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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:07:00 -
[1]
I just created this thread - proud of my idea, and posted it in a really obscure place where no-one would ever read it - so now, to correct it, here is my midly entertaining thread....
As I am my corp's jester and funny man, I thought I might like to start a thread for people to make funny comments about their experiences in EVE. Please use this thread for telling humourous stories of your encounters with the game and its players. Funny anecdotes and jokes about EVE, with the same good taste as the smashing fan website 'Warp Drive Active'.
To start you off, here's an EVE funny of my own. - Not a very good one, but I'm sure you guys and gals can think of much more entertain twists on words and place in EVE. Perhaps write lyrics for a parody about EVE. That would be good to see.
" Hey man, wassup? "
" Not much. Although I did go down to the market today and bought that new Ooey Larmstrong song - the one about the Minmatar Assault Ship "
"Oh, I know the one, it's that 'What a Wonderful Wolf' song, right?"
"Yeah..."
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Dark Shikari
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:08:00 -
[2]
1. OMGRAWR.net
2. Don't double post.
--
Proud member of the [23].
Selling Capital Cargo Bays and Kernite Mining Crystal IIs, cheaper than anyone else. |
Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:19:00 -
[3]
It was pointed out to me in my mistakenly placed other thread, which is now locked, as this is the one i wanted to be used, that I am apparently not funny. It seems that some people would find that licking cars would be much funnier than to read my pathetic joke. Thats the general feeling I'm getting so far....
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:28:00 -
[4]
OK I'VE GOT ONE! After much thinking, and Benilopax's criticism, I've come up with a really really BAD joke, so bad - you'll laugh anyways...
Q: What do you call a Minmatar woman who tries to bury her really short ex-husband under Asphalt?
A: A Minimantarrer
I know, it sucks - so PLEASE come up with some better EVE jokes!
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Rei Storm
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:38:00 -
[5]
I saw this and thought of you?
-------------------------------
 Originally by: Eris Discordia
It's not a bug but a planned feature
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:44:00 -
[6]
What? Sharp and to the point? :-)
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:50:00 -
[7]
I have evidence that my corp mate looked at my appaling thread and laughed!
Nende > Q: What do you call a
Minmatar woman who tries to bury her
really short ex-husband under Asphalt?
A: A Minimantarrer
Nende > rofl
Thomus > NENDE LAUGHED!
Nende > you were right tom, that
is reallllll bad, so bad it made me
laugh :D
Thomus > ahaha
ophiuchus3000 > it was a laugh
of pity
So there you go - the COMEDY in EVE thread is taking off...
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:55:00 -
[8]
I'm not posting to keep this alive cuz no-ones interested, I just think the concept needs to settle in - for example, I'm currently trying to pursuade my corp mates to post things that they tell me for example this link:
http://www.omgrawr.net/quote/627
its a good'n.
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Rei Storm
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:56:00 -
[9]
Ye, but no offense, there is a whole website dedicated to this, why have a thread on it too?
-------------------------------
Originally by: Eris Discordia
It's not a bug but a planned feature
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:58:00 -
[10]
Mainly because I have just discovered the wonders of threads, and I am still in the initial stage of thread-everything-i-can-think-of, with this being the best idea i've had so far, not in the knowledge that something like this already exists. D'oh.
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Winterblink
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Posted - 2005.09.01 15:58:00 -
[11]
Humor's good, and any attempt to bring more into EVE is a good thing. Don't be dissuaded, I've had moments where only a handful of people got a joke. :)
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Abe LeRoy
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Posted - 2005.09.01 16:45:00 -
[12]
Originally by: Thomus
OK I'VE GOT ONE! After much thinking, and Benilopax's criticism, I've come up with a really really BAD joke, so bad - you'll laugh anyways...
Q: What do you call a Minmatar woman who tries to bury her really short ex-husband under Asphalt?
A: A Minimantarrer
 
"Love yer enemies and drive 'em nuts!"
-Brother Dave Gardner |
Slater Dogstar
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Posted - 2005.09.01 16:50:00 -
[13]
PLEASE STOP THIS THREAD AAARRRGGGGGGGGG
Every Time You Use A Warp Stab Ovyer Kills A Puppy!!! |
Winterblink
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Posted - 2005.09.01 16:52:00 -
[14]
Originally by: Slater Dogstar
PLEASE STOP THIS THREAD AAARRRGGGGGGGGG
You do know that by replying to a thread you bump it up to the top of the forums, right? :) In trying to stop it, you have encouraged it, and thus you have become your own nemesis.
I believe there are cremes to prevent this sort of thing occurring. You might want to see your doctor or pharmacist for advice on whether it might be the best choice for you.
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Quanteeri
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Posted - 2005.09.01 18:07:00 -
[15]
Originally by: Rei Storm
I saw this and thought of you?
Now THAT was funny.
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Slater Dogstar
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Posted - 2005.09.01 18:10:00 -
[16]
Originally by: Winterblink
Originally by: Slater Dogstar
PLEASE STOP THIS THREAD AAARRRGGGGGGGGG
You do know that by replying to a thread you bump it up to the top of the forums, right? :) In trying to stop it, you have encouraged it, and thus you have become your own nemesis.
I believe there are cremes to prevent this sort of thing occurring. You might want to see your doctor or pharmacist for advice on whether it might be the best choice for you.
Thank you winterblink after reading this i went to my Pharmasist and i got this cream to sooth my sore eyes now its so much better, Now if only i could see through the cream
Every Time You Use A Warp Stab Ovyer Kills A Puppy!!! |
Quanteeri
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Posted - 2005.09.01 18:12:00 -
[17]
Ok, from a chat log yesterday:
Quanteeri > Ah s***!
Quanteeri > roflmoa
Aldir Rundal > What?
Quanteeri > I can't afford the collateral for this mission.
Aldir Rundal > How much is it?
Quanteeri > 200657
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Verone
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Posted - 2005.09.01 18:40:00 -
[18]
SniggleVision |
Helplessandlost
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Posted - 2005.09.01 18:55:00 -
[19]
I came to the eve forums to look for some informative information relating to the Eve Game.
I found this useless thread
Check us out
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Winterblink
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Posted - 2005.09.01 19:00:00 -
[20]
Originally by: Verone
Looks almost like your sig. :)
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Quanteeri
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Posted - 2005.09.01 19:01:00 -
[21]
Originally by: Helplessandlost
I came to the eve forums to look for some informative information relating to the Eve Game.
I found this useless thread
You should've showed up an hour earlier
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Yeux Gris
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Posted - 2005.09.01 19:41:00 -
[22]
this aint anything to do with eve but....
what do you call a one legged donkey?
wonkey donkey
... a one legged one eyed donkey?
winky wonkey donkey
... a one legged one eyed donkey making love?
bonky winky wonkey donkey
... a one legged one eyed donkey making love and farting?
a stinky bonky winky wonkey donkey
... a one legged one eyed donkey making love, farting and wearing a blue suede shoe?
a honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonkey donkey
... a one legged one eyed donkey making love, farting, wearing a blue suede shoe and
playing the piano?
a plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
... a one legged one eyed donkey making love, farting, wearing a blue suede shoe, playing the piano and driving a truck?
Bloody talented.
 |
Quanteeri
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Posted - 2005.09.01 19:53:00 -
[23]
Someone has been watching too many consecutive episodes of Blue's Clues.
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 19:56:00 -
[24]
now THATS funny, ok its not related to Eve, but its pretty darn funny.
If anyone can make EVE jokes as funny as that - then this thread will go a long way!
Thanx everyone!
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 20:17:00 -
[25]
Hey! I found this!
I made a funny again!
It's actually my placemat...
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Scorpyn
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Posted - 2005.09.01 20:25:00 -
[26]
Originally by: Winterblink
Humor's good, and any attempt to bring more into EVE is a good thing. Don't be dissuaded, I've had moments where only a handful of people got a joke. :)
I've had moments when only I got a joke
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.01 20:31:00 -
[27]
just to correct my previous post, it's apparently a 'coaster' not a place mat.
Any jokes to add anyone?
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Hamatitio
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Posted - 2005.09.01 21:09:00 -
[28]
Why did the raven cross the road?
It was thrown away along with the latest patch, and the garbage man finally came around to pickin it up.
Omfg a pun and a joke.
I pwn.
------
Director of Ganking:
Deathrow Inc |
Hamatitio
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Posted - 2005.09.01 21:11:00 -
[29]
How many eagles does it take to kill a pod?
-They cant, not enough grid to fit guns 
------
Director of Ganking:
Deathrow Inc |
Liu Kaskakka
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Posted - 2005.09.01 21:16:00 -
[30]
A caldari male went to a store and asked for a pint of milk. The shopkeeper said they haven't got any. The caldari replied, "Its ok, I've got a raven."
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Rei Storm
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Posted - 2005.09.01 22:32:00 -
[31]
Originally by: Liu Kaskakka
A caldari male went to a store and asked for a pint of milk. The shopkeeper said they haven't got any. The caldari replied, "Its ok, I've got a raven."
...No offense.......
....................But I hope it burns when you pee...
-------------------------------
Originally by: Eris Discordia
It's not a bug but a planned feature
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.02 00:24:00 -
[32]
Now THATS even MORE like it! I'm so glad someone came up with a 'why did the [insert ship name] cross the road joke....
Anyone got any more to add to this... entirely humourous thread so far?
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Scoundrelus
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Posted - 2005.09.02 01:55:00 -
[33]
All in favor of setting Thomus on fire say "AY".
Only funny thing I see in this thread is Hama's sig. Love that corp sig.
Very ironic.
===============================================
I will punch you with my laser!
-Scoundrelus |
Pwyle Kenobi
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Posted - 2005.09.02 03:18:00 -
[34]
Originally by: Scoundrelus
All in favor of setting Thomus on fire say "AY".
Only funny thing I see in this thread is Hama's sig. Love that corp sig.
Very ironic.
I vote Verone's sig as the highlight! For the love of God, admin please lock this thread!  Oh yeah, almost forgot, "AY!"
---------
"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." - Albert Einstein |
Rodj Blake
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Posted - 2005.09.02 09:00:00 -
[35]
What do you call a lady from the Thukker tribe who has a baby?
A mother Thukker.
Dolce et decorum est pro imperator mori |
Joshua Calvert
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Posted - 2005.09.02 09:30:00 -
[36]
How can you tell when a female Caldari Deteis has just had lunch?
She still has the belt buckle imprint on her forehead.
LEEEEERRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! |
Scrofalitic One
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Posted - 2005.09.02 09:52:00 -
[37]
What do you call a Gallente wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phallope
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.02 10:33:00 -
[38]
I'd like to thank those who have sent in some genuine EVE jokes, ones that are also genuinely funny. I would also like to express my condolences to those who don't seem to be able to have a laugh. As Winterblink said earlier in this thread, EVE could do with more humour, and by adding this thread to allow people to send in their jokes, I think that we have started to acomplish that. If you have any objextion to laughing, please get this thread locked, but please, I don't think it is fair to try and stop the players of EVE have a joke once in a while - it's nice to have a light hearted community feel about the game.
I've come up with another comical idea - ticker names, either real or made up, that sound funny, but are the result of abbreviating a proffessional sounding Corp name, such as....
Hroduko Omber Extractors, ticker name 'HOE'
- you know, that kind of thing.
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Khonsu
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Posted - 2005.09.02 11:14:00 -
[39]
Something Went Wrong
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Chai N'Dorr
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Posted - 2005.09.02 11:24:00 -
[40]
I'm trying to relate the topic to anything posted in this thread... failing miserably.
(except for the donkey)
_
Latest Scoop |
Verone
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Posted - 2005.09.02 11:57:00 -
[41]
SniggleVision |
meoff
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Posted - 2005.09.02 13:24:00 -
[42]
Why did the Amarrian run accross the road?
To get away from the superior Minmatar that was chasing him to make him a slave!
May seem backwards but the way it should be! Damn inferior Amarrians
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Sirial Soulfly
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Posted - 2005.09.02 13:35:00 -
[43]
I liked the bloody talented donkey..
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Adonis 4174
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Posted - 2005.09.02 14:50:00 -
[44]
What do you call an Amarrian whose father was executed for a crime they didn't commit, whose mother was raped by a high ranking official and who is little more than a glorified slave themselves?
Normal.
-----
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help maintain the protein delicacies supply. |
Benilopax
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Posted - 2005.09.02 14:53:00 -
[45]
Thomus is my rl friend think yourself lucky i have to live with it every day!!!!!
Donkey joke is the best so far!
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Azuriel Talloth
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Posted - 2005.09.02 15:04:00 -
[46]
This one's not mine:
There was a Caldari man, a Gallentean man and a Damsel sitting together in an InterBus shuttle going through Essence. The shuttle's pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey.
Right on cue, the shuttle lights went out and it was completely dark.
Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud *SLAP*. When the lights came back on, the Damsel and the Caldari guy were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Gallentean had a nasty red slap mark on his face.
The Gallentean was thinking: "The Caldari fella must have kissed the Damsel and she missed him and slapped me instead."
The Damsel was thinking: "The Gallentean fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Caldari fella and got slapped for it."
The Caldari was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Gallente ****er again."
"Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory,
for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated." |
Quanteeri
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Posted - 2005.09.02 15:14:00 -
[47]
Originally by: Azuriel Talloth
This one's not mine:
There was a Caldari man, a Gallentean man and a Damsel sitting together in an InterBus shuttle going through Essence. The shuttle's pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey.
Right on cue, the shuttle lights went out and it was completely dark.
Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud *SLAP*. When the lights came back on, the Damsel and the Caldari guy were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Gallentean had a nasty red slap mark on his face.
The Gallentean was thinking: "The Caldari fella must have kissed the Damsel and she missed him and slapped me instead."
The Damsel was thinking: "The Gallentean fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Caldari fella and got slapped for it."
The Caldari was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Gallente ****er again."
LOLOL, Thank you Azurial for saving this thread. That's funny.
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.02 15:41:00 -
[48]
Getting better - keep it up folks!
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.02 21:58:00 -
[49]
Q: What do you call an evil miner?
A: A Pye-rat.
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.02 22:01:00 -
[50]
Q: You know why Angel Nomads are called Angel Nomads?
A: Because Nomadder what you do, they keep coming back to interrupt your mining...
- dang, I'm on a roll!
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.02 22:04:00 -
[51]
You know I had trouble with a man trying to invade my stomach?
He was part of the Caldari Naval Fleet...
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Sadist
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Posted - 2005.09.03 01:56:00 -
[52]
What do you call minmatar ship components?
---------------
Originally by: Dark Shikari
"One Trit to rule them all, One Trit to find them, One Trit to bring them all, and in the veldspar bind them"
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Gamer4liff
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Posted - 2005.09.03 04:13:00 -
[53]
An example of Firstname Lastname singing to get money back for a ship he lost, is the pinnacle of eve comedy.
(might be a little cursing but if there is he says it too fast for it to be audible.).
will make a sig later <3 |
Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.03 05:37:00 -
[54]
A young Gallente male is walking through the woods. All of a sudden, he *****s himself on something sharp. When he looks to his side, there stands the biggest rose bush he has ever seen. He rushes home, ready to tell his mother all about his first ever encounter with a Megathorn...
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.03 05:52:00 -
[55]
Whilst that movie was slightly obscurely funny, I think that it was nasty on the part of the attacker to be picking on someone who either didn't wanna fight or couldn't. If it turns out that Firstname Lastname is also a PvPer/Pirate, then fair enough. But to pick on someone pleading to be spared, and not only having to see his pride and joy being destroyed, but to see his wallet emptying too, I can imagine would be a crushing thing. That really is bordering on sick. Ok, EVE is a game, but for someone to find pleasure out of squeezing all the fun out of their EVE-life is a little bit sick. But yes, that video is funny. Anyone got any more?
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Firstname Lastname
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Posted - 2005.09.03 06:35:00 -
[56]
Originally by: Gamer4liff
An example of Firstname Lastname singing to get money back for a ship he lost, is the pinnacle of eve comedy.
(might be a little cursing but if there is he says it too fast for it to be audible.).
christ you just don't give up do you
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Silver Night
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Posted - 2005.09.03 06:44:00 -
[57]
Credit where credit is due, the original (and better written) version of this joke is Seto Mazzarotto's if I remember correctly, or at least thats where I saw it. Think it was in his bio.:
An Amarr, a Minmatar and a Caldari are in a shuttle when it is attacked by pirates. The shuttle escapes but is badly damaged. The pilot runs back into the passanger compartment and jumps down a chute to one of the 3 escape pods, leaving the 3 passengers on the doomed ship.
The Amarr says,"I am far more worthy. I need to live to continue to serve god and Bring enlightenment to the Heathen." and jumps down a chute.
The Minmatar says,"I have lived a long and full life, and I am content. You take the last pod and survive to live the rest of yours."
The Caldari says,"No need, our worthy Amarrian friend just jumped out the waste chute."
------------------
Silver Night
Director - Production and Science
The Summit RP in-game channel highly recommended. |
PaulAtreides
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Posted - 2005.09.03 07:53:00 -
[58]
Thomus.
I'm sure you have the best intentions with this thread, but a word of advice on humor:
It should never be forced. If you are serious about wanting to be funny, I would like to recommend this book to you.
Just relax with it, let it flow naturally. Also keep in mind that 90% of the time that people laugh, it is not because of a joke. Best of luck. 
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jonus Rath
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Posted - 2005.09.03 07:57:00 -
[59]
I recomend this book cuz i want to and its a good book
so there.
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Kerushi
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Posted - 2005.09.03 10:22:00 -
[60]
just look at the forums
_____________________________________________________
Proud ex-owner of Tenashi&Kirushi, gl new owners |
Drahcir Nasom
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Posted - 2005.09.03 10:57:00 -
[61]
Edited by: Drahcir Nasom on 03/09/2005 10:57:27
A Gallente, a Caldari, a Minmatar and an Amarr are sitting in a bar in an alliance owned outpost deep in 0.0 space talking and complaining about the price of the drinks. The Gallente says "Back home in Luminaire we have a bar where every 4th drink you order is on the house."
The Caldari says "That's nothing back home in New Caldari we have a bar where every 3rd drink you order is on the house."
The Minmatar not to be beaten sys "Well, back home in Pator we have a bar where every other drink you order is on the house."
Finally the Amarr speaks up "So what, back home in Amarr we have a bar where when you walk in there is a drink waiting for you on the bar, every drink is free and when you've had enough to drink they take you upstairs and make sure you get laid."
The Gallente doesn't believe the Amarr so he says "You've actually been to this bar yourself?"
The Amarr replies "I haven't, but my sister did".
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.03 11:18:00 -
[62]
Nice jokes lads. And just so you all know, my copy of 'Comedy Writing Secrets' is on its way. Well, it's not really, but it was funny to say that - see? I'm learning already!
Q: What do you call a Gallentean who loves leather and handcuffs?
A: A Dominix...
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.03 13:58:00 -
[63]
Corp Name: Pirate Intercepting Mercenaries Party
Ticker Name: P.I.M.P
hehe
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Hamatitio
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Posted - 2005.09.03 17:31:00 -
[64]
Alliance: Corporations Unified for the Northern Territories
Ticker: You know 
------
Director of Ganking:
Deathrow Inc |
Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.03 17:33:00 -
[65]
excuse me while i do this: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - thats a good one. I found that funny (just in case you didn't know already...)
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Squelch
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Posted - 2005.09.03 17:43:00 -
[66]
For the love of all that is sweet and pure will a mod please lock this thread.
Except for the donkey it stinks
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Jon Hawkes
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Posted - 2005.09.03 18:49:00 -
[67]
How do you get 200 Gallente into a pod?
Tell them it's not theirs!
Ship construction calculator
POS fitting calculator
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.03 20:52:00 -
[68]
lol. please don't lock the thread - there are some people who are making genuine Eve jokes. For those of you who think its sooooo bad, can you think of a joke to add to the thread to make it funnier?
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.06 08:09:00 -
[69]
Edited by: Thomus on 06/09/2005 08:09:21
Two Gallente men are in a bar during their lunchbreak, drinking some Quafe....
Gallente 1: I was in the cinema, and the woman serving me was sooo attractive, I got distracted from talking to her and started checking her out. Instead of asking for Pop Corn, I asked her for come c*ck p*rn! I was so embarrased!
Gallente 2: I see. That happened to me recently. I was about to ask my wife to pass the salt, but instead I yelled 'You ruined my life, you ugly cow!
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Zezman
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Posted - 2005.09.06 08:32:00 -
[70]
Three women were talking about their sex lives.
The Minmatar Brunette said, "I was on bottom and therefore I'm going to have a girl."
The Galenteen Red Head said, "Well, I was on top, and so I'm going to have a boy."
Suddenly the blonde Caldari woman became panicked and shuttered, "Oh my god! I'm going to have puppies!"
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Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.07 07:32:00 -
[71]
Two Caldari men hire a new cute, young secretary and a contest arises between them as to who can bed her first, even though they're both already married. Eventually one of them pulls her and his partner is quite eager to hear how things went. "So what did you think?" he asks.
"Ah," replies the first Caldari man, "my wife is better."
Some time goes by, and then the second Caldari goes to bed with the secretary.
"So," asks the first guy, "what did you think?"
The second guy replies, "You were right."
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Kuolematon
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Posted - 2005.09.07 08:15:00 -
[72]
I don't recomend any books to you because you can't even .. write!
_______________________________________________
Even Ikvar agrees I'm an alt |
Avon
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Posted - 2005.09.07 10:18:00 -
[73]
Edited by: Avon on 07/09/2005 10:25:34
A little transcript of a convo I had...
<q> Did you see that picture of a dev in a jockstrap?
<Avon> Yes, a little disturbing.
<q> Yeah little is the word.
<Avon> Dunno about that, looked like a Megathong to me.
<q> wtf, homo!!
<Avon> What more could a man want? Powerful, fast, and designed by the French.
<q> lol, I worry about you A, I really do.
Added:
Just read a bit which I missed previously, must have been afk - names hidden to protect the perverted.
<q> A called it a Megathong - rofl!!
<k> He would have been better dressing up as a Dominix. Slightly fat with a bunch of mindless drones to do his bidding. Gimp mask optional. Avon would have loved that.
<q> kk, I give up. Any straight guys here?
______________________________________________
Pay or pray..er..prey..yeah, pray you aren't prey. Er, just pay. |
Thomus
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Posted - 2005.09.07 11:41:00 -
[74]
A ventriloquist is in a bar doing a show telling lots of jokes about Caldari women, and after several have been told a Caldari woman in the audience stands up and starts shouting "That's ridiculous, Caldari are not stupid!"
The Ventriloquist apologises and explains that it is just an act, but the Caldari woman shouts: "I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the little fella on your lap!"
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Dinaro
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Posted - 2005.09.07 15:01:00 -
[75]
Edited by: Dinaro on 07/09/2005 15:03:25
An Amarr Slaver is walking round his slave compound when he happens uppon a small Minmatar slave playing in the dirt. The little boy is make men shapes out of the muck. "What you doing there little Slave?", says the Slaver. "I'm making Minmatar warriors out of ****e.." The Slaver laughs and asks, "Should you not be making images of your Amarrian Masters?" The slave boy responds... "I would, but I don't have enought ****e!"
edit: the bit ripped out by the profanity filter rhymes with grit....
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.07 15:07:00 -
[76]
A harsh, but har-har joke - nice.
Please keep them coming!
|
Qi'takon
|
Posted - 2005.09.07 15:19:00 -
[77]
Check out the bio on Jenkosun.
Kinda funny. 
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.07 21:34:00 -
[78]
A Caldari spy recieves a coded message from a Gallente agent. He can't make any sense of the message, that reads: 5370H55V 0773H.
The Caldari, completely confused, passes this message onto his Amarrian friend, who also cannot deceifer the code. The Amarrian passes onto his Minmatar friend. The Minmatar exclaims:
"I know this code, we used to recieve this message all the time, last time we were fighting the Gallente. This code is much better understood if you read it upside down."
|
Izaak
|
Posted - 2005.09.07 23:28:00 -
[79]
I once saw a Thorax named 'The Phallus'.
True story, people.
|
Gungankllr
|
Posted - 2005.09.07 23:31:00 -
[80]
k.
|
the bandersnatch
|
Posted - 2005.09.07 23:51:00 -
[81]
Episode I:
The Phantom Pregnancy
Episode II:
Old Mountain
Episode III:
Apocalypse Later
___
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 00:05:00 -
[82]
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
- those are nice diaries!!! Anyone else got funny stories?
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 10:49:00 -
[83]
These are the flash videos that I've been looking for. Turns out they were on my corps website, not the eve website.
Funny as heck, but I must warn they have some language in them.
The situation in the Outer Ring....
Gotta Love It
xeticvs5
please linkage some more funny stuff!
|
the bandersnatch
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 12:30:00 -
[84]
Sources have it that Minky Dave is currently drawing up another Diary as we speak...
___
|
Nende
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 12:43:00 -
[85]
Allright, here's a really lame one...but it might **** off some people hence why I'm posting it:
Q: Why is the human race at the top of the food chain?
A: Because all the other animals got nerfed.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 15:06:00 -
[86]
I logged on just now, to this convo with my corp, which automatically puts me as the bookies favourite for dumbo of the year award:
Benilopax > speak of the devil!
Benilopax > TOM!
Thomus > aye, thankyou
Benilopax > did you delete everyones corp mails?
Thomus > i deleted mine
Thomus > because you told us to
Benilopax > you were supposed to delete your own!
Thomus > i didnt touch anyone elses!
Benilopax > did you clear mails from you only?
Thomus > how do you delete 'everyones' email - i opened MY email, clicked on.... oh, FROM ME? as in, the ones i want people to se still etc etc...
Thomus > NOW i understand
Thomus > in which case, yes, i deleted everyone's emails.
* Benilopax slaps forehead
Thomus > AHAH I'm gonna post this on the comedy thread!
Benilopax > we all lost them dude
Ringill > There is already a site for convo humor
Thomus > ok - so now i know how corp email works...
Benilopax > lol
Thomus > ringill shh... i cant promote my thread with people mentioning other places to go for humour
Benilopax > from now on no one touch corp emails except your own mails
Benilopax > i will admin it
Thomus > and by 'my own' you mean the ones FROM me in the corp mail inbox?
Benilopax > from yourself
Thomus > yes, from me
Benilopax > yes
Benilopax > rex click on the
envelope
Rex Jorval > oh i see
Thomus > well at least now we can all take a fresh bash at the corp mail
Benilopax > lol
Ringill > And it loads so much
quicker now :)
Benilopax > ha
Thomus > so i did us a favour?
Thomus > lol
Benilopax > you also lostevery last bit of corp info of the past 5
months
Thomus > AHAHAH - i did didnt i...
Thomus > can we ask CCP for it back?
Benilopax > yep
Benilopax > you can try
Thomus > me?
Benilopax > but i think its been deleted on server
Thomus > i havent;t got time
Benilopax > i meant more like one can try
Benilopax > eg one could call them if one wishes
Benilopax > ok tom im taking 5 brownie points off you
Benilopax > that puts you on........
Benilopax > -5
Benilopax > :-D
Thomus > D'OH
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 15:12:00 -
[87]
for my last post - evidence of my stupidity
|
Natasha Kerensky
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 15:21:00 -
[88]
What do Minmatar Ships and Plumbers have in common?
They crap tanking ability!
 |
implanted
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 15:25:00 -
[89]
Q-why do amarians smell ?
A-so blind people can hate them.
|
implanted
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 15:27:00 -
[90]
Q-what do you say to an amarian female with 2 black eyes ?
A-should have shut up the 1st time.
|
implanted
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 15:30:00 -
[91]
Q-why dont amarian women drive ?
A-theres no roads between the cooker and the sink.
|
Soren
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 15:57:00 -
[92]
/me loves this thread..
_________________________________________________________
|
implanted
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 16:53:00 -
[93]
here all try typing "miserable failure" into google search engine on the
web and press "i feel lucky" instead of search....i think the blokes at
google are up to something :)
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 20:13:00 -
[94]
AHAHHA - it works!!
OK peeps - if you do one thing today, make sure its wat Implanted's post says above this post. It rules!!
|
Kalahari Wayrest
|
Posted - 2005.09.08 21:45:00 -
[95]
Minky Dave and Google ftw
|
Azuriel Talloth
|
Posted - 2005.09.09 08:01:00 -
[96]
Originally by: implanted
here all try typing "miserable failure" into google search engine on the
web and press "i feel lucky" instead of search....i think the blokes at
google are up to something :)
hehe classic 
"Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory,
for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated." |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.09 22:57:00 -
[97]
Good news!!!!
For those of you who can't stand this thread, I'm going on holiday for a week - you're safe until then.
Bad news!!!!
For those of you who like this thread, I'm going on holiday for a week - you'll have to make do without me til I get back.
Byeeee!
|
implanted
|
Posted - 2005.09.12 17:35:00 -
[98]
CONGRATULATIONS! you have won a top prize with SWEETSHOP.COM,
You have won the weight of your **** in sweets.
to collect your TIC TAC,register online now !
|
Ryea Eripmav
|
Posted - 2005.09.12 19:40:00 -
[99]
How about extending the humor to incidents surrounding EVE ?
Luc and I have had our moments where in a moment of passion regarding the conversational topic of EVE we have called one another our ingame names.
"I always imagined having Aronel doing mining and training her to... Hold on...Luc... er, [Luc's RL name], could you hand me that tape measure there?"
-----------------------------------------------
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) The Bunny strikes again, on his way to world domination.
"...The bunny, the bunny
Oh! I love the bunny..." |
Benilopax
|
Posted - 2005.09.12 23:49:00 -
[100]
Hello all in Thomus' friend in rl and im determined to keep this dream alive!
Both me and thomus had a similar experience when we met up after both joining eve and had a ten minute exchange of player names! In order to prove we had played it!
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.18 08:49:00 -
[101]
Nice to see that people appreciate this thread, even though it has died while I've been on holiday.
BTW - I'm back to make you groan over appalling EVE jokes! :-)
|
Benilopax
|
Posted - 2005.09.18 12:05:00 -
[102]
Hes back! Prepare for a comic meltdown all over your face!
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.18 16:47:00 -
[103]
A Gallente kid asks his dad if can he have a Thorax.
His dad says: "No way - we've a million ISK mortgage to pay and we're already struggling just with that."
The next morning, Dad finds the kid, with suitcase in hand, at the front door. "Where are you going son?" he says.
The son tearfully replies: "I'm leaving cos I walked past your room last nite and heard you say you were pulling out and mum said she was coming too and I'm not staying here on me own with a million ISK mortgage and no Thorax!"
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.18 16:50:00 -
[104]
Why did the Amarrian girl get a ship with a sunroof?
- A bit more leg room...
|
Cobaalt
|
Posted - 2005.09.18 19:18:00 -
[105]
For a sec. I searched the "[-]" link.
Then I realised that I wasn't browsing bash.
|
Ryea Eripmav
|
Posted - 2005.09.20 00:57:00 -
[106]
Q: What is the rodent commonly found in the homes of residents of Matar called?
A: A minnie mouse
-----------------------------------------------
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) The Bunny strikes again, on his way to world domination.
"...The bunny, the bunny
Oh! I love the bunny..." |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.20 09:15:00 -
[107]
What two things can a Caldari woman put in the air to get herself pregnant?
Her feet.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.20 09:27:00 -
[108]
Why did the Minmatar woman get confused going to the bathroom?
She's not used to pulling her own pants down...
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.20 09:30:00 -
[109]
How do you keep a stupid Gallente at home?
Build a circular driveway....
(That's it, I'm done for today!) :-)
|
Azuriel Talloth
|
Posted - 2005.09.20 09:32:00 -
[110]
Q: What do you do when there are 20 Gallente corpses floating in space in front of your ship?
A: Reload.
"Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory,
for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated." |
Dimitri Chandler
|
Posted - 2005.09.20 10:46:00 -
[111]
What's the best bit about Gallente women?
Their Rax
--------------------------------------------------
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 08:43:00 -
[112]
How do you make a a Gallente drink?
Stick one in a blender.
|
ReaperOfSly
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 10:49:00 -
[113]
This has nothing to do with EVE, but try typing "French Military Victories" into google and click "I'm feeling lucky".
--------------------------------------------
|
Baron Tane
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 11:41:00 -
[114]
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with railguns?
A: Leimos.
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with pink railguns?
A: Gheymos.
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with red hair and a quirky yet beautiful singing voice?
A: Tori Deimos.
Q: What do you call a shifty-looking right-wing Deimos pilot?
A: Blame Geimos.
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with Tech II blasters and HAC Lvl 5?
A: Daddy.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 11:41:00 -
[115]
AHAHAHAH to last post - it freakin' rocks! Not EVE based, but its certainly made me happy!
AHAHAHAHAHAH *coughs, splutters, chokes*
|
Malken
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 11:45:00 -
[116]
this was pretty amusing last night, i got wtfpwnd on a raincheck :)
Quote:
[ 2005.09.22 01:07:03 ] Kindakrof > get out
[ 2005.09.22 01:08:40 ] Kindakrof > warp out now
[ 2005.09.22 01:08:57 ] Malken > now why would i do that?
[ 2005.09.22 01:09:09 ] Kindakrof > because otherwis i will pwn you
[ 2005.09.22 01:09:10 ] Kindakrof > in 2 hours
[ 2005.09.22 01:09:22 ] Malken > ya do that in 2 hours time then
needless to say he wasnt around 2hours after that.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 11:51:00 -
[117]
Could anyone with an absolutely hilarious signature just post 'look at my signature' as a funny contribution to the thread - sometimes, well, a lot of times, people's sigs are funnier than my jokes....
|
Discorporation
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 16:55:00 -
[118]
Originally by: Baron Tane
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with railguns?
A: Leimos.
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with pink railguns?
A: Gheymos.
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with red hair and a quirky yet beautiful singing voice?
A: Tori Deimos.
Q: What do you call a shifty-looking right-wing Deimos pilot?
A: Blame Geimos.
Q: What do you call a Deimos pilot with Tech II blasters and HAC Lvl 5?
A: Daddy.
ahahahah..
[23]
|
ReaperOfSly
|
Posted - 2005.09.22 23:13:00 -
[119]
A wierd chat in local. I thought it was pretty funny anyway:
Quote:
ReaperOfSly > well you could try and implode the sun with some strange antimatter bomb
ReaperOfSly > that would top a nuke
***** > meh, to clichÚd
***** > I'll top it iwth a BLENDER!
ReaperOfSly > oh so blowing up a sun is cliched, but a blender isn't?
ReaperOfSly > i'll top it with an egg whisk and a sink plunger!
***** > by god, you're nuts
ReaperOfSly > it worked for the daleks
***** > But, I think, I think I'll go with pressure cooker
***** > And small troupe of wombats
ReaperOfSly > WET CELERY AND FLYING HELMET!!!!
***** > A SIEVE!
***** > AND POSSIBLY A LLAMA!
ReaperOfSly > i'll see your llama and raise you Jupiter
***** > I see your gas giant and raise you alpha centurai
ReaperOfSly > i see your flaming ball of stellar matter and raise you the black hole at the center of the galaxy
***** > I see you inescapable lump of nothing and raise you a universe made out of antimatter, and a pie made from deceased orphans
* ReaperOfSly unleashes the vast army of penguins upon *****
ReaperOfSly > penguins with laser beams coming out of their eyes
***** > god dammit, they're like super agents, inconspicuous, snappy dressers and a hit with the ladies!
ReaperOfSly > and ninjas
ReaperOfSly > and pirates!
ReaperOfSly > and bears!
***** > I counter with a legion of polar bears mounted on pirates
ReaperOfSly > flaming bears
***** > YOU CAN'T HAVE BEARS PENGUINS NINJAS AND PIRATES IN THE SAME ARMY!
***** > You'd end up killing yourself
ReaperOfSly > I can.
ReaperOfSly > muahahaha
***** > That breaks the laws of the universe
* ReaperOfSly twiddles some dials and pushes buttons on his patented "law of the universe changer-o-matic"
ReaperOfSly > my penguins pwn your polar bears mounted on pirates
***** > how?!
***** > I counter your penguins with a sleep, goodnight
ReaperOfSly > noooo! the ultimate weapon!
ReaperOfSly > goodnight
--------------------------------------------
|
Jemba'k Ko'cha
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 02:40:00 -
[120]
Edited by: Jemba''k Ko''cha on 23/09/2005 02:40:29
Hmm eve funnies.
The funniest thing that i ever came accross in eve was in corp chat one day. We were sitting ther chatting away as normal when one of the leaders screams out that his goldfish is dead. He went to clean out the tank, put the fish in a bowl and then logged on to eve, forgot about the fish and now one looked dead and the other was pretty much on its last fins.
He was going absolutly spare at the thought of this dead goldfish while the rest of the corp was sitting there ****ing ourselves while making ridiculous suggestions about how to reive the fish or how to lie his way out of it. Sadly the transcript is lost but i was crying tears of laughter that day.
in the end i tihnk he sat by the bowl with a straw and blew bubble to try and oxegenate the water.
|
Unknown Subject
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 05:29:00 -
[121]
i got half way thru the first page of this thread and felt my IQ dropping just by reading it.
thomus, please, go rent a load of comedy videos. see how its done.
|
Emad
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 08:43:00 -
[122]
I was out with my buddies on a level 3 mission..the one that u need to rescue the damsel in distress...and well my buddy who is the one on the mission requested me for help....and i came in to save the day...next thing u know i actually retrived the damsel in distress in on of the cargo pod...since i am the pervert and **** collector in the mission...i banged her in my cargobay and broadcast the sound to my buddies while we were looting.....all in good laugh...i told my buddy he will have her back after i cummed..ha ha...
cheers
"Invest in Humans, Trade Slaves"
WC Privateer |
Mardonius
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 08:44:00 -
[123]
Originally by: Unknown Subject
i got half way thru the first page of this thread and felt my IQ dropping just by reading it.
thomus, please, go rent a load of comedy videos. see how its done.
I have a suggestion for you. If you don't like it, don't look at it. Did you consider that course of action?
It's simple, don't waste your time flaming, don't insult people, just realise that you didn't like the thread and move on and do something more constructive with your life.
Thomus, I am glad you started this thread, and ploughed through all the flames. There are some decent jokes here. Keep the thread alive. |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 12:38:00 -
[124]
Thanx Mardonius - I'm touched. Really!
Also thanx to ReaperOfSly for that hilarious Local Chat! :-)
What has 2 arms, 2 legs, is big white and metallic, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A Caldari in a fridge.
|
Saicon
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 14:49:00 -
[125]
For lots of cool jokes, have a look at this:
Warp Drive Active
Thanks, winter for this site. Keep it up  .
Originally by: Necrologic
This made me laugh so hard cottage cheese came out of my nose.
More disturbingly, i wasn't eating cottage cheese at the time.
|
Azuriel Talloth
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 14:52:00 -
[126]
Originally by: Thomus
Thanx Mardonius - I'm touched. Really!
Also thanx to ReaperOfSly for that hilarious Local Chat! :-)
What has 2 arms, 2 legs, is big white and metallic, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A Caldari in a fridge.
That made me
Also it's a quite accurate description of Caldari Starship Technology
"Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory,
for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated." |
Benilopax
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 16:09:00 -
[127]
Originally by: Unknown Subject
i got half way thru the first page of this thread and felt my IQ dropping just by reading it.
thomus, please, go rent a load of comedy videos. see how its done.
Tom does know comedy! I know him! Hes struggling with eve related jokes! That's hard!
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 16:53:00 -
[128]
Ben, did you get someone in our corp to make that signature? I'd like to point out that the person in th signature, isn't you. LOL!
Does anyone have a male character that doesn't look like they were bought up by Dale Winton?
I made up the Caldari in a fridge joke on the spot by modding a joke about a pool table...
|
Lardarz B'stard
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 16:55:00 -
[129]
How do you make a Minmatar drink?
Put him in a blender.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 21:37:00 -
[130]
How do you make an Amarr drink?
Put him in a blender.
|
Allen Miles
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 21:51:00 -
[131]
An R&D agent and his friend walk into a bar and started watching a holoreel. Suddenly there is a news report about a man who threatens to jump off a 5 story building unless concord gives him 3,000,000 ISK. The agent says to the friend: "I bet you 1,000,000 ISK the guy jumps". The friend takes the bet, and the guy on the holoreel ends up jumping. The agent hands over the 1,000,000 ISK, but the friend gives it back, saying that he had already seen the guy jump on the earlier showing. The agent says "Well I saw it too but I didn't think he would jump again"
Join The Miles Corporation. Anyone Is Welcome. |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.23 21:51:00 -
[132]
Ooooooh! I forgot to mention something that happened to me tonight.
Whilst at work, I spotted 'Blueprint' on the front page of he East Anglian Daily Times.
I thought 'oooh EVE', and went to look at it again, realising that I am, in fact, a pr#tt, and of course it had nothing to do with Eve at all.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.24 13:50:00 -
[133]
How do you make a Caldari drink?
Ask him nicely.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.26 22:08:00 -
[134]
I'm sad to see that no-one's had anything funny to say over the past day or two.
* Thomus cries
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.26 22:13:00 -
[135]
Edited by: Thomus on 26/09/2005 22:13:53
All credit for this joke goes to corp mate *****, who thought it was so lame, he'd be ridiculed if he posted it. So I'm gonna take the stick for it instead. (Nothing new there then...)
Q: Who invented the Cargo Container?
A: Thomas Jetisson.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.27 02:57:00 -
[136]
What do you call a group of Gallente women standing ear-to-ear?
A wind tunnel.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.27 17:22:00 -
[137]
An Amarrian man went to have acupuncture. (sorry about the spelling)
When he got home, his Voodoo doll was dead.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.27 17:28:00 -
[138]
Two Gallente men are having lunch, drinking some quafe. One of the men asks for a light for his cigarette. The other man pulls out a 12-inch Bic lighter. The first man is gobsmacked and asks him where he got such a large lighter.
"My genie gave it to me" replies the second Gallente man.
"A genie? WOW! Let's see him" says the first.
And out pops a genie, who was kind enough to grant the man's friend a wish. The Gallente man thinks, then says "I'd like 12 million ISK".
All of a sudden, 12 million whisks come crashing down around them.
"Whats this! I asked for 12 million ISK, not 12 million whisks! Is your genie deaf?"
"You don't think I really wished for a 12-inch BIC do you?"
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.27 18:03:00 -
[139]
THIS IS A CALL FOR THE KILLER 8!!!
I've seen this:
http://www.student.kun.nl/martindevillers/gottaloveit.html
And i'd like to know where part 2 is - please linkage it here, anybody!
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.28 22:09:00 -
[140]
Anyone have any HILARIOUS eve videos, flash or otherwise to post links to on this thread?
does anyone know if there is a part 2 to the above post?
|
Slater Dogstar
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 02:38:00 -
[141]
A coroner was being questioned by a lawyer in a case below is the transcript.
Lawyer: When you examened the decieced was he dead?
Doctor: Yes he was.
Lawyer: Are you sure he was dead?
Doctor: Yes i am.
Lawyer: I see did you check his pulse?
Doctor: No i did not.
Lawyer: Did you even check to see if he was breathing?
Doctor: No i did not.
Lawyer: Then if you did not do any of these most basic of tests is it at all possable he was actually alive?
Doctor: Taken in that context it is possable someone could be alive if those tests were not done.
Lawyer: So Do you admit he could have been alive at the time.
Doctor: Well as his brain was in a jar on my desk at the time. I guess he could have been a lawyer.
Gillet The Best A Man Can Get |
Tamora
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 09:02:00 -
[142]
We laughed... We cried... We reprossessed our characters and went to play WOW...
|
Azuriel Talloth
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 10:06:00 -
[143]
Glad to see this thread is still alive
"Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory,
for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated." |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 19:58:00 -
[144]
Thanks Azuriel. I think that to have a good gas everyday, makes the day. For me, personally, not meaning to get sappy, but I couldn't go without a laugh a day at least - makes life worth living.
Keep those jokes coming folks! :-)
|
Deadeye Dave
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 20:09:00 -
[145]
Originally by: Thomus
THIS IS A CALL FOR THE KILLER 8!!!
I've seen this:
http://www.student.kun.nl/martindevillers/gottaloveit.html
And i'd like to know where part 2 is - please linkage it here, anybody!
I 'found' this and I think this is funnier.
|
Istvaan Shogaatsu
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 20:14:00 -
[146]
Here's some selections from my log folder.
Quote:
Istvaan Shogaatsu > 2005.09.28 00:22:54 combat Your Heavy Pulse Laser II places an excellent hit on Andruid [-7WS-], inflicting 273.3 damage.
Andruid > ...
Andruid > dont know why you have killed me
Istvaan Shogaatsu > That makes two of us.
Andruid > but when you get @ home no sexual touches do your thing
Istvaan Shogaatsu > Sexual touches?
Istvaan Shogaatsu > Those cost extra.
Quote:
Istvaan Shogaatsu > Jark jark jark.
Ori Womble > Any reason you were stalking me and orbiting me?
Ori Womble > Not that I don't like having fans, you know.
Istvaan Shogaatsu > Well, you came into the belt where I was, you know.
Istvaan Shogaatsu > You know, that thing pirates do when they get lonely.
Ori Womble > Gave me a bit of a scare though.
Istvaan Shogaatsu > It's been this way ever since I lost my virginity on a merry go round!
Istvaan Shogaatsu > I can't climax unless I'm pulling tight high-g orbits around something!
Istvaan Shogaatsu > You were great, though.
Midnighter > I'd go speak to your Dr. about that...
Istvaan Shogaatsu > I did. He laughed and I shot him :(
Midnighter > And for Ori I'd reccomend washing your ship long and hard
Quote:
Istvaan Shogaatsu > That was revenge for my Crusader.
Wolfskull > And what do u want
Wolfskull > ?
Wolfskull > revenge!
Istvaan Shogaatsu > I just wanted to remind you that you are not 'the men' anymore.
Wolfskull > I will always be the man
Wolfskull > u se ist
Istvaan Shogaatsu > No, today you are not the man.
Istvaan Shogaatsu > Today you are the *****.
Wolfskull > bad language dont make u big
Istvaan Shogaatsu > I rode you like a pony.
Wolfskull > hahaha u probably cant even ride a horse
Istvaan Shogaatsu > ...
|
|
Eris Discordia
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 20:41:00 -
[147]
Keep it Teen rated, teen rated here means what parents find agreeable. Not what teens actually want to see and hear.
This is my temporary signature, the dread is in the carwash. Might take some time. |
|
Raem Civrie
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 20:50:00 -
[148]
Q: What do you get when you mix CCP Devs with Alcohol and several mind-altering drugs?
A: Stealth Bombers
Btw, I support the notion of burning Thomus alive
---
|
DEVILSENIGMA
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 21:58:00 -
[149]
Saw this in someone's siggie and on omgrawr:
Originally by: Virtuozzo
Virtuozzo> Last words of a Caldari general: "Pull the Ravens back! Full retreat! they've got frigates!"
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.09.29 21:58:00 -
[150]
lol @ Eris.
not AT Eris, i mean lol @ what she said, please don't hurt me Eris. I'm sorry. Shutting up now.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.01 05:21:00 -
[151]
Two Gallente men are sitting drinking their Quafe at lunch, having a chat.
One says 'Yesterday, i did the most embarrassing thing. You see, I was in the company of a beautiful woman, who was in fact soooo beautiful, she was making me nervous. I was so nervous, that instead of saying "particularly nasty weather" I said "tickle your **se with a feather" - i was so embarrased'
His friend says: 'I had a similar problem with the wife last night. We were sitting down at dinner, and I was meant to say "could you pass the salt", but its came out as "YOU RUINED MY LIFE YOU UGLY COW"...
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.01 21:16:00 -
[152]
On flying to meet a client, I flew through some... unusual systems:
EVE System > Channel changed to Deltole Local Channel
Zaphroid Eulthran > Mmmm fruity
goodness
Thomus > u eating someones twig
and berries?
Thomus > lol - sorry - strange
comments as i pass thru systems are
great
EVE System > Channel changed to
Aufay Local Channel
Pham Newon > Noooo dont put it
there
EVE System > Channel changed to
Balle Local Channel....
----------------
I'd like an Obelisk, but I'm 1.27 billion ISK short...
I build Brutixes, or Bruti, oh wateva. - But if you want something else. I'll see what i can do. Join channel 'TomBui |
Ukiah
|
Posted - 2005.10.02 00:53:00 -
[153]
Originally by: Winterblink
Humor's good, and any attempt to bring more into EVE is a good thing. Don't be dissuaded, I've had moments where only a handful of people got a joke. :)
You're a genius and should be repeatedly and publicly recognized as such.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.03 23:09:00 -
[154]
What's red on the outside, blue-ish on the inside with lots of ugly hats, and screams?
A bus load of Gallente going over a cliff.
----------------
I'd like an Obelisk, but I'm 1.27 billion ISK short...
I build Brutixes, or Bruti, oh wateva. - But if you want something else. I'll see what i can do. Join channel 'TomBuild |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.05 01:39:00 -
[155]
A Gallente boy is talking to his friend about their parents' careers....
"My dad always used to say 'fight fire, with fire', which is probably why he was fired from the fire-brigade"
...
----------------
I'd like an Obelisk, but I'm 1.27 billion ISK short...
I build Brutixes, or Bruti, oh wateva. - But if you want something else. I'll see what i can do. Join channel 'TomBuild |
Helplessandlost
|
Posted - 2005.10.05 16:49:00 -
[156]
Originally by: Thomus
A Gallente boy is talking to his friend about their parents' careers....
"My dad always used to say 'fight fire, with fire', which is probably why he was fired from the fire-brigade"
...
Check us out
|
Nostradamu5
|
Posted - 2005.10.05 17:32:00 -
[157]
Wow six pages and no funny post from forum mods!
The only mod who posted was Eris and we all know she's not funny.
Let me apologize to CCP employees that might take offense.
What's Fu**ed, laggy and won't stay up?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Eve.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.06 21:02:00 -
[158]
AHAHAHAHAHA i <3 the last post
btw - i've learned what '<3' means now....
----------------
Tom
www.tomnetf2s.f2s.com/carmileage.AVI |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.09 22:53:00 -
[159]
EVE-lyrics to well known songs.... I have thought about making a music video spoof of some well known tunes, in Eve context. For example, the open lines to the 'Fresh Prince of Gallen-te'... (It's rubbish, but if anyone wants to help me write the whole song, please do...)
Yo, this is a story all about how
my ship got nerfed, turned upside down,
and i'd like to take a minute just sitting in my 'thron,
to tell you 'bout where my mining crystals have gone.
(music)
In Chemal Tech, Renyn, with my plasma, phased,
shooting my corp mates is where i spend most of my days,
hanging out, mining and refining, shootin all rats,
when a coupla Caldari who were up to no good,
starting ganking homies in my neighbourhood.
We got in one little fight and my RL pal sed 'yeah,
you know we'd better move out to Jesoyeh'.
More verses tomorow...
Now i must adjourn to my boo-dwa, need my beauty sleep hehe
----------------
Tom
www.tomnetf2s.f2s.com/carmileage.AVI |
Azuriel Talloth
|
Posted - 2005.10.10 03:25:00 -
[160]
Originally by: Thomus
EVE-lyrics to well known songs.... I have thought about making a music video spoof of some well known tunes, in Eve context. For example, the open lines to the 'Fresh Prince of Gallen-te'... (It's rubbish, but if anyone wants to help me write the whole song, please do...)
Yo, this is a story all about how
my ship got nerfed, turned upside down,
and i'd like to take a minute just sitting in my 'thron,
to tell you 'bout where my mining crystals have gone.
(music)
In Chemal Tech, Renyn, with my plasma, phased,
shooting my corp mates is where i spend most of my days,
hanging out, mining and refining, shootin all rats,
when a coupla Caldari who were up to no good,
starting ganking homies in my neighbourhood.
We got in one little fight and my RL pal sed 'yeah,
you know we'd better move out to Jesoyeh'.
More verses tomorow...
Now i must adjourn to my boo-dwa, need my beauty sleep hehe
lmao best one yet!
Btw there have been a couple similar spoofs of songs on Eve Radio, not sure if you can get them on mp3 format though. Someone did a hilarious version of The Real Slim Shady by Eminem.
"Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory,
for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated." |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.11 18:43:00 -
[161]
Why thank-you *smug grin*
Any new jokes anyone?
----------------
Tom
www.tomnetf2s.f2s.com/carmileage.AVI |
Razner Cerizo
|
Posted - 2005.10.11 18:51:00 -
[162]
Edited by: Razner Cerizo on 11/10/2005 18:54:38
Edited by: Razner Cerizo on 11/10/2005 18:53:39
My entire corporation is a joke. :/
Skyler Rousseau > Oh man, I just finished watching a sad movie about a
quabraplegic man that was fighting for the right to die in Spain
Skyler Rousseau > I almost cried
Cap'n Colon > wuss
Skyler Rousseau > neg
Skyler Rousseau > I'm sensitive
Skyler Rousseau > and besides, girls like that
Cap'n Colon > shut up wuss
-
Razner Cerizo > it is not a well known fact that a famous american revolutionary figure went into a english deli and shouted "GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME ROAST BEEF"
Razner Cerizo > but they were all out of beef. hence, america.
sabriel soulshadow >
lol
Talon Calais > well i'm poor and i eat tuna, and i like it.
Razner Cerizo > you tuna-eating pauper!
sabriel soulshadow > i love tuna
- The rest of the VHI logs are not appropriate for the forums. Although my bio in game has them. :o
And of course, the Fenga logs...
THE FENGA LOGS.
I need not say more. The Fenga Logs are awesome.
One comment and I will end you.
|
Azuriel Talloth
|
Posted - 2005.10.11 19:13:00 -
[163]
Edited by: Azuriel Talloth on 11/10/2005 19:13:56
Edited by: Azuriel Talloth on 11/10/2005 19:13:39
Aha found the Eve songs:
here
DJ Doby rocks
"Making no mistakes is what establishes the certainty of victory,
for it means conquering an enemy that is already defeated." |
ReaperOfSly
|
Posted - 2005.10.11 20:40:00 -
[164]
I accidentally paid for my shopping with my donor card instead of my debit card the other day. Cost me an arm and a leg.
--------------------------------------------
Investment Opportunity:
|
Kurren
|
Posted - 2005.10.11 21:11:00 -
[165]
Originally by: Razner Cerizo
Edited by: Razner Cerizo on 11/10/2005 18:54:38
Edited by: Razner Cerizo on 11/10/2005 18:53:39
My entire corporation is a joke. :/
...
And of course, the Fenga logs...
THE FENGA LOGS.
I need not say more. The Fenga Logs are awesome.
One comment and I will end you.
/takes one loooong deep breath
I know I should be able to pull something funny out of that... but mercy and sympothy keep me from it
************************************************
I'm not a pirate, I'm a business-extremist... |
Aitrus
|
Posted - 2005.10.11 23:21:00 -
[166]
Next time you're in-game, check out my bio...
If I remember, I'll post it here when I get home from work.
|
Ryea Eripmav
|
Posted - 2005.10.14 07:28:00 -
[167]
Playing with my S.O., as I have mentioned on other occassions, has turned up some pretty funny moments but none as funny as this.
This morning, like mornings past, I slipped into bed with him after going to a morning class and fell asleep. Later, semi-awake we began to talk about what we were going to do
"...go to Autozone* and get you tech 2 parts for your car," he muttered, his arm draped over me as we laid there.
I paused, turned and suppressed my laughter, thinking I must not have heard him right.
"Did you just say go to autozone and get me tech 2 parts for my car?"
I got an affirmative when he reacted by pressing his lips together, rubbing his face and began to turn in the bed.
*Autozone is a local vehicular parts/care store
-----------------------------------------------
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) The Bunny strikes again, on his way to world domination.
"...The bunny, the bunny
Oh! I love the bunny..." |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.14 22:00:00 -
[168]
LMAO @ Ryea
btw, SO = Significant Other, right?
Thats a funny story LOL!!
More please!!!
*bumps*
----------------
Tom
www.tomnetf2s.f2s.com/carmileage.AVI |
Ryea Eripmav
|
Posted - 2005.10.14 23:33:00 -
[169]
Originally by: Thomus
LMAO @ Ryea
btw, SO = Significant Other, right?
yes... SO = Significant other
-----------------------------------------------
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) The Bunny strikes again, on his way to world domination.
"...The bunny, the bunny
Oh! I love the bunny..." |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.16 01:07:00 -
[170]
after having made contact with thekiller8, turns out the only flash vid i've not seen is this:
http://www.student.ru.nl/martindevillers/wtf.html
- parental guidance, possibly.
----------------
Tom
www.tomnetf2s.f2s.com/carmileage.AVI |
Calderio
|
Posted - 2005.10.16 05:18:00 -
[171]
tonight on vent we were blessed with the presence of Spacepervo, the stuff that comes out of this guys mouth is gold, i heard he recorded it and was gonna post it on the forums somewere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.20 21:03:00 -
[172]
this is what local chat looks like to me atm....
EVE System > Channel changed to
Vullat Local Channel
Thomus > obelisk! woot!
EVE System > Channel changed to
Kassigainen Local Channel
Thomus > WOAH
Thomus > hellooooooo Obelisk
Thomus > WOOT WOOT WOOT!
EVE System > Channel changed to
Hatakani Local Channel
Thomus > ANOTHER FREIGHTER?
Thomus > anyone tell me where
you can buythe freighter skill?
EVE System > Channel changed to
Kusomonmon Local Channel
Boggeloid > which belt you in ?
Thomus > im not
Thomus > who are you?
Thomus > ARGH - confusign local
chat...
Thomus > :-P
Boggeloid > np
Thomus > just passing thru -
dont worry, you wont have to put up
with my stupidity for long now....
Thomus > only 11km to go..
Thomus > i think i should put my
mwd on too...
Thomus > soon be off...
Thomus > tata all!
EVE System > Channel changed to
Urlen Local Channel
----------------
Tom
|
Aitrus
|
Posted - 2005.10.21 00:54:00 -
[173]
On the outskirts of civilized space, a small civilian transport is taking heavy fire from raiders. The ships shield is failing, and destruction is imminent.
Inside, the passengers are in a panic, knowing that their death is near. Many are praying, and many are trying desperately to contact loved ones one last time.
Amid the chaos a beautiful Gallentian girl stands up and shouts:
"Before I die, I want someone to make me feel like a real woman one last time!"
Without hesitation, a handsome Amarrian strides up to her, rips off his shirt, and replies:
"Here, iron this."
|
Kerushi
|
Posted - 2005.10.21 01:48:00 -
[174]
Edited by: Kerushi on 21/10/2005 01:49:29
fitting topic right on time to show up
kieron dropped by in eve university and after some usual questions it turned into a "normal" eve chat and a shame to let it die in my logs folder
started with a joke to zombie
Quote:
Kerushi > ask if kieron and ov want to drop by :P
Omber Zombie > if i see em i will
Omber Zombie > oveur is working on his speech for tomorrow
Omber Zombie > i¦ll see if i can grab kieron
Omber Zombie > brb, gonna see if i can grab kieron
Omber Zombie > kieron here, what¦s up?
Omber Zombie > Oh, and BE NICE!
Kerushi > now i`m really suspicius :)
Kerushi > really kieron or oz pulling a stunt? :)
Omber Zombie > Tell you what (kieron here still), I'll be right back in a second
Omber Zombie > he¦s gone to log in on his own pc (oz back at the KB)
Karunel > nice :)
Omber Zombie > oh, and nebulai and wrangler say hi too
Kerushi > u know, i trust u more with ~1/2bil then with kieron rofl
Omber Zombie > lol
Kerushi > eeks! it`s him afterall :o
kieron > Yes, that was me under Omber's nick for a second there
kieron > Or should I say, BOO! :)
unexpected show up
questions fired about lastest stuff...
OZ feeling comfty so why not try to recruit kieron? 
Quote:
Omber Zombie > btw kieron we are still accepting applications to study at eve-u should you wish to learn about this game :p
kieron > gonna take me to school, huh? :)
Cerberal > actually, should join my corp
Cerberal > just so i can see you blow up
Omber Zombie > lol
Karunel > feel the <3
Omber Zombie > how about /heal 0 :x
Omber Zombie > ♥
kieron > To be honest, I really need to actually play the game more than I do
Cerberal > nah thats cheati.... i mean...its a feature
kieron > BUT
Omber Zombie > your welcome to join :)
[kieron > Only one person has a kieron kill-mail and the bugger used healother on me
Leoma > hey Kieron i am sure EU would welcome u :)
Leoma > all the frigs u can eat
Kerushi > lol
kieron > Then again, I had a cheat shield extender with a load of shield hp, so......
how to get poor quickly when wanting to get rich?
Quote:
Conan O'Brian > can u pls deposite 500mil in my wallet?
kieron > Conan, sure, right before I delete about 750mil, ok?
Conan O'Brian > but i dont even have 750mil...
kieron > That would put you about 250m in the hole now, wouldn't it? :)
Kerushi > well, if u`d give me the 750mil and u get 500m, we`ll call it even :D
Cerberal > So anyways, what kinda ships do you special blue typing people get?
kieron > lol
Leoma > blue ones
to much info..
Quote:
Ubel Feuer > Wow, I'm boned
Kerushi > err
Kerushi > hope u didn`t mean it like it sounds like...or else it`s to much info...
Saul Dhampir > that must mean something diffrent from what it means where I come from
still puzzled on exactly the meaning of it...
Quote:
Frankinator > so kieron, have u heard about eve's hawtest pirate sensation and that its recruiting?
kieron > Do I dare ask?
some more posted but rather not post all the spam as channel activity went trough the roof
thx for dropping by kieron
|
Vydek Daamth
|
Posted - 2005.10.21 05:46:00 -
[175]
An Amarrian a Gallente and Minmatar were stranded on a planet when their shuttle crashed.
After a few days of working together to get it flying again, they decided to celebrate by drinking around a camp fire.
They were talking and the Gallente says "Watch this!"
He pops the top on a can of Quafe Ultra takes a sip of it, throws the can in the air and pulls out a small hand held blaster and puts a hole right thru where the 'a' in quafe is.
When they yell at him for wasting their supplies, he says "Dont worry, I'm Gallente I brought plenty with me."
The Minmatar not to be out done, downs a can of reactor coolant, throws the can in the air, waits for it to hit the ground and proceeds to smash it flat with a Khumaak.
When they ask him how are they are going to keep the engine cool, the Minmatar says "Hey I'm Minmatar we do this all the time, just give me a new can, some privacy and about six hours and I'll have the coolant back for you."
The Amarrian looks at both of his companions, grabs a bottle of spirits at his feet, downs the whole thing in one go. Throws the bottle in the air, pulls out a laser pistol, shoots the Minmatar between the eyes, catches the bottle and places it back at his feet.
The Gallente jumps up and yells, "WTF did you do that for!?!"
The Amarrian looks at the Gallente and says "Dont worry about it, we have plenty of those where I come from." nodding at the dead Minmatar. "And besides the bottle has a 5 isk deposit."
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.21 23:39:00 -
[176]
A Caldari family go out for the day, leaving a hidden universe of life at home, that is their own pets. Over in the lounge, a small story is developing.... (This is just an EVE related build up to my very un-EVE joke that i just had to tell you!)
Two fish are in their tank...
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive."
----------------
Tom
|
Jon Hawkes
|
Posted - 2005.10.22 08:59:00 -
[177]
For those of you who have been spared reading my in game bio, I thought I'd share it with you all:
Quote:
# At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
'cause mining up in Fountain seemed like suicide.
I should have checked my target lock,
I should have switched to EMP,
If I thought for just one second
They'd be sick of podding me.
OK now go! 'Cause we're at war.
Don't turn around here,
'cause my hold is full of ore.
Was I the one who said I knew which way to fly?
My armour's crumbled.
D'you think I really want to die?
Oh no, not I; Iteron Five.
As long as I still have a clone
I know I'll stay alive.
I've got four more jumps to do,
Looks like I haven't got a clue,
But I'll survive. I will survive....
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.23 21:42:00 -
[178]
I <3 YOU JOHN! Your lyrics, plus the donkey joke, which isn't eve related, are the funniest parts of the thread!
----------------
Tom
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.23 22:25:00 -
[179]
Cray Moonwalker > Thom how u doing
Thomus > groovy
Thomus > spent a WHOLE 24 hours with the gf LOL
Thomus > 1 day with, 13 without, - DAMN
Thomus > lol
Cray Moonwalker > every time i give this game a rest i get the Mrs pregnant....ive just signed up for life term membership
Thomus > AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
----------------
Tom
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.27 21:35:00 -
[180]
Why are Gallente women like hurracaines?
When they arrive, they are warm wet and wild,
but when they go, they take the house, the car, the whole ******* lot!!
(Sorry if this joke isn't classed as teen rated - i thought it might be borderline)
----------------
Tom
|
Kurren
|
Posted - 2005.10.27 22:39:00 -
[181]
Originally by: Jon Hawkes
For those of you who have been spared reading my in game bio, I thought I'd share it with you all:
Quote:
# At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
'cause mining up in Fountain seemed like suicide.
I should have checked my target lock,
I should have switched to EMP,
If I thought for just one second
They'd be sick of podding me.
OK now go! 'Cause we're at war.
Don't turn around here,
'cause my hold is full of ore.
Was I the one who said I knew which way to fly?
My armour's crumbled.
D'you think I really want to die?
Oh no, not I; Iteron Five.
As long as I still have a clone
I know I'll stay alive.
I've got four more jumps to do,
Looks like I haven't got a clue,
But I'll survive. I will survive....
OMG... that's awesome!! I've caught myself singing it and kinda dancing to the beat in my chair at work!! ROXXORS!
************************************************
I'm not a pirate, I'm a business-extremist... |
Meric Blackwater
|
Posted - 2005.10.27 23:44:00 -
[182]
Edited by: Meric Blackwater on 27/10/2005 23:45:49
Heres something inspired by my early mining experiences.
16 Cans
I was born one morninÆ when the sun didnÆt shine.
I fitted my laser and I started to mine.
I loaded 16 Cans with Condensed Scord
And the corp boss said ôWell oh my lordö
You load 16 cans, and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
PVPÆer donÆt pod me cause I canÆt go
I sold my clone to the company store
- - -
Eve Online until it's for real.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.10.29 13:29:00 -
[183]
How would you describe an EVE character with bad teeth?
You'd probably say that they had Minmatartar.....
*/me hears groans...*
----------------
Tom
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.02 17:05:00 -
[184]
There was an Amarr on a bridge one night,
his lips were all of a quiver.
He gave a caugh,
His leg fell off,
And floated down the river.
----------------
Tom
|
Sobeseki Pawi
|
Posted - 2005.11.02 18:01:00 -
[185]
Amarrian Carrier Pics
What's the most dangerous weapon in Eve?
The one that kills you.
~Captain Cutie, HFS Event Horizon
Biomass fears me.
Sovereignty 2.0 |
Lester Mako
|
Posted - 2005.11.02 18:29:00 -
[186]
Why would you duct tape a hamster?
So, it doesn't explode when you have s3x with it.
Miner, Seller of Minerals, Father |
Lester Mako
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 04:23:00 -
[187]
Guess, you didn't like my joke?
Miner, Seller of Minerals, Father |
Sobeseki Pawi
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 04:33:00 -
[188]
Originally by: Lester Mako
Guess, you didn't like my joke?
*Captain Cutie thanks Captain Obvious for his time.*
~Captain Cutie, HFS Event Horizon
Biomass fears me.
Sovereignty 2.0 |
Mr Adequate
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 06:41:00 -
[189]
I don't find much of your stuff the least bit funny Thomas, but I'll give you 10/10 for effort, at the very least.
My joke:
What's the difference between a Minmatars face and a Waterbed?
...You have to take your shoes off to jump on a waterbed.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 10:04:00 -
[190]
you know what i don't think is funny? a select few people who don't like my attempt at bringing more humour into the game that decide to spam it with sick jokes that are not of a clean nature, to try and get the thread locked. if you ask me, i'd say you were spamming. so please, naff off, and leave me and my hard work alone. im trying to make people happy here - why put me down? even if the jokes are awful...
----------------
Tom
|
Gloomash
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 12:11:00 -
[191]
Edited by: Gloomash on 03/11/2005 12:11:57
Would post here, if I wouldn't know my jokes are very ... uhm ... let's say misantrophic and have a big parental advisor on them.
Anyway Thomus thanks for making the thread has some very nice jokes or funny situation in here.
|
Mr Adequate
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 12:18:00 -
[192]
I think the operative word is "humour". You seem to lack it. "Effort" on the other hand, you have smackerels of. On the other hand, my think my joke was funny. I wanted to say "ship" instead of "face" but.. I dunno.. No context in it. I dunno about that gerbil/hamster one though, that joke wasn't even Eve related.
If you went for quality, not quantity, I think you'd find yourself copping less flak. Just because you're the brainchild of this particular thread, doesn't mean you should fill it up with boring, trivial, and not the least bit funny crap.... Like your "local chat logs". They aren't funny. At all.
So if you truly are SERIOUS about upholding a funny thread, stop posting meaningless crap that only you find funny. Please. Look, I'm not really trying to flame you, per se. More like offer you constructive critizism. I'm just a little blunt. Please excuse the lack of subtlety.
Oh, and sorry about mis-spelling your name. Thomus, not Thomas.
Heres another attempt from me:
Whats the only thing wrong with an Amarrian Battleship full of 1000 Minmatar slaves blowing up?
..you could have fit 2000 in there.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 21:00:00 -
[193]
lol - ur input is funny, and i agree that my humour sucks too - but if it wasn't for the bumps from me, no-one would remember to post their own jokes. :-S
BTW, FYI, this thread has had more tha 10,000 readers! its like everyone online now, all taking a peek at once.
----------------
Tom
|
Fornost
|
Posted - 2005.11.03 21:06:00 -
[194]
I'd add something if I had some of the funny to share, but I lack; so intstead I shall just steal the funny that is in this thread and pass it off as my own in other situations :)
|
Mr Adequate
|
Posted - 2005.11.04 00:33:00 -
[195]
What does a Gallente woman say after having sex?
"So are you guys all from the same corp?"
|
GinaD
|
Posted - 2005.11.04 01:09:00 -
[196]
LOL some great jokes here :)
Hats off to OP and contributers here.
|
Ryea Eripmav
|
Posted - 2005.11.04 08:29:00 -
[197]
Edited by: Ryea Eripmav on 04/11/2005 08:33:33
Note: My S.O. and I live in the USA.
Another Moment With My S.O. -Driving Home: Because my car is at the mechanic's I have been getting rides from my S.O. (who also plays EVE) given that I pay for gas. Noting the gas gauge he comments to me unflinchingly "I need ISK to get home." I stare at him with a smile as he drives down the main street in the city he resides.
"What?!"
"You need ISK to get home?" I continue to smile.
"I'm never living this down am I? That and tech 2 parts for your car?"
This moment brought to you by a combination of my S.O.'s preoccupation with EVE and sleepiness.
-----------------------------------------------
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) The Bunny strikes again, on his way to world domination.
"...The bunny, the bunny
Oh! I love the bunny..." |
Dak Hakin
|
Posted - 2005.11.04 09:05:00 -
[198]
I find myself thinking in Eve terms a lot... Though I have not gone to AutoZone for tech II parts yet, just because there is not one close to me.
*thinks*
Well, I have nothing funny to share.
_______________________________________________
If you fear the thorn, do not crave the rose |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.05 15:14:00 -
[199]
i have thought about putting an afterburner on my car..... :-S
----------------
Tom
|
Ryea Eripmav
|
Posted - 2005.11.05 16:55:00 -
[200]
Who needs to make things up when RL is so much funnier?
From the "Girls Only" thread
Originally by: Jon Hawkes
While it's a good idea in theory, wouldn't some of the features of Eve need to be altered for an all-female corp?
The "Production Efficiency" skill could be renamed to "Call Dad for help with assembly"
Instead of calling ships names like "Incursus" or "Armageddon", would they be renamed to "Green Ships" and "Yellow Ships"?
The Autopilot could be given a male voice that asks "Are you sure this is the right way?" every few jumps
The "Repair" facility in stations could lie about how much the ship really costs to fix
*Ducks for cover...
Originally by: Zajo
Originally by: Jon Hawkes
The Autopilot could be given a male voice that asks "Are you sure this is the right way?" every few jumps
The male version to this should be "You sure you dont wanna stop and ask for directions?"
-----------------------------------------------
(\_/)
(O.o)
(> <) The Bunny strikes again, on his way to world domination.
"...The bunny, the bunny
Oh! I love the bunny..." |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.21 22:59:00 -
[201]
Hey folks, long time no joke - I found my beloved thread on page 20-odd.
To keep in with the upcoming festive season, a really bad EVE-related Xmas joke is in order:
What did Santa say to the three Gallente women standing on a street corner?
"HO, HO, HO!"
----------------
Tom |
Mishima
|
Posted - 2005.11.21 23:35:00 -
[202]
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=250889&page=1
... made me laugh a little - part of me died tho
I love x-mas :D |
Carth Jared
|
Posted - 2005.11.22 00:31:00 -
[203]
Not totally eveish but what the hell
What sound does a 1337 train make.
W00t W00t.
ATUK | The 5
|
Vlodec
|
Posted - 2005.11.22 01:53:00 -
[204]
The funniest joke OF ALL TIME has nothing to do with EVE (goes without saying really). It comes from Monty Python's Parrot sketch. I wonder how many of you benighted heathens are even aware of it......
Am I allowed to say that ? |
GinaD
|
Posted - 2005.11.22 02:21:00 -
[205]
Originally by: Ryea Eripmav
Who needs to make things up when RL is so much funnier?
From the "Girls Only" thread
Originally by: Jon Hawkes
While it's a good idea in theory, wouldn't some of the features of Eve need to be altered for an all-female corp?
The "Production Efficiency" skill could be renamed to "Call Dad for help with assembly"
Instead of calling ships names like "Incursus" or "Armageddon", would they be renamed to "Green Ships" and "Yellow Ships"?
The Autopilot could be given a male voice that asks "Are you sure this is the right way?" every few jumps
The "Repair" facility in stations could lie about how much the ship really costs to fix
*Ducks for cover...
Originally by: Zajo
Originally by: Jon Hawkes
The Autopilot could be given a male voice that asks "Are you sure this is the right way?" every few jumps
The male version to this should be "You sure you dont wanna stop and ask for directions?"
LMAO thats too funny!
"Theres a thousand shades of white and thousand shades of black..no matter what smile pretty and watch your back" |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.22 13:58:00 -
[206]
Edited by: Thomus on 22/11/2005 13:58:36
Originally by: GinaD
LMAO thats too funny!
Agreed, so far the funniest EVE related joke there has been...
perhaps people would like to donate to the joke fund, (give me money), and whoever has the best joke at the end of each month gets the cash? (i give it to someone funny)
----------------
Tom |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.22 21:09:00 -
[207]
Possibly the funniest thread i've ever seen:
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=250856&page=1
----------------
Tom |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.22 21:43:00 -
[208]
Also found this hilarious EVE related humour:
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=215470
----------------
Tom |
PKlavins
|
Posted - 2005.11.22 23:00:00 -
[209]
this thread is my home
loving the idea thomus......here's my contribution:
an amarr, minmatar, jovian and gallente are in a shuttle. the ship is being pwned by ebil rats and the pilot runs into the passenger hold and gets into an escape pod and flies off to safety.
the jovian says, 'im gonna do what any jovian would do' and gets a pod and escapes.
the gallente says 'im gonna do what any gallente would do' and gets a pod and escapes.
the amarr says 'im gonna do what any amarr would do' and grabs the minmatar, chucks him out into space, takes a pod and escapes.
probably too similar to all the other shuttle escape jokes but its my try......im working on some eve lyrics at the mo....will post the lyrics and/or the song if possible
-----------------------------------------------
|
Franken Slammer
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 04:17:00 -
[210]
Where's the best place to hide your isk from a Gallentean?
Under the soap
Seen on escrow:
For sale, 2 Gallente rifles. Nearly new. Never fired, dropped once.
|
Sobeseki Pawi
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 04:27:00 -
[211]
What is the best place to hide ISK from a Matari?
In their wallet.
~Captain Cutie, HFS Event Horizon
Biomass fears me.
Sovereignty 2.0 |
Tripoli
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 06:06:00 -
[212]
This thread had me rolling after a couple pages. Devs even got involved.
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=215520
---
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 10:36:00 -
[213]
Originally by: Tripoli
This thread had me rolling after a couple pages. Devs even got involved.
http://oldforums.eveonline.com/?a=topic&threadID=215520
lol - agreed. There seems to be some pretty darn funny threads out there...
----------------
Tom |
Douglas Prefect
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 12:15:00 -
[214]
what do u call someone with half a thorax?
castrated
|
PKlavins
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 16:35:00 -
[215]
c'mon guys keep this thread on the first page
http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html
anyone kno this site? its a real hoot......put in anything and it comes out real funny
EVE Online =
EVEN LIE ON
Apocalypse =
A ACE SLOPPY
A SPACE PLOY
A SPACE POLY
make ur own
-----------------------------------------------
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 16:45:00 -
[216]
for last poster:
http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html
im now gonna make my own....
----------------
Tom |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 16:53:00 -
[217]
Edited by: Thomus on 23/11/2005 16:55:01
Edited by: Thomus on 23/11/2005 16:54:20
Gallente =
An Leg Let
LAG Let Ne (lol)
Legal Net (wahey!)
minmatar=
A MAN TRIM - by far the funniest yet!!
A Arm Mint
A Rant Mim
Maim Rant
Main Tram
An Rat Mim
caldari=
Cad Liar
CIA Lard - rofl
Car Laid
Car Dial
Carl Aid - good news if ur name is Carl
amarr=
none found, haha
megathron=
Game Thorn
German Hot - LOL
Garment Ho
Anger Moth - nice new nickname for a megathron
Hag Me Torn
Hang Me Rot
-The list for Megathron is hundreds long.
ATTENTION: I Will GIVE 30,000 ISK to the person who finds the funniet anagram in the eve universe - i'll give it a week or two...
edit: its not much, but noobs will like it, and get into the eve community. which is good.
ready, steady, GO!
linkage: http://www.wordsmith.org/anagram/advanced.html
----------------
Tom |
PKlavins
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 17:53:00 -
[218]
Brutor =
RUB TOR
RUB ROT into ur skin.......gives u that genuine minmatar feel
Brutor Tribe =
BRIBER TROUT
BRIBER TUTOR (poor fishies)
RUBBER I TROT
BIB TORTURER
BITTER BURRO (burro being butter in italian....imagine that O.o)
Caldari Navy =
A CAVALRY DIN (c'mon boys! get those frigs!)
A CANDY RIVAL
A CAR LAND IVY
RADICAL NAVY (CCP is this a coincidence?)
CRANIAL DAVY
CLARA AND IVY (once again...)
CANARY VALID (the days when the navy used birds as passports)
AVAIL AND CRY
ANAL YARD VIC
NAVAL AID CRY
Gallente Navy =
A VEGETAL LYNN (dont wanna meet her)
A NAVEL GENTLY
A LAG LENT ENVY (to those that didnt have it...)
A *** NELL VENT
A *** TELL VENN
ELEGANTLY VAN
LEGAL ANT ENVY (why would we want to)
LEGAL TAN ENVY
LEGAL NAVY NET
and for Republic Fleet =
BICEP TREE FULL
PUBLIC EEL FRET (poor eels)
CLUB FEELER PIT
ill leave some for other people :)
-----------------------------------------------
|
PKlavins
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 19:11:00 -
[219]
save the thread!
dont let it get off 1st page...
-----------------------------------------------
|
Limen Zem
|
Posted - 2005.11.23 19:52:00 -
[220]
o.O
-----
Limen Zem
- Commerce - Profit - Trade - |
Village Bicycle
|
Posted - 2005.11.24 07:53:00 -
[221]
something you may find hilarious:
Thomus got banned from forums for 2 days. lol.
happened while i was at work.
I know some of you might be rolling with laughter at that, so i thought i'd share it with you. So you wont have to read my awful jokes, cuz i don't like posting with my alt, it just doesn't feel the same. lol.
Tom.
-------------
Thomus' Alt
If you see this, Thomus is banned. lol. |
Village Bicycle
|
Posted - 2005.11.24 19:47:00 -
[222]
Chat in MINER channel took turn for the quiet, and this happened:
* Thomus spots tumbleweed...
* T'Laar Bok sets it on fire and rolls it
towards Thomus to liven things up
* Thomus runs
* T'Laar Bok giggles maniacally and
goes back to picking his nose and flicking it
at the bulkhead waiting for his miners to
cycle
-------------
Thomus' Alt
If u see this, Thomus is banned.
Onubis: ok thats wonderful
Thomus: 'ok thats wonderful': u sound like my optician everytime i look from the ceiling to the floor |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.11.29 23:59:00 -
[223]
A Gallente woman went in for some accupuncture therapy.
When she got home, her voodoo doll was dead.
----------------
Tom |
Jordania
|
Posted - 2005.11.30 00:41:00 -
[224]
Apocalypse:
ACE SAY PLOP
SPACE POLYA
CAPPY AS LEO
PLEA AS COPY
PLEA SAY COP
EASY LAP COP
SLAP PAY CEO
SOAP PAY CEL
ALE SAPPY CO
_________________
|
Vivus Mors
|
Posted - 2005.11.30 01:56:00 -
[225]
ôMinmatarà ItÆs whatÆs for dinner!ö
ôGot Quafe?ö
ôfix your mid-life crisis now! Come see the new 2006 model Jovian Eidlion at your local dealershipö
ôIn congressional news, members of CCP are being called in to testify before an oversight committee about suspected use of performance enhancing drugs with their nerf batting. In related news, one member of CCP, going by the name of TomB, has only stated repeatedly æI have never used altoids, ever! Err wait, you said steroids? Ummm NO COMMENT!Æ meanwhile his test results are under analysis for controlled substancesö
ôNew from BLAST-CO the Giga-Pulse 9000!
Tired of your neighborhood? Wipe it off the planet!
Wish traffic would move faster? Nothing a Giga-Pulse 9000 canÆt remedy!
Want to cook a turkey, but tired of waiting hours and hours for it to finish? With the new Giga-Pulse 9000 it goes from, frozen, to raw, to atomized INSTANTLY!
(Warning: do not point at face, groin, friends, family, or anything else you donÆt want to remove from existence)ö
-------------------------------------------------
For the price of one can of Quafe cola a day, you can adopt an Ewok... Please... think of the Ewoks... |
DukDodgerz
|
Posted - 2005.11.30 05:08:00 -
[226]
A young ventriloquist is touring the stations and one night he's doing a show in a small station in Jita. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde caldari woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.
Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little creep on your knee."
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.12.01 18:06:00 -
[227]
Gallente men talking, on their way to the Pleasure Hub:
"Hey, man, you seen that film where the big new ship crashes into an asteroid and most of the people on-board die?"
"Oh, you mean..... TITANic?"
----------------
Tom |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.12.01 22:59:00 -
[228]
How many Minmatar does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, slaves don't own lightbulbs.
----------------
Tom |
Thomus
|
Posted - 2005.12.19 16:28:00 -
[229]
i found this thread waaay back on page 78 or something. anyhoo - with RMR now out, im sure you all have lots of plays-on-words and one liners to share with the world. :-)
Whats big green and scary, like rocks, and doesn't exist yet?
The Incredible HULK...
- sorry, i just really want one. lol.
----------------
Tom |
Tarin Buji
|
Posted - 2006.01.06 12:34:00 -
[230]
Edited by: Tarin Buji on 06/01/2006 12:34:50
I was surfing the net one day, doing a google search and stumbled upon this site. I couldn't help but laugh and think to myself "So this is what an Amarrian Pinup must be like"
NOTE: Figures featured are fictitious and are not nude.
|
Foxstein
|
Posted - 2006.01.06 12:48:00 -
[231]
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.
The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."
The second can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. "And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his pen15.
|
Raem Civrie
|
Posted - 2006.01.06 13:10:00 -
[232]
Thomus, please, stop with the raving necromancy. This thread died for a reason.
---
God-King of Genitalia |
Kiyirari
|
Posted - 2006.01.06 13:16:00 -
[233]
Q. Whats the difference between an ammar loyalist and a matari freedom fighter.
A. Matari freedom fighters can wipe their own arse.
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2006.01.24 19:59:00 -
[234]
What do you call a rich T1 manufacturer?
A liar.
click on topic, then reply, rinse, repeat, spam, repeat :) - ParMizaN |
Saicon
|
Posted - 2006.01.24 21:26:00 -
[235]
What do you do if a minmatar throws a gredade at you?
Take the pin out and throw it back.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
Benilopax
|
Posted - 2006.01.24 22:52:00 -
[236]
Tom did you bump this damn thread back?
Now thats funny.
|
Lamic Tarvalla
|
Posted - 2006.01.24 23:19:00 -
[237]
Originally by: Hamatitio
How many eagles does it take to kill a pod?
-They cant, not enough grid to fit guns
Now that was funny
Your killing me!!
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2006.01.25 23:05:00 -
[238]
Originally by: Benilopax
Tom did you bump this damn thread back?
Now thats funny.
kinda... any new jokes guys?
click on topic, then reply, rinse, repeat, spam, repeat :) - ParMizaN |
Oventoasted
|
Posted - 2006.01.25 23:21:00 -
[239]
IBTL
- - -
MMM MMM toasted
Phoon powa!
___
/---\-- * * * *
\__/ ***>-> |
Kane Jacobs
|
Posted - 2006.01.25 23:23:00 -
[240]
Originally by: Thomus
What? Sharp and to the point? :-)
That was funny !!!
_______________________________________________
|
Thomus
|
Posted - 2006.01.25 23:31:00 -
[241]
Edited by: Thomus on 25/01/2006 23:31:16
Originally by: Kane Jacobs
Originally by: Thomus
What? Sharp and to the point? :-)
That was funny !!!
thanx :-) I have to admit that that is the funniest thing i've said in this thread, and it wasn't even an EVE-joke! :-S
Q: What do you call a man in an Amphibious Dominix?
A: A frog-pilot.
Q: What do you say to a man in an invisible Amphibious Dominix?
A: Nice Croaking device you got there.
Q: How do you hold an Amphibious Dominix together?
A: With lots of ribbets.
click on topic, then reply, rinse, repeat, spam, repeat :) - ParMizaN |
Pyrotesea
|
Posted - 2006.01.26 03:07:00 -
[242]
might be kinda bad but made me giggle after tonight:
knock knock
...whoes there?
ATUK
...ATUK who
I took D7-ZAC while FE was out of town.
---------------------------------
What doesn't kill you makes you injured.
|
Flavia Clio
|
Posted - 2006.01.26 11:16:00 -
[243]
Q: What do you tell the Minmatar slave girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, she been told twice already.
Don't eat the yellow snowballs! |
Sabahl
|
Posted - 2006.01.26 11:26:00 -
[244]
Q. What's the difference between a Tempest and a Megathron?
A. About 3 miles of duct tape
"My dog went to Heimatar the other day".
"Pator?"
"No, but I gave her a bone when she got back"
|
Laqum
|
Posted - 2006.01.26 12:08:00 -
[245]
No thread necromancy please.
|
| |
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