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Mish'Kala
Minmatar
FarSight Location and Recovery Services
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Posted - 2009.04.27 07:55:00 -
[91]
A Matari was peddaling his way along a lonely space trail late one evening. As the hours wore on he became tired and pulled his battered stabber in to a small space motel for the night. After agreeing that he would pay with actual money and not coloured beads, the hotel owner hands him a key.
'Enjoy your stay', he says, 'But what ever you do, dont open the hatch in the floor'
The Matari retires to his room, wondering what the owner could have meant. As he enters the room he sees the hatch, clearly marked, on the floor. Heeding the warning of the old man, he pulls the sheets off the bed and curls up in a corner (slave habits die hard). He tosses and turns for hours, with the old mans words ringing in his head. Eventually, curiosity gets the better of him.
With a cautious hand he pops the pressure lock on tha hatch and swings it open, revealing a ominous darkness beneath. Suddenly there is a burst of sound and motion and a Sleeper Drone springs forth from the dark portal.
The Matari screams (like a girl) and leaps out of the window, legs it across the car park to his ship and dives in to the pilot seat. As he pumps the choke and cranks the starter handle he can see the Sleeper smashing its way out of the window, its sensor cluster locked on him.
With a mighty roar the stabbers engines cough and splutter into life and the ship accelerates away leaving a small trail of rust and important sub components. The sleeper kicks in its engines and rockets after the fleeing matari.
Pushing his engines to the limit the Matari barrels across the system towards a jump gate. Gibbering to himself about how he should listen to people he punches the jump button and winks out, in to the next system. Seconds later the Sleeper appears a few KM off him. He slams the accelerator once again and heads for an asteroid belt.
He jumps ship, setting the Auto Pilot to another destination and takes refuge on a barren rock. As he peeks out from his hiding place he can see the sleeper probing around, slowly getting closer and closer and closer, until its huge metalic form looms over him, tentacles writhing. The matari closes his eyes expecting the end.
The sleeper reaches out with a tentacle, taps him on the shoulder and says
'You're it'
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Ruze Ahkor'Murkon
Amarr
No Applicable Corporation
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Posted - 2009.04.27 07:58:00 -
[92]
The other day I passed a Matari as we were flying in Derelik. I saw that his ship only had one engine, so I flagged him down and pointed it out.
"I know mister," he said. "I found it two systems back!"
Posts by Ruze Ahkor'Murkon and Ruze |
Ruze Ahkor'Murkon
Amarr
No Applicable Corporation
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Posted - 2009.04.27 08:05:00 -
[93]
A young Minmatar recently came home on vacation from his stint at the Republic Academy. His family was very proud of his achievements, and held a celebration in his honor. Afterwards, though, he found himself sitting on the porch with his father, an important decision on his mind.
"Dad?"
"Yes, son?"
The young Brutor looks troubled. "Dad, I met a girl at school, and I think I love her."
"That's wonderful, son!" His father's elated, and gives his son a sound clap on the shoulder.
"But ... there's a problem." He pauses for several second, and his father patiently waits with concern for him to continue.
"Dad, she's a virgin."
He and his father spend several minutes in silence after that, a thoughtfull look on the old man's face. Finally, he speaks up.
"I know you love this girl, son. I can hear it in your voice. But the way I see it, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours ..."
Posts by Ruze Ahkor'Murkon and Ruze |
Maya Silverman
Knowledge Stick Station
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Posted - 2009.04.27 11:02:00 -
[94]
 Originally by: Ruze Ahkor'Murkon
A young Minmatar recently came home on vacation from his stint at the Republic Academy. His family was very proud of his achievements, and held a celebration in his honor. Afterwards, though, he found himself sitting on the porch with his father, an important decision on his mind.
"Dad?"
"Yes, son?"
The young Brutor looks troubled. "Dad, I met a girl at school, and I think I love her."
"That's wonderful, son!" His father's elated, and gives his son a sound clap on the shoulder.
"But ... there's a problem." He pauses for several second, and his father patiently waits with concern for him to continue.
"Dad, she's a virgin."
He and his father spend several minutes in silence after that, a thoughtfull look on the old man's face. Finally, he speaks up.
"I know you love this girl, son. I can hear it in your voice. But the way I see it, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours ..."
EPIC!
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Borsek
Gallente
A.A.A
space weaponry and trade
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Posted - 2009.04.27 21:13:00 -
[95]
Is it just me or is every matari joke just done in notepad by replacing 'black'or'n word' with minmatar or matari?
Anyway, for good jokes: www.sickipedia.org
I eat pie, then you die. |
James Lyrus
Lyrus Associates
The Star Fraction
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Posted - 2009.04.27 22:08:00 -
[96]
What's the difference between a Gallente, and a sack of manure?
The sack.
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ShadowDraqon
The Quantum Company
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Posted - 2009.04.27 22:39:00 -
[97]
Originally by: Astigmatic
How many Eve Players does it take to change a lightbulb?
250,000
1 to do it and the others to argue, whine and moan about how the last one was better.
Curse you! You made me spew cookies and milk all over my desk! 
S ~ I ~ G ~ N ~ A ~ T ~ U ~ R ~ E
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Icutty Lotz
Infinity Enterprises
Atlas Alliance
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Posted - 2009.04.28 16:10:00 -
[98]
Stain cleanup mission
its old but its still funny
Originally by: CCP Eris Discordia
What about me with red eyes and leather?
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Captain Campion
Synergy.
Imperial Republic Of the North
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Posted - 2009.04.28 17:33:00 -
[99]
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "can I have your stuff?"
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AlienHand
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Posted - 2009.04.28 18:14:00 -
[100]
Originally by: Astigmatic
How many Eve Players does it take to change a lightbulb?
250,000
1 to do it and the others to argue, whine and moan about how the last one was better.
Pure win .... respect ;)
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Ptarmigent
Minmatar
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Posted - 2009.04.28 18:16:00 -
[101]
The Pan-Matari postal service have recently been forced to withdraw their Jamyl Sarum Commemorative stamps.
Apparently, no-one knew which side to spit on.
Why does Devoid have Amarrians, but Curse has the Angel Cartel ?
Curse got first choice.
If an Amarrian and a Caldari where drowning and you could only save one of them, would you A) Read the Forums or B) get Lunch ?
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. |
Pharago
Gallente
Piratas Leprosos Guineanos
Black Core Alliance
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Posted - 2009.04.28 18:43:00 -
[102]
Originally by: Ptarmigent
The Pan-Matari postal service have recently been forced to withdraw their Jamyl Sarum Commemorative stamps.
Apparently, no-one knew which side to spit on.
Why does Devoid have Amarrians, but Curse has the Angel Cartel ?
Curse got first choice.
If an Amarrian and a Caldari where drowning and you could only save one of them, would you A) Read the Forums or B) get Lunch ?
i'm sorry lady, but this thread was about terrible eve jokes, not 3 good jokes in a row, next time mind your posting, will you?
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Andrea Griffin
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Posted - 2009.04.28 19:03:00 -
[103]
I would like to direct you to my Eve-Themed Russian Reversal thread. And yes, everyone who posted something on topic did get a reward between 100k and 250k.
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Astigmatic
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Posted - 2009.04.28 19:04:00 -
[104]
Originally by: AlienHand
Originally by: Astigmatic
How many Eve Players does it take to change a lightbulb?
250,000
1 to do it and the others to argue, whine and moan about how the last one was better.
Pure win .... respect ;)
I'm honoured.
/bow
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Jarlath Whitbray
Eve University
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Posted - 2009.04.28 19:22:00 -
[105]
Originally by: Mish'Kala
A Matari was peddaling his way along a lonely space trail late one evening....
Excellent write-up. 
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