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Thread Statistics | Show CCP posts - 1 post(s) |
Hemmo Paskiainen
Gallente Silver Snake Enterprise
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:22:00 -
[1]
After plaing the game for 3 yrs now i have decided to quit EVE. Im fed up with the way EVE is going atm. Im a eve player form the old genaration. Im only playing the game to shoot other people. Past year i hoped ccp would fnaly get it, pvp is broken... So many shiptypes and especialy my favourite Black Op's. After realizing that ccp dont learn form their mistakes and the CSM is a joke (see black op linky) i think its enough to cancel my 4 accounts.
Im giving away: 25b isk liq 40b in random officermods 15b in Guidancesystems & some other PI investments 8b in deadspace mods all over eve 1 x the right to buy this sub cap char (103m sp) for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 70m perfect nyx char for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 50m maxed missile & racial caldari char Some other low sp chars (8-17m sp chars)
How can u win this stuff? Post in here and make me laugh. The best 4 post are getting picked out and i will toss a few coins. (head always wins )
Good Lucky Fix Black Ops: http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1204416 |
Lise Kahel
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:24:00 -
[2]
just give it to me.
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LordInvisible
Gallente Nova Ardour
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:24:00 -
[3]
Chuck Noriss's car is so fast, that his GPS is talking in past tense. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote: "For me EvE wasn't that much fun, many ppl refer to it as a nicely designed database front-end and that |
Eastman Color
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:25:00 -
[4]
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's a pretty obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.
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Darius Brinn
Iberians
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:27:00 -
[5]
Let me see if I can at least make you smirk, for some of those sweet, sweet ISK.
http://i.imgur.com/nO6aQ.gif
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Tharill daSai
Caldari Serringer Arms Inc Free United Spirits
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:27:00 -
[6]
Once upon a time there was a few people that drank alot of alcohol, now your quitting their dream, think of those poor poor drunk frozen guy's, you really want to crush their dreams?
ok
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Marija Vanszar
Caldari State War Academy
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:28:00 -
[7]
YOUTUBE OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! seems like scammer are invading the forums!
hand over your stuff and gtfo.
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RaTTuS
BIG Gentlemen's Agreement
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:28:00 -
[8]
Just contract them to me , as you'll be back , and then you can have most of your stuff back [some may get blown up] YMMV --
Join BIG
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Elden VanVoiden
Caldari EV Technical Warfare Industries
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:28:00 -
[9]
Your mom?
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Somir Kal
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:31:00 -
[10]
You're quitting? So....
... How much do I have to give you minimum, and do I get double or triple back?
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Estel Arador
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:31:00 -
[11]
Originally by: RaTTuS Just contract them to me , as you'll be back , and then you can have most of your stuff back [some may get blown up] YMMV
I have no doubt RaTTuS is at least honest as Shar Tegral!
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Chopper Rollins
Minmatar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:32:00 -
[12]
yeah sure i got a joke.
Why do firemen wear red suspenders to hold their trousers up?
Wait i messed that up...
Why do firemen...uh firemen...
Just send me some stuff will ya?
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IHaveCandyGetInTheVan69
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:32:00 -
[13]
Edited by: IHaveCandyGetInTheVan69 on 01/04/2011 11:32:39 Because I'm the only boy who understands how to kidnap you in my van |
Suitonia
Gallente Genos Occidere HYDRA RELOADED
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:33:00 -
[14]
If you want to improve the PvP in the game, I think you should instead, spend your isk buying out all the falcons you possibly can, and then putting them back up on the market with a characters named You're a ***got, risk free ***got etc., so they get the message in their transactions tab.
---
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C0SMIC GIRL
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:33:00 -
[15]
April Fools ? However i haz no isk. send me isk and i will show you my Boobies :)
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Kate McCann
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:34:00 -
[16]
Buy my book I need more money
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LordInvisible
Gallente Nova Ardour
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:34:00 -
[17]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote: "For me EvE wasn't that much fun, many ppl refer to it as a nicely designed database front-end and that |
PreZiDenT1
The Nintendo Generation Snatch Victory
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:34:00 -
[18]
April fools day. On that note:
What do you call hookers in Italy?
PASTATUTES!
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Gavjack Bunk
Gallente Zero taxes corps are easy to make
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:34:00 -
[19]
Edited by: Gavjack Bunk on 01/04/2011 11:34:57 You've been playing for 3 years and not met anybody who has made you laugh already? Longest. Three. Years. Ever.
Also, I'll be giving all my stuff to Cipher7 when I quit. He doesn't always make sense, but when he does, it's the best sense ever. So I recommend you do just that unless you find that special laugh you are looking for.
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Burnharder
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:35:00 -
[20]
A 3 year old character with 150bn and 103m in SP?
HAHAHA.
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Menagi
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:35:00 -
[21]
Edited by: Menagi on 01/04/2011 11:35:53 Send it to me and i double it b.... Oh wait wrong thread
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Steve Seninard
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:35:00 -
[22]
All your base belong to us.
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Telvani
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:36:00 -
[23]
The wife and I are trying to get pregnant...
I'll be honest...
I think she'll get there first.
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Greedy Slave Girl
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:37:00 -
[24]
Funny that your doing it on the 1 of april ? april fools ? o_O
but if not :P
" When i was six months pregnant with my third child. my three year-old came into the room as i was preparing to get into the shower. she said. Mommy you are getting fat! I replied yes honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.. I know she replied but whats growing in your butt ? "
now gimme all moneyz ! :D plz ? :P
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tek0n
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:37:00 -
[25]
http://m.youtube.com/#/profile?desktop_uri=%2Fuser%2Fvat19com&sort=p&channel_id=0&livestreaming_tutorial=False&ytsession=%7B%7D&start=0&user=vat19com&autoplay=True&gl=FR
stereotype to the max
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Scouting Party
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:38:00 -
[26]
My friend and I were going to troll the forums with april fool's jokes.
I think you beat us both. Congratulations!
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Internetz Spaceship
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:38:00 -
[27]
Edited by: Internetz Spaceship on 01/04/2011 11:39:08 You made no friends to give away your stuff to them? you obviously did something wrong.
Edit: oh wat..
Originally by: Scouting Party My friend and I were going to troll the forums with april fool's jokes.
I think you beat us both. Congratulations!
damn
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Skex Relbore
Gallente Skexcorp
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:39:00 -
[28]
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "Why the long face?"
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Danzig256k
Caldari Mortal Devastating Kin Black Sun Alliance
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:40:00 -
[29]
One day the Lone Ranger was out in the woods taking a pee, when suddenly a rattlesnake came out of the bushes and bit him on his ****. He gave a loud yell, and Tonto came running to his side.
"What has happened Kimo Sabi?"
"A snake bit me on my **** Tonto, your gonna have to go find a doctor and ask what to do."
Tonto left his friend to find help. Soon he came upon a town, and found the local doctor.
"Help! Kimo Sabi has been bitten by a rattlesnake! What should I do?"
The doctor replied: "Well, you will have to suck the poison from the wound, then bandage it up."
"Thank you doctor!" Tonto replied while running back out the door. He ran for a while until he found the Lone Ranger lying on the ground.
"Well, what did he say Tonto?" asked the ranger.
Tonto again looked at the wound, and then looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "He said your gonna die Kimo Sabi!"
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Telvani
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:40:00 -
[30]
Originally by: Burnharder A 3 year old character with 150bn and 103m in SP?
HAHAHA.
Not really sure where you are going with that one, his is SP lies well within the expected for his char age. |
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Cipher7
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:41:00 -
[31]
A trucker comes home, his wife says "Honey I missed you, touch me where I pee"
So he sticks his hand in the toilet
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C'hrome
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:41:00 -
[32]
This week i decided to have a week off work, get some rest, play Eve and meet some mates i havn't had time to see since the new year.
I played Eve late on Sunday night knowing that i could have a nice long lie in on Monday morning.
At 8 in the morning i was woken by a terrible din. The local council decided to fix the drains in our street so they parked a generator plus vans right outside my house. I'm standing there ******* naked thinking "FFS i couldn't bloody win"
After a couple of hours one of the workmen puts on what looks like a chemical warfare suit, mask & goggles while his pal starts to open the manhole. The guy in the suit climbs into the manhole and disappears.
Now on Sundays i make a huge dinner for the family so i thought "right you bastard, time for some payback"
So i goto the toilet and deposit a nice big log and flush it away. I then goto the front window and watch.
Within 10 minutes the guy who was in the drain climbs out and starts complaining to his workmate and pointing into the drain. He starts holding his ankle rubbing it.
I'll leave you to guess what his ankle was struck by
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Rek Seven
Gallente Guy Fawkes Trust Fund
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:44:00 -
[33]
Edited by: Rek Seven on 01/04/2011 11:44:58 Caldari, gallente and a minmatar all work into a bar... IÆve got nothing.
IÆm pretty new to the game and have been working harder that a Jita prostitute to afford new ships. If i had your stuff it would not only be going to a good home, iÆd be able to push someone elseÆs sh!t in for a change.
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Amelia Ryan
Gallente Aliastra
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:45:00 -
[34]
Oh why not.
This one gets me every time: link
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Cipher7
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:45:00 -
[35]
George Bush is in his office when Colin Powell comes in, says "Mr President, today 3 Brazilian soldiers have died in Iraq"
George's face goes white, rests his head in his hands holding his forehead and begins weeping.
After about a minute he looks up and says, "Now...Colin tell me...exactly how many is a bazillion?"
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Mibad
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:47:00 -
[36]
You should stay cause now you can have space kittenz while u shoot bad guyz. EVE KITTENZ!
Space shipz aka boats!
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Valari Nala Zena
Caldari Perkone
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:51:00 -
[37]
I got a couple of chuckles in this thread. Anyway ill add something.
Your momma is so fat, your daddy needs a cyno to get her out.
Fakedit: April fools!
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Cipher7
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:52:00 -
[38]
Edited by: Cipher7 on 01/04/2011 11:52:42 Hillary Clinton is looking under the bed for her shoes, and finds a box. Opening it, inside there's $40,000 and 2 beer cans. Suspecting something fishy, she confronts Bill about it.
Bill says, "Well honey, you're my wife so you deserve honesty. I've cheated on you, and when I did I felt so bad, each time I had a beer and cried, then hid the beer in the box under our bed."
Hillary seems shocked for a minute and asks, "...and the money?"
Bill replies, "Well every time the box filled up, I took the cans to get my recycling deposit back..."
Edit : Yep april fools. It's ok I got more jokes.
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Hemmo Paskiainen
Gallente Silver Snake Enterprise
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:56:00 -
[39]
Originally by: IHaveCandyGetInTheVan69 Edited by: IHaveCandyGetInTheVan69 on 01/04/2011 11:32:39 Because I'm the only boy who understands how to kidnap you in my van
1/4 has maybe been found, omg soo funny
Originally by: Telvani
Originally by: Burnharder A 3 year old character with 150bn and 103m in SP?
HAHAHA.
Not really sure where you are going with that one, his is SP lies well within the expected for his char age.
skills
Fix Black Ops: http://www.eveonline.com/ingameboard.asp?a=topic&threadID=1204416 |
Isilldur
Spiorad ag fanaiocht
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:58:00 -
[40]
best joke ever
......Black Ops Battleships
Second best being PI of course
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Commander Lorelai
CONCORD Operations
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:59:00 -
[41]
This
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PreZiDenT1
The Nintendo Generation Snatch Victory
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:59:00 -
[42]
Hey love crusader, i want to be your space invader.
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Aus Mote
Gallente Project Sinkhole Command
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Posted - 2011.04.01 11:59:00 -
[43]
Do I win?
-----
"It also means "Honest thought" in Estonian (Aus M)te)" |
Hoshi Kichi
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:01:00 -
[44]
picture of a cat doing something |
Travarica
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:01:00 -
[45]
If this isn't funny, I don't know what is :)
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Caladan Rood
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:03:00 -
[46]
Meh, April fools or not, I'll bite for a good laugh.
What's the difference between Jesus and a Picture?
You only need one nail to hang a picture.
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Zalahar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:04:00 -
[47]
I see said the blind man, as he peed into the wind.
It's all coming back to me now.
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Luxailith
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:04:00 -
[48]
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "IÆm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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Nocturnalist
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:04:00 -
[49]
I present to you OP this fine video of......
THE TURKISH RAMBO!
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Valari Nala Zena
Caldari Perkone
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:04:00 -
[50]
Originally by: Burnharder A 3 year old character with 150bn and 103m in SP?
HAHAHA.
With enough real life money you can get a 103 SP toon and 150 bil in 1 day (plex).
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Phlyk
The VonBraun Institute
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:05:00 -
[51]
Pretty much this: LUL
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Katrina Oniseki
Caldari 0rizen 0rizen Nation
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:07:00 -
[52]
April Fool's Joke Alert!!
True Story:
When I was travelling through N-RAEL to highsec with a load of corporate goodies, also underskilled both inside and outside the game... I noticed there were a LOT of people there. Something like 70 in local.
I figured the planets and belts were probably camped, since they'd know that most people warp to them first without safe spots. I also figured the gate would be bubbled against planets and belts too. Sooo I decided to be 'clever'.
I picked a moon at random.
My warp drive groaned and started shutting down as I left warp, only to end up in a large warp disrupt bubble just outside of a POS. Inside the POS was nearly every Russian in local, except 1.
I lost my ship, predictably.
So now, my corp still makes fun of me, saying, "In Soviet N-RAEL, Kat finds YOU!!!"
:P
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Joe Forum
Amarr
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:09:00 -
[53]
Hey OP,
Maybe laughs aside you could auction the characters and combine all the plex you raised for Plex for Good?
I'm sure it would make you feel a lot better than a couple of chuckles raised here :)
gl mate
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Riedle
Minmatar Paradox Collective Black Legion.
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:11:00 -
[54]
Your Isk I do need to make I won't PVP is yes
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Neamus
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:12:00 -
[55]
This is probably an April fools joke, but I'm in desperate need of isk so I'll bite anyway..
Some eve related jokes seem to be in order, but I'm not very good at making jokes up so I've blatantly plagiarised from other sites. But hopefully they'll get a laugh
Yo Mama á á á á á á á Yo Mama's so fat it took me 1 second to target her. Yo Mama's so fat she needs to be cynoed to the store Yo Mama's so fat when she jumped through the gate she crashed the node Yo Mama's so fat you can anchor a pos next to her Yo Mama's so fat, she has to jump twice Yo Mama's so fat, her gravity pulls ships out of warp Yo Mama's so fat, she has her own sov Yo Mama's so fat NC mistook her for a region Yo Mama's so fat it's not possible to calculate the effects of target painting Yo Mama's so fat her pod is a titan Yo Mama's so fat I've petitioned her for exploiting
You know you've played to much eve when you:
- In a bar fight you try to orbit your opponent - Some friends turn up and you start calling primaries - You refuse to leave the house because you can't find your pod - You 'push-to-talk' to someone in the same room (I actually keep doing this when I talk to my gf :() - You cant get into your own yard because the gate is camped - When you scream POINT AND WEB IT when your dog runs away - you look at a rock in your driveway, and wonder how much ISK it will bring you
Misc
Q: Why did the Dev cross the road?
A: I'm sorry but our logs show nothing
A pirate enters a bar in lowsec with a ships wheel attached to his crotch. The Bartender looks strangely at him, and says; 'Hey matey, what's that ships wheel for?' The Pirate replies 'Yarr, its drivin' me nuts!'
And one last joke that's not eve related, but I like it anyway
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, ôYou know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.ö The Irishman replies, ôWell, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and IÆm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that weÆd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.ö The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back for the second round, the bartender says, ôI donÆt want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.ö
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. ôOh, no,ö he says, ôeveryoneÆs fine. IÆve just quit drinking.ö
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Katsumoto
Caldari Quam Singulari Session Changes
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:12:00 -
[56]
Whatever you send me ill send triple back! .
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Rek Seven
Gallente Guy Fawkes Trust Fund
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:15:00 -
[57]
Edited by: Rek Seven on 01/04/2011 12:15:44 I've been saving this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92KxMRUpmP4
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Guilliman R
Gallente Northstar Cabal R.A.G.E
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:17:00 -
[58]
When you inevitably toss the coins, I don't want head ------
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thatbloke
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:18:00 -
[59]
A selection of German jokes:
Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
A man walks into a pub. He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
What do you call a cat with no tail? A Manx cat.
Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One.
How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is far more efficient in both time and money to change it yourself. Failing that, ask a relative or neighbour to change it for you.
Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede? A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.
How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing.
A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says, "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says, "I just got back from a funeral"
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? "Would you like an ice pack?"
Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work? He was weird.
A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first? Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.
A man walks into a *****house and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life. When asked if he could see the humour in the situation, the child replied, "No. No, I don't."
A man called a lawyer and asked, "How much will you charge me to answer three questions?" The lawyer said "$400." "Wow," said the man. "Isn't that a lot?" "I guess so," said the lawyer. "When are you going to ask your questions?"
How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house? You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbours saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.
Originally by: CCP Shadow I think we'd be better off with a troll shard.
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thatbloke
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:22:00 -
[60]
more German jokes:
Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview. The interviewing FBI agent tells the first man, 'To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun.' The man takes the gun, hesitates, and says, 'Sorry, I can't do it.' The next interviewee enters the office and the agent tells him the same thing he told the first guy. The second man takes the gun, walks into the room, and walks out. 'Sorry, I can't.' he says. The last man enters the office and the interviewer said yet again explains the test.' The man says "I'm sorry I love my wife too much to do such a harmful thing, I guess the FBI is not for me after all."
What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? They were my friends.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removers van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.
Satan takes the form of Jesus and appears to three priests saying that if they do something evil, he'll let them drink of the holy water. The three priests discuss the offer and come to the conclusion that Satan must be tricking them into committing sin. When confronted with this accusation, Satan reveals his dastardly plot and salutes the priests on their cunning and steadfast faith.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf.
Otto and Beata give birth to a young child. This is impossible, because a baby cannot be born as a young child, therefore the previous sentence is rendered void and should be corrected. I apologise on behalf of myself, and myself only, for this major yet forgivable mistake.
The Pope walks into a bar. The bartender says, what'll ya have, Pope? But the Pope's grasp of English is tenuous at best, so he mumbles something in Latin. The bartender doesn't know any Latin. The Pope gets frustrated and leaves.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, it's really nice.
Where did ****** keep his armies? The brunt of his forces were applied to the Eastern front, but throughout different periods of the war, a sizable chunk were used to protect the Atlantic Wall and a handful of divisions were used in Africa, to secure shipping routes.
A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle. The kid yells "God damn!" as he begins to fix it. A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vein and says "Don't say 'God damn' say 'God help us'". The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me".
Originally by: CCP Shadow I think we'd be better off with a troll shard.
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Chesty McJubblies
Gallente Center for Advanced Studies
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:24:00 -
[61]
April 1.
/end.
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Valari Nala Zena
Caldari Perkone
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:37:00 -
[62]
Originally by: Chesty McJubblies April 1.
/end.
While we all kinda know for sure, this thread is still a good one :)
/resume
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Barakkus
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:42:00 -
[63]
Couple of friends of mine had a band, I used to go help record tracks for them.
One day we went to go pick up the guitarist (Brad) at his apartment for a session. We ended up sitting around and getting really trashed for a couple hours before we actually left. Brad lived in a 3 story apartment building with a REALLY long flight of stairs up. When we finally got around to leaving, everyone but Brad went down and hung out at the car for a bit. I don't know what the hell he was doing, but it was taking forever and the beer was beckoning to my nether regions for release...
After hanging out for a bit by the car, I decided I needed to go take a **** before we actually got underway. So I go back in the apartment building and I'm climbing the mount everest of stair cases and I guess I figured I had gone up enough flights of stairs and went for the first door I found and assumed it was his. The door was unlocked, which made me think I found the right place and I just walk on in....
...I open the door and start walking down the hallway...I'm pretty drunk at this point and I thought something was a bit different, but just brushed it off since I had only been at Brad's place a couple times...As I'm walking down the hall I see a group of people at the end sitting on the couch...an old lady, a couple kids and what I assume is their mother. They're all a a bit "brown" so I assumed it was his wife's family since she's Mexican and I keep on going...
I'm wearing combat boots, BDU pants, old ripped up flannel, a t-shirt and a biker jacket with a big ole Misfits skull on the back...I think the sight of me freaked the people on the couch out so I waved, while I'm wondering how Aida's relatives ended up in the apartment and I didn't even notice them entering the building while we were standing out front...
...as I get to the end of the hall, I notice some guy jump up and start heading towards me shaking his hands like he's telling me no, and it hits me...I just wandered in to some middle eastern family's apartment randomly...The look on their faces was of complete horror seeing some militant looking guy in a biker jacket wandering down their front hall...I started appologizing and made a beeline for the front door...After I got out I was nearly dying laughing all the way up to Brad's place and all the way back down to the car after relieving myself in the appropriate apartment lol... - - [SERVICE] Corp Standings For POS anchoring
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Ingvar Angst
Amarr Omni Industrial Coalition Talocan United
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:44:00 -
[64]
Aside from the expected April 1st shenanigans ...
OK, here we go. A Minmatar, Caldari and Ammarian walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
If you have some appreciation for the comedic stylings of a relatively noobish yet amazingly good looking Amarrian (with no alts, btw), it would be appreciated.
If you do quit, best of luck and fly safe.
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Chesty McJubblies
Gallente Center for Advanced Studies
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:50:00 -
[65]
Originally by: Valari Nala Zena
Originally by: Chesty McJubblies April 1.
/end.
While we all kinda know for sure, this thread is still a good one :)
/resume
I was watching Jimmy Carr the other day, and here's one:
When I was a kid, I was scared of the dentist. He was a pedophile.
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Vantoth
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:51:00 -
[66]
How are an overweight woman and a brick alike?
Both will eventually get laid by an illegal immigrant from south of the American border.
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Mr LaForge
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Posted - 2011.04.01 12:52:00 -
[67]
Vegeta, what does the wallet say about his ISK level?
Its over 90 billion!!! *an ibis is doomsdayed*
90 Billion, that's impossible. There's no way that can be right!
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Jaketh Ivanes
Amarr House of El
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:00:00 -
[68]
Originally by: Telvani
Originally by: Burnharder A 3 year old character with 150bn and 103m in SP?
HAHAHA.
Not really sure where you are going with that one, his is SP lies well within the expected for his char age.
Really???? I must be doing something wrong then ...
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Flynn Fetladral
Caldari BlackSite Prophecy
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:00:00 -
[69]
103m SP char in three years of game time? :-/
Follow Flynn on Twitter |
Aoki Ayumi
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:11:00 -
[70]
I would be the happyest girl in the world if someone would gift me someday with some isk... I am not looking at anyone... :*****
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Akita T
Caldari Navy Volunteer Task Force
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:14:00 -
[71]
We shall take your light converters. _
Make ISK||Build||React||1k papercuts _
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Ingvar Angst
Amarr Omni Industrial Coalition Talocan United
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:15:00 -
[72]
Originally by: Aoki Ayumi I would be the happyest girl in the world if someone would gift me someday with some isk... I am not looking at anyone... :*****
How much of that would you spend on spelling lessons?
Thank you, thank you! I'm here 'til Thursday! Try the veal!
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Aoki Ayumi
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:22:00 -
[73]
happiest?
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Maraxus Coe
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:25:00 -
[74]
so Hemmo, do you remember your first blowjob?
...
How'd you get the taste out of your mouth? :D
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to the front of his pants. The bartender looks at him in confusion. "Ok Cap'n.. I'm pretty sure the common thing here is for a Parrot or some **** to be on your shoulder, and not a steering wheel on your crotch. So what's the deal?" The Pirate Captain looks him dead in the eye "Arrr, it's Drivin' me nuts!"
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Tribal Trader
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:27:00 -
[75]
While this is sure to e an April 1st joke thread reading jokes is still fun, so here's mine:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ôThatÆs the ugliest baby that IÆve ever seen. Ugh!ö The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ôThe driver just insulted me!ö The man says: ôYou go right up there and tell him off û go ahead, IÆll hold your monkey for you.ö
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Rellik B00n
Lethal Death Squad
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:27:00 -
[76]
happy April 1st!
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "HereÆs a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my **** inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
. -IRON MIKE IS hi sec lolwarrior- |
Cairn Bolete
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:29:00 -
[77]
Lolz
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Grey Stormshadow
Starwreck Industries
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:39:00 -
[78]
Your stuff combined with my skills would end up to epic failfest and one damn expensive killmail.
------------------------------------------------- Play with the best - die like the rest starwreck.com - support the cause :) |
Hazel Desjani
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:43:00 -
[79]
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask for his three-hole punch.
Well, it was funny to me.
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Keras Authion
Science and Trade Institute
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:43:00 -
[80]
I'll just leave this here.
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Pr1ncess Alia
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:44:00 -
[81]
I was going to make you laugh.
Then I read the part about where you have been playing for 3 years but you consider yourself from the old generation.
And you made me laugh.
/04's and '03s, ban everyone else //Can we rename it to "April Idiots Day"?
--- Players are losing faith and loyalty in CCP due previous expansions not living up to player expectations. The CSM and CCP agreed that expectation management can be improved |
Togalosh
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:47:00 -
[82]
How do you know you've been robbed by a chinese person?
Your homework is all done and they are still trying to back out of your driveway.
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Scortched Merc
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:50:00 -
[83]
I am the face of Eve's learning curve!
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Rakshasa Taisab
Caldari Sane Industries Inc. Initiative Mercenaries
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:53:00 -
[84]
Please pass me the GS and PI stuff, I'd hate to see some pleb prematurely sell them on market leading to me cashing in being delayed by weeks.
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Noran Ferah
Red Sky Morning
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:54:00 -
[85]
Bitter vets best vets.
Can I have your mount?
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Chesty McJubblies
Gallente Center for Advanced Studies
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:54:00 -
[86]
Danone
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Lost Greybeard
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Posted - 2011.04.01 13:56:00 -
[87]
So I says to him I says, "that's no Dominix, that's my wife!" ---
If you outlaw tautologies, only outlaws will have tautologies. ~Anonymous |
Kashmyta
Gallente The Elect
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:10:00 -
[88]
This is all
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Jennifer Starling
Imperial Navy Forum Patrol
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:11:00 -
[89]
Edited by: Jennifer Starling on 01/04/2011 14:10:49
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen Im giving away: 25b isk liq 40b in random officermods 15b in Guidancesystems & some other PI investments 8b in deadspace mods all over eve 1 x the right to buy this sub cap char (103m sp) for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 70m perfect nyx char for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 50m maxed missile & racial caldari char Some other low sp chars (8-17m sp chars)
I don't want perfect characters. Don't you have a few cats that I can have?
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xXxSatsujinxXx
Reaper Industries Eternal Rapture
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:30:00 -
[90]
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen (head always wins)
/me gives head
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Edrakiss
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:33:00 -
[91]
Sorry to hear you're leaving Hemmo.
Perhaps one day soon ccp will fix the things important to you
Not even I could say that with a straight face.
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Demolishar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:34:00 -
[92]
Make Amazing Crystals!
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Maximillian Dragonard
The Social Club
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:34:00 -
[93]
/me chops off xXxSatsujinxXx's head and hands it to you....
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Xercodo
Amarr Daj'Juntar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:36:00 -
[94]
meow?
-------------------------------------------------- The drake is a lie
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Skippermonkey
Suddenly Ninjas Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:36:00 -
[95]
WHALE STEAK IS TASTY :) |
Leeroy McJenkins
GoonWaffe Goonswarm Federation
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:38:00 -
[96]
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen pvp is broken...
PVP is not broken, please see below.
Originally by: Leeroy McJenkins There is no real pvp in EVE, there is only winning or losing and then feeling :smug: about winning or sore about losing. There is nothing wrong with this arrangement.
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KurnKuku
Minmatar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:52:00 -
[97]
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
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Ghengis Tia
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:53:00 -
[98]
True story. I'm feeling my oats in my new Harbinger, go to a 0.4 system and observe a Vagabond harassing the hell out of a Punisher. I feel sorry for the Punisher and intervene, ignoring the warning pop-up, and sic my drones and open fire on the Vagabond.
The vagabond outruns my Hammerheads, I realize I can't catch him, and so I fly off to rat in some 'roid fields. (by now you're rolling your eyes at my stupidity, but it gets better, I promise). Anyway I'm now surrounded by a Maelstrom, the Vaga, pointed by some frig, and taking a wailing. I lamely sic my drones on the tackler, and watch as my new Harby gets mauled. I am now in a pod, so in a panic I warp to the gate to hi-sec.
Waiting there, of course, is another crony who proceeds to pod me. Did I mention I had all my +4 implants in?
I realize later the Vag and Punisher were in the same corp, and were just training.
So being in a state of disbelief and shock, I replace all my implants, jump in a hauler, and proceed to pick up some large containers I got a good deal on. The location is in lo-sec, something I blithely ignore. I get to the system, and still a bit dazed and confused try to figure out which station to go to. Sure enough I get blown away and podded with my second set of +4 implants.
What a lousy Christmas day, man.
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Arianna Satellizer
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Posted - 2011.04.01 14:54:00 -
[99]
There are three guys. One guy says " I have the shortest arm in the world!" The other guy says " I have the smallest leg in the world!" The 3rd guy says " I have the smallest **** in the world. So they all decide to travel to the Guinness world records headquarters to see if they actually do. The first guy comes out and says " I do have the smallest arm in the world!!!!!!!!!!!" The 2nd guy comes out and says "I do have the smallest leg in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The 3rd guy comes out and says " Who the **** is Justin Bieber!!!!!!!!!??????"
Yes its a Bieber joke...Hand over the ISKIES!
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Lord Qe
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:02:00 -
[100]
One dark night when the moon was green, around the corner came a fart machine.. a fart was let, a scream was heard... suddenly Hemmo Paskiainen was hit by a flying turd!!!
Me poem
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vulnevia
Rhyming Space Whores
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:09:00 -
[101]
Just give me all your ships
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CommmanderInChief
Comply Or Die Shit.Happens
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:10:00 -
[102]
if this doesnt make you laugh then your dead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-UF-h1K4rM
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Jimmy Ray
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:15:00 -
[103]
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: ôMy friend is dead! What can I do?ö
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: ôJust take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.ö There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: ôOK, now what?ô No Guts, No Galaxy!
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Ymirus
Minmatar Fly Drunk Fatal Ascension
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:16:00 -
[104]
OP posted on April Fool's. 4 pages worth of people begging for stuff. That in itself is pretty funny if you ask me. If you do actually quit, take care in real life and perhaps we'll see you again at some point. Also, I don't want your stuff. o7
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Roflus Prime
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:17:00 -
[105]
April Fools, and all these jokes in one thread. Excellent!
How about a one liner? Feels pretty appropriate for EVE.
"I don't know what hurts more: The fact that you caught me tricking you, or the lack of trust!"
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SupaKudoRio
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:19:00 -
[106]
Edited by: SupaKudoRio on 01/04/2011 15:18:49 Happy april fools! Also, if you can watch this with a straight face, I'll give you 9001 isk.
Ye'llo? |
Hestia Mar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:19:00 -
[107]
how much drugs does Charlie Sheen do?
Enough to kill two and a half men
H
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Lise Kahel
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:21:00 -
[108]
Originally by: Ymirus OP posted on April Fool's. 4 pages worth of people begging for stuff. That in itself is pretty funny if you ask me. If you do actually quit, take care in real life and perhaps we'll see you again at some point. Also, I don't want your stuff. o7
There's good material in here though.
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Joe Skellington
Minmatar JOKAS Industries Matari Legion
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:21:00 -
[109]
Slapchop
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Jimmy Ray
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:28:00 -
[110]
Contrary to me posting a joke earlier in the thread.
I now declare BS and claim April fools on this thread.
woo.
*cries* No Guts, No Galaxy!
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Nimbat
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:32:00 -
[111]
How many babies do you need to paint a house?
-Depends how hard you throw.
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E Normus
Minmatar Willy's Woughnecks Tides of Silence Alliance
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:34:00 -
[112]
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender say's to him " Hey buddy , why the long face ? "
"Do or do not , there is no try" Yoda. |
Jin Sangkhapong
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:34:00 -
[113]
Was going to post a joke, but hmm nah, april 1'st...
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Aniara Starchild
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:35:00 -
[114]
Regardless of the fact its april the 1st, this one is still a nice laugh. So enjoy. A Belfast Radio Station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary, yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali. DJ: "96FM here, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi, me name's Dave" DJ: "Dave, what's your word?" Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'" DJ: "... You are correct Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" Caller: "Goan f**k yourself" The DJ cut the caller short and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: DJ: "96FM, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi, my name's Jeff" DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?" Caller: "Smee... spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'" DJ: "... You are correct Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?" Caller: "Smee again! Goan f**k yourself"
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Felix Ellahine
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:36:00 -
[115]
this is not an alt. |
Joe Skellington
Minmatar JOKAS Industries Matari Legion
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:37:00 -
[116]
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It is a really obscure number and you have probably never heard of it.
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NebNeb
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:41:00 -
[117]
Edited by: NebNeb on 01/04/2011 15:43:37 Edited by: NebNeb on 01/04/2011 15:41:37 will LOL fits be enough to impress you for the wonderful iskies???!!!
As we're not allowed to link killboard links am i right? Check my bio for a X3 LOL fit pirate gang that was living in aridia.
shock shock horror horror
bait navy augoror does it again!
Why do they always fit cap rechargers?
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Aranzazu
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:42:00 -
[118]
Whats worse than a pitt-bull whos got aids?
... The guy who gave it to him!
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Xelena Shellar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 15:46:00 -
[119]
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen After plaing the game for 3 yrs now i have decided to quit EVE. Im fed up with the way EVE is going atm. Im a eve player form the old genaration. Im only playing the game to shoot other people. Past year i hoped ccp would fnaly get it, pvp is broken... So many shiptypes and especialy my favourite Black Op's. After realizing that ccp dont learn form their mistakes and the CSM is a joke (see black op linky) i think its enough to cancel my 4 accounts.
Im giving away: 25b isk liq 40b in random officermods 15b in Guidancesystems & some other PI investments 8b in deadspace mods all over eve 1 x the right to buy this sub cap char (103m sp) for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 70m perfect nyx char for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 50m maxed missile & racial caldari char Some other low sp chars (8-17m sp chars)
How can u win this stuff? Post in here and make me laugh. The best 4 post are getting picked out and i will toss a few coins. (head always wins )
Good Lucky
You can't leave now, you'll regret it. Look at all the good things CCP is doing now, we have INCARNA to look forward to! You'll be able to sit in your captains quarters, how awesome is that?
How can you bash on the CSM and all the great things they have accomplished? The CSM provides a great opportunity for popular people to get a free vacation to Iceland. not too mention all the information to assist in insider trading!
Also, how can you say CCP doesn't listen to their player base? We just had the much-requested and much-needed anomoly nerf!
You are leaving in EVEs' golden age : /
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Kan'loch Lacoud
Autistic Sharks Test Alliance Please Ignore
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:11:00 -
[120]
The funniest thing in EVE right now is the ever growing ineptitude of the CCP GM staff. I can fly frigates and cruisers. |
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Nuniki
Percussive Diplomacy
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:20:00 -
[121]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_9Itz7z7I
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Hashpipe Malone
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:22:00 -
[122]
Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong once had a Testicle contest.
Chuck won by five.
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Zemkhoff
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:24:00 -
[123]
Edited by: Zemkhoff on 01/04/2011 16:25:36 some red pandas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6GaPkkGZGw
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Barakkus
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:28:00 -
[124]
Originally by: Demolishar
Make Amazing Crystals!
I want to know how many idiots on the forums try this at home and die from the mustard gas they make in step 2. - - [SERVICE] Corp Standings For POS anchoring
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000Hunter000
Gallente Missiles 'R' Us
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:29:00 -
[125]
Hm... i'm hoping for the sympathy share here...
Now the story... I'm old... in eve terms that is. I might not be the oldest player in eve, but i'm betting i have one of the oldest original owned chars, which has never unsubbed in all of that time.
So in short, i started this char in april 2004 (yes 7 years ago gdit!!! ) and never stopped training on it nor stopped paying my sub...
... And i'm poor... yes ok, i do have a few ships here and there, but thats it... i have a lousy 100 mill in my wallet, this for a 7 year old char who never stopped playing is... to say the least... laughable!!!
Please help me feel less ashamed ________________________________________________
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A'Brantox Foson
Minmatar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:33:00 -
[126]
u can take that isk and shove it up your ass :)
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Lost Greybeard
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:37:00 -
[127]
Originally by: Joe Skellington Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It is a really obscure number and you have probably never heard of it.
Nah, they had to sell out to get enough light, you need a lot of bulbs when you're underground. ---
If you outlaw tautologies, only outlaws will have tautologies. ~Anonymous |
Father Void
Minmatar Coronal Mass Enterprise
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:42:00 -
[128]
Edited by: Father Void on 01/04/2011 16:45:17 This may get me in trouble for being mildly offensive but what the hell.
A came up with a new term today. (Not sure if it already existed but to my mind it was original)
I was walking to work listening to some NIN and this convertible almost hits me. First reaction after my heart resettled in my chest was "Who's the douche in the convertible?" I generally like a convertible on a sunny day but also believe that douches generally inhabit them. It's a paradox.
So I look into the eyes of a barbi blonde complete with a micro dog creature in the passenger seat. She starts screaming at me in some hyper-bone shattering shrill voice. This tone apparently resonates with the "dog" and it starts yapping at me. Great now half the people walking to work are staring at me.
Some primal part of my brain responds and says "Shut Up **** Sock."
I laughed to myself all the way to work and heard several people chuckling and talking about it behind. Good morning.
I have stared down the abyss. |
Lord Wamphyri
Amarr Starside Lost
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:43:00 -
[129]
Ah hell.. why not?
A husband walks into VictoriaÆs Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy), "I have an idea .... it's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
He never heard the shot.
Funeral is on Thursday at Noon. The coffin will be closed.
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medea betencore
Gallente The Scope
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:44:00 -
[130]
What do a divorce and a tornado in Alabama have in common?
SOMEBODY'S LOSING A MOBILE HOME
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Xantish
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:47:00 -
[131]
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they are ugly and stink
Can i haz some stuff
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Ioci
Gallente Morrigna Order
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:48:00 -
[132]
40 billion in officer mods and you are rage quitting because the the Blocks Ops doesn't meet MSRP? |
Eyup Mi'duck
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:49:00 -
[133]
Once upon a time there was this rich EVE player who decided to forum emo-rage-quit on the 1st of April, and offered to give away all his stuff to the best posts. But nobody knew if he serious or not, 'cos it was the first of April, but they posted anyway, because hope springs eternal.
Deep down, they knew they wouldn't get anything, because this is EVE and in EVE you get griefed and scammed, but they posted anyway. Because that is what you do in EVE.
Ha ha ha. Who gets the last laugh? Nice one.
The end.
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Oni Sixx
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:49:00 -
[134]
Edited by: Oni Sixx on 01/04/2011 16:52:21 Linkage
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Zeetchmen
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:52:00 -
[135]
I love the beginning day of the fourth month of the year.
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Jowen Datloran
Caldari Science and Trade Institute
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:53:00 -
[136]
Give me your ISK and I will buy a black ops and go and kill a titan.
Ibis, I mean. I should stand a pretty good chance.
-- Mr. Science & Trade Institute - EVE Lorebook - Mysteries of W-space |
Herrring
Amarr National Quality Breaker
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 16:54:00 -
[137]
Ok i know its an april fools thread but still..
its fun to share jokes.
Anyway, here is mine that I heard a few years back.
In an American base somewhere in the middle east.
A new commander is assigned to this base.
The new commander while looking around the base, notices a camel tied up in the middle of the base.
So he asks his lieutenant, "What is that camel doing there?"
"the soldiers use it when they get "lonely" at night"
The commander although a bit disgusted, nods thinking it's probably better to keep it than demoralizing the troops.
For months, every time someone untied the camel and took it away the commander just looked the other way.
However, as time passed by, days became weeks and weeks became months, the commander himself was feeling a bit tempted. It has been so long since he has been with his wife.
One day, the commander called his lieutenant and tells him to bring the camel to his room at night.
The lieutenant, with a confused look, tells the commander that he will bring the camel that night. Orders are orders after all.
The next morning,the satisfied commander calls his lieutenant and says "Wow, that was really something. Now i understand why the old commander kept the camel. Do other soldiers also sleep with the camel often when they are horny?"
And the liuetenant says, "no sir, When they feel horny, they just ride the camel to the town to pickup women"
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Aloe Cloveris
The Greater Goon
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Posted - 2011.04.01 16:57:00 -
[138]
Edited by: Aloe Cloveris on 01/04/2011 16:59:39 Q. What did the little boy who lost his arms and legs in a house fire get for Christmas?
A. Cancer. |
The Old Chap
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:04:00 -
[139]
OK, so another true story....
During the great flood, after forty days and nights at sea, Noah's family decided they couldn't put up with the smell any more and decided to throw all the animals sh*t overboard. So they all got to work with their shovels and spent all the next day chucking sh*t over the side.
Don't you know, it stayed there undiscovered for thousands of years until one day, this guy called Christopher Columbus found it again.
I guess that's no iskies for me if the OP is a yank...
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Mecinia Lua
Galactic Express Intrepid Crossing
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:05:00 -
[140]
wo Sides of War by Grantland Rice
"All wars are planned by older men In council rooms apart, Who call for greater armament And map the battle chart.
But out along the shattered field Where golden dreams turn gray, How very young the faces were Where all the dead men lay.
Portly and solemn in their pride, The elders cast their vote For this or that, or something else, That sounds the martial note.
But where their sightless eyes stare out Beyond life's vanished toys, I've noticed nearly all the dead Were hardly more than boys."
Thoughts expressed are mine and mine alone. They do not necessarily reflect my alliances thoughts.
[orange]Your signature is to |
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A'Brantox Foson
Minmatar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:09:00 -
[141]
Edited by: A''Brantox Foson on 01/04/2011 17:12:13 hipsters joke gets my money... they do my nuts in, except for the lady ones :)
Unfortunatly I have no isk for any1
Edit: Or do i? heh heh... -best derogatry joke about hipstars gets 50mil from my main.
A'Bran
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Rilliafane
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:12:00 -
[142]
Originally by: 000Hunter000 Hm... i'm hoping for the sympathy share here...
Now the story... I'm old... in eve terms that is. I might not be the oldest player in eve, but i'm betting i have one of the oldest original owned chars, which has never unsubbed in all of that time.
So in short, i started this char in april 2004 (yes 7 years ago gdit!!! ) and never stopped training on it nor stopped paying my sub...
... And i'm poor... yes ok, i do have a few ships here and there, but thats it... i have a lousy 100 mill in my wallet, this for a 7 year old char who never stopped playing is... to say the least... laughable!!!
Please help me feel less ashamed
Sympathy share? I thought the point was to make the OP laugh. Regardless, your situation is nothing that deserves sympathy. You're just lazy in-game.
On the other hand, why don't you try going through life with a 1.5 inch crank that grows to a full 2 inches when erect. You think you got problems? I got laid once and somehow every woman in the world instantly knew about it. Never got a date again. I found one woman who agreed to have my children but would only do it through artificial insemination because she could feel the syringe more than she could feel my pecker.
Do you know how they obtain the little guys? ************. You don't know humiliation until you have been asked to jerk off in a doctors office and have to use only two fingers to do it.
Oh, and male enhancement is a joke for someone like me. Do you know that every enlargement product available is designed for 5 inches at the minimum? I rattle around inside that pump like a marble in a coffee can. It's like trying to put a ballpoint pen inside a toilet paper tube and expecting something to happen. Humiliation is when you realize that your pubic hair is longer than your shank. Hung like a button on a wool coat. Yep, that's me.
So don't you dare ask for sympathy over something like that and call back when you have real issues.
Thank you.
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Xavier Rebus
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:13:00 -
[143]
As it's April fools let the jokes roll! Man gets home from work and say to his wife 'Get me a beer before it starts' She brings one, he drinks it and says to her 'Quick get me another before it starts' again she returns with a beer and he drinks it before saying 'another before it starts' She says 'Listen here you lazy fat bastard, you walk in here, sit down and start barking orders.... The man puts his head in his hands, grits his teeth and says '**** me it's started.....'
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Lost Greybeard
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:13:00 -
[144]
Originally by: Eyup Mi'duck but they posted anyway, because hope springs eternal.
Yes, because there's absolutely no reason other than hoping that you'll get paid off to post in the "make a joke on April 1" thread. ---
If you outlaw tautologies, only outlaws will have tautologies. ~Anonymous |
Donatien de'Sade
Ars Notoria
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:15:00 -
[145]
Once upon a time, I bought a Sin...
----------------------------------------------------------- In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move |
Herrring
Amarr National Quality Breaker
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:17:00 -
[146]
Originally by: Rilliafane
Originally by: 000Hunter000 Hm... i'm hoping for the sympathy share here...
Now the story... I'm old... in eve terms that is. I might not be the oldest player in eve, but i'm betting i have one of the oldest original owned chars, which has never unsubbed in all of that time.
So in short, i started this char in april 2004 (yes 7 years ago gdit!!! ) and never stopped training on it nor stopped paying my sub...
... And i'm poor... yes ok, i do have a few ships here and there, but thats it... i have a lousy 100 mill in my wallet, this for a 7 year old char who never stopped playing is... to say the least... laughable!!!
Please help me feel less ashamed
Sympathy share? I thought the point was to make the OP laugh. Regardless, your situation is nothing that deserves sympathy. You're just lazy in-game.
On the other hand, why don't you try going through life with a 1.5 inch crank that grows to a full 2 inches when erect. You think you got problems? I got laid once and somehow every woman in the world instantly knew about it. Never got a date again. I found one woman who agreed to have my children but would only do it through artificial insemination because she could feel the syringe more than she could feel my pecker.
Do you know how they obtain the little guys? ************. You don't know humiliation until you have been asked to jerk off in a doctors office and have to use only two fingers to do it.
Oh, and male enhancement is a joke for someone like me. Do you know that every enlargement product available is designed for 5 inches at the minimum? I rattle around inside that pump like a marble in a coffee can. It's like trying to put a ballpoint pen inside a toilet paper tube and expecting something to happen. Humiliation is when you realize that your pubic hair is longer than your shank. Hung like a button on a wool coat. Yep, that's me.
So don't you dare ask for sympathy over something like that and call back when you have real issues.
Thank you.
Dang..... thats all i can say.
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Chris Fierce
Caldari NoD Imperium
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:19:00 -
[147]
I think there may be a problem at UCLA.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqqvlXasBfk ---------------------------
I gashmoygadied her gaflavity with my googus and won 500 mill. |
quickshot89
Caldari b.b.k Fidelas Constans
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:21:00 -
[148]
Chuck Noris used to be it all, then CCP nerfed him
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Zwyggy Zythum
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:22:00 -
[149]
Nice April Fool's joke.
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Soma Khan
Caldari
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:24:00 -
[150]
nice april fools troll!
10/10 __
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Ron Livingston
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:32:00 -
[151]
I got reported on the CVA intelligence channel in a POD, and set KOS without firing a shot.
Also,
Chuck Norris' **** is so big, it has its own ****, and that one is still bigger than yours.
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Tim Chyb
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 17:36:00 -
[152]
9 of 10 voices in my head tell me i'm not crazy. the 10th just keeps humming the melody to tetris.
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Cyaxares II
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:37:00 -
[153]
Edited by: Cyaxares II on 01/04/2011 17:38:00
Originally by: Barakkus
Originally by: Demolishar
Make Amazing Crystals!
I want to know how many idiots on the forums try this at home and die from the mustard gas they make in step 2.
none.
mixing bleach and ammonia creates chlorine gas not mustard gas, new***.
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fire elf
Solar Storm Sev3rance
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:43:00 -
[154]
Ok This one I got sent to me and I thought it was funny
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
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Dippy Longstockings
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:44:00 -
[155]
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress.
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed, he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirmed that he was interested. She told him that since her husband, Bill, works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2pm Friday.
When Friday rolled around, and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bill came home from work at 6pm and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly, "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat, Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon."
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"
In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes in fact he did give me $500."
Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by my office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
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Hacra
Minmatar Cosmodynamics
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Posted - 2011.04.01 17:45:00 -
[156]
Sinun raha on my÷s minun raha.
This is ancient norwegian and means i like pie.
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Neoexecutor
Minmatar Skynet Technologies
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:01:00 -
[157]
Chuck Norris' daughter has lost her virginity... Chuck Norris got it back.
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Chuc Morris
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:02:00 -
[158]
Originally by: LordInvisible Chuck Noriss's car is so fast, that his GPS is talking in past tense.
WTF ??? SHUT UP KID !!
So, what's up?
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FeralShadow
RipStar. United Front Alliance
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:03:00 -
[159]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMSjd6HNQdY&feature=related
Also a joke:
A kid was going to have his first full night with his girlfriend one night. He was excited, as the prospect of sex was high, so he went into a pharmacy to buy some condoms. Approaching the counter, the pharmacist notices him and comes over. "What can I do for ya?" he says. The kid, not being very experienced, just shrugs at the pharmacist and says "I need some condoms, but I don't know which ones to get." The pharmacist smiles and says "Alright well, we have three different box sizes. We have a small one, for two times, a medium one for five times, or a big one for 15 times. How active are you going to be?". The kid smiles and says "Probably will need the big one.. You see, I'm going to a nice dinner with my girlfriend tonight and it will be our first time. I think we're going to be really busy!" "Ok," Says the pharmacist, and he rings up the order and the kid leaves the store.
Later that night, the kid gets to his girlfriend's house for dinner with her and her family, to get to know them. He rings the doorbell and his girlfriend comes and meets him and leads him to the dining room where her family was already sitting down to eat. The kid sits down next to her, the mom looks at him, smiles and says "Ok, would anybody like to say grace before we start?". The kid immediately raises his hand. They all bow their heads in prayer. The boy prays for five minutes.... ten minutes.... going on 15 minutes... the girl looks over at him in surprise and says "Wow, I didn't know you were so religious!" To which the boy replies "Yeah, and I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist.."
_______________________________________________ "If you want to taste the ground, feel free to attack." - Kenshin Himura
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Chuc Morris
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:04:00 -
[160]
Originally by: Neoexecutor Chuck Norris' daughter has lost her virginity... Chuck Norris got it back.
And you, ass hole, gona get my boot across your dirty face !
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Gaia Ma'chello
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:07:00 -
[161]
Sherlock Holmes and Watson went on a camping trip. During the night Holmes woke up, looked about, then woke Watson.
"Watson, look up, tell me what you see, and what you deduce"
"I see a myriad of stars. As I know one star has planets, ours, I expect that many of those stars must also have planets. And as I know one planet has intelligent life, I expect many of those planets do to. So I deduce that the universe contains many intelligent life forms other than ourselves."
"Watson you fool, during the night, someone stole our tent!"
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Nathanial Victor
Minmatar
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:11:00 -
[162]
ok , real funny guys
my kids aren't breathing, i have a headache, and worst of all THAT CRAP DIDN'T MAKE ANY CRYSTALS!
"one more spam thread will get you a warning. - Thanks Hutch. " isn't a warning of a warning a warning? or just a warning of a warning? didnt he just get 'the warning'?
my head hurts |
William Loire
State War Academy
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:16:00 -
[163]
That is all.
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Conar
Mafia Italiana
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:28:00 -
[164]
Edited by: Conar on 01/04/2011 18:32:17 A hot dog walks into a bar and orders: One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer. The bartender looks at him and says: Sorry, we don't serve food here.
- Conar
For an extra laugh, look up what my toon means in french. I promise I had no idea when I selected the name.
It's close to "Connard" which means motherf***er
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Fredfredbug4
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.01 18:48:00 -
[165]
April fools...
Isn't it obvious? All you slackers practically begging for something you will never get.
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Ardamalis
Caldari ScionTech Services
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Posted - 2011.04.01 19:18:00 -
[166]
Edited by: Ardamalis on 01/04/2011 19:18:21
In other news: North Korea has announced the following plans for Space Travel.
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Light Raider
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.01 19:22:00 -
[167]
OP after is 3 years playing EvE :)
Funny as hell
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Brutious Burlious
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Posted - 2011.04.01 19:26:00 -
[168]
Fracking EPIC troll sir! you sir are a genious.
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Light Raider
Gallente
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 19:36:00 -
[169]
Or This
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WishBlade
Caldari Atomic Heroes The G0dfathers
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 19:40:00 -
[170]
What do the tiger, and Siegfried have in common?
They both know what Roy tastes like.
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King Aires
Privateers Privateer Alliance
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Posted - 2011.04.01 20:06:00 -
[171]
Good day sir... If you give me your 150b I will triple it and send you 450b back. I swear
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Kratzi Nissinari
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Posted - 2011.04.01 20:31:00 -
[172]
Always review the owner's manual firstà
Dear Tech Support: Years ago I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity, such as Happy Hour 64, Golf 2.3, Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. Girlfriend 7.0 ran smoothly with all of these applications. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks, A Troubled User.
REPLY: Dear Troubled User,
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once Installed!
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 36.24. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck, Tech Support Ps. Some users have been successful with Wife 1.2 or even Wife 1.3, however, I do not recommend unless you read the owner's manual first.
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Fiori 161
Tear Factory
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 20:32:00 -
[173]
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen After plaing the game for 3 yrs now i have decided to quit EVE. Im fed up with the way EVE is going atm. Im a eve player form the old genaration. Im only playing the game to shoot other people. Past year i hoped ccp would fnaly get it, pvp is broken... So many shiptypes and especialy my favourite Black Op's. After realizing that ccp dont learn form their mistakes and the CSM is a joke (see black op linky) i think its enough to cancel my 4 accounts.
Post in here and make me laugh. The best 4 post are getting picked out and i will toss a few coins. (head always wins )
Good Lucky
I feel your pain, this is about where I am at (TBH have been there a good long while) The only reason why I continue to play is the investment in time that I put into EVE Online early on.
Part of the problem with EVE are the probies on the forums. 99% of the people here are troll alts or new people who just don't know any better, and the result is an environment so smeared with monkey poo that no intelligent debate can ever take place.
The vast and ever growing list of problems with this game are masked under a blanked of "U Mad" "Wow is that way" and "Bai"
I have nothing funny to say. I'm just hoping that soon a new MMO will come along that has what EVE once did a long time ago. Bound to happen eventually right?
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Chris Bartlett
Caldari C.R.M Productions BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2011.04.01 20:59:00 -
[174]
http://thekiller8.deviantart.com/art/Eve-Online-RMR-42347848
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Wooly Rider
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:05:00 -
[175]
I'd make you laugh on how I got this name in RL, but tbh laying low is probably the best course of action atm, especially since that dye the farmers use takes an age to come off. Damn it .. why does it have to be so blue.
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DG J
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Posted - 2011.04.01 21:08:00 -
[176]
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Graham Bell first invented telephone he had 2 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes.
You have 150b, Chuck Norris has 1b. Chuck Norris has more money than you.
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Mike TheMiner
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:09:00 -
[177]
Edited by: Mike TheMiner on 01/04/2011 21:09:42 Click here
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Pookie McPook
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:10:00 -
[178]
OK.....I'm feeling poor right now, so....
There is currently a debate on whether or not to show The Flinstones in the Middle East.The people in Dubai don't get the humour, but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?""Yes.""Oui.""Sf.""Ja."
Turns out 3DS doesn't work if you close one eye. Guess Nintendo really is serious about clamping down on pirates this hardware generation
and finally.....
How many immature teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Your mum.
Thank you and goodnight -----
Marmite. Rocket fuel of champions. |
Ningishzida
Amarr CTRL-Q
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:11:00 -
[179]
Mmmm! Goddamn, Hemmo! This is some serious gourmet ****! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET **** on us! What flavor is this?
You're... Hemmo, right? This is your house? I'm Ningzilla, I solve problems.
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Pfeng Tchuy
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:18:00 -
[180]
Man, seriously: Keep your stuff and ISK, you will come back anyway. |
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Cambarus
The Baros Syndicate
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:21:00 -
[181]
ITT people who do not know what day it is. |
Terig
Selectus Pravus Lupus Transmission Lost
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:23:00 -
[182]
1: Do you know why firetrucks are red? 2: Yes to camouflauge with the fire. 1: Nope, firetrucks are red because they have four wheels, and eight people ride on a firetruck. 1: 4 + 8 = 12 1: There are 12 inches in a ruler. ...1: Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. 1: They also named a ship after Queen Elizabeth. 1: The ship sailed the sea, the sea has fish. 1: Fish have fins, people in finland are called fins. 1: Finland and Russia were in a war a long time ago. 1: Russians are red. 1: Firetrucks are always 'Russian' around. :D 2: Oh ****, that just blew my mind.
-------
True story.
x > Ok so we had to go and distract them y > Well i was running around naked in my kitchen hoping they would see me z > lol y > Turns out my neighbour doesn't play eve x > lmao!
------- Not sure if i was allowed to do this or not :) -----------------
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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MissBehaving
Caldari The Resident Haunting Narwhals Ate My Duck
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:38:00 -
[183]
What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies? Bingo
What is a lesbianÆs favorite thing to eat? A Klon*****Bar
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
What is the cheapest meat? Deer balls, there under a buck.
What is the definition of a menstrual period? A bloody waste of ****ing time.
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, sees whatÆs in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees whatÆs in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running ****
What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot? Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball.
What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion? At a hockey game you see fast pucks.
Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken? After youÆve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Cant tell me you didnt crack a lil smile :P
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. |
Holy One
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:40:00 -
[184]
bah screw you and all the dancing ***s in this thread willing to debase themselves for pretend money.
BBQ makes me hungry for more... |
Matsif
Wraith.Wing Wildly Inappropriate.
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:40:00 -
[185]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnCk0uGwFZI
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Sixtina KL
The Shoop Group
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:41:00 -
[186]
A brother to his sister:
"Wow, you screw much better than mom does."
"I know. Dad told me already." __________________________________
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Lazer Bear
Amarr Original Ganksters O.G.-Alliance
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:42:00 -
[187]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnhF1QAEZjU&feature=player_embedded
You've been Trolled! You've been Trolled! You have probably been told. Don't reply, to this guy; he is just getting a rise, out of you! Yes it's true, you respond and thats his cue to start trouble on the double while he strokes his manly stubble You've been Trolled! You've been Trolled! You should probably just fold When the only winning move is not to play And yet you keep on trying, Mindlessly Replying. You've been Trolled. You've been Trolled. Have a Nice Day!
|
BeanBagKing
Terra Incognita Intrepid Crossing
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:43:00 -
[188]
What do Bud Light and sex in a canoe have in common?
Their both ****ing close to water!
|
Wolfy2449
Gallente Federal Navy Academy
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:45:00 -
[189]
I wonder how many alts there are in this topic xD Signature removed for being not EVE related. Zymurgist |
Holy One
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:46:00 -
[190]
Originally by: Wolfy2449 I wonder how many alts there are in this topic xD
I wonder how many real billions there are in this April ******.
BBQ makes me hungry for more... |
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NinjaSpud
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:46:00 -
[191]
99% sure this is an april 1st joke...but hey that's all good.
SO, a Gallente, Mimnitar, Amarr and Caldari pilot where all in a bar, talking about variouse topics. Inevitably the topic of God came up. Of course the Amarr was the first to speak up saying:
"God is Amarr, he beleives in the strongest to rule, that's why the Amarr rule supreime."
The Gellente was the next one to chip in:
"No, God's Gallente, he made every man equal and as equal we stand together like God."
Just as the Caldari pilot was about to chime in, the Mimnitar pilot drew his gun and shot the other 3. Then he said,
"Arn't we at war?"
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Hakkar'al Gallente
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:54:00 -
[192]
Edited by: Hakkar''al Gallente on 01/04/2011 21:54:02 In case this isn't the obvious April Fool thingy, the second half of this actually has me rolling on the floor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir3qJDhJ_xU&feature=related
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NinjaSpud
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 21:54:00 -
[193]
also (for the sake of comedy)
Did you know in WWII, Chuck Norris once shot down a **** plane by pointing is finger in the air and yelling out "BANG".
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Whitehound
The Whitehound Corporation Frontline Assembly Point
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:12:00 -
[194]
What pathetic thread. --
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rock crawlermne
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:13:00 -
[195]
Originally by: Whitehound What pathetic thread.
what well grammar
|
Whitehound
The Whitehound Corporation Frontline Assembly Point
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:15:00 -
[196]
Edited by: Whitehound on 01/04/2011 22:16:53
Originally by: rock crawlermne
Originally by: Whitehound What pathetic thread.
what well grammar
I am short of lacking the words for it.
@OP: buy some PLEX for Japan. --
|
rock crawlermne
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:17:00 -
[197]
Originally by: Whitehound
Originally by: rock crawlermne
Originally by: Whitehound What pathetic thread.
what well grammar
I am short of lacking the words for it.
LOL
Learn to speak the language, before shooting out insults from it!
|
Whitehound
The Whitehound Corporation Frontline Assembly Point
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:19:00 -
[198]
Edited by: Whitehound on 01/04/2011 22:25:13
Originally by: rock crawlermne Learn to speak the language, before shooting out insults from it!
Why? And what insult?! ... Are you a troll or just lonely? --
|
Callum Hughes
Caldari Northstar Cabal R.A.G.E
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:19:00 -
[199]
obvs april fools... _________________________________________________________________________________
im an eve addict :) |
Light Raider
Gallente
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:26:00 -
[200]
Originally by: Lazer Bear http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnhF1QAEZjU&feature=player_embedded
You've been Trolled! You've been Trolled! You have probably been told. Don't reply, to this guy; he is just getting a rise, out of you! Yes it's true, you respond and thats his cue to start trouble on the double while he strokes his manly stubble You've been Trolled! You've been Trolled! You should probably just fold When the only winning move is not to play And yet you keep on trying, Mindlessly Replying. You've been Trolled. You've been Trolled. Have a Nice Day!
This
I don't mind
Had a few nice laughs hope to give you some of them.
Better than CCP April fools blog
|
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Vargo Breen
Wormhole Flatulence
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 22:54:00 -
[201]
Log onto Eve forums
Post something funny.
???????
Profit!
|
Chu Mei
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 23:00:00 -
[202]
Hi Hemmo Paskiainen
from Gallente to Gallente i told you don t give away all your stuff. in the future it will come a time you want login again for a look and you bite you in your ass when you realize that you cant come back or all your stuff is away what you collect in the past
take a deep breath cancel your account and when you loved this game I think you come back sometime in the future and it s a good feeling when you see all your ships, suff and isk waiting for a new beginning
thats all from Gallente to Gallente
if you are not convinced support my corp and if you feel a eve tingle you have than a Captain's Quarter and a little rookie ship
one Gallente always Gallente
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rock crawlermne
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 23:16:00 -
[203]
Originally by: Whitehound Edited by: Whitehound on 01/04/2011 22:25:13
Originally by: rock crawlermne Learn to speak the language, before shooting out insults from it!
Why? And what insult?! ... Are you a troll or just lonely?
I'm not lonely, I have my cats.....
llort a s'ti, thgir er'uoy sseug I
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Samuel Caldara
b.b.k Fidelas Constans
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 23:19:00 -
[204]
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300¦C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Don't suppose you've seen the unity troll? The sad thing is that your right. Either CCP isn't taking this seriously or there is a serious lack of communication. Unity Troll
How are minmatar ships constructed?
Drop a large magnet in a field of debris and wait...
"Amarr pilots pray for god
Caldari pilots pray for profit
Gallente pilots pray for peace
Minmatar pilots pray their ships hold together"
10/10 if this is a troll -Sam
|
missminer69
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 23:37:00 -
[205]
What do you call a blind dinosourus? DOyouthinkitsawus
What do you call a company that runs a important internet spaceship game with no vision and no idea how to treat their member base? Eve online.
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Xavier Zedicus
Paradigm Council
|
Posted - 2011.04.01 23:50:00 -
[206]
This ought to make you laugh
"Nerf rock, paper is fine." -Scissors |
GeoBlue
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:24:00 -
[207]
=> NAME: *Expecteria Trouserius* (Trouser Snake) => LOCATION: Throughout the world
=> DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) *Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.
=> SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!
=> HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.
=> ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.
=> WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED
TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.
CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.
SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.
=> CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.
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DurrHurrDurr
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:28:00 -
[208]
I'd post something witty but I'm hoping my character portrait does it.
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Brian Orakpo
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:34:00 -
[209]
If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptibleà
|
Marco Bartoli
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:36:00 -
[210]
Edited by: Marco Bartoli on 02/04/2011 00:36:32 I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS THE BREAK OF MY LIFE I WILL FINALLY GET ALL THE ISK THAT I NEED TO ENJOY THE GAME AND HAVE FUN U HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD THIS WILL BE FOR ME AND ALL FOR A LUGH WHAT KIND OFFER IS THAT IS THAT U HAVE THE POWER TO IMPROVE DRASTICALLY THE GAME OF ONE EVE PLAYER AND U CHOOSE TO USE IT ON GETTING G A LAUGH OMG SERIOUSYL MAN THIS WILL MKE ME SO HAPPY U HAFVE TO GIVE ME IT
THANK U FOR ME WIN IF I CAN
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Fight Song
Amarr Power Penguin Pew
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:38:00 -
[211]
a joke? k, ive got one
the best way to end welfare in america is to start a program designed to help the poor save on their electricity bills. Instead of more money we ship them generators with instructions to install them in the kitchen.
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Nyio
Gallente Federal Navy Academy
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:40:00 -
[212]
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen (head always wins )
I don't give head, also I'm too late for that joke and this is below me.. *Goes to take a shower*
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PewPewLaser
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:43:00 -
[213]
RIP Jackie Chan. March 28th 2011.
|
Warzon3
Solar Storm Sev3rance
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 00:52:00 -
[214]
I hope this makes you giggle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQFTloO7HLY ---- Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns. |
EightGuns Giovanni
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 01:11:00 -
[215]
My bawls float funny in water.
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Jane Bennet
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 01:17:00 -
[216]
The biggest joke? EVE Online, what it has become.
Don't need the characters, feel free to transfer any cash and property over, though.
Best joke is, I'm quitting EVE, too, so all that money will just go rot in an abandoned account. :)
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DarkAegix
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 01:20:00 -
[217]
When is a car not a car? WHEN IT TURNS INTO A DRIVEWAY. HAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHA
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firepup82
The Penetrators The Laughing Men
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 01:21:00 -
[218]
two wife jokes, because you'll probably be getting laid more once you give up internet spaceships...
A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a hooker. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."
"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."
-----------
With a sheep under his arm, a man walks into his bedroom and stands in front of his wife.
"This is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache," he says.
The wife looks at him and replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He answers, "I wasn't talking to you."
--------
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Master Zeuth
Sniggerdly Pandemic Legion
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 02:00:00 -
[219]
So a Nidhoggur, a good tank, and decent DPS walk in to a bar...
Wait that would never happen.
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Liquldsteel
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 02:08:00 -
[220]
A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies. 'Fred what?' the officer asks. 'Just Fred,' the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.' The officer walked away in tears, laughing
|
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Lathlrilanq
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 02:27:00 -
[221]
I've got something to make you laugh.....women's rights!
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Flinkk
Brutor Tribe
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 02:51:00 -
[222]
Edited by: Flinkk on 02/04/2011 02:53:40 My job is so unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with: First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe. The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat. But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the ****ing stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big freaking dog to work. Every ****ing day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single day. Anyway, I drive these people around in my van and we solve mysteries and stuff.
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Alice NChains
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 03:17:00 -
[223]
I knew a guy from mississippi who went to college"hard to believe" and met then fell in love with this girl. he came home for summer and told his dad he was in love with this cute girl from college and he wanted to marry her but there was a big problem! dad she is a virgin! dad says dammit boy if she is not good enough for her own family she is not good enough for ours!
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Khanya Trace
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 03:21:00 -
[224]
Edited by: Khanya Trace on 02/04/2011 03:21:40 Linkage
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Vult
Aliastra
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 03:37:00 -
[225]
A friend of mine is half Pakistani, half Welsh. (If I don't win just for having a friend of that mutt combination, screw you all.)
Anyway, he has the typical terrorist accent, but he's a HUGE dude. He's Muslim, but you'd think he's Buddha. We all make fun of him regularly for this, and he just jokes back. We just saw Source Code and at the end he was like "Dude, if that was me, I'd eat something, go back in time 8 minutes, then eat it again, a bunch of times, just cuz it's so good and I love food."
He also has hardcore ADHD. The joke of the night came when he mentioned something about how his ADD caused him to leave half of his groceries in the bags at the checkout lane at the grocery store. As he's saying this, he's doing the typical head-bob back and forth that those from the Middle East tend to do while talking. I said to him, "Dude, I think I figured out why you have ADD... every time you talk, you bob your head... you keep shaking those damn brain cells loose making it worse."
I think he pee'd himself laughing.
As for your stuff, no interest in characters... just your stuff pls. kthx. --- Time to update my sig... or get it haxx0red by a mod... I totally goat haxx0red your sig - Tirg Yay! A goat lover loves me! |
simkahuna
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 05:06:00 -
[226]
Dude you make ME laugh! Telling you are giving away 150bil makes everybody jump.
Well i'm also quiting and i'm giving away 150 trillion isk. I will divide this between everybody who calls the OP 'A douche'...
GOGOGO
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Val'Dore
Word Bearers of Chaos Word of Chaos Undivided
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:18:00 -
[227]
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen After plaing the game for 3 yrs now i have decided to quit EVE.
:(
Quote: Im fed up with the way EVE is going atm.
I'm not too hot about it either. But it does have potential.
Quote: Im a eve player form the old genaration.
I'm pretty sure the old generation is 2003-2005.
Quote: Im only playing the game to shoot other people.
There are other reasons to play?!
Quote: Past year i hoped ccp would fnaly get it, pvp is broken... So many shiptypes and especialy my favourite Black Op's.
CCP knows, they just don't care about existing content that doesn't directly involve the bottom line.
Quote: After realizing that ccp dont learn form their mistakes and the CSM is a joke (see black op linky) i think its enough to cancel my 4 accounts.
I voted for Seleene, but the CSM is about as effective as Obama.
Quote: Im giving away: 25b isk liq 40b in random officermods 15b in Guidancesystems & some other PI investments 8b in deadspace mods all over eve 1 x the right to buy this sub cap char (103m sp) for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 70m perfect nyx char for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 50m maxed missile & racial caldari char Some other low sp chars (8-17m sp chars)
How can u win this stuff? Post in here and make me laugh. The best 4 post are getting picked out and i will toss a few coins. (head always wins )
You should just give it to the CSM, they can make you laugh AND cry at the same time.
~No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.~
Tiericide |
Killerhound
Caldari Free-Space-Ranger Morsus Mihi
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:26:00 -
[228]
OMG I hear voices in space
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Neoexecutor
Minmatar Skynet Technologies
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:53:00 -
[229]
Originally by: simkahuna Dude you make ME laugh! Telling you are giving away 150bil makes everybody jump.
Well i'm also quiting and i'm giving away 150 trillion isk. I will divide this between everybody who calls the OP 'A douche'...
GOGOGO
Op? Nah...he started something fun. I'm willing to call you a douche for free tho.
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Hemp Invader
Self Proclaimed Elite Griefers and Gankers
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 07:53:00 -
[230]
What's the difference between Batman and a black guy? Batman can go out at night without "Robin'".
Also, can i have your stuff?
|
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Lady Aja
Caldari
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 08:03:00 -
[231]
Edited by: Lady Aja on 02/04/2011 08:05:53 even tho i am sure is a aprils fool gag... i will bite lol
ok here goes.
Last weeked I was cruising down the east coast of the south island in New Zealand when i spot the strangest sight ever. a emporer penguin standing beside a car with the bonnet/hood open.
so me being the nice person i am decide hey why not to my self and offer a helping hand.
I hop out of my car and ask him plain as day got engine problems? can i maybe take a look?
penguin shrugs his shoulders steps aide for me to have a look.
after 10 minutes under the hood and covered in enguing grease and oil i trun around and tell him than i found his problem.
he looks at me and says "well?"
I say well mate looks liek you blew a seal!
he looks at me and says as plain as day. yeah so what! you New Zealands screw sheep so who cares!
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Whitehound
The Whitehound Corporation Frontline Assembly Point
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 08:54:00 -
[232]
This thread has got more tools than a hardware store. --
|
Josephine Blackpearl
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 09:21:00 -
[233]
Amazing how many fell for the 1 april post here
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Riddley Walker
Minmatar Sebiestor Tribe
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 09:44:00 -
[234]
A chauffeur picks up the Amarrian Empress at the her home station. After getting all of her luggage loaded into the limo, the pilot notices the Empress is still standing on the dock.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the pilot," Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the empress, "they never let me pilot at the temple, I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver.
"Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Empress with a smile.
Reluctantly, the pilot gets in the back as the Empress climbs in behind the controls. The pilot quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the docks, the Empress floors it, accelerating the ship to 10k m/s!
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried pilot, but the empress keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear concord sirens. "Oh, Dear God, I'm gonna lose my license -- and my job!" moans the pilot.
The empress pulls over and opens up the com's as the concord ship approaches, but concord takes one look at Her, goes back to his ship, and gets on the com's.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the com's and the concord officer tells him that he's stopped a ship going at 10k m/s!
"So bust him," says the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really big," said the concord officer.
The Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason to bust him!"
"No, I mean really important," said the concord officer with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the station Mayor?"
Concord officer: "Bigger."
Chief: " The solar Governor?"
Concord officer: "Bigger."
Chief: "The Region President?"
Concord officer: "Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
Concord officer: "I think it's GOD !!"
The Chief is stumped, " You been drinking, John? "
Concord officer: " No Sir."
Chief: " Then what makes you think it's God?"
Concord officer: "He's got the Empress as a chauffeur."
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Drake Iddon
CTRL-Q
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 09:52:00 -
[235]
Edited by: Drake Iddon on 02/04/2011 09:55:32 My attempt at making you laugh <3
|
Ruby Udders
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 10:07:00 -
[236]
Edited by: Ruby Udders on 02/04/2011 10:08:40
What's the difference between a cricketball and a ginger f*nny?
If you tried really hard (and I mean reeally ****ing hard), you could probably eat a cricketball
Now, about your stuff \o/ |
Cpl Punnishment
Important Internet Spaceship League
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 10:58:00 -
[237]
OK... So a penguin was out driving his new car when all of the sudden, it begins to vibrate and make an awful lot of noise. And he is like... "Ooooh goodness!! "I just started my little road trip!!" He begins to worry and fret a bit. Then as he goes another mile, he sees a billboard that says, POLAR BEAR AUTO REPAIR. He is like, "Oh thank heavens!" He urges his little car to hang in there till he gets to the repair shop. After what seemed like an eternity, he crests a hill and rolls down into the small town with the repair shop.
His little car sputters into the parking lot and as if on cue, keels over! He says, "Sheeeew! That was close!" He saunters on over to the Polar Bear that has his head beneath the hood of an old truck, hammering away and muttering some inner auto wisdom and understanding... The little penguin politely interrupts and asks if the Polar Bear could take a look at his car. The polar bear says, "Sure, give me a few minutes to take a look at it for you".
The penguin, still fretting a bit wanted something to take his mind off his vexing problem. He saw a sign across the street advertising ICE CREAM. He was like, "SWEET! That is exactly what I need to keep me busy! A tasty treat" So he goes over and quickly order two ice cream sandwiches. He had forgotten that his little drive made him hungry. So he wolfs down the two ice cream sandwiches the best he could, being that he had only flippers and no hands to hold them. He got a bit messy and then remembered that he had a car to be tended to.
He waddles back over to where the polar bear, who had his head under the penguinÆs hood. Hearing the penguin return the polar bear lifted his head from beneath the hood and sighed. The polar bear said to the penguin, "Looks like you blew a seal". To which the penguin apologetically laughed, began to wipe his beak and says, "Oh no! "That's just Ice Cream! I was hungry!!"
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Malachi Nefzen
Caldari Insane Decision Anarchy.
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 11:10:00 -
[238]
Edited by: Malachi Nefzen on 02/04/2011 11:10:06 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocV1MZVe-5U
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Karaspa
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 11:28:00 -
[239]
Can I haz your stuff?
I can't believe noone did this before!
|
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CCP Manifest
C C P
|
Posted - 2011.04.02 12:13:00 -
[240]
Edited by: CCP Manifest on 02/04/2011 12:14:41 Sorry to see you go
I don't have a particularly chuckle-ridden suggestion on what you should do with your wealth.
You did miss it by a day, but, as long as this wasn't an April Fool's joke, have you considered PLEX for Good? Just sayin that I'm sure we could make an exception on the time frame.
CCP Manifest Public Relations || Iniquitous Brute |
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ACESsiggy
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.02 12:26:00 -
[241]
Edited by: ACESsiggy on 02/04/2011 12:35:37
BLUE YOU MY BOY!!!!!!!
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbKDY8EH6mE
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Jack Paladin
Sev3rance
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Posted - 2011.04.02 13:50:00 -
[242]
EVE will never let you go, sooner or later you will want to come back for:
More Lag More Scammers More Bots More Lag More Broke Stuff
You will be back!
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Apollo Gabriel
Brotherhood Of Fallen Angels Etherium Cartel
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Posted - 2011.04.02 14:05:00 -
[243]
I suggest Plex for good if you like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgAYFVHwY_c
***** Signature may appear without warning! ***** Please do not feed the trolls, it builds dependency.
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Mica Enslaver
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Posted - 2011.04.02 14:07:00 -
[244]
My wife pulled the plug from the computer because i subscribed again.... Now she won't trok me where the powercord is. I could use a good boost
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DanMck
Amarr Rionnag Alba Northern Coalition.
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Posted - 2011.04.02 14:27:00 -
[245]
Edited by: DanMck on 02/04/2011 14:28:11
don't sell your main the laugh will be on you when you want to come back
Q also where is the best place to shag a sheep ?
A edge of a cliff, as they push back better
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Scorpionidae
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Posted - 2011.04.02 14:37:00 -
[246]
I don't need your isk /me shoows Hemmo Paskiainen away... Nooooooo wait come back the is I need it... it is my precious.
/me falls to his knees. Please I'm beging you give me the ISK. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!!!
Scorpionidae
See that was funny it must have made you atleast chuckle if not maybe my poor spelling did? Or maybe my face made you LOL.
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DHB WildCat
Flash Over. WE FORM VOLTRON
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Posted - 2011.04.02 14:45:00 -
[247]
I may not be able to make you laugh on the forums, but I promise that isk and those mods will make you rolf, when you see em in my videos killing the BLOB!
WildCat
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Krist Valentine
Amarr funmachine
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Posted - 2011.04.02 15:45:00 -
[248]
Edited by: Krist Valentine on 02/04/2011 15:45:49 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doeXL64ie5c&feature=related
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Lily Seven
Seven's
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Posted - 2011.04.02 15:47:00 -
[249]
Edited by: Lily Seven on 02/04/2011 15:47:16 wrong char sorry
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Superfuzz
funmachine
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Posted - 2011.04.02 15:49:00 -
[250]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrBj3u5dPgM
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Chribba
Otherworld Enterprises Otherworld Empire
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Posted - 2011.04.02 16:52:00 -
[251]
Assuming this was a joke.
But if not, always sad to see pilots leave. I wish you the best with what you are up to next and I'm not interested in any of the items/isk you are giving away, best of luck finding worthy winners.
/c
Secure 3rd party service | my in-game channel 'Holy Veldspar' |
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Litre
No.Mercy Merciless.
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Posted - 2011.04.02 17:00:00 -
[252]
I just jumped into Rancer because autopilot said it would save a couple of jumps :D
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Weynard
Caldari Cataclysm Enterprises Ev0ke
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Posted - 2011.04.02 17:07:00 -
[253]
Sorry for messing you thread up btw. Mods, if you no like, I'll include a regular link, just remove the picture :)
http://i55.tinypic.com/25t9qqe.png
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Siigari Kitawa
Gallente Senex Legio Get Off My Lawn
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Posted - 2011.04.02 17:15:00 -
[254]
I ate a peanut.
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Reset Password
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Posted - 2011.04.02 17:36:00 -
[255]
mittens is the sixth csm chairperson
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KWyz
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Posted - 2011.04.02 18:31:00 -
[256]
My (poor) attempt .
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Grot Bags
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:02:00 -
[257]
Drunk Guy Slingshot
Fat Man Shoots
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gargars
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:04:00 -
[258]
A little gross but made me laugh...
A guy walks into a talent agent's office and the talent agent asks "Ok so what do you do?"
The guy responds "I can fart the National Anthem!"
The talent agent - looking mildly disgusted says "Well I guess there could be some sort of market for that - go ahead and show me."
The guys jumps up, pulls down his pants, and starts crapping in little piles all over the talent agents office....
"What the hell are you doing!?" the talent agent screams...
"Well", the guy says sheepishly, "I always have to clear my throat first before I sing..."
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Jing'Caste
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:13:00 -
[259]
Edited by: Jing''Caste on 02/04/2011 19:15:45 Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, *BOOM*. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Some lols.
Some more lols.
Edit: Even more, I love this guy.
Have fun and sad to see you leave. \o/
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caldar ian
Final Destination.
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:18:00 -
[260]
I just sat down to fast, farted and followed through. |
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Jussi Kuula
Minmatar Pator Tech School
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:37:00 -
[261]
"En vastaa, suksikaa kuuseen." -Paavo Lipponen toimittajalle 2006.
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Asp IV
Amarr
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:47:00 -
[262]
An American, a Finn and a Swede are in the sauna together. Suddenly there is a "beep beep" sound, and the American starts to look at the palm of his hand.
"What are you doing?" asks the Finn. The American replies
"This is the latest Motorola technology. I've got my pager embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."
Then the familiar old Nokia ring tone is heard, and the Finn starts looking at the palm of his hand.
"What are you doing?" ask the other guys. The Finn replies
"This is the latest Nokia technology. I've got my mobile phone embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."
The Swede thinks to himself that he'd better not be outdone by these guys, so he leaves the sauna. In a couple of minutes he returns, and there is toilet paper hanging out of his bum!
"What the hell is that??" shouts the other guys in unison.
"I'm getting a fax." says the Swede.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Propaganda is a soft weapon; h |
Leetha Layne
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:48:00 -
[263]
Mickey and Minnie mouse at divorce court. Judge says "Mickey, I have to relinquish the case since it seems you want to declare Minnie insane." Mickey says "Judge I just said she was ****ing goofy!"
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Leetha Layne
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:56:00 -
[264]
Rabbi walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. Bartender says "Where did you get that?" Parrot says "Brooklyn, it's full of em!"
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F'Servus
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Posted - 2011.04.02 19:58:00 -
[265]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0bdfn2r-pU
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gummischnalle
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Posted - 2011.04.02 20:19:00 -
[266]
2 swordmens fighting naked with there D....s. after an hour the first said... i m out of power ..let us stop. the other one said... common 20 minutes more to find a winner...
AFTER the 20 minutes , the first swordsmen pleased again to stop. The other swordsmen says... OKAY..
turned around and showed his naked ass with the words
-KILL ME-
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Sobril Oxazepam
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Posted - 2011.04.02 20:27:00 -
[267]
I'll edit this post as I think of new jokes but here is the first one:
Shrike would've gotten a new Avatar sooner if looking at it didn't give him such a boner
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Brixer
Dai Dai Hai
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Posted - 2011.04.02 20:56:00 -
[268]
OP probably just realized eve is filled to the rim with funny dudes/gals, and decided he'll give it another 2 years.
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Zangorus
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Posted - 2011.04.02 21:05:00 -
[269]
have you ever wondered why camels got boobs on their back?
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The Marketer
Secure IT
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Posted - 2011.04.02 21:28:00 -
[270]
I sold my girlfriend for 3 plex. How many girlfriends can you have with that much ISK?
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Br41n
Amarr Ministry of War
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Posted - 2011.04.02 22:36:00 -
[271]
GM Guard > I must ask you not to use the petition option like this again but i personally would finish the chicken sandwich first so it won¦t go to waste. The spaghetti will keep and you can use it the next time you get hungry. Best regards. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pinky: Gee, Brain. What are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
Anti Castro Pigeons
Minmatar Coup Coup Coup
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Posted - 2011.04.02 22:42:00 -
[272]
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. ôWatson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.ö
ôI see millions and millions of stars, Holmesö replies Watson.
ôAnd what do you deduce from that?ö
Watson ponders for a minute. ôWell,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?ö
Holmes is silent for a moment.
ôWatson, you idiot!ö he says. ôSomeone has stolen our tent!ö
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Eugenie Lefevre
Gallente The Intaki Ladies Deep Space Astrogation Auxiliary
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Posted - 2011.04.02 22:46:00 -
[273]
A doctor says to his patient, ôI have bad news and worse newsö.
ôOh dear, what's the bad news?ö asks the patient.
The doctor replies, ôYou only have 24 hours to live.ö
ôThat's terribleö, said the patient. ôHow can the news possibly be worse?ö
The doctor replies, ôI've been trying to contact you since yesterday.ö ~ "I've been called the Women's Auxiliary of the Brat Pack." |
Tobias Sjodin
Habitual Euthanasia Pandemic Legion
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Posted - 2011.04.02 22:55:00 -
[274]
For a good laugh, look the word: "Anatadaephobia" up.
Now imagine that there are enough people with that particular 'sickness' around to warrant a clinical diagnosis.
HABIT
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Rixiu
The Inuits
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Posted - 2011.04.02 23:11:00 -
[275]
Edited by: Rixiu on 02/04/2011 23:12:00 So... Can I haz your stuffz? No? I need to make you laugh first? But that's hard work and as an EVE player I resent your attempt to force me to do anything in order to get stuff. CCP has clearly showed that no effort should be involved in the creation of isk and therefore you're in violation of the EPEEN (the Eve Player Entertainment and Experience Narration) and this thread will be locked for violating said EPEEN.
IB4TL
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Emalyn Throsar
Caldari
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Posted - 2011.04.02 23:15:00 -
[276]
Two cannibals were eating a clown and one turns to the other and says, "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"
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RiskyFrisky
Suddenly Ninjas Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
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Posted - 2011.04.02 23:24:00 -
[277]
I tell you a joke, but I'm not real funny.
So here's a link: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/comics/critical-miss/8299-Critical-Miss-Trolling-for-Justice
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Estella Vance
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Posted - 2011.04.02 23:25:00 -
[278]
I WANT MY FREE KITTE... oops, sorry, wrong thread^^.
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Lowki Wartooth
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Posted - 2011.04.03 00:27:00 -
[279]
Edited by: Lowki Wartooth on 03/04/2011 00:28:14 It's a Trap!
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Spiral Architect
Oberon Incorporated Morsus Mihi
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Posted - 2011.04.03 06:15:00 -
[280]
Edited by: Spiral Architect on 03/04/2011 06:16:25 Origin of Golf
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F'elch
Wall Street Trading
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Posted - 2011.04.03 07:40:00 -
[281]
Take your isk, and shovel it.
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Aquana Abyss
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Posted - 2011.04.03 08:59:00 -
[282]
April fool!
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Renan Ruivo
Caldari Hipernova Tribal Conclave
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Posted - 2011.04.03 09:19:00 -
[283]
Smiles inside.
There, my post just made you laught, and don't say it didn't because i know it did
Yes it did...... yees it diiid.. ____________
I like woman because breasts |
Heradutus
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Posted - 2011.04.03 09:23:00 -
[284]
Bu Bu Bubble Bu Bu Bubble, Bubble Guppies Bubble Guppies,Buh Buh Bubble, Bubble Guppies! Yah!
Thats the opening music to a cartoon my kids watch, i always chuckle a little.
And my favorite joke of all time
What did the farmer say when he couldnt find his tractor?
A: Where the hell is my damn tractor?
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Drakhar M'zan
Amarr
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Posted - 2011.04.03 09:38:00 -
[285]
How many low sec pirates does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, to stand there and hold the bulb and let the rest of the world revolve around them
(Thought it would be a good parting joke)
I'll trade you my wife for a winning spot..no seriously.
Im not kidding you can have her.
You know what you can have her for free.
Im just kidding my wife is a super lady, a super pain in the balls.
I look forward to each new day with her, because i know i'm one day closer to the grave, and I'll be FREE!!
She really is the woman of my dreams, I wish the terrible dreams would just stop already.
The day we got married was the happiest day of my life, because I knew her dad would finally put the shotgun away.
If i had known then what i know now, I'da let him shoot me.....
Good luck m8, Be safe at whatever you do next
I can Next Day Air deliver her to you?
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TractionControl
Bad Company DBD R.A.G.E
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Posted - 2011.04.03 11:26:00 -
[286]
Chuck Norris doesn't need to lick his stamps, instead he stares at them and they wet themselves!
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Abby Sheridan
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Posted - 2011.04.03 13:10:00 -
[287]
This is the voice of GOD!!!! Give up your EVIL ways! Give your money to ME! You will be eternally blessed with scores of beautiful women/men (depending on preference) and an endless supply of chocolate chip cookies.
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Lady Isabell
Amarr S.A.S Pandemic Legion
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Posted - 2011.04.03 13:14:00 -
[288]
Edited by: Lady Isabell on 03/04/2011 13:14:45 so I was browsing the forums today and came a cross this funny thread, I think it is hilarious.
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Jamyl the Great
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Posted - 2011.04.03 15:32:00 -
[289]
give it to me and i'll fill a freighter with narcotics with it, the i'll drive to Jita.....
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shackdavid
Caldari Trojan Trolls
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Posted - 2011.04.03 15:47:00 -
[290]
Veldspar Roid : Ok, here we go guys... they'll be back any minute. Dense Veldspar Roid : who will? Veldspar Roid : The players you idiot Dense Veldspar Roid : ohhhh
12:15 GMT Veldspar Roid : That's odd. Still quiet. Hey, anyone seen any players? Scordite Roid : Nope. It's not expansion day already is it? Veldspar Roid : Nah. Oh well, enjoy it while it lasts.
12:55 GMT Scordite Roid : Ok, now I'm getting suspicious. Something happened to mining lately? Did the trit prices plunge? Elder Corpum Arch Priest : We're not getting any bites either. Veldpar Roid : errrr you're not a belt rat. How did you get here? Elder Corpum Arch Priest : Just looking around while it's quiet. Dense Veldspar Roid : What's a belt rat? Scordite Roid : Good grief.
13:15 GMT Veldspar Roid : Anyone got access to the net? Elder Corpum Arch Priest : Yeah, in game browser. Veldspar Roid : Check the news Elder Corpum Arch Priest : What am I looking for? Veldspar Roid : Giant volcano blast in Iceland destroys infrastructure, many hamsters believed dead Dense Veldspar Roid : What's a .. Scordite Roid, Veldspar Roid, Elder Corpum Arch Priest : SHUT UP!
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CaTaStroPhic BeHavioR
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Posted - 2011.04.03 18:30:00 -
[291]
Panties
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madsamo
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Posted - 2011.04.03 20:24:00 -
[292]
I'll buy every exotic dance in the universe with that money. EVERY SINGLE ONE
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Violent Flame
Amarr Legio Fortunae
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Posted - 2011.04.03 21:10:00 -
[293]
So you think you had a hard childhood? Well **** YOU, itÆs got nothing on mine. My mom practically kicked my ass out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never even met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the prick next door who was always beating the **** out of me and telling me I wasnÆt worth ****. Its not even like I had a choice, the town had something like 9 people living in it, I **** you not. My entire adolescence was moving around from place to place trying to get along with people who didnÆt even want me.
You think thatÆs the worst? My only friend was an Asian guy in his thirties or something, who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. The only perk was that I also got to hang around with this cute ginger chick, she was flat as a pancake sure, but damn she was a total nymph. She must have been a sadist or something cause she always took pleasure in hitting me and telling me how she loved to get wet.
But dear god the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know these types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each otherÆs sentences? Yeah they were ****ing creepers, and they had a cat, which was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the **** up.
Like I said, I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time.
The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a pokemon master. |
Maverick2011
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Posted - 2011.04.03 21:18:00 -
[294]
Edited by: Maverick2011 on 03/04/2011 21:18:46 LOL this topic will be worth reading just for the jokes, well i'm terrible jokes but I have a saying like this:
"The Semen is nothing but tears from a peenis in love"
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Thenoran
Caldari Tranquility Industries
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Posted - 2011.04.03 21:21:00 -
[295]
I'd use it to buy a whole bunch of Panthers and use them to decloak and insta pop frigs and cruisers, just for the fun of it.
1400mm surprise *********. ------------------------ Low-sec is like sailing along the coast of Somalia...
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FishermansFriend
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Posted - 2011.04.04 00:11:00 -
[296]
If you give it to me, I wont punch your grandmother.
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Elizabeth Azora
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Posted - 2011.04.04 01:35:00 -
[297]
An elderly patient had some tests done at the doctor's office. The doctor enters the room and the conversation goes as follows:
The doctor explains, "I am sorry to inform you that I have some bad news. The recent test results came back with some very serious issues. We have found out that you have a cancerous mass on your kidney. If that wasn't bad enough, you also have a rather progressed case of Alzheimer's".
The patient, overjoyed, screams "WOOHOOOOOOOO! AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE CANCER!"
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Aiko Zan
Amarr
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Posted - 2011.04.04 02:20:00 -
[298]
Originally by: Anti Castro Pigeons Bla..Bla.. Bla
Who cares what you just said that face alone should win you something! |
Corporate Thief
Caldari Deep Core Mining Inc.
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Posted - 2011.04.04 02:37:00 -
[299]
I used this character to steal 1.5 billion isk; the CEO gave me Director roles in the space of about half an hour. ---
Originally by: CCP Zulu [...then] we will simply become the dinosaurs of the industry. And everyone knows what happens to dinosaurs. God makes them disappear. Through MAGIC.
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Ishta Yun
Gallente Penguin Initiative
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Posted - 2011.04.04 02:49:00 -
[300]
Little anecdote from my childhood =p.
In 8th grade I had a little commodities exchange business. I sold my uncles **** collection.
I was in the middle of brokering a deal in the coat room with a classmate when the teacher came in and busted up the deal. She confiscated my inventory and brought me to the principles office. The principle popped in the tape (unlabeled) right in front of me. Afro Erotica 4 came up on the screen cued right up to a zoomed in ass and ball shot. She said "Oh GOD!!" and ran across the room to take the tape out. I thought it was funny bc the actress was saying "Oh GOD!!" herself...hahah
BTW...this was Catholic school. 2 days in school suspension...not bad actually....
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Uuali
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Posted - 2011.04.04 05:27:00 -
[301]
This guy is obsessed with marrying and screwing a virgin.
So he goes to an orphanage, adopts a girl and takes her to a monastery and let the monks raise her until she is old enough to marry.
Years later the guy returns, marries the girl and takes her on a honeymoon.
He can't wait to get down to business so he strips down, hops in the bed with her and starts putting vasoline on his willy.
The girl asks why he's doing that and he says so it'll go in easier and I won't hurt you.
So the girl says, "Why don't you just spit on your **** like the monks did?"
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Cal Abunga
The Foreign Legion Wildly Inappropriate.
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Posted - 2011.04.04 06:33:00 -
[302]
An Eve Morning Player: brush teeth Eve: you dont have a toothbrush Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I Eve: are you sure? that item is 43 jumps away Player: fly to item Eve: autopilot disabled. waypoint reached Player: dock Eve: docking permission requested Player: dock Eve: docking permission requested Player: dock Player: dock Player: dock Eve: docking request...accepted Player: buy Electric Toothbrush I Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I Eve: you donÆt have the skills necessary to use that item Player: buy Teethbrushing Player: train Teethbrushing I Eve: skill training complete Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I Eve: you dont have the skills necessary to use that item Player: buy Electric Toothbrush Operation Player: train Electric Toothbrush Operation I Eve: skill training complete Player: equip Electric Toothbrush I Eve: insufficient power
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Jon Taggart
State War Academy
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Posted - 2011.04.04 07:13:00 -
[303]
Edited by: Jon Taggart on 04/04/2011 07:14:22
A masked robber walks into the sperm bank, waving his gun in the direction of the receptionist.
"Give me all of your money!" he shouts at the young woman, moving closer to her.
"B-b-but sir! This is a sperm bank, w-w-we don't carry much cash on hand," she replies.
"Fine! You see those containers in the refrigerator back there? Drink one!"
"You can't possibly be serious!?"
He shoves the gun in her face. "Do as I say, pick one of those containers up and drink it! I swear to God I will shoot you!"
She does so without hesitation.
"Another!"
Again.
"Sir...please!"
He removes his skimask, revealing the haggard face beneath it. "HAROLD!?" she shouts in dismay, to which her husband replies, "SEE!? It wasn't THAT hard now was it!?"
I'm not an alt |
Rumple Fourskin
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Posted - 2011.04.04 07:17:00 -
[304]
Edited by: Rumple Fourskin on 04/04/2011 07:19:14 god damn language filter broke my funny link.
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Sader Rykane
Amarr Midnight Sentinels Midnight Space Syndicate
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Posted - 2011.04.04 07:31:00 -
[305]
Pretty much guaranteed to get a laugh.
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Dr Richard Dawkins
|
Posted - 2011.04.04 07:43:00 -
[306]
Never go full ******
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Nomine Kimaris
|
Posted - 2011.04.04 07:59:00 -
[307]
You know you play too much eve when ... have set 'skilltraining completed' as your alarm clock sound, as it always makes you get up, no matter what time it is.
... You always ask
CAN I HAZ YOUR STUFF?
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Carey Amor
Amarr Metaphysical Utopian Society Explorations
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Posted - 2011.04.04 08:14:00 -
[308]
Posting to make Hemmo laugh
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eraseravengers
|
Posted - 2011.04.04 10:27:00 -
[309]
If this isn't a april fools thread i'll show you my gf's 3 breasts
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Sonicle Scout
|
Posted - 2011.04.04 11:40:00 -
[310]
Give it to plex for good. :D
There are two miners in a belt having a conversation and a can flipper is orbiting them. The miner says to the other:
"Can flippers have no sense of EVE outside of shooting people. Here, watch."
The miner opens a channel and says to the can flipper:
"I can give you 40,000m3 of Arkanor or 80,000m3 of Dark Ochre if you'll go away"
The can flipper chooses the Dark Ochre and flies away and the miner remarks to the other with a "See?". Later, the other miner is delivering a cargohold of ore to the station and sees the can flipper outside. He opens a channel and asks why he chose Dark Ochre. The can flipper replies with:
"Because if I choose the Arkanor, he'll stop doing it".
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Wacktopia
Dark Side Of The Womb
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Posted - 2011.04.04 11:46:00 -
[311]
You can't really beat this for funny? Can you? :)
(mildly NSFW)
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Siamus
|
Posted - 2011.04.04 12:07:00 -
[312]
7 legged spider emails
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Feroz
Vronsky Bros and Sons
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Posted - 2011.04.04 12:13:00 -
[313]
The story of Paris Hiltons birthday cake
Here
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grfdsfdaghdfr
|
Posted - 2011.04.04 12:34:00 -
[314]
Edited by: grfdsfdaghdfr on 04/04/2011 12:34:41
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grfdsfdaghdfr
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Posted - 2011.04.04 12:39:00 -
[315]
Edited by: grfdsfdaghdfr on 04/04/2011 12:40:09 Edited by: grfdsfdaghdfr on 04/04/2011 12:39:26 Can't get much more fun than this
http://www.wimp.com/funnyfail/
Wtf, why can't I change character to post with? =/
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Eliseo Mordekaiser
Minmatar
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Posted - 2011.04.04 13:20:00 -
[316]
Homer thinking about clown college
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Grand Sausage
The Terran Sausage Fest
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Posted - 2011.04.04 13:52:00 -
[317]
the holocaust
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Vilheehn Thore
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Posted - 2011.04.04 14:30:00 -
[318]
Flying a Minmatar ship is like riding a wheelchair down a flight of stairs while firing two uzi's full auto and screaming at the top of your lungs.
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salvy03
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Posted - 2011.04.04 15:38:00 -
[319]
trying |
Hakkar'al Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.04 15:45:00 -
[320]
Originally by: Cal Abunga An Eve Morning
That actually made me
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Daemonspirit
Six Degrees of Separation
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Posted - 2011.04.04 15:48:00 -
[321]
Originally by: Vilheehn Thore Flying a Minmatar ship is like riding a wheelchair down a flight of stairs while firing two uzi's full auto and screaming at the top of your lungs.
Ok, THAT made me laugh. Wife laughed too, and she doesn't play eve! ôEveryone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege.ö |
kri tak
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Posted - 2011.04.04 16:02:00 -
[322]
Help me,Hemmo Paskiainen ; you're my only hope.
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Chronos Chi
Northern Coalition.
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Posted - 2011.04.04 21:24:00 -
[323]
Kate Middleton has asked the queen the secret to a long married life. The queen replied , 'wear a seat belt and don't **** me off.'...
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MotherMoon
Huang Yinglong
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Posted - 2011.04.04 21:41:00 -
[324]
I'll be running some new classes a/for eve university, it's not really funny, but any isk would be welcomed to buy the poor noobs some Bcs to go pvp roaming with.
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MaxxOmega
Caldari Temporal Mechanics
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Posted - 2011.04.04 22:07:00 -
[325]
d00d
Keep yer stuff and don't quit. Stick around, keep at least one account going. You have a lot of time invested, stick around for better days...
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Jaik7
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Posted - 2011.04.04 22:17:00 -
[326]
once upon a time, there was a guy who was going to quit eve and give away all his stuff. he decided that he would post on the forums and set up a competition where the top four funniest guys would be randomly selected. then this other guy is wandering through the forums and he finds that thread, and he decides to post the lamest story he can think of, which happens to be that of this thread. he types out the story without bothering to read beyond the first two posts.
prove to me you're serious, send me one bil and i will corroborate your story and send you half of it back.
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RabbidFerret
Kinetic Cartel Shadow of xXDEATHXx
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Posted - 2011.04.04 23:33:00 -
[327]
Hyrda Alliance (the original)
--------------------------------------------------
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Jaik7
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Posted - 2011.04.04 23:56:00 -
[328]
Originally by: Zemkhoff Edited by: Zemkhoff on 01/04/2011 16:25:36 some red pandas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6GaPkkGZGw
oh come on! how are we supposed to compete with them!
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Sinaras Rin
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Posted - 2011.04.05 11:43:00 -
[329]
GOMtv.net The ultimate source of SC2 esport combined with awesome jokes from the casters.
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Flynn Fetladral
Caldari BlackSite Prophecy
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Posted - 2011.04.05 13:24:00 -
[330]
Edited by: Flynn Fetladral on 05/04/2011 13:24:38 I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a ****zu.
Follow Flynn on Twitter |
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Aderata Nonkin
Amarr
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Posted - 2011.04.05 14:28:00 -
[331]
Edited by: Aderata Nonkin on 05/04/2011 14:28:23 This whole thread is a joke. Mention an ISK give-away just to take the mickey, and people jump on it like vultures.
It's sickening.
æIf you are not big enough to lose, then you are not big enough to win.Æ |
Quistish
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Posted - 2011.04.05 14:53:00 -
[332]
Edited by: Quistish on 05/04/2011 14:53:16 Ahh I see you summond my help,...
So here is something to help you cheer up and stay in the game !
Here is your wish !!
also you can never leave here....
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Takhisesis
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Posted - 2011.04.05 22:02:00 -
[333]
I think PVP is perfect as-is and CCP will only make it better. It's not like they make changes without consulting us and making sure it all works perfectly first.
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Cpt Bunny
Gallente The Scope
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Posted - 2011.04.06 00:08:00 -
[334]
Hemmo
I will attempt to summarise your last experences in eve with a potential last word before you log off for the last time.
Ive Had A Great Time......
But This Was Not It
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Jason Owens
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Posted - 2011.04.06 07:08:00 -
[335]
Originally by: Hemmo Paskiainen After plaing the game for 3 yrs now i have decided to quit EVE. Im fed up with the way EVE is going atm. Im a eve player form the old genaration. Im only playing the game to shoot other people. Past year i hoped ccp would fnaly get it, pvp is broken... So many shiptypes and especialy my favourite Black Op's. After realizing that ccp dont learn form their mistakes and the CSM is a joke (see black op linky) i think its enough to cancel my 4 accounts.
Im giving away: 25b isk liq 40b in random officermods
15b in Guidancesystems & some other PI investments 8b in deadspace mods all over eve 1 x the right to buy this sub cap char (103m sp) for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 70m perfect nyx char for 10 mil isk 1 x the right to buy 50m maxed missile & racial caldari char Some other low sp chars (8-17m sp chars)
How can u win this stuff? Post in here and make me laugh. The best 4 post are getting picked out and i will toss a few coins. (head always wins )
Good Lucky
What the hell is isk? This is my fourth day playing this game.
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Echo Mae
Caldari State War Academy
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Posted - 2011.04.06 07:17:00 -
[336]
Not interested in your Isk. Just want to watch the door hit you on your way out. ----- ** ----- I thought I was real but found out I was just a forum troll |
Netheranthem
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Posted - 2011.04.06 07:59:00 -
[337]
Schr÷dinger's car walks into a bar...
and doesn't!
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Neamus
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Posted - 2011.04.06 09:17:00 -
[338]
Originally by: Aderata Nonkin Edited by: Aderata Nonkin on 05/04/2011 14:28:23 This whole thread is a joke. Mention an ISK give-away just to take the mickey, and people jump on it like vultures.
It's sickening.
Or maybe it was just a bit of fun for April fools day, and you're a killjoy? Everyone knew its a wind up and just wanted to post a few jokes for lulz, so you can relax now sweetheart, there's nothing to cry about.
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Jowdra
Amarr GalTech Shipyards
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Posted - 2011.04.06 09:27:00 -
[339]
Can i just buy your toon for whatever isk? CCP suck at coding always have done and nothing changes. Welcome to World of wa *hiccup* Eve online.... Those folks responsible for making circle wheels back in wow are probably the same people who work on black ops ships in ccp.
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Grog Barrel
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Posted - 2011.04.06 09:29:00 -
[340]
Originally by: Aderata Nonkin Edited by: Aderata Nonkin on 05/04/2011 14:28:23 This whole thread is a joke. Mention an ISK give-away just to take the mickey, and people jump on it like vultures.
It's sickening.
Indeed it is. Greed is probably one of the most facinating things and probably the most determinating social pillar of the mankind and, paradigmatically enough, also the most determinating for the Cancer cells.
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thatbloke
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.06 11:02:00 -
[341]
Originally by: Aderata Nonkin Edited by: Aderata Nonkin on 05/04/2011 14:28:23 This whole thread is a joke. Mention an ISK give-away just to take the mickey, and people jump on it like vultures.
It's sickening.
Lighten up!
If anything, it's an excuse for a joke thread, and some of them are quite funny :D
Originally by: CCP Shadow I think we'd be better off with a troll shard.
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Gil Roland
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Posted - 2011.04.06 11:08:00 -
[342]
Edited by: Gil Roland on 06/04/2011 11:09:48 * Lizard: 1 HP; * Man: 10,000 HP; * Lizard win in 3 seconds.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRJBgIO--rE
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Khmoud Hasjiz
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Posted - 2011.04.06 11:42:00 -
[343]
i really would like a coin or two so this is the best i can do,
A CCP GM and a russian walk into a bar....,
howmany beers do they order ?
Just one because they are the same guy
i know its not golden but hey atleast its true :)
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Lutheraan
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Posted - 2011.04.06 11:49:00 -
[344]
why are you reading this, the joke is in your pants
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Nukshu
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Posted - 2011.04.06 11:57:00 -
[345]
If the ocean was vodka and I was a Duck I'd swim to the bottom and never come up, but the ocean's not vodka and I'm not a duck, so pass the bottle and shut the **** up
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Cycotic Maniac
Blood Covenant Pandemic Legion
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Posted - 2011.04.06 12:54:00 -
[346]
Hi,
I am space poor. I want to be a space rich and buy a Nyx so i dont have to be scrub in a carrier.
Thank you for choosing me.
Have fun in real life.
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Agent 42
Gallente The. Unit.
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Posted - 2011.04.06 12:55:00 -
[347]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYNowvDnQ-Q&feature=channel_video_title
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Astenion
Spiritus Draconis
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Posted - 2011.04.06 12:57:00 -
[348]
Edited by: Astenion on 06/04/2011 12:57:06 Here's my attempt:
What are the best three holes in a woman?
The ones you leave when you pull out the pitchfork.
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty three year olds?
There are twenty of them.
Hope you LOLd.
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Traska Gannel
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Posted - 2011.04.06 13:13:00 -
[349]
I've always gotten a chuckle out of this one ... then again, I'm an engineer. :)
The Knack ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAJhsvynWkk
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Ayieka
|
Posted - 2011.04.06 14:02:00 -
[350]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON-7v4qnHP8
relevant.
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Slashignore
|
Posted - 2011.04.06 14:07:00 -
[351]
Edited by: Slashignore on 06/04/2011 14:07:34 well if this thread is up and running ill give my humor aswell.. fake topicstarter or not :)
imo a picture says more than a thousand words
check picture <3
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Potrondal Morrison
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:12:00 -
[352]
Edited by: Potrondal Morrison on 06/04/2011 14:13:13 This is funny !!!
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Astenion
Spiritus Draconis
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:13:00 -
[353]
Why are they in Yemen/Saudi Arabia/India and not Japan?
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Potrondal Morrison
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:18:00 -
[354]
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Potrondal Morrison
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:20:00 -
[355]
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Mutnin
Amarr Mutineers
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:21:00 -
[356]
I don't care about the ISK.. but hook me up with some nice ships and I'll make sure they get blown up well.
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Potrondal Morrison
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:23:00 -
[357]
Edited by: Potrondal Morrison on 06/04/2011 14:24:26
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greenlee55
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:25:00 -
[358]
*****
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Wrex Magnus
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:28:00 -
[359]
Here you go... :) Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkXa8yuZEcA
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Hacc
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:30:00 -
[360]
Cheese Pudding
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Damiez
Amarr Ascendancy. Atlas.
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:32:00 -
[361]
Damn, thought of the best joke ever but forgot it wilst logging in, damn you CCP... ________________ Recruitment Open
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Trenden Atwater
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:41:00 -
[362]
What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls?
Sparky
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Shot Megoin
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:43:00 -
[363]
I've got a plan that envolves kittens, vasaline and shock treatment! Come on man. Support the cause!
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Potrondal Morrison
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:47:00 -
[364]
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InternetSpaceship Priest
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:50:00 -
[365]
Noone wants your stuff anyway.
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Ospie
The Python Cartel. The Defenders of Pen Island
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:53:00 -
[366]
Originally by: Potrondal Morrison Edited by: Potrondal Morrison on 06/04/2011 14:24:26
Gold.
Also save the black ops!
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Corporal Punishment08
NosWaffle Nostradamus Effect
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Posted - 2011.04.06 14:56:00 -
[367]
Make you laugh? How about you make me laugh and then I'll decide if I want your stuffz Mr. Hemmo Paskiainen, if that is your real name, which it's not. _____________________________________ Real men corpse tank. |
Grey Stormshadow
Starwreck Industries
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Posted - 2011.04.06 15:03:00 -
[368]
Minmatar citizen: "How many Amarrians can be uploaded to one internet spaceship?" Minmatar tech support guy: "As many as you want." Minmatar citizen: "...but if it is only a small shuttle?" Minmatar tech support guy: "No difference... AOL has 100% packetloss."
------------------------------------------------- Play with the best - die like the rest starwreck.com - support the cause :) |
rickpriebe
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Posted - 2011.04.06 15:06:00 -
[369]
Top 45 Oxymoron's:
45. Act naturally 44. Found missing 43. Resident alien 42. Advanced BASIC 41. Genuine imitation 40. Airline Food 39. Good grief 38. Same difference 37. Almost exactly 36. Government organization 35. Sanitary landfill 34. Alone together 33. Legally drunk 32. Silent scream 31. Living dead 30. Small crowd 29. Business ethics 28. Soft rock 27. Butt Head 26. Military Intelligence 25. Software documentation 24. New classic 23. Sweet sorrow 22. Childproof 21. "Now, then ..." 20. Synthetic natural gas 19. Passive aggression 18. Taped live 17. Clearly misunderstood 16. Peace force 15. Extinct Life 14. Temporary tax increase 13. Computer jock 12. Plastic glasses 11. Terribly pleased 10. Computer security 9. Political science 8. Tight slacks 7. Definite maybe 6. Pretty ugly 5. Twelve-ounce pound cake 4. Diet ice cream 3. Working vacation 2. Exact estimate 1. Microsoft Works
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phreyd2
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Posted - 2011.04.06 15:35:00 -
[370]
Well I can only promise to use the winnings to finance my venture in warfare so here goes with funny. There once was a lady named Alice Who always used a dynamite stick for a Phallis She found it exploded And then her ship went and imploded Now Her Clone has nothing but malice.
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David Grogan
Gallente
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Posted - 2011.04.06 15:42:00 -
[371]
he is not quitting
He is "winning Eve" SIG: if my message has spelling errors its cos i fail at typing properly :P |
Savvon
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Posted - 2011.04.06 15:43:00 -
[372]
Eskimo:If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? Priest: No, not if you did not know. Eskimo: Then why did you tell me?
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Pawndora
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Posted - 2011.04.06 15:59:00 -
[373]
Edited by: Pawndora on 06/04/2011 15:59:37 Do I get paid for reading out the 1st of April instead of all that stuff?
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Handon Guild
The Glenn Quagmire Finishing School for Young Ladies
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Posted - 2011.04.06 16:19:00 -
[374]
Go watch " Archer " enough said :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CI_Nye_5_0
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Izvilistiy
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Posted - 2011.04.06 16:56:00 -
[375]
Last night I was trying to be tender with my wife but couldn't get an erection and peed on the bed.
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Taavi Suikkanen
Caldari State War Academy
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Posted - 2011.04.06 17:10:00 -
[376]
On noita vitseijSa aika monta, mut ku oon aika rasisti niin ihan varmuuden vuoksi e kyl tSha kirjoitele niitS. Mut toi kuva on semmone harmniton vaihtoehto,
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Sharon Tate
Cutting Edge Incorporated RAZOR Alliance
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Posted - 2011.04.06 17:12:00 -
[377]
Q: What do you feed a gay horse? A: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! -------------------------------------------- Minister of Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Eggs, Bacon and Spam |
Ultim8Evil
Black Serpent Technologies R.A.G.E
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Posted - 2011.04.06 17:17:00 -
[378]
Originally by: rickpriebe Top 45 Oxymoron's:
45. Act naturally 44. Found missing 43. Resident alien 42. Advanced BASIC 41. Genuine imitation 40. Airline Food 39. Good grief 38. Same difference 37. Almost exactly 36. Government organization 35. Sanitary landfill 34. Alone together 33. Legally drunk 32. Silent scream 31. Living dead 30. Small crowd 29. Business ethics 28. Soft rock 27. Butt Head 26. Military Intelligence 25. Software documentation 24. New classic 23. Sweet sorrow 22. Childproof 21. "Now, then ..." 20. Synthetic natural gas 19. Passive aggression 18. Taped live 17. Clearly misunderstood 16. Peace force 15. Extinct Life 14. Temporary tax increase 13. Computer jock 12. Plastic glasses 11. Terribly pleased 10. Computer security 9. Political science 8. Tight slacks 7. Definite maybe 6. Pretty ugly 5. Twelve-ounce pound cake 4. Diet ice cream 3. Working vacation 2. Exact estimate 1. Microsoft Works
46. CCP QA Dept
Too soon?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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bobwehada babyitsaboy
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Posted - 2011.04.06 17:32:00 -
[379]
The French "leading" the attacks in lybia. The only thing the French lead is the retreat.
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Eleonora Skye
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Posted - 2011.04.06 17:32:00 -
[380]
Edited by: Eleonora Skye on 06/04/2011 17:35:09
Quote: Megalomania is defined as:
1. A psychopathological condition characterized by delusional fantasies of wealth, power, or omnipotence. 2. An obsession with grandiose or extravagant things or actions.
"I'm rich, make me laugh".
I just did, i guess :)
Originally by: bobwehada babyitsaboy The French "leading" the attacks in lybia. The only thing the French lead is the retreat.
You're supposed to make OP laugh, not NapolTon.
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Yun Kuai
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Posted - 2011.04.06 18:44:00 -
[381]
I'll take the bait, seeing as you had a nyx character this should bring back some good memories :P A firbolg goes to the RnD agent, looking ill, and says "I really don't feel well, i am tired all the time, i dont know what to do"
So the RnD agent says "Well, let me take a bit of your hull and i will send it off for tests"
Next week the firbolg returns, still complaining of the same symptoms, and the agent has some bad news: "There is no easy way to say this... but you are HIV positive"
The firbolg is shocked. "HIV!! I am a fighter! Not a lover! How can that possibly be?!"
The RnD agent solemnly replies "I am sorry... but one of your parents must have been a carrier"
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Erskaterska Lutkuttaja
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Posted - 2011.04.06 18:46:00 -
[382]
Edited by: Erskaterska Lutkuttaja on 06/04/2011 18:46:21 I made this \o/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cG3KjIIG4I
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Mentally Uninsured
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Posted - 2011.04.07 01:53:00 -
[383]
Edited by: Mentally Uninsured on 07/04/2011 01:53:26 I tried to upload the picture of my microscopic twig'n berries but it wouldnt let me... said image was to small and could not be seen by the original poster...
If you seen the picture I am sure you would laugh... all the girls do...
I need to isk, I need the surgery to become atleast a partial bionic man, not a micro boy... |
Aroh X
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Posted - 2011.04.07 02:05:00 -
[384]
Without reading through all 13 pages of replies... there doesn't seem to be too much of a mention that the original post was made on April Fools day...
...so in that spirit (and just in case that's purely coincidental), I just want to make a comment on CCP's april fools joke about the new mounts coming to EVE.
I'm not sure how they overlooked it, but 'free kittens for everyone', come on CCP, completely missed an opportunity to give out space hamsters - please put more effort into your april fools joke next year :)
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Potrondal Morrison
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Posted - 2011.04.07 07:28:00 -
[385]
Originally by: Aroh X Without reading through all 13 pages of replies... there doesn't seem to be too much of a mention that the original post was made on April Fools day...
...so in that spirit (and just in case that's purely coincidental), I just want to make a comment on CCP's april fools joke about the new mounts coming to EVE.
I'm not sure how they overlooked it, but 'free kittens for everyone', come on CCP, completely missed an opportunity to give out space hamsters - please put more effort into your april fools joke next year :)
Without reading your entier post, it looks like you should have read this entire thread, this has been pointed out many times in the last 13 pages, were only posting for fun.
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El'Niaga
Minmatar Republic Military School
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Posted - 2011.04.07 07:33:00 -
[386]
April Fools!
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3rr0rc0d3
Amarr The Wyld Hunt The G0dfathers
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Posted - 2011.04.07 08:42:00 -
[387]
inb4 Don't sell your main, bro! Also ITT, vultures, parasites and the rest of the general EVE population. ______________________ This is my sig. There are many like it, but this one is mine! |
XIRUSPHERE
Gallente In Bacon We Trust
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Posted - 2011.04.11 03:47:00 -
[388]
Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair always gets in the way.
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J'oorus
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Posted - 2011.04.11 04:30:00 -
[389]
Edited by: J''oorus on 11/04/2011 04:32:04 Ok Im gonna take a crack at gaining some isk by making you laugh.
...
One day as St. Patrick was praying to God, God appeared before him ( and here comes the dialoge )
God: You have pleased me, and served me well. Now I will grant you one wish, ask me anything and it shall be fullfilled.
St. Patrick: Oh thank you God, as you know Im quite old now, and I have served you all my life, but I have never got to see my relatives in America, I would like to go to America and see them.
God: But of course, how would you like to travel there, by plane or by boat ?
St. Patrick: Oh Im afraid Im terribly afraid of heights, so I cannot fly there, and I allways get seasick, so I guess that is out of the question as well. But can't you make me a wooden bridge and I will walk across.
God: Err ... well a wooden bridge, its going to be terribly difficult to build that bridge. Who can I ask to build me such a bridge, no, no please it is too difficult, ask something else of me instead.
St. Patrick: Allright, allright. I have often listened to people who come to me to give me their confessions. But when women come to me for their confessions, they tell me all kinds of things. I find it almost impossible to understand them. Please, please, please explain to me how their minds work.
God: Yes, yes ofcourse. Now let me think .. hmmm. It is like this ( a long pause ).
God: Please tell me my child, how many lanes or stories would you like to have on your wooden bridge ?
...
Thanks in advance. -J'oorus
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Roosterton
The 57th Overlanders
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Posted - 2011.04.11 04:41:00 -
[390]
Laugh at my misery. -------- Enemy corps raided into disbandment: Three.
Originally by: Tarminic
OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! |
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Jaina Kort
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Posted - 2011.04.11 05:30:00 -
[391]
Here are a few jokes came across....
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
or if you did not like that one then we have:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: ôWow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.ö The man then replies: ôYeah, well we were married 35 years.ö
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Dala min
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Posted - 2011.04.11 08:45:00 -
[392]
Why should you give some of your stuff to me?
Well, I am a hobo Minmatar. I am tired of my box and would like to try out some shiny stuff. Maybe to put some curtains, windows, 50+" plasma screenie... I will hire Amarr cleaning lady and treat her right, the box is small so she could come and clean every other day...
My phoon is getting old, I would like to gave him a sea bath so that it could produce a new layer of dust, and back in space we would again proudly live a trail of dust (like a comet) and not only bolts and screws as we do now... I heard that there is an uber Minnie bucket called hell? I would like to try that. (Only don¦t tell that to my phoon or all hell will broke loose)
Hell-I could name it Lucifer, and we could go fishing on ocean worlds, hiking on asteroids, I could even make it a private sauna-park it near the sun and sweat all day. O hell is heaven I tell you!
Pick me, pick me, pick me!
Damn, my cartbox has fallen from all that dreaming and jumping... now I must clean one enermous side of the house... It will take me cca 2min do.
Hey Hermin! Listen! Some rich dude got fed up and wants to donate his stuff. No I am not kidding, just write something up and send it to him and if you get picked we can split it...
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Mrs Snowman
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Posted - 2011.04.11 10:11:00 -
[393]
There were two buns in an oven..
One bun said:
"Phew, its REALLY hot in here!"
The other bun said
"OH MY GOD! A Talking bun!!!"
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Dr Sheepbringer
Gallente Halinallen veroparatiisi Inglorious Carebears
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Posted - 2011.04.11 10:14:00 -
[394]
I can't because of: This
Originally by: CCP Shadow Dr. Sheepbringer -- It's not that kind of horn.
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Kallista Naari
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Posted - 2011.04.11 10:23:00 -
[395]
Edited by: Kallista Naari on 11/04/2011 10:23:16 http://tweetpsych.com/?q=themittani
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Anddeh McNab
Cadre Assault Force
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Posted - 2011.04.11 10:25:00 -
[396]
Here's my entry:
A woman who's pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when out of the bank runs a robber. In the ensuing gunfight, he shoots the woman three times in the stomach. At the hospital the woman is told that here three babies are unhurt and a month later she gives birth to two girls and a boy. All goes swimmingly for 16 years until one day the mother finds one daughter cryng. "What's wrong?" she asks. "Well, I was doing a wee," she cries, "and a bullet came out!". "oh," says the woman and tells her daught of that fateful day 16 years ago. A month passes and the other daughter comes crying with the same problem. "Not to worry", says the mum. "I'll explain it to you." Another month passes and the boy comes in, close to tears. His mother takes him aside and asks him, "Were you doing a wee and a bullet came out? If you did it's ok." He replies...
"No, I was having a w*nk and I shot the dog." There are two sides to the EVE community; those that scream for change and those that scream against it. Often they are the same person. |
Bomberlocks
Minmatar CTRL-Q
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Posted - 2011.04.11 10:54:00 -
[397]
CCP enters a bar. The barman says we don't serve black ops here.
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rootimus maximus
Caldari
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Posted - 2011.04.11 11:20:00 -
[398]
Originally by: Kan'loch Lacoud The funniest thing in EVE right now is the ever growing ineptitude of the CCP GM staff.
Really? About a year after T3 was introduced, I had to petition because (LOL) I lost my tengu, and I'd ejected while it was still in armor. The GM wasn't aware that this stops you getting a hit to your skillpoints.
After that incident, I figured the entire GM sub-contractor had reached its full potential.
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memphspt
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Posted - 2011.04.11 12:00:00 -
[399]
=)
atempting to make you laugh
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Iella Tesla
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Posted - 2011.04.11 20:19:00 -
[400]
Edited by: Iella Tesla on 11/04/2011 20:21:50 CCP has fixed their lag problem.
The best way to fly a Panther is in 25% structure, that way the you can justify not taking anyone out with you.
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Iella Tesla
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Posted - 2011.04.11 20:46:00 -
[401]
CVA send their best to defend Providence.
Don't know about you, but that is one of the best jokes you'll ever hear.
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Jawmare
The Python Cartel. The Defenders of Pen Island
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Posted - 2011.04.11 21:44:00 -
[402]
I will tell you a joke in 18 months.
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Gunner Jones
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Posted - 2011.04.11 21:56:00 -
[403]
The last time I raged quit (due to receiving divorce papers), I gave away my 50m Skillpoint character to a random aquaintence - FOR FREE. Now I'm stuck starting over, and kicking my self in the @ss daily for being so stupid. So if you're really giving away ISK, send 30B my way so I can buy a new character. I just hope you don't do what I did and look back and say, why the f**k did I do that. Because starting over sucks.
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Illwill Bill
Nifelhem
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Posted - 2011.04.11 22:16:00 -
[404]
Originally by: Roosterton Laugh at my misery.
Is that a Laser Exeqouror?! o.0
Originally by: CCP Zymurgist Revenge is a dish best served with auto-cannons.
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Tryce Jaor
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Posted - 2011.04.11 22:17:00 -
[405]
'I am a psychology student and I am studying the relationship of trust between strangers and me... if you send me any amount I shall send double back for your effort'
any1?
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Pherras Williams
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Posted - 2011.04.11 22:26:00 -
[406]
Edited by: Pherras Williams on 11/04/2011 22:26:50 My Aunt Helen called our house one day and told me and my father there was a robber out back of her house trying to break in . We were a little skeptical because she was getting on in her years and it was about 4p.m. broad daylight. Well we went up there to check it out just to get her to stop calling. So we get up there and looked and of course there was no robber......but there was an Emu that had gotten lose from some farm on the other side of the hill. It then proceeded to charge my father and attack him(i had ran in my Aunts house by this time) he ended up getting 18 stitches in his head. After that he decided maybe it would be prudent to call Animal Control who came up. when they went out back much to there surprise it was there and it was pi$$ed. one lost a piece of ear and two others lost their shirt. It took 3 anesthetic darts and Four 16 gauge shotgun shells to bring it down. when they got it on the back of there truck apparently it wasn't threw as it was still jerking and ended up kicking there back window out. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction
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Zu Tsang
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Posted - 2011.04.11 22:50:00 -
[407]
Lol , Nice april fools :P haha
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RiotRick
Kamehameha I's Revenge BricK sQuAD.
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Posted - 2011.04.11 22:54:00 -
[408]
You will have to answer the call of Mobutu
- We are Black-Sun - --
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