]
Originally by: Woodwraith
Whats the difference between barnum and baileys circus and the rockettes?
the circus is a cunning array of stunts.
Whats the difference between a farmer with tourettes and a hooker with dysentery?
Ones a shucker with the fits
------------------------------
everybody be cool this is a threadjack! just lay face down on the ground and no one will get hurt! |
Brisco County
Deep Core Mining Inc.
|
Posted - 2008.10.05 08:07:00 -
[84]
You hear about the kid whose Dad caught him jerkin' off in the bathroom?
His Dad yelled at him "That shit'll make you blind, son!"
Kid waves and says "Hey, I'm over here, Dad."
|
Brisco County
Deep Core Mining Inc.
|
Posted - 2008.10.05 08:14:00 -
[85]
Originally by: Woodwraith
Whats the difference between barnum and baileys circus and the rockettes?
the circus is a cunning array of stunts.
Nightmare mode: have 6 beers and then tell it to the cutest chick at the bar without getting punched in the face because you botched it.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team?
Well, one's a pack of cunning runts...
|
EnslaverOfMinmatar
Yarsk Hunters
DeaDSpace Coalition
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 00:09:00 -
[86]
A minmatar walks into a bar...
*BANG*
-Damned alloyed tritanium.
|
JordanParey
Minmatar
Suddenly Ninjas
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 02:09:00 -
[87]
Originally by: EnslaverOfMinmatar
A minmatar walks into a bar...
*BANG*
-Damned alloyed tritanium.
Lame... already done in this thread =/
Quote:
Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
|
Arvald
Caldari
Ninjas N Pirates
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 02:14:00 -
[88]
what do you call an indian with a pilots licence
a pilot you racist bastard
|
EnslaverOfMinmatar
Yarsk Hunters
DeaDSpace Coalition
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 02:28:00 -
[89]
Originally by: JordanParey
Lame... already done in this thread =/
Uh, ok, here's a another one for ya:
A minmatar walks into a gay bar....
..backwards.
|
Dantes Revenge
Caldari
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 03:13:00 -
[90]
I still can't figure why a dog is a good family pet and yet a chicken is a good family meal.
A chicken only has two legs, a dog has four.
--
There's a simple difference between kinky and perverted. Kinky is using a feather to get her in the mood. Perverted is using the whole chicken. |
JordanParey
Minmatar
Suddenly Ninjas
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 09:36:00 -
[91]
Originally by: EnslaverOfMinmatar
Originally by: JordanParey
Lame... already done in this thread =/
Uh, ok, here's a another one for ya:
A minmatar walks into a gay bar....
..backwards.
that one got a small chuckle xD
|
HankMurphy
Minmatar
Pelennor Enterprises
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 11:13:00 -
[92]
Edited by: HankMurphy on 07/10/2008 11:15:19
ran across a terrible one today:
A Man goes into the Doctors and says
Man:"doctor, i can't get the song She's a woman out of my head. I whistle it in the shower, i sing it on the way to work. Hell I was humming it in the waiting room!"
DOCTOR: "boy, that sounds like Tom Jones syndrome to me"
Man:"is this kind of sydrome rare?"
DOCTOR:(with a bit of tune in his voice) "It's not unusual..."
------------------------------
everybody be cool this is a threadjack! just lay face down on the ground and no one will get hurt! |
Johnny Malloy
Caldari
Blood Of Apocalypse
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 14:20:00 -
[93]
how do you make holy water?
you boil the hell out of it.
|
Last Wolf
Umbra Wing
|
Posted - 2008.10.07 18:07:00 -
[94]
What does a Christmas Tree and a Catholic Priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
__________________________________________________________
Originally by: Liang Nuren
wrong forum isroy i am vjery drunm
|
Yuzo Kun
|
Posted - 2008.10.09 22:37:00 -
[95]
Crap? yes
Funny? I laughed
Lolz
It might be offensive to some..welcome to internets tho..
|
Jago Kain
Amarr
Pan Galactic Traders
|
Posted - 2008.10.10 01:38:00 -
[96]
How many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE LIGHT BULB; YOU'VE GOT TO SMASH IT!!!!
Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week, try the veal.
___________________________________________________
The game will never be over, because we're keeping the meme alive. |
Aalana
D00M.
Triumvirate.
|
Posted - 2008.10.10 03:21:00 -
[97]
Originally by: Last Wolf
Edited by: Last Wolf on 01/10/2008 01:11:33
What do you call a Homosexual Dinosaur?
blahaha 10/10
Megasoreass!
|
Epegi Givo
Amarr
181st Legion
|
Posted - 2008.10.10 04:21:00 -
[98]
Originally by: Elysarian
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idea...
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea!
just got that one nice
-------------------------------------
Total tractor beam overhaul/engine strength |
Kazhoth
Caldari
Hitec Mining Corp
Shadow Rock Alliance
|
Posted - 2008.10.10 10:19:00 -
[99]
Whats brown and green and would kill you if it fell out of a tree onto you.
A pool table
|
ShadowMaiden
Amarr
Metal Machine
|
Posted - 2008.10.10 11:42:00 -
[100]
I got stung by a bee today
ú20 for a jar of honey
I wish I was a 3ft Doll with a watering can and heterochromatic eyes |
Thelying dutchman
North Eastern Swat
Pandemic Legion
|
Posted - 2008.10.10 12:52:00 -
[101]
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
-----------
a bit like one earlier but heard on TS while chatting with an aussie:
"hey, you ever eaten kangaroo?"
"yeah sure"
"How'd ya keep them legs apart then"
|
ShadowMaiden
Amarr
Metal Machine
|
Posted - 2008.10.10 16:53:00 -
[102]
I went to a planet where the dominant life form had no bilateral symmetry, and all I got was this lousy 'F' shirt...
Here's one here's one!
I'm not saying my sisters' fat...
... she might be reading this
|
Brisco County
Deep Core Mining Inc.
|
Posted - 2008.10.11 09:25:00 -
[103]
Edited by: Brisco County on 11/10/2008 09:25:27
Originally by: Epegi Givo
Originally by: Elysarian
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Idea...
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea!
just got that one nice
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls?
Still no ****ing idear?
|
Brisco County
Deep Core Mining Inc.
|
Posted - 2008.10.11 09:57:00 -
[104]
Little Johnny was in class one day when his teacher tells the class to spell a word that begins with the letter that she calls out. She starts off with A and a girl raises her hand and spells apple. Then the teacher says B and Johnny raises his hand. The teacher does not call on him because ha always uses a swear, and she just knows he's going to say "*****". So she calls on someone else for every letter she gets to W. Nobody raises thier hands except Johnny. The teacher thinks for a moment, but can't think of a swear word that starts with W, so she calls on Johnny.
Johnny stands up and spells, "Woom".
"Do you mean womb, where babies come from?" asks the teacher.
"No, I mean woom. Like 2 elephants f*cking. WOOM WOOM WOOM!"
|
Epegi Givo
Amarr
181st Legion
|
Posted - 2008.10.12 17:22:00 -
[105]
lol
-------------------------------------
|
Adaera
|
Posted - 2008.10.12 19:43:00 -
[106]
I have a dream that one day, chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned.
|
| |
|
| Pages: 1 2 3 4 :: [one page] |