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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 8 post(s) |
Roy Batty68
Caldari
Immortal Dead
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:21:00 -
[1]
Ok, to set the stage:
I'm a programmer from the US working in europe. However, since outsourcing and COTS has become the only way to go for many managers, 95% of the time I end up playing tech support. I've just spent most of my workday answering numerous emails and phone calls about a certain software system that decided it was going to try something different in 07. A certain software system that I didn't design, program, or test but somehow I got tagged to "support" it.
It's been one of those days where the phone won't stop ringing, my email Inbox looks like it's sweating to the oldies, impatient people keep invading my office, and every 13th call is the same guy from 12 calls ago wanting to know why his situation hasn't improved in the last 20 minutes.
Yeah. Plenty of IT people have had these sort of days. Sure. But try it working in an international setting with people from 26 different countries as your user base. Kicks it up a notch, eh?
Phone call 1: Lively Italian Swearing!
Phone call 2: Please, my view stare blankly! (my german is rusty)
Phone call 3: I've either been hexed by a Romanian or he wants to buy me a document... I'm not sure.
Phone call 4: Turkish sergeant. Pretty good english. Very committed to describing exactly how this system failure makes him feel.
Phone call 5: No, the French didn't win the world cup, the Italians did and no, I would not like a cigar. What does all this have to do with your system not working?
Phone call 6: Yes sir, I'm aware there are people fighting in Afghanistan and quite frankly I wish I was with them!
Phone call ...n^42
Beat that, Mr Been-There-Done-That techy guy! Your IT-foo is weak. 
Anyway, needless to say when I finally got home today I was in the mood to kick my cat. Thankfully I don't own a cat (and never will since 1] cats have no concept of ownership and 2] me and all cats seem to have an inherent Seinfeld Jerry versus Newman relationship) so no animals were harmed in the making of this day. But I was very tempted to ask my dutch neighbor if I could borrow his cat for a few minutes. He already looks at me weird so I decided not to risk escalating any Milagro Beanfield War this guy might have brewing in the back of his head.
So, long story short:
Bad day. Get home feeling a bit punch drunk. Plop down in front of my computer and fire up EVE. EVE no worky.
Double-Ewe Tee Eff?
Oh yeah! Today was patch day. EVE was down for 24 hours. Uber. 
I glance at the Message of the Day window on the EVE logon client and notice that it appears blank but has this tiny little scroll bar like it's ready to scroll quite a distance. Being the compulsive scroll bar scroller that I am and irrationally hopeful that I might find some hidden message about the server coming back early, I do some scrolling. Clear at the bottom of this otherwise blank message box, in big white letters it says,
"WE'RE SORRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED"
I literally had one of those dramatic movie pauses where the sound track goes silent with an expectant hush as I sat staring at this this simple message and my brain struggled to digest it's meaning. Approximately .053 seconds later the sound track came back on and I laughed hysterically for the next 6 minutes. It probably would have been longer but my wife came in, smacked me in the back of the head, and said my "crazy man" laugh was scaring the kids. Through uncontrollable giggles and teary eyes I tried to explain to her that I had just found THE MOST perfect software error message in the history of everything. All I got for my trouble was one of her patented wifely eye-rolls that all girls are taught by age 11.
(cont.)
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Roy Batty68
Caldari
Immortal Dead
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:22:00 -
[2]
Now truth be told, what the message really said was, "We're sorry, something happened to our plonk bubble stabilizer" or something like that which is CCP's way of saying, "yep, web servers are down again" only in spacey EVE talk or something. And since the Message of the Day is hosted on their web servers, all I was really seeing was that web server down message jammed into a two inch by two inch message box with the format all jacked up.
But it kept resonating around my cranial cavity like a buddist chant in an echoey temple high up in yeti-ville. I simply HAD to be on to something here.
"WE'RE SORRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED"
Error messages, all software has them. We've all seen them. That is if we're "lucky" and it doesn't just crash to desktop or make the machine reboot. And nearly all software error messages are completely useless. I don't want to know that the Kernal has gone off and invaded some part of memory in an unauthorized fashion. What the heck does that do for me?
It's not like you get error messages that say, "Sorry, but you can't play Call of Duty IX until you update your video drivers and then refresh your Direct-X build". Or maybe, "Yep, that crappy audio card you've got installed is causing yet another BSD. See ya". Nope. That would be too useful. Instead you get crap things like General Protection Fault followed by some hexadecimal or something. Great! Even better are the messages that offer false hope like, "An unknown error has occured, would you like to close the application?" followed only by an OK button.
Well, maybe I took one too many emails to the head today or something but I really think this simple phrase could be the Rosetta Stone of software engineering. Let's break it down.
What's happened? Software has gone off to land of no return and we need to say something to the user. Probably shouldn't say "I" or "I'm", people get ****ed easily at a target of one. So "we" is good because people reconsider their anger level if it might be directed at a crowd. So starting off with "We're" is a good start.
"Sorry". We're all taught you do wrong, you say you're sorry. Evens the tally sheet some. My software has wronged me!!! And it's immediately "sorry". Well, ok then. I suppose I'm not so upset at my software if it appologizes.
And not only is it sorry, there's apparently a crowd somewhere that's sorry as well. "We're Sorry". Damn fine start.
So now what? Well people are going to want to know why this maybe forgiveable sitatuation has occured. But us programmers aren't sure why it happened either. Probably don't want to admit that... And even if we do know, it's often so cryptic that what's the use of being honest? So let's just say "something" has happened. Not going to say whether it was good or bad. Just... something.
"WE'RE SORRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED"
............[OK]...............
It's perfect!
So there you go. The ultimate error message released to the public domain. Yours for free.
You're welcome.
This has been brought to you by My Crap Day, EVE Servers being down, the letter C (cat), and the letter E (eyeroll)
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Sophism
Amarr
Dark Centuri Inc.
Firmus Ixion
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:26:00 -
[3]
lol :)
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Dao 2
Generals Of Destruction Syndicate
The Forsaken Empire
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:28:00 -
[4]
:o
------------------------------------------------
NEWLY ADDED ON 1/19 (though applies to all posts before ;p)
the usual "I don't represent my corp or alliance" and stuffs like that
Also the gal |
Ehan Cho
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:30:00 -
[5]
The best post ever.
Bravo!
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ShadowKi
Caldari
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:35:00 -
[6]
lol I got the "We're Sorry, Something Happened..." message after looking at this post.
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Eno Matterre
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:46:00 -
[7]
You sir, are a GENIOUS!
Seriously, this is THE best thread I've ever had the pleasure of reading on these boards.
So what it's totally not connected to EVE, so what it's lenghty and overly descriptive. The point of it is what matters.
From now on, each and every time I need to make an error message and won't really know what to tell the user I am simply going to write "WE'RE SORRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED."!
Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!
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DR HK
Minmatar
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:50:00 -
[8]
That was immensely fuuny please can i have your work phone number so i can ring you every 1.42 mins
to tell you that my computer keeps making funny noises like a fridge and i think it has something to
do with soft drive i had installed last week by an uncle who "knows quite a bit about comuters".
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RtoZ
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Posted - 2007.01.05 01:56:00 -
[9]
Or the extended version:
We're sorry, Something happened, was a nice a ship.
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Roy Batty68
Caldari
Immortal Dead
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Posted - 2007.01.05 02:14:00 -
[10]
 Originally by: Eno Matterre
You sir, are a GENIOUS!
Seriously, this is THE best thread I've ever had the pleasure of reading on these boards.
So what it's totally not connected to EVE, so what it's lenghty and overly descriptive. The point of it is what matters.
From now on, each and every time I need to make an error message and won't really know what to tell the user I am simply going to write "WE'RE SORRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED."!
Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!
Hehe. Sorry for the long post about nothing. 
It really was a crap day and writing a bunch of junk was really theraputic. So free therapy for me at your expense. Ha!
Just click the OK button and cruise on through. 
[OK]
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Walleye
Caldari
Northern Lights Mineral Reserve
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Posted - 2007.01.05 03:28:00 -
[11]
I laughed so hard at this my kids came running in here to see what was going on.
You gotta put that phrase in your bio!!
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Barasu
Minmatar
Crimson Wings Squadron
Forces of Freedom
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Posted - 2007.01.05 03:34:00 -
[12]
10/10
Whats more disgusting then death?
Not Trying! |
Baleorg
Gallente
Guys of Sarcasm
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Posted - 2007.01.05 03:37:00 -
[13]
Originally by: Roy Batty68
Just click the OK button and cruise on through.
[OK]
hmmm :)
BTW: A GOOD Cache-Cleaner |
Kaljostro
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:03:00 -
[14]
Hahaha nice one, enjoyed reading it.. :)
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Broska
FATAL REVELATIONS
FATAL Alliance
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:11:00 -
[15]
10/10
One of the best post's I've EVER read.
------------------------------
Originally by: Tovarishch
flying a Scorp into a fleet battle is like parking a pink moped in front of a biker bar - you will die... quickly.
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Draegario
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:20:00 -
[16]
What you're seeing is the website disabled page all scrunched up in the status window. Probably because of the work they are still doing on the servers.
- Drae
- - - - - - - - - -
"Everyone's got one. Better to be a smart one than a dumb one."
"I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you." |
Marcus Druallis
Quantum Industries
Prime Orbital Systems
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:27:00 -
[17]
Do I see the brewing of a trademarked eve forums line (ie Soon(tm))????
--
Originally by: Ghosthowl
At what level can i PVP?
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Haffrage
Revelations Inc.
Shroud Of Darkness
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:30:00 -
[18]
Bahahahaha, great post.
-----
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Lt Hole
Caldari
Tyrell Corp
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:33:00 -
[19]
It's little jewels like this that keep me reading the forums.
10/10.
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bullnard
Caldari
EnfuRia
Confederation of Independent Corporations
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:35:00 -
[20]
Bravo...great post
----------------------
insert witty comment here.... |
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TZeer
Eve Defence Force
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:45:00 -
[21]
This thread just made my day :)
lol
Thank you!!
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Cou Yunt
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:46:00 -
[22]
Originally by: Eno Matterre
You sir, are a GENIOUS!
Seriously, this is THE best thread I've ever had the pleasure of reading on these boards.
So what it's totally not connected to EVE, so what it's lenghty and overly descriptive. The point of it is what matters.
From now on, each and every time I need to make an error message and won't really know what to tell the user I am simply going to write "WE'RE SORRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED."!
Thank you, thank you, thank YOU!
I'm surprised you can read at all you sycophantic imbecile. Thread was a load of egocentric nonesense. To OP, try working in thr NHS if you think your crappy job is stressful 
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Yeggstry
The Templars Knights
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Posted - 2007.01.05 06:59:00 -
[23]
Being a programmer myself and having to do tech support over the last month or so for my company in the UK I can sympathise with your situation.
However I can't match your brilliant story. Very entertaining reading for a Friday morning :)
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Naran Darkmood
Gallente
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Posted - 2007.01.05 07:02:00 -
[24]
Great post, is there a new forum quote born?
Originally by: Jiekon
From what i`m aware of, reading the game rules, it's not against any rules to mine
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Matae
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Posted - 2007.01.05 07:03:00 -
[25]
Fantastic read. Your bad day sure did humor mine You should go into buisness with whatshisnuts from the 0.0 experiment!
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Kishu
Shinra
Lotka Volterra
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Posted - 2007.01.05 07:03:00 -
[26]
45 minutes later and I'm still laughing! This goes beyond comedy gold to the status of "ultimate post!"
Thank you for making me smile. |
Splagada
Minmatar
Tides of Silence
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Posted - 2007.01.05 07:04:00 -
[27]
rofl i wish i could write like that
------
relaxed corp looking for members |
Sin Xiang
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Posted - 2007.01.05 07:25:00 -
[28]
you sir, are a great and wise man. you get one (1) add to my address book so i can highfive you in game and thank you for the great message to leave in a can by that wreck i just popped
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Tyrenical
Caldari
CRICE Corporation
Lotka Volterra
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Posted - 2007.01.05 07:40:00 -
[29]
Ive read the forums everyday since they were created. This was the best post by far that i have read in the history of the eve-online forums, possible anywhere, dude hopefully your day will be lucky and fun tomorow, thanks for the great post
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Arimus Darkhart
Caldari
Jewel Enterprises
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Posted - 2007.01.05 07:47:00 -
[30]
Yep, that is one *excellent* post :)
(I have found during SI testing of one of our products at work a better error message though.... a blank dialogue box - no title, no buttons, no text of any kind - using gui inspection tools not even hidden stuff. Not too bad if it wasn't in the middle of a customer demo - as you can imagine the user community loved it.)
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