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Neenerian Amarr Sector 7	Posted - 2006.09.21 14:44:00 - [1] How do you get a Minmatar out of the bathtub? Throw in a bar of soap.
Jenny Spitfire Caldari	Posted - 2006.09.21 17:57:00 - [2] Q. What do you call a slave without a Master? A. Minmatar. --------- Cruelty is God's way of showing kindness and God is kind.
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Galactic Express The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.09.21 18:56:00 - [3] I've got a better idea. Q. What's tragic about an Amarrian dying in a shuttle crash? A. A shuttle can hold at least twenty of them.
Arushia TEK Inc. R i s e	Posted - 2006.09.21 20:10:00 - [4] The best I've heard is "People call me a slaver. But really, I love Minmatar, I think everybody should own one." I forget who on galnet said it though.
Leon 026 Caldari Blood Inquisition	Posted - 2006.09.21 20:12:00 - [5] When your navigation systems fail, get the squatting Matari family in your cargo sector to get out the airlock and push. Damn immigrants. ------------------------------- [ 2006.06.22 04:28:01 ] Leon 026 > My Crow dances like she's on ecstasy
Takitoo	Posted - 2006.09.21 22:55:00 - [6] This Brutor with a huge pimple on his head walks into a bar. The barkeep says: "Hey, buddy. Where'd ya get that ?" The pimple says: "Pator. Hygiene is horrid there." ___________________________
Ryas Nia Minmatar Stormriders	Posted - 2006.09.22 05:07:00 - [7] welcome to eve choose your difficulty easy harder hardest minmatar ______________________ What happens to a True Amarr when he eats at a self serve buffet? He starves! ______________________ what happens when a light goes out in the Emporers studdy? First a commission is setup to figure out who's fault it was. There is an investigation into the manufactuers religious fealty. An apointment is made to find a replacement light. The commission contracts out to determin if the light is the "true light" and fit for the emperor. There is a cosntest of power to see which house gets to provide the light... and in the end a Caldari contractor is called in to finaly buy a bulb and replace it.
Shintoko Akahoshi Omerta Syndicate	Posted - 2006.09.22 07:31:00 - [8] How many Minmatar does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None, darkness is symbolic of the struggle for their people. How many Amarrans does it take to screw in a light bulb? - One, if he owns a whip. How many Caldari does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None. Caldari do not screw, they are grown in factories. How many Gallente does it take to screw in a light bulb? - Just one, to hold up the light bulb, while the rest of the world revolves around them. The Red Mom of WarÖ
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Galactic Express The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.09.22 07:52:00 - [9] You still use light bulbs? Primitive. So anyway, a Caldari and a Gallente get thrown off of a skyscraper, which one hits the ground first? Neither. The Caldari had to get an authorisation form signed in triplicate to be allowed to reach terminal velocity and the Gallente was too busy forming a pressure group against gravity.
Jalia Kovac Placid Reborn Placid Coalition	Posted - 2006.09.22 13:52:00 - [10] Q. How many Intaki does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None. The Intaki will wait for the lightbulb to be reborn. ► ► Placid Reborn Headquarters ◄ ◄

Idaeus Gallente Earned In Blood	Posted - 2006.09.22 14:35:00 - [11] Originally by: Jalia Kovac Q. How many Intaki does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None. The Intaki will wait for the lightbulb to be reborn. ♥ +IOI?
Kehmor Caldari PAK	Posted - 2006.09.22 16:20:00 - [12] Q) a Brutor, a Sebeistor, and a Verekior all start flying towards the sun from the same point at the same speed. Who wins? A) Society As for lightbulbs: How many Matari does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they are too busy avenging the last one. How many Gallente does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes over two years for them to decide which type to get. How many Caldari does it take to change a lightbulb? None, its more cost effective to move to another room. How many Amarrians does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they are still punishing the last one for turning to darkness.
Kehmor Caldari PAK	Posted - 2006.09.22 16:23:00 - [13] A few more: Q) What do you call a brutor in a suit? A) The defendant Q)Two Brutor and a sebeistor in a ship, whos flying it? A) Concord Q)Whats the difference between a table and a Brutor? A)A table can support a family
Rhuu Gallente Es and Whizz	Posted - 2006.09.22 16:37:00 - [14] Two Caldari walk into their corporation's bar for a little bit of R&R before heading home. After sipping their drinks for a few minutes in silence, the first Caldari turns to the other, says, "Hello." The second Caldari, in the middle of sipping his drink, efficiently finishes his sip, mechanically places his glass back on the bar, turns to the other, blinks once, and says, "Hello." They then exchange business cards and go back to sipping in silence. * Two Gallente walk into a bar. Everybody's memories of the event tend to get hazy after that. There were at least five reports, though, of a naked dwarf appearing out of nowhere and without a sound in an explosion of color--one person claims it was actually a beautiful woman, this claim is dismissed due to said person claiming that he made out with this beautiful woman. There were also claims of people spontaneously breaking out into agrarian activities, and laughing quite happily as if they were enjoying themselves. It is probably best that no one knows what actually happened. * Two Amarrians walk into a bar carried on the backs of two strong Brutors. The Amarrians discuss galactic politics, trade, and the glory of God. This goes on for hours, while the slave-mounts are left at their liesure. Eventually the conversation turns to the disdainfulness and immorality of drinking establishments and both of the Amarrians try to get up and leave, only to find that their Brutors are passed out. They try to leave without their slaves but soon realize, to their alarm, that they've forgotten how to walk.
Kiyirari	Posted - 2006.09.22 19:08:00 - [15] Q. Whats the difference between an Amarrian and a Minmatar ? A. Minmatar can wipe their own bottom. Revenge is my god and my guns are her angels
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Galactic Express The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.09.22 20:49:00 - [16] So an Amarrian walks into a bar... but it's quite obviously someone else's fault.
Kehmor Caldari PAK	Posted - 2006.09.23 01:18:00 - [17] I'm actually starting to get a bit offended as I ahve a Brutor on my family tree.... Still hanging there.
Luigi Thirty Caldari	Posted - 2006.09.23 19:20:00 - [18] Minnie slave walks into a bar. He gets whipped for smudging the wax job. ---- This is a sig. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
Shaemell Buttleson Euphoria Released Euphoria Unleashed	Posted - 2006.09.24 02:51:00 - [19] Originally by: Andreus Ixiris You still use light bulbs? Primitive. So anyway, a Caldari and a Gallente get thrown off of a skyscraper, which one hits the ground first? Neither. The Caldari had to get an authorisation form signed in triplicate to be allowed to reach terminal velocity and the Gallente was too busy forming a pressure group against gravity. As long as they both hit the ground who gives a sh1t!
Nerf Caldari	Posted - 2006.09.24 03:48:00 - [20] Q. An Ammar, Minmatar and a Caldari jump off a bridge. Who hits the ground first? A. Who cares? This sig is in desperate need of some CCP love!

Nolin Riis	Posted - 2006.09.24 03:49:00 - [21] I once met a man from Amarr In the stangest of places - a bar He told some minmatar jokes To the wrong kind of folks With clever uses of feathers and tar
Violet Ju'wien Minmatar	Posted - 2006.09.24 11:51:00 - [22] I find most of these jokes horrendous. Mr Kehmor is particularly enthusiastic about his ridicule of a people who have fought their entire lives for freedom. But humour is relative, so here's one of my favourites: Quote: A Gallente walks into a downtown bar in Pator and addresses the crowd, "Guys! I've got some great Civire jokes!" One stocky, broad-chinned man in the corner gets up, "I think I should warn you, I'm Civire." To which the Gallente replied, "Don't worry, I'll tell them slowly!" ----- "Boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past" Thukkers do.
Cipher7 Dark and Light inc. D-L	Posted - 2006.09.24 16:13:00 - [23] The greatest joke is how the Amarr Empire is having trouble subjugating us "savages." Hint : When the "inferior races" are kicking your butt, you're the inferior race.
Britannica	Posted - 2006.09.24 17:32:00 - [24] Q; what do you call a 4 foot ammarian who insults a 7 foot free Brutor? A: wallpaper

Suvetar Forum Moderator Interstellar Services Department	Posted - 2006.09.24 18:22:00 - [25] Originally by: Shintoko Akahoshi How many Minmatar does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None, darkness is symbolic of the struggle for their people. How many Amarrans does it take to screw in a light bulb? - One, if he owns a whip. How many Caldari does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None. Caldari do not screw, they are grown in factories. How many Gallente does it take to screw in a light bulb? - Just one, to hold up the light bulb, while the rest of the world revolves around them. How many Jovians does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None, theres not enough room in there forum rules \| [email protected] \| Our new Website!

Mark Wallen	Posted - 2006.09.24 21:17:00 - [26] 4 admirals went to a battle against one another. The Gallente simply sent a swarm of drones to do his work for him. The Amarr sent tens of thousands of poeple up against the drones and gets them all killed. The Caldari wanted to stick so many missles on his ships they were 3 days late for the battle. But the Minmatar admiral didnt make it at all because his ships glue melted.
Neenerian Amarr Sector 7	Posted - 2006.09.24 22:33:00 - [27] If your ship has a Calvin peeing on "Amarr" sticker on it... you might be a Minmatar. -------
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Galactic Express The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.09.25 09:04:00 - [28] Edited by: Andreus Ixiris on 25/09/2006 09:10:31 How many Ammatars does it take to change a light bulb? None. They beg the Ammarians to do it for them. What's the difference between an Amarrian and a Blood Raider? One is a bloodthirsty hypocrite dedicated to nihilism, worshiping a font of eternal youth, killing in the name of a child-killing, slaver devil-god. The other's a Blood Raider.
Neenerian Amarr Sector 7	Posted - 2006.09.25 13:31:00 - [29] If your pod has a gun rack on it... you might be a Minmatar. -------
Kailea Shandrasekkar Caldari Tsurokigaarai Kimotoro Directive	Posted - 2006.09.25 15:09:00 - [30] Some factionalist jokes i heard from a Kaalakiota representative, regarding the Practicals: - A crisis is when you cannot say "let's just forget the whole thing." - A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. - A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction. - A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer. Haak-kin k'len.

Mebrithiel Ju'wien Minmatar Blood Inquisition	Posted - 2006.09.25 16:21:00 - [31] Originally by: Andreus Ixiris What's the difference between an Amarrian and a Blood Raider? One is a bloodthirsty hypocrite dedicated to nihilism, worshiping a font of eternal youth, killing in the name of a child-killing, slaver devil-god. The other's a Blood Raider. Oh... dear... gods... Ahahahahaha, the laughter hurts! Oh dear, I can't take this any more...AHAHAHAHA! Excuse me... Gotta, ha ha ha, close comm ~~~~~
Jean Daniels	Posted - 2006.09.25 18:07:00 - [32] I'v got one. Q: What do Caldari ship's and the colour gray have in common? A:They're both really dull.
Lucian Alucard Caldari Forsaken Empire	Posted - 2006.09.26 08:03:00 - [33] Q.)Why don't Amarrian police ware bullet proof vests? A.) They don't believe in using protection. I would post more but they are all to explicite for "The Summit" .
Darina Rea True Core	Posted - 2006.09.26 08:36:00 - [34] How many Sansha does it take to change a lightbulb? - None, they just replace their eyes with see in the dark implants. How many Angel Cartel does is it take to change a lightbulb? - None, they are all at the bar at night anyway. How many Gurista does it take to change a lightbulb? - Only one, but he has to go steal it first. Perferbly out of some Caldari house. How many Serpentis does it take to change a lightbulb? - One, but he needs atleast five of six boxes of bulbs before he gets on in in one piece.
Kehmor Caldari PAK	Posted - 2006.09.26 15:21:00 - [35] q) what does a sebeistor family portrait look like? a) a barcode q) why don't you shoot a minmatar in a raven a) it's probably your raven q) what do you do if you see a minmatar jumping in the road with a leg missing a) stop laughing and re-load
Avery Badman Amarr Hounds Of War Knights Of the Southerncross	Posted - 2006.09.26 16:47:00 - [36] Originally by: Kehmor A few more: Q) What do you call a brutor in a suit? A) The defendant Q)Two Brutor and a sebeistor in a ship, whos flying it? A) Concord Q)Whats the difference between a table and a Brutor? A)A table can support a family q) what do you do if you see a minmatar jumping in the road with a leg missing a) stop laughing and re-load Kehmor WINS!
BobFromMarketing Amarr Hadean Drive Yards	Posted - 2006.09.27 00:42:00 - [37] Originally by: Kehmor q) what do you do if you see a minmatar jumping in the road with a leg missing a) stop laughing and re-load That my friend is awesome.
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Galactic Express The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.09.27 16:53:00 - [38] So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing. So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up. "Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!" And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams. At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Apocalypse the Amarrian is flying, killing him instantly. And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims... "Goddamnit, I missed"
Azraelion Nerevar Gallente Just Exploit	Posted - 2006.09.28 02:44:00 - [39] Originally by: Andreus Ixiris So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing. So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up. "Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!" And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams. At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Apocalypse the Amarrian is flying, killing him instantly. And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims... "Goddamnit, I missed" Ahhhaha, that was amazing!
Jack Quadros Caldari	Posted - 2006.09.28 05:58:00 - [40] Originally by: Azraelion Nerevar Originally by: Andreus Ixiris So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing. So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up. "Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!" And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams. At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Apocalypse the Amarrian is flying, killing him instantly. And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims... "Goddamnit, I missed" Ahhhaha, that was amazing! Another modified remnant of our heritage, I assume... but here's one in the vein of the "You might be a Minmatar if..." jokes... "If your railguns have been modified to the point that they use spent Quafe cans for ammunition, you might be a Minmatar."

Elphy Minmatar Norfolk and Clue Security Services	Posted - 2006.09.28 12:52:00 - [41] If every week when the rubbish men come you need to rush out and get them to stop putting your ship in the back of the rubbish truck you might be Minmatar ------------------------------------------------------
Mebrithiel Ju'wien Minmatar Blood Inquisition	Posted - 2006.09.28 15:14:00 - [42] Originally by: Kehmor q) what does a sebeistor family portrait look like? a) a barcode q) why don't you shoot a minmatar in a raven a) it's probably your raven q) what do you do if you see a minmatar jumping in the road with a leg missing a) stop laughing and re-load Haha, I might be matari, but I appreciate a good joke Hey Kehmor, hear about that Deteis ice production corporation? I think they had to stop production... ...the woman who knew the recipe died. ~~~~~
Siva She Amarr Order of the Blessed Sisters of Amarr	Posted - 2006.09.28 16:25:00 - [43] An Amarrian Priest, a Minmatar Shaman, and a Gallente Mystic were all attending the funeral of a mutual friend that had died. As the three of them stood around the open grave, the Minmatar Shaman took out 100isk in hard currency and tossed it into the grave. "It is a custom among my people to send the dead off with some money, that they have no debts in the afterlife." she said. The Gallente Mystic, not to be outdone, stepped up. "What a noble custom. Of course I will contribute, to honor our friend." And he, too, threw in 100isk in hard currency. The Amarrian Priest nodded. "I, too, will follow suit." Whereby the Priest took out his datapad, printed out a credit voucher for 300isk, tossed it into the grave, and took out 200isk for his change.
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Galactic Express The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.09.28 16:36:00 - [44] Edited by: Andreus Ixiris on 28/09/2006 16:38:26 What do you call a Civire in a library? The janitor! What do you call an Achura with a speech impediment? An Achura!
Faraelle Brightman	Posted - 2006.09.29 07:50:00 - [45] How many pirates does it take to change a lightbulb? - Who cares, we ain't letting them get their filthy hands on it! Ok, I tried.
Ozawi Minmatar	Posted - 2006.09.29 15:45:00 - [46] Q: How do you get a Brutor away from your front door? A: Pay for the pizza. Q: What did the Brutor get on his IQ test? A: Drool. Q: How can you tell that the stabilizers are working on a Brutor's ship and keeping it level? A: Drool comes out of both sides of his mouth. ------------------------------------------------ This sig is mine. There are others like it, but this one is mine alone. Mods keep out, or I will drop trou and sprinkle some tinkle in your Cheerios! -I don't eat Cheerios. -ReverendM
Kindakrof Caldari Cruor Frater Coalition of Carebear Killers	Posted - 2006.09.29 22:57:00 - [47] How many carebears does it take to change a lightbulb? One to haul and one to screw. --- --- --- my sig is pr0
Arron S Gallente Rampage Eternal	Posted - 2006.09.30 00:23:00 - [48] Originally by: Jenny Spitfire Q. What do you call a slave without a Master? A. Minmatar. A. Arron S^^ Gah!
Siva She Amarr Order of the Blessed Sisters of Amarr	Posted - 2006.09.30 06:28:00 - [49] What's hard, covered in spikes, 1500km long, and has an IQ of 40? ... a Sansha convoy. A Blood Raider returns to his base and his face and hands are all covered in blood. As he lays down to try to get some sleep, the other Blood Raiders smell the blood on him and start crowding around him. "Where did you find your victim? We want some too!" He tries to dismiss them but they were insistant, so excited by the blood stains on his face and clothes. "Where did you get your blood?" they demand. So, the first Blood Raider sighs and says, "Fine, come with me." They all climb into their ships and fly out to a nearby asteroid belt. The Blood Raider points and says to the others, "You see that hollow asteroid over there?" The others nod, "Yeah." And the first one says, "Well, I didn't!"
Milera Gallente Elite United Corp Antigo Dominion	Posted - 2006.10.01 04:23:00 - [50] Q: How do the Minmatar make their ships? A: They drag a magnet through a junk-yard. Q: How do the Gallente design their ships? A: They look for something that uses batteries. Q: Why do Caldari spend so much repairing their ships? A: Ever wonderdered whether all those little spires break off? Now you know. Q: How does the Amarr Empire design their ships? A: They look for the nearest bird. Q: How do the Jove design their ships? A: We'll tell you as soon as we see one. ------------------------------------------------- Through war we eliminate the weak, through war we develop technology, through war we hone our skills. Is it not a surprise that those who fight are s

Andreus Ixiris Gallente Luna Rossa Corporation The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.10.01 17:52:00 - [51] I was certain that Gallente ships were created by congealing molten metal into the least symmetrical mould that could be found. I mean, I love my nation, but seriously, do my people have some irrational phobia of making things aerodynamic and equally-balanced? I swear to the Almighty, the Brutix is the only symmetrical ship in the entire fleet. And don't even get me started on the Imicus...
Righteous Evil	Posted - 2006.10.01 21:14:00 - [52] Why do Amarr slaver hounds always lick their ass? To get the taste of Minmitar out of their mouth.
Natalcya Katla Aliastra	Posted - 2006.10.02 01:49:00 - [53] Originally by: Andreus Ixiris I swear to the Almighty, the Brutix is the only symmetrical ship in the entire fleet. The Vexor is symmetrical. As are all the varieties of the Iteron.
Warrio	Posted - 2006.10.02 10:49:00 - [54] I've got an Amarr joke; PvP in an Apoc. Hohoho.
Eno Matterre	Posted - 2006.10.02 13:14:00 - [55] How do Minmatar engineers buld their ships? Same as everybody else, the problem is they always forget to strip the scaffolding before launch. ;)
Evanda Char Minmatar Re-Awakened Technologies Inc Electus Matari	Posted - 2006.10.03 12:16:00 - [56] How many Ammatar does it take to tile a laboratory? Depends how thinly you slice them. Re-Awakened Technologies Inc "That looks interesting... Let's nick it!
Kehmor Caldari PAK	Posted - 2006.10.03 14:33:00 - [57] Whats better than ten Amarrians in a room? One Amarrian in ten rooms
Nikolai Nuvolari Caldari Gilead's Bullet Kimotoro Directive	Posted - 2006.10.03 16:00:00 - [58] Originally by: Natalcya Katla Originally by: Andreus Ixiris I swear to the Almighty, the Brutix is the only symmetrical ship in the entire fleet. The Vexor is symmetrical. No it's not. Have you ever actually seen one up close? --------------------- Originally by: Herko Kerghans Nik = win. Period. Mebrithiel Ju'wien > Nik's bio 4tw btw Graelyn > Nikolai for Dev 108! byahahahahaha!11 Sig Pwnt - Immy
Neenerian Amarr Sector 7	Posted - 2006.10.03 18:34:00 - [59] Edited by: Neenerian on 03/10/2006 18:34:24 What are green and brown, and only travel in groups of two or three? Minmatar teeth. -------
Elrianmk2 Gallente Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.10.03 22:25:00 - [60] not bad some of these may actually make it to the comedy club's, im sure i could find a sponsor for any applicatnts to get into the entertainment industry ----- If it wasnt for bad luck i would have no luck at all The only certainties are death and taxes. Edit: and the nerfing of my pic :/

Tolarus Gallente Keepers of Darkness Namtz'aar k'in	Posted - 2006.10.04 04:26:00 - [61] Edited by: Tolarus on 04/10/2006 05:16:40 Picked this one up while drinking with a bunch miners. For the record thats 'miners' not 'minors'. I mean yeah Im Gallente, but I do have some standards, geez *** A very posh member of amarrian 'royalty' (aren't they all?) asks his father when he will get to meet his future wife through an arranged marriage. A week later the prince returns from visiting with his future bride and runs excitedly into his fathers private prayer chapel, his mascara running down his cheeks from tears of joy. ôMy son what is the matter?ö asks his father. ôOh daddy, I'm so happy, I have great news.ö The father stands to hug his son. ôTell me then my son, what great news has god given us this day?ö His son takes a deep breath, ôShes a virgin!!!ö he gushes, his thin pale hands holding his cheeks. ôWHAT?!ö yells his father, becoming enraged at hearing this, "This is an outrage!" ôOh daddy, why are you angry? I though you'd be happy to hear this.ö ôSon, its simple amarrian tradition, if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours.ö
Rex	Posted - 2006.10.04 05:56:00 - [62] Originally by: Tolarus Edited by: Tolarus on 04/10/2006 05:16:40 Picked this one up while drinking with a bunch miners. For the record thats 'miners' not 'minors'. I mean yeah Im Gallente, but I do have some standards, geez *** A very posh member of amarrian 'royalty' (aren't they all?) asks his father when he will get to meet his future wife through an arranged marriage. A week later the prince returns from visiting with his future bride and runs excitedly into his fathers private prayer chapel, his mascara running down his cheeks from tears of joy. ôMy son what is the matter?ö asks his father. ôOh daddy, I'm so happy, I have great news.ö The father stands to hug his son. ôTell me then my son, what great news has god given us this day?ö His son takes a deep breath, ôShes a virgin!!!ö he gushes, his thin pale hands holding his cheeks. ôWHAT?!ö yells his father, becoming enraged at hearing this, "This is an outrage!" ôOh daddy, why are you angry? I though you'd be happy to hear this.ö ôSon, its simple amarrian tradition, if she isn't good enough for her family, she isn't good enough for ours.ö Ouch. That's a really good one.. No Khanid jokes though? I havent seen a single one. Had my hopes up and everything. -------------------------------------------------------
Eno Matterre	Posted - 2006.10.04 10:53:00 - [63] Originally by: Tolarus ...I mean yeah Im Gallente, but I do have some standards... I seriously doubt it. --- Why do Gallente policemen always patrol the streets in pairs? One can read, the other can write. --- Why do Minmatar policemen patrol in groups of three? The third one guards the scientists.
Kehmor Caldari PAK	Posted - 2006.10.04 15:21:00 - [64] Originally by: Rex Ouch. That's a really good one.. No Khanid jokes though? I havent seen a single one. Had my hopes up and everything. that khanid are a joke
Beringe Raptus Regaliter	Posted - 2006.10.05 00:24:00 - [65] This is actually an Amarrian joke I overheard: Q: What's the difference between the Day of Darkness and a Caldari comedian? A: Only the first one could make you smile. ------------------------------------------- "Never underestimate the power of language." --Daitan Beringe, honorary director in charge of bottles--
Ottom Ephesianos Amarr Freelance Unincorporated Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.10.08 16:27:00 - [66] Edited by: Ottom Ephesianos on 08/10/2006 16:27:20 Q: A Matari and an Amarrian walk into a bar. Who leaves first? A: The Amarrian, through a window, along with the stool he was sitting in. Q: What do Caldari dream of but never get? A: Full rights to anything. "Trust me, I've done this before." Elite R. Ephesianos
Kehmor Caldari PAK	Posted - 2006.10.08 22:36:00 - [67] How do you get four gallente guys to sit on a barstool? Turn it upside down
General Apocalypse Amarr Amarr Task Force	Posted - 2006.10.09 09:30:00 - [68] Originally by: Ottom Ephesianos Edited by: Ottom Ephesianos on 08/10/2006 19:06:57 Q: A Matari and an Amarrian walk into a bar. Who leaves first? A: The Amarrian, through a window, along with the stool he was sitting on. Orbital bombardment incoming ----------------------- Amarr Invictus
MarKand FinFleet Lotka Volterra	Posted - 2006.10.09 20:57:00 - [69] The young Amarrian man comes home wey late one evening, he¦s father have been waiting and is not happy when he sneekes in to the house. -Where have you been ? the father yealls. -Father, I am now a man, I hade my first sexual meeting tonight ! sais the young man. -Oh.. In that case my son, hehehe, the father smiles, and puts hes arm aroung hes son, -Welcome to the mensclub. - If there is anything you wanna ask about it, please come and see me, hehe I was kinda a "hottie" in my youth... They a go to bed, and next morning the son seeks up he¦s father. -Father, can we talk about you know what ? -Sure my son, what is it you wanna know ? - Well, hmm well, when will it stop hurt in my but ? ?
Katrina Kirellii Caldari Escorts of Eve	Posted - 2006.10.09 21:39:00 - [70] With everything in life there comes a price: Stavros drinking a spoiled Quafe - 10 Million Isk 60 Seconds of fame on Eve Radio - 120 Million Isk The new ASCN Titan - 180 Billion Isk Ifni and Silent BoB scrunched together on a couch watching the tourney - Priceless. When life's unexpected costs comes your way - be prepared to pay up front those cloning costs or meet the Goddess Eve. If you need cash fast - remember the "Caldari State Credit Stick" - we know science, business, and our collection agents are Civire. Katrina Kirellii Captain of the Silken Mistress

Ottom Ephesianos Amarr Freelance Unincorporated Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.10.10 03:09:00 - [71] Q: What do you get after your first clone? A: Endless constipation. --------------------------------- "Trust me I've done this before." Elite R. Ephesianos ---------------------------------
Ottom Ephesianos Amarr Freelance Unincorporated Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.10.10 06:13:00 - [72] Q:What do you get after your second clone? A:A birthday card every year from nameless ISS security agents.. --------------------------------- "Trust me I've done this before." Elite R. Ephesianos ---------------------------------
Eno Matterre	Posted - 2006.10.10 10:20:00 - [73] An Amarrian dignitary walked through the halls of his estate one day when he spotted a young Matari slave in front of an aquarium. Instead of polishing it as he should the slave kept dragging his finger across the glass and the fish, bunched up in a bloby formation, followed his every gesture. The Amarrian, enraged that his slave is wasting time on foolishness, demanded an explaination. "You see, your highness" replied the slave "this is the typical example of how a higher inteligence can exert it's will on lesser creatures." then he proceeded to demonstrate the way fish followed the movement of his finger. "What a waste of time!" exclaimed the Amarrian, visibly annoyed by the slave's claims of higher inteligence "Go back to your duties at once!" Later that day the same slave entered the chamber where the aquarium was on display only to find his master mindlessly staring at the fish, his mouth locked in an endless cycle of ....
Protea Star	Posted - 2006.10.10 13:51:00 - [74] 3 Gallente walk into a bar....... you would`ve thought 1 of them would`ve noticed.
Amani Resep	Posted - 2006.10.10 15:53:00 - [75] A minmatar walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Hey where'd you get that?!" The parrot replies, "In Metropolis, they're all over the place there"
Durente Galaica	Posted - 2006.10.10 15:54:00 - [76] Amani... speak when spoken too (alts sheesh)
Mebrithiel Ju'wien Minmatar Blood Inquisition	Posted - 2006.10.10 16:23:00 - [77] Edited by: Mebrithiel Ju''wien on 10/10/2006 16:25:42 Three professors, each from different universities, discuss the origin of the nob on the end of the male genitalia. They all decide to conduct experimental surveying and to publish their findings and conclussions: The Republic University invested 200,000 Isk into research and surveyed 50,000 students from various demographics and came to the conclusion: "The nob on the end of the male genitalia is obviously for the pleasure of the male" Hulm Medical Journal, Issue 25 The University of Caille invested 500,000 Isk into research and surveyed 100,000 students from various demographics and came to the conclusion: "The protuberance (nob) on the end of the male organ is wonderously crafted for the pleasure of the female" Journale de Bourynes Boitique, Issue4 yr107 The Science and Trade Institute spend 20.99 Isk on ** and booze, spent the rest of the 50 Isk down at the station bar, and surveyed 5 drunks** at the bar. Their Conclusion? "The nob on Mr Winky is to make sure your hand doesn't fall off the end." Amsen Science Today, Issue 3
Brutus King	Posted - 2006.10.11 16:30:00 - [78] Caldari, Minmatar and a Gallente on a shuttle full of kids. The shuttle gets in trouble and they all need to evacuate. Caldari says "Save the children!" Minmatar says "**** the children!" Gallente says "Have we got time?"
draken shugar Malicious Intentions	Posted - 2006.10.12 17:06:00 - [79] What noise does a gallente make in a microwave? neither do I, was to busy laughing I put things in dead people.
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Luna Rossa Corporation The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.10.12 19:05:00 - [80] Two Amarrians get in a fight. Who wins? The eight Minmatar slaves who were able to slip away while they were doing it.

Ashturi Nagano LeM Enterprises	Posted - 2006.10.13 19:24:00 - [81] Q: How many Minmatar does it take to top off the fluids on an Omen? A: 3. But you have to make sure they're properly pureed.
DiNoer DFCK Inc. Chimaera Pact	Posted - 2006.10.15 00:19:00 - [82] Modern prosicutors dilemma: Is the charge incest, necrophilia or absolute narcissism? If cought 'charing' the same vat with your own clone. La prospTritT de l'Gme libre La prospTritT de la fTdTration
Bad Harlequin Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.10.15 04:44:00 - [83] An Amarrian enters a bar, Pursued hotly by three Minmatar! Says he first, "Can't we think And sit down for a drink?" Thrice reply: "That's what your skull's for!"
Garreck Amarr Border Defense Consortium Curatores Veritatis Alliance	Posted - 2006.10.15 04:49:00 - [84] Originally by: Bad Harlequin An Amarrian enters a bar, Pursued hotly by three Minmatar! Says he first, "Can't we think And sit down for a drink?" Thrice reply: "That's what your skull's for!" Wittiest slave-kin ever, to be honest. I have missed your poetry, Harlequin.
Jude Kopenhagen Caldari The Society of the Black Bell	Posted - 2006.10.15 23:20:00 - [85] Two Amarrians carry a Minmater into a bar on their shoulders, the barman asks "Is this some kind of joke?"
Sebastian Zig	Posted - 2006.10.16 02:39:00 - [86] A Gallente, a Minmatar, and an Amarrian are all on a shuttle in the middle of nowhere. The ship's life support systems suddenly fail and there's only two escape pods. One passenger will have to die alone. After talking over the grim issue, the Gallente says, "Fellows, I have lived a good life helping others, and I would rather give my life than end another. I will stay." The Minmatar shakes his head. "That would not be right. I am a warrior, and I will fight the cold vaccuum of space or die with honor! I will stay." The Amarrian smiles. "You suckers can talk about it- I'm taking MY escape pod!" He dashes to the nearby airlock and is off the ship before the others can react. "Ungreatful scum! What will we do now?", roars the Minmatar. The Gallente shrugs. "Take our escape pods. He used the jettison tube."
Joel Djinn KarWal Corporation Sylph Alliance	Posted - 2006.10.16 22:43:00 - [87] Two Gallente and a Matari were taken captive by an Amarr warlord and sentenced to death by firing squad. As the first Gallente is brought to the wall he looks past the firing squad and cries out, "SANDSTORM!!!!" In the ensuring confusion he makes his escape. The second Gallente enjoys the success of his friend and decides to try the same thing. And as he is brought to the wall he looks over the firing squad and shouts "TIDAL WAVE!!!" In the ensuring confusion he too makes his escape. The Matari is amazed by the escapes and wants to try the same thing, except as he is brought to the wall he looks past the squad and shouts "FIRE!!!"
Parish Kasrkin Caldari The Black Morias	Posted - 2006.10.16 23:20:00 - [88] Q: How do you count the population of Metropolis? A: Take 100ISK, throw it down the street, and see how many Matari come out to get it. Q: How do you find the richest man in Metropolis? A: Make sure you grab the Matari that ends up with your ISK.
Lygos ISS Navy Task Force	Posted - 2006.10.17 01:00:00 - [89] Q: How many Fractionists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One to start bulb in its "revolution," two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of state oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should otherthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators. Q: How many ISS does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One to launch a diplomatic mission, and almost all of the rest to launch a decoy freighter fleet through allied space. Q: How do Caldari Nationalists change a lightbulb? A: From the top down. Q: How do the Minmatar emigre unions in Gallente space change a lightbulb? A: They don't. They're too busy selling newspapers. Q: How many serious icelandic Bj÷rk fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Bathtub full of powercords with sprinkles. --- Private Investment should preceed Public Investment
Bad Harlequin Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.10.17 14:08:00 - [90] Thanks Garr. It's good to be back. Originally by: Lygos Q: How many Fractionists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One to start bulb in its "revolution," two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of state oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should otherthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators. And i think i'm in love. all i can say to the above is

Dirtybones Minmatar	Posted - 2006.10.17 21:21:00 - [91] Edited by: Dirtybones on 17/10/2006 21:22:09 Edited by: Dirtybones on 17/10/2006 21:21:37 Well we all know how superior the Amarr technology was when they conqured Pator back in the day. This little tid bit is from that time and has been passed down from generation to generation of slaves. It sort of keeps things in perspective I think. One day about two hundred years ago, a pair of Amarr slavers were on Matar tracking a Minmatar fugitive when they came upon some tracks. The first slaver raised his hand to alert his fellow. "Look there, I would say those were definatly Brutor tracks." The second slaver dissagreed. "No, those are animal tracks, see how they are laid out?" "No, I dont think so. These are Brutor tracks!" "They are not. These are animal tracks I tell you!" "Brutor tacks!" "Animal tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them. "It ain't over 'til it's over, and maybe not even then."
Faraelle Brightman	Posted - 2006.10.18 00:27:00 - [92] Now I like Minmatar, but... What do you get when you meet a pirate in a Rifter? A pirate, if you're feeling merciful.
Atandros Gallente Tabula Rasa Systems The Star Fraction	Posted - 2006.10.18 02:19:00 - [93] Originally by: Lygos Q: How many Fractionists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One to start bulb in its "revolution," two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of state oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should otherthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators. Hahahaha. Made my evening. ------- Creativity and a state-of-the-art arsenal are an unbeatable combination.
Maud Dib Caldari Jericho Fraction The Star Fraction	Posted - 2006.10.18 12:26:00 - [94] Originally by: Bad Harlequin Thanks Garr. It's good to be back. Originally by: Lygos Q: How many Fractionists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One to start bulb in its "revolution," two to launch a bombing campaign against the bulb as a symbol of state oppression, and 39 to start a self help group to persuade light bulbs every where that they shouldn't obey oppressive institutions such as light bulb fittings but should otherthrow the electricity dictatorship and form a free society where all electrical appliances can live in non exploitative harmony with their comrades in the class struggle, the calculators. And i think i'm in love. all i can say to the above is Welcome back old friend. Good to see you back in the cluster.
Shanaya Venn Caldari Racing Turtle Enterprises	Posted - 2006.10.18 16:50:00 - [95] Edited by: Shanaya Venn on 18/10/2006 16:53:33 A Caldari, a Gallentean, an Amarrian and a Minmatar are touring a planet on a diplomatic mission. Suddenly, the aircraft they are in starts to rattle and shake and then plunge groundwards. "This is an emergency!" shouts the pilot over the intercom. "We have to lighten the load, or we're going down!" Without hesitation, the Caldari steps to the fuselage door and flings it open. Battered by the slipstream, he stands in the doorway. "Long live the State!" he cries, and jumps from the plane. Not to be outdone, the Gallentean moves quickly to the door. "For the glory of the Federation!" he declares, and jumps from the plane. The Amarrian is equally quick to act. Swiftly he lifts the Minmatar overhead. "For the Empire!" he shouts, and throws the Minmatar from the plane.
Darion Kell Valley Forge	Posted - 2006.10.18 19:03:00 - [96] An Ammarian commander arrived at the aftermath of a pirate raid and saw a small group cleaning up the mess. Curious as to the large number of frozen corpses and general destruction in the area, he asked one of the other pilots what happened. The pilot explained, "A slaver convoy was attacked. We just finished jettisoning all of the bodies from the transports." "Sounds pretty nasty," the commander replied. "Those slaves would have brought in a decent amount of money back in the home worlds. Were all of them dead?" The pilot nodded sadly and said, "Some of them said they weren't, but you know how those Matari lie."
sherbert lemon	Posted - 2006.10.18 20:18:00 - [97] Originally by: Andreus Ixiris So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing. So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up. "Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!" And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams. At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Apocalypse the Amarrian is flying, killing him instantly. And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims... "Goddamnit, I missed" claps, you managed to watch 1 episode of the vicar of dibley and edit it, but what the heck, its still dang funny. /me laughs leemoonn
Damir36 Gallente PPN United Against ALL Authorities	Posted - 2006.10.19 08:29:00 - [98] Why are Minmatar Ships so easy to repair? Well, Duct-tape can be bought everywhere! :-) Grn¯e Damir Signature removed due to incorrect size (400X120px and 24000 bytes). Please review the forum rules or e-mail us with any questions. You can view you signature here - Petwraith Beware: German Link! :-) Deutschsprachige Piloten gesucht!
Arushia Nova Inc.	Posted - 2006.10.20 22:47:00 - [99] Originally by: Lygos Q: How many serious icelandic Bj÷rk fans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Bathtub full of powercords with sprinkles. Are "icelandic Bj÷rk fans" a new heatsink technology? Or must I perform percussive maintenance on my translator unit?
Strikeclone Caldari Starscreamers	Posted - 2006.10.21 01:08:00 - [100] Edited by: Strikeclone on 21/10/2006 01:09:15 Q: what do you call a group of angry minmatar with no master, adrift in the world A: Rogues Tip: Think about it Strikeclone High chief Pombear. Head of Navel intellygence. Defender of the enourmous manhood. Starscreamers

Sabahl Minmatar Shinra Lotka Volterra	Posted - 2006.10.23 10:58:00 - [101] Q. Why do Brutors wear sunglasses all the time? A. So would you if you had all these jokes being told about you.
Smagd Encina Technologies Namtz'aar k'in	Posted - 2006.10.23 12:23:00 - [102] Edited by: Smagd on 23/10/2006 12:24:53 Edited by: Smagd on 23/10/2006 12:24:05 An Amarrian father, seeing his daughter dressing up for the celebrations of a friend's holdership inauguration ceremony, warns her: "My daughter: Be wary of the young men at the ensuing party! There's bound to be a young man offering to bring you home, and then he can't get his autopilot to fly anywhere but his own home, and when you arrive and you ask for water, the only drink they'll have at home is spirits, and when you'll both have drunk a measure he's going to pounce upon you and stain your honor forever and soil the glory of the whole family! So be careful. Now go." She leaves, and comes back only the next day with a big grin on her face. Worried, the father asks her what has transpired. She answers: "Well Daddy, thank you for the warning. It came in very handy. After the party, as you had predicted, a young man came and offered to bring me home, but his autopilot would only take him to his own place, and when I asked him for a drink, he only had spirits in the whole house, and after we drank a little of it I just remembered your warning in time! So I pounced upon him and stained his honor forever and soiled the glory of his whole family!" -- Thukkers do
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Luna Rossa Corporation The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.10.23 13:54:00 - [103] How many members of the Society of Conscious Thought does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It isn't the lightbulb that needs to change, but themselves.
Alaira DarkBlade Caldari Obsidian Watch	Posted - 2006.10.24 06:20:00 - [104] Originally by: Kehmor q) what does a sebeistor family portrait look like? a) a barcode Q) What does a Sebeistor family portrait look llke? A) A Concord Line-Up Have you seen the new Minmatar Carrier? It has 13 gears, 12 that go backwards, and one that goes forwards incase they are attacked from behind. Q) What is the difference between a Wyvern and a pile of dead Minmatar? A) There is no Wyvern in my hanger >-----------------------------------------------------< The weak will forever be ruled by the Strong. This is inevitable.
Alaira DarkBlade Caldari Obsidian Watch	Posted - 2006.10.24 06:51:00 - [105] Q) What do you call a bunch of Minmatar running down a hill? A) Jailbreak Q) Why do Caldari use clear garbage bags? A) So the Gallente can window shop Q) What do you call a ship full of Minmatar? A) A prison transport Q) How do you kill a Minmatar? A) Throw 1 isk out an airlock Q) What do you get when you breed a Gallente with a Minmatar? A) A theif who is to lazy to steal Q) How do you start a Minmatar parade? A) Throw a ISK down the road Q) Where do hide money from a Brutor? A) Under a bar of soap I like Minmatar, i had some Minmatar friends till my dad sold them. >-----------------------------------------------------< The weak will forever be ruled by the Strong. This is inevitable.
Mookuh	Posted - 2006.10.25 16:31:00 - [106] Q: How many Jove does it take to change a lightbulb? A: -classified-
Dirtybones Minmatar	Posted - 2006.10.25 17:28:00 - [107] Why did the Caldari stop drinking Tea? They couldnt figure out how to get all that boiling water into the little tea bag. "It ain't over 'til it's over, and maybe not even then."
Ashar KorAzor Order of the Blessed Sisters of Amarr	Posted - 2006.10.25 21:37:00 - [108] A Caldari, a Gallente, a Matari, and an Amarrian were walking down the main drag of a Concord facility somewhere in Citadel, when a scruffy-looking hologram confronted them near the entrance to the only bar in-station. "Excuse me," said the hologram in it's tinny voice, "I'm with the Scope, we're doing a public opinion poll about the meat shortage. Do any of you have time for a little input?" The Matari said, "What's meat?" The Caldari said, "What's a shortage?" The Amarrian said, "What's public opinion?" And the Gallente said, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Rilder Caldari black viper corp	Posted - 2006.10.26 04:58:00 - [109] How many "Black Rabbits" Capsulllers does it take to change a lightbulb 1 but as soon as the bulb is changed Elmer Fudd pops out of nowere and says its "Wabbit Season"
Lord Panther Amarr Black Nova Corp	Posted - 2006.10.30 19:32:00 - [110] A Minmatar walks into a bar for a quick drink. Bartender: What will you have Minmatar: An ale and make it quick I'm on the run from the Amarr. Bartender: On the run huh. Do you have a plan. Minmatar: Yes I am going to fly into the star in this system to hide there until the coast is clear. Bartender: But you'll burn up if you do that! Minmatar: No I won't. I'm going at night.

David Darkstar Caldari Coreli Corporation Corelum Syndicate	Posted - 2006.11.01 00:47:00 - [111] I don't get all those Amarrians that hate Matari. Clearly they've never seen how good a hood ornament they make on my Raven.
Siren Shiva Minmatar Veto.	Posted - 2006.11.02 09:47:00 - [112] Two Amarrian admirals are getting dressed before a meeting. Suddenly, admiral A notices that admiral B is wearing a pair of very tight, frilly Gallentean knickers. He asks his mate since when he is wearing those. Admiral B looks uncomfortable for a moment, then replies, 'Well, since my wife found them in my Armageddon's glove box...' I don't know any Minmatar jokes, sorry. Lyticus > I freaking hate you! Siren Shiva > I love you too <3 Trey > Siren sounds like she could kick my ass on Vent [vi
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Lucky Hydra Corp The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2006.11.02 11:34:00 - [113] Q. How many University of Caille graduates does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Only one, but the case study will take three years. Q. How many Heidon University graduates does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None, to say that the lightbulb is anything but totally functional is blasphemy! Q. How many Republic University graduates does it take to change a lightbulb? A. One, but the only available lightbulb just so happens to be in 0.1 sec space. Q. How many Science and Trade Institute graduates does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None. The lightbulb is obviously not a productive member of society and thus there isn't any point in trying to change 'em.
Beletre Gallente	Posted - 2006.11.02 15:05:00 - [114] An Amarr and Gallente are walking along the street, when the Amarr walks into a bar. The Gallente ducks under the bar and continues on his way.
Kindakrof Caldari Cruor Frater Coalition of Carebear Killers	Posted - 2006.11.05 03:17:00 - [115] I heard that a Minmatar Chest wound is a drink :D --- --- --- my sig is pr0
Ottom Ephesianos Amarr Freelance Unincorporated Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.11.09 18:18:00 - [116] Q: What's faker than a 2 isk Gallente credit? A: A 3 isk Caldari credit. --------------------------------- "Trust me I've done this before." Elite R. Ephesianos ---------------------------------
Alowishus Shadow Company Alektorophobia	Posted - 2006.11.09 23:45:00 - [117] Q: What's the difference between an Intaki Hooker and a space onion? A: I don't cry when I cut Intaki Hookers. Q: How many Intaki babies does it take to paint my house red? A: Depends on how hard I throw them. Q: What do you call a room full of Intaki women with yeast infections? A: A whine and cheese party! The moderators here are excellent at policing signatures.
Ottom Ephesianos Amarr Freelance Unincorporated Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.11.11 16:37:00 - [118] Q: Whats the diference between a Gallente hooker and a Caldar hooker? A: The Caldar hooker gets paid in plastic and the Galente hooker doesn't get paid at all. Q: What does a pod pilot do when propositioned by a black rabbit pimp? A: CALL IN THE MARINES! --------------------------------- "Trust me I've done this before." Elite R. Ephesianos ---------------------------------
Mr Reeth	Posted - 2006.11.12 13:13:00 - [119] Edited by: Mr Reeth on 12/11/2006 13:13:45 Q. What do you call 1000 Brutor floating dead in space? A. A good start. Q. Whats the difference between a Gallente s1ut and a Gallante Beetch? A. A Gallante s1ut does everyone. A Gallante beetch does everyone but you. Q. What do you get when you cross a Khandid with a Brutor? A. A dead Brutor. Q. How do you hide money from a Gallante? A. Put it under his work boots. Q. What did the Brutor boy get for his coming of age present? A. My watch. I feel dirty now... I must go meditate...
MrSlippyFist Republic Military School	Posted - 2006.11.12 15:25:00 - [120] Q. How many caldari does it take to lose a home planet? A. HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HA HA HA HA HAHAHA........... Slippy when wet.

Agent Li	Posted - 2006.11.13 16:14:00 - [121] A woman goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you." The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready. "Well, what is it?" he asks. "It's a bit embarrassing," she replies, "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs." The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Have you been having an affair with a Gallente lately?" The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually I have." "That's the problem!" the doctor says, "Tell him his earrings aren't made of real gold......"
Agent Li	Posted - 2006.11.13 16:24:00 - [122] An Amarrian had been drinking at a bar all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Amarrian stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The bar called -- you left your Minmatar there again."
Kailea Shandrasekkar Caldari Tsurokigaarai Kimotoro Directive	Posted - 2006.11.13 16:40:00 - [123] The Scope reported that the Federation announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'run' to 'hide.' The only two higher levels in Gallente space are 'surrender' and 'collaborate.' The increased alert was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed the Federation white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. The price demanded for the most precious of all things in life is life itself: Ultimate cost for perfect value.
Agent Li	Posted - 2006.11.13 16:58:00 - [124] There was once a Minmatar who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat back and thought about it. Suddenly he thought - "I have never seen anyone making fun of Gallenteans. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am a Minmatar and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice in the Gallentean language, he walked confidently into a shop and said in perfectly accented Gallentean, "I am very thirsty. Give me some Quafe!" Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you a Minmatar?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you a Minmatar or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "This is a ship equipment store!"
Teinyhr Minmatar United Systems Navy	Posted - 2006.11.14 10:50:00 - [125] Q: Why doesn't CONCORD sanction drunken driving/under the influence? A: I'll answer with a question.. Ever wondered why Minmatar ships wobble?
Ottom Ephesianos Amarr Freelance Unincorporated Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2006.11.14 15:47:00 - [126] Q: What do you get when you nail an Amarr Emperor to a tree? A: Insurection! --------------------------------- "Trust me I've done this before." Elite R. Ephesianos ---------------------------------
Wraith0078	Posted - 2006.11.20 16:17:00 - [127] Q: How can you tell if a Minmatar is well-hung? A: His toes are pointed straight down and they're still at least four inches from the ground.
Ashturi Nagano LeM Enterprises	Posted - 2006.11.20 18:24:00 - [128] Originally by: Kailea Shandrasekkar The Scope reported that the Federation announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'run' to 'hide.' The only two higher levels in Gallente space are 'surrender' and 'collaborate.' The increased alert was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed the Federation white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. This is, quite possibly, the most amusing joke to date. I applaud you, ma'am. ----- Kyoturi clan priorities: Customer > Kyoturi > Everyone else "Still Xenophobes after 26 centuries"
Agent Li Galactic Defence Consortium	Posted - 2006.11.20 19:13:00 - [129] What does it say on the bottom of a Quafe bottle on Minmatar? "Open Other End"
kamikaze bushido	Posted - 2007.01.22 07:13:00 - [130] Edited by: kamikaze bushido on 22/01/2007 07:10:29 There was an Caldari pilot, a Gallente pilot and a Damsel sitting together in an InterBus shuttle going through Essence. The shuttle's pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey. Right on cue, the shuttle lights went out and it was completely dark. Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud SLAP. When the lights came back on, the Damsel and the Caldari pilot were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Gallente had a nasty red slap mark on his face. The Gallente guy was thinking: "The Caldari fella must have kissed the Damsel and she missed him and slapped me instead." The Damsel was thinking: "The Gallente fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Caldari fella and got slapped for it." The Caldari pilot was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Gallente guy again."

Edo Orr Amarr Imperial Academy	Posted - 2007.01.22 12:03:00 - [131] Q: How many Minmatar do you need to paint an Apocalypse? A: Depends on how hard you throw them at it...
Jarah Tatarin Minmatar mega mining corporation Astral Wolves	Posted - 2007.01.22 13:37:00 - [132] There was an Amarr, a Minmatar and a Gallente standing at the edge of a cliff, Suddently the Amarrian throws a goldpiece off the clif. The Minmatar looks at him furious and asks "-Why did you do that for?!" The Amarrian responds calmly "-Dont worry, we got plenty of gold back home" Feeling underestimated, the Minmatar picks upp an Apocalypse-original blueprint and throws it off the cliff. Surprised and confused the Amarrian asks him "-Why did you do that for?!" The Minmatar looks at him with a confident look and says "-Dont worry, we got alot of that kind of crap back home after the last raid" the Gallentian didnt bring anything with him so he looks around to find something to throw, suddently he picks up the Minmatar and throws him off the cliff. The Amarrian looks at him very surprised and asks "-Why did you do that for?" The Gallenian responds "Dont worry, we got alot of them back home, f*ing immigrants" Self-rasist? Yeah I know :/ Im not a rasist, I got a color Teve!**
Rudy Metallo Minmatar G.H.O.S.T	Posted - 2007.01.23 22:29:00 - [133] Originally by: Kailea Shandrasekkar The Scope reported that the Federation announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'run' to 'hide.' The only two higher levels in Gallente space are 'surrender' and 'collaborate.' The increased alert was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed the Federation white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. I nearly died. Someone get this person a mic and a speacial.
Angelice Minmatar British Space Corporation	Posted - 2007.01.24 00:36:00 - [134] Q: How do you stop an Amarr slaver from drowning? A: Take your foot off his head. Angelice British Space Corps "To see the right and not to do it is cowardice." - Confucius
Hin Vemere	Posted - 2007.01.25 00:33:00 - [135] Q. Why did the Caldari cross the road? A. Because his superiors at Kaalakiota Corporation requested that he do so or suffer termination of contract. Q. How many Caldari does it take to change a lightbulb? A. However many as is stated in Wiyrkomi Corporation procedures manual #A5E7B (monitoring and replacement of standard State ceiling fittings, volume 1 of 15), no more and no less. Q. How did the State Board of Directors recruit so many Caldari to fight and die against the Gallente Federation? A. By upping their life insurance policies by 4.013%, thus making their deaths profitable. Q. How do you confuse a Caldari? A. By using animations and gentle humour in your Powerpoint presentations. Q. How does a Caldari rebel against his corporate leaders? A. By clocking off 1.2 minutes early, and to hell with the consequences. The really reckless ones take an extra doughnut from the fridge.
Ashturi Nagano Mantigen Quanta	Posted - 2007.01.28 07:29:00 - [136] Q: How many Emporers of Amarr does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Don't you have to be alive to do that?
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Luna Rossa Corporation The Guardian Coalition	Posted - 2007.01.28 15:17:00 - [137] Q. How many Amarrians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. None. They're all too busy screwing the Empire.
Beelzebub Beeblebrox	Posted - 2007.01.30 17:23:00 - [138] A university decided to do a study on the amount of brains that a Minmatar has. They opened up his brain and found two spoonfulls of grey matter. When they were putting him back together they figured that it's easier to put just one back in, he won't notice it anyway. When he woke up, his first words were: - What are you doing to me? I'm goin back to Amarr Prime!
Drone Whisperer Gallente Sane Industries Inc.	Posted - 2007.01.30 20:31:00 - [139] 3 Navy Admirals were all discussing who's troops had the most balls
Drone Whisperer Gallente Sane Industries Inc.	Posted - 2007.01.30 20:48:00 - [140] Edited by: Drone Whisperer on 30/01/2007 20:46:30 sorry bout 2nd post, pc probs (damned Vista)

Katana Silvayne	Posted - 2007.01.31 20:03:00 - [141] Originally by: Suvetar How many Jovians does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None, theres not enough room in there LMAO
Ultroth Minmatar Beagle Corp	Posted - 2007.02.02 06:59:00 - [142] Edited by: Ultroth on 02/02/2007 06:56:23 A caldari man and an amarian man are talking in the bar one day about who's son is laziest. Eventually the caldari says "I'll prove my son is the laziest, come with me" So off they go to his house, and find the caldari mans son, sitting in front of the tube watching galnet with all the comforts of home within arms reach. "Watch this" says the caldari man, "Son, go next door and get me a bottle of Quafe, for this I will buy you any ship and any fittings you may desire, with as many exotic dancers as you want" The son grunts "meh, go yerself, i'd have to fill in a form for that!" The caldari man turns to the amarrian "see, laziest boy ever!" "Thats nothing" says the amarrian, "come with me." A few minutes later they reach the amarrians house, they go inside and find the amarrian son lying on a an expensive fur rug in front of the fire, weeping and sobbing like a small girl. "My son!! Whatever is the matter??" To which the amarrian son replies "I'm burning...." "It's better to stay silent and appear stupid, than to open your mouth and leave no doubt!"
Blue Azur	Posted - 2007.02.03 11:24:00 - [143] Originally by: kamikaze bushido Edited by: kamikaze bushido on 22/01/2007 07:10:29 There was an Caldari pilot, a Gallente pilot and a Damsel sitting together in an InterBus shuttle going through Essence. The shuttle's pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey. Right on cue, the shuttle lights went out and it was completely dark. Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud SLAP. When the lights came back on, the Damsel and the Caldari pilot were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Gallente had a nasty red slap mark on his face. The Gallente guy was thinking: "The Caldari fella must have kissed the Damsel and she missed him and slapped me instead." The Damsel was thinking: "The Gallente fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Caldari fella and got slapped for it." The Caldari pilot was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Gallente guy again."
Psyber The Legion of Spoon Curatores Veritatis Alliance	Posted - 2007.02.04 11:13:00 - [144] Q. How many Minmatars does it take to change a lightbulb you ask? A. Minmatars can't use lightbulbs, they are not enlightned.
Amastat	Posted - 2007.11.02 04:04:00 - [145] (Pax Amarria II) Slot: High Activation Cost: 100 Energy Consumption Quantity: 100,000 Consumption Type: Elite Slaves Holy Damage: 5,000,000 HP Activation Time / Duration: 10 Sec. Reactivation Delay: 360 Sec. Description: Once opened creates a rift from the heavenly beyond, unleashing unimaginable divine energy to smite the wicked. Has an effective range of 500 AU. Skill Requirement: Smite Level IV - Skill at preaching. 100% increased damage to non-believers per level. 200% increased damage to Minmatar per level. (Soap Bubble Generator II) Slot: Medium Field Strength: 75% Field Radius: 200km Activation Cost: 20 Energy Activation Time / Duration: 5 Seconds Description: Expands a protective shield of water and soap as a defensive barrier. Reduces chances of Minmatar beggars from getting within beggar range. Skill Requirement: Personal Hygiene IV - Skill at cleaning yourself. 5% increase in field strength per level. 3% chance that Beggars that go within the field will explode per level. (Amarr Navy Firehouse II) Slot: High Activation Cost: 2.5 Energy Accuracy Falloff: 2,500 m Trackingspeed / Accuracy: 0.6489 rad/sec Rate of Fire: 1.5 Sec. Damage Modifier: 6.15x Optimal Range: 56,800 m Used with (Chargegroup): Dishwasher Fluid Signature Resolution: 20 m Description: State-of-the-Art Minmatar crowd control technology straight from the Amarr Navy laboratories. Advanced Soap and Hot water technology designed to break down the bubble gum and duck-tape characteristic to all Minmatar vessels at the molecular level - Forcing the unfortunate vessel to either retreat or face their immediate demise. Skill Requirement: Cleansing IV - Skill at operating Water Jets. 25% increase in damage per level. 15% in optimal range per level. (Serrated Whip II) Slot: Low Rate of Fire Bonus: 25% Damage Bonus: 100% Description: An improved standard-issue whip used by Amarrian slavedrivers. Skill Requirement: Slavetrading - Knowledge of interaction with slaves. 200% bonus to the effect of modules requiring Slavetrading per level. 400% bonus to the effect of modules requiring Slavetrading per level when fighting Minmatar. (Armored Warfare Link - Will of the Amarr) Slot: High Command Bonus: 10% Activation Cost: 50 Energy Description: Increases the speed of the gang's personal and targeted armor repairs systems. 200% effect bonus when fighting Minmatar POS structures.
Hae t'Redd Baptism oF Fire VENOM Alliance	Posted - 2007.11.02 19:41:00 - [146] During the Caldari-Gallente war, the 2 opposing generals called a one day armistice to discuss rules of engagement, prisoner exchange etc. At the end of the meeting the Caldari general and the Gallente general saluted each other and the Caldari General asked the Gallente General if he would share a drink to the quick end to hostilities and the hope for future peace. The Gallente General accepted adding his hope that a peaceful resolution would be quick in coming. The Caldari General turned and said to his aide,"Bring out our finest liquor and also my red coat." The Gallente general leaned forward and asked,"Why do you need a red coat." "Well my fine gallente compatriot, I will wear my red coat into battle tomorrow, so that if I am shot, my troops will not know and will fight on like I am still leading them." The Gallente general thought this over and turned to his aide,"Captain, bring my brown pants" Welcome to the sexy party.
Hae t'Redd Baptism oF Fire VENOM Alliance	Posted - 2007.11.02 20:20:00 - [147] 4 Diplomats (1 from each major empire) are squabbling as they walk together through the corridors on the Jita 4-4 station. As they walk along they come upon a large ornate bottle sitting in the middle of the passage. The gallente diplo picks it up and POOF a genie appears in front of the four. The genie bellows out,"I am Akazar, Genie of the Sacred Lamp, those who find me shall each recieve one wish!" The Amarr diplo pipes up,"Oh great genie, my people are being corrupted by these inferior races. My wish is that all of my people be returned to the homeworld so they may again be brought into the light." POOF, the Amarr was gone. Next the Gallente pushed forward,"Wondrous Genie, I too, wish that my people be returned to our homeworld, for recently they have come to have an inflated sense of entitlement. It is time for the Gallente to remember that freedom takes work and must be cultivate." POOF, the Gallente was gone. The Minmatar diplo stepped forward,"Merciful genie, my people have suffered long under an oppressive yoke, the other races have denied them their proper place. I wish my people were all returned to our homeworld to live their lives in peace and happiness." POOF, the Minmatar was gone. Finally, the Caldari came forward,"Great genie, so, all the Amarr, Gallente and Minmatar are back on their homeworld?" "YES" "Ok, then make those stars go supernova." Welcome to the sexy party.
Trent Valtine Gallente Strix Armaments and Defence Acheron Federation	Posted - 2007.11.02 20:55:00 - [148] An Amarr priest, a Minmatar slave, a Caldari businessman, and a Gallente politician were stranded on a desert planet after the crashing of an Interbus shuttle. After wandering through the sand dunes for days, and with the nearest settlement visible in the distance, they stumble upon a magic lamp. The Minmatar shoves the priest out of the way and snatches it up. He rubs the side and the genie comes out. The genie says, "After centuries, I am free. For your reward, I will give you all one wish. Consider it carefully." The slave answers first. "Genie, I want my people to be free from the Amarr." The genie folds his arms, nods his head, and the vitroc-addled slaves are instantly transported to the Republic, where the infrastructure cannot deal with the influx of people. The slave himself is also transported. The Amarr grabs it up next. "Genie, I want my people to be in Paradise with out Lord and Savior." The genie folds his arms, nods his head, and all the Amarr die out across the galaxy. The businessman, after careful consideration, picks up the lamp and says, "Genie, I want my people to never be threatened by the Gallente again." The genie folds his arms, nods his head, and the Caldari are never seen again, transported to their own galaxy. The politician, who has been quiet the whole time, looks up to the genie. "So, the Amarr are dead, the slaves are free, and the Caldari are out of our hair?" The genie nods and says, "Tell me your wish." The politician thinks for a moment, then smiles. "I'll have a Quafe then."
Ardan Minmatar Brutor tribe	Posted - 2007.11.02 21:50:00 - [149] I have one. How did the mighty "Golden Fleet" that was fighting for the glory of God, loose to a bunch of back world monkeys, flying trash heaps with out dated weapons systems on them? I guess it must have been the will of God. "Let them hate us as long as they Fear us." Colligula
Hae t'Redd Baptism oF Fire VENOM Alliance	Posted - 2007.11.02 22:33:00 - [150] What's tall, pale and useless on a woman? A Gallente

Arekhon Mutually Assured Distraction	Posted - 2007.11.03 10:19:00 - [151] A brutor child is gong for a cookie and spills flour on himself.He thinks to himself "I look like an Amarrian." He goes to his siblings and says "look i'm an amarrian" and they beat him like one, and say go tell your parents. He goes to his parents and says " look I'm an Amarrian" and they beat him like one, and say go tell your elders. He goes to his elders (if they are not still slaves, lol) and says "look I'm an Amarrian" and they beat him and tell him to anounce if front of the tribe what he has learned. The child says "I've been an Amarrian for 15 minutes and if I had slaver hounds here you'd all be dead!1" "Where are you guys going in your battleships?" "We are going to camp in Amamake; kill 500 carebears and 1 NPC" "Why are you gonna kill an NPC?" "See, nobody cares about the carebears!" [BEES]
Ardan Minmatar Brutor tribe	Posted - 2007.11.03 12:00:00 - [152] So an amarr Priest, a Caldari CEO, and a Matari Shaman are all in a boat enjoying the ancient and relaxing art of fishing. The Matari says "I have to go to the bathroom." Jumps out of the boat runs accross the lake, goes to ther rest room and runs back accross the lake to the boat. The Caldari says "Now I have to go." Gets up runs accross the lake, uses the bathroom and runs back to the boat. The amarr Priest is thinking these godless heathens cant show me up, I am a man of God! He says "I shall now go to the rest room." He steps out of the boat and sinks like a rock. The Matari looks at the Caldari and says "Man, I am glad you didn't tell him where the rocks are." To which the Caldari replies "No problem, where's my 20 ISK?" "Let them hate us as long as they Fear us." Colligula
Unworldly	Posted - 2007.11.03 17:09:00 - [153] A dwarf Gallente woman goes to the Doctor, and complains of a terrible itching 'down there'. The doctor says "Okay, fine, let me take a look." And he ducks his head under her skirt and after a few seconds says "Ah ha! I can help you." He grabs a pair of scissors and the gallente woman hears snip snip snip snip. After a minute or so, the doctor asks her "How's that feel? Better?" "No," she replies, "it still itches like crazy!" "Hmm..." replies the doctor, and ducks under the skirt with his scissors again, and the snip snip snip snip noises begin again. After another minute the Gallente woman says to the doctor "That's much better! Whatever did you do?" And the doctor replies "I trimmed the top of your ugg-boots."
Amastat	Posted - 2007.11.11 10:21:00 - [154] Reports have reached public attention to the citizens of EVE that the Minmitar Republic is in a "Chaotic State of Panic and Disarray." Republic Fleet has scrambled fighters and battle fleets to defend their home world of Brutor from a recently deployed Amarrian super weapon. "Those Amarr just don't get it. They can throw all the punches they want at us, we Minmatar are strong willed and won't submit to these petty fear tactics," said a Republic Fleet Admiral. "We won't go down without a fight." At 10:03 Brutor time the Republic Fleet awaited the Amarr weapon to arrive in system. The Amarrian's secret weapon, designed to completely annihilate the people of Brutor, was almost in strike range. "God... help us all" said a Minmatar freedom fighter. A massive fleet of 10 mile long soap bars was on a intercept course for Brutor. Republic Fleet started opening fire on the bathroom products, but all weapons were rendered useless by the weapon. Some Minmitar fighters attempted to sacrifice themselves by slamming their ships into the soap bars, but they only passed through to the other side, completely twisted, distorted, undone. "Horrible, it was all horrible" Proclaimed a crewman on one of the suicide fighter ships that had survived the ordeal. "Look - when I rub my arm, it squeeks.... It SQUEEKS. Why, what did we do to deserve this?!" 12:40 Brutor time the entire Minmitar fleet was in full retreat or completely destroyed. The large fleet of soap bars have hit Brutor. Everything, not that there was much of anything in the first place, was left in ruins. It is projected that the soap fallout will make Brutor smell like "Irish Spring Fresh" for at least 1,000 years.
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Mixed Metaphor	Posted - 2007.11.11 15:19:00 - [155] You might be an Amarrian if... ... you refer to a courier mission as a "pilgrimage". ... your guns require more energy for one volley than a Minmatar ship requires for one week of operation. ... your guns don't do as much damage in one week as a Minmatar ship does in one volley. ... you believe "Tea strainer" is a job description. ... you have never read the Scriptures cover-to-cover. ... most of your crew have. ... most of them are illiterate. ... the contents of your ship's cargo bay could make enough jewelry to supply half of a small continent. ... the hull of your ship could be used to supply the other half. ... your crew can pronounce "Ardishapur" better than you can. ... you have never heard a Gallente rock song. ... most of your crew have. ... you still talk about Gallente rock in angry terms. ... you have logged more hours writing sermons on GalNet than you have in active combat. ... your ship often gets blown up. ... your ship often gets blown up by Minmatar. ... your ship often gets blown up by Minmatar frigates. ----- Mixed Metaphor is now recruiting! Contact me for details.
Ottom Ephesianos Amarr Pirate Radio	Posted - 2007.12.22 19:01:00 - [156] Three Amarr walk into a bar. ::wham! wham! wham!::
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Dichotomy Total Comfort	Posted - 2007.12.22 19:39:00 - [157] You might be a Caldari if... ... you describe blue as a feeling, rather than a colour. ... you become paralytic with fear at the sight of a flashlight. ... Titans can instantly lock your frigate. ... you believe that a laser light show is an accurate depiction of Hell. ----- The views expressed in these posts, while inarguably correct, are not neccessarily the views of my corporation or alliance. I never sleep. I wait.
Garion Avarr Amarr Zero Zero Traders	Posted - 2007.12.23 01:18:00 - [158] I heard this from a friend: An Ardisharpur priest, a Sarumite holy man, and a Tash-Murkon preacher were discussing collection money and how to split it between the church's funds and charity. The Ardisharpur guy says, "I draw a circle on the ground, and then I throw all the money in the air. What lands in the circle is for me to keep the church running with, the rest goes to the poor." The Sarumite says, "Huh, I do it the other way around - the stuff outside the circle's mine, and the stuff inside goes to the poor." The guy from tash laughs at this. After a giood long laugh, he says, "You other churches are pretty funny guys. Here's what I do -- I throw the money in the air, and what God wants, he keeps."
Saraith Narr Amarr PIE Inc.	Posted - 2007.12.23 08:28:00 - [159] Andreus Ixiris walks into a bar. Everyone else leaves.
Mad Scorpion Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2007.12.23 16:37:00 - [160] What do you call a self-sufficient, free thinking Amarr: A) Heretic What do you call an Ammatar who no longer wants Amarr support: A) Dead What do you call the hardest working person in the Amarr Empire: A) Slave What is the most endangered species in the universe: A) Amarr Emperor Mad Scorpion

Mad Scorpion Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2007.12.23 16:59:00 - [161] So Admiral Saracen is giving orders to his various Captains. Captain Invictus, I have a special mission for you. Our intelligence has located the exact position of a Defiant rebel. Take your squadron of battleships and support ships and burn him in Gods holy light of your lasers. Later that day a sole survivor gasped out his report to the Admiral. Admiral, all ships were lost in a savage battle. There was not a Defiant there, it was a trap. There was TWO of them. Mad Scorpion
Major Bahitairv	Posted - 2007.12.23 21:46:00 - [162] How many Minmatars can you fit in a Jettison can! None, John West rejected them!
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Dichotomy Total Comfort	Posted - 2007.12.23 21:49:00 - [163] Originally by: Saraith Narr Andreus Ixiris walks into a bar. Everyone else leaves. Saraith Narr walks into a bar. After all the jokes we've had along this line already, you feel sure he should have seen it coming. ----- The views expressed in these posts, while inarguably correct, are not neccessarily the views of my corporation or alliance. I never sleep. I wait.
Magnus Nordir Caldari Asimov Industries	Posted - 2007.12.23 23:35:00 - [164] What's the difference between a minmatar and a slaver hound's feaces? One of them turns white and stops smelling after a few days. Everything is possible for him who believes. Insprinc haptbandun - Inuar vigandun
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Dichotomy Total Comfort	Posted - 2007.12.24 00:47:00 - [165] What's the difference between Amarrians and Serpentis? Serpentis only hear voices when they're on Drop. ----- The views expressed in these posts, while inarguably correct, are not neccessarily the views of my corporation or alliance. I never sleep. I wait.
Cmdr Baxter Warpworks	Posted - 2007.12.24 00:54:00 - [166] Edited by: Cmdr Baxter on 24/12/2007 00:55:23 Two Minmatar got themselves a job at an industrial plant. Just before lunch on their first day one of them yelped "I've burned my hand!" "Have you now?" asked the other one. "How did you do it?" "Well, I touched this big red thing like thi - ... OW! I did it again!!!" ____ It was a magnificent display of trained and disciplined valour, and its assault only failed of success because dead men can advance no further. - Major-General de Lisle (1916)
Aeroxe	Posted - 2007.12.24 11:18:00 - [167] An Amarr Captain is cruising in deep space. All of a sudden a BS jumps in and locks on him. "Ensign, bring me my red shirt!" The ensign runs off, get it, and the Captain puts on his shirt. After the battle the Ensign asks the Captain, "Why did you want a red shirt?" The Captain replies, "If I was wounded in battle my men would not see my blood and be discouraged. Inspired by the Captain's courage, the Ensign returns to his post. A few days later, they are cruising in deep space, when this time, 4 BS jump in and lock on to the Captain's ship. "Ensign!", hollers the Captain. The ensign runs over, "Yes, Sir!" "Bring me my brown pants!"
Pharos Dei Cruoris Seraphim	Posted - 2007.12.24 11:47:00 - [168] Q: How do you starve a minmatar? A: You hide his foodstamps under his workboots! Three things a brutor cant get: 1. A black eye 2. A fat lip 3. A job Q: What would a real amarrian emperor do if he would rise to power again? A: Kill ALL the minmatar, and ONE clown! Q: Why the clown? A: See noone gives a damn about minmatar. Your signature exceeds the maximum allowed filesize of 24000 bytes -Hango ([email protected])
Magnus Nordir Caldari Asimov Industries	Posted - 2007.12.24 13:43:00 - [169] A Gallentean, a minmatar, an Amarr and a Caldari were competing in a 100 meters sprint. The Caldari finished the run at 9.93 seconds. The amarr was still praying for victory ten minutes after the start. The gallente couldn't make it to the finish line. The minmatar got lost on the track. Everything is possible for him who believes. Insprinc haptbandun - Inuar vigandun
VD ThatsNotRight Various Disease	Posted - 2007.12.26 03:04:00 - [170] Two Brutors are both beggars at several stations in the middle of Caldari space. The first Brutor flys a faction kitted Tempest lives in huge quarters and has a lot of isk to spend . The second Brutor only brings a few thousand ISK a day. So the second Brutor ask`s the first how he manages to bring home so much ISK a day. The first Brutor replies, "Look at your sign, . It says, "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support." Caldari who see that do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign." So the second Brutor looks at the sign, it reads: "I only need another 2 million ISK to pay my transport fare to Matar"

Stitcher Caldari legion of qui Terra Incognita.	Posted - 2007.12.26 23:29:00 - [171] Originally by: Andreus Ixiris I've got a better idea. Q. What's tragic about an Amarrian dying in a shuttle crash? A. A shuttle can hold at least twenty of them. Q: What's funny about twenty Minmatar dying in a shuttle crash? A: Nothing. They were my friends. It's a goddamn tragedy. - "Stitcher" is just a call sign. My name is Verin Tarn-Hakatain.
Mortter Caldari Revenent Defence Corperation	Posted - 2007.12.28 13:57:00 - [172] How do you find Minmatar in your system? Follow the Oil Spill the ship leaves.
Gilbert Elsmere Caldari	Posted - 2007.12.29 19:08:00 - [173] CONCORD is doing a survey on whether the people of the EVE cluster consider sex work or play. The CONCORD surveyor first asks a Gallentean. The Gallentean responds by saying "Its way too much fun to be work! It has to be play!" Duly noting the Gallentean response, the surveyor goes on to ask a Caldari, who says "Well, I think it is the duty of every Caldari to ensure that the State has another generation to grow up and uphold our values... Yeah, I think its work." Finally, the surveyor asks an Amarrian whether he thinks sex is work or play. His answer? "Well, if its work, maybe I can get a Brutor to do it for me..."
Katsuo Achura	Posted - 2008.01.14 07:04:00 - [174] Edited by: Katsuo Achura on 14/01/2008 07:06:22 A disturbing rumor began spreading throughout the known universe that a enormous mobile battle station was being built by the Blood Raider's to exact revenge on all the races for the constant killing of their soldiers. The rumor was too dangerous to ignore so each race sent one of their best Battleships to the last known location in a joint operation. As each representative pulled into there respective best range, they were shocked to find the rumor to be true. After each ship had gotten the go ahead to attack, the sight of large turret and heavy missile fire streaking across space toward the station was awe inspiring.The station also began to fire and put up a strong defense, but in the end the Blood Raider Battle station started to explode. Unfortunately the explosion was greater than any had anticipated as it quickly expanded at an alarming rate. It finally started to dissipate just after 200km but not before it reached the slow and cumbersome battleships. The violent explosion tore through shield, armor and structure like a knife through warm butter. It was a dark day as all hands were lost............ Well all accept for the Caldari of course, His Rokh was 250km away.....LOFLMAO
Di0 Boli Wincewind Corporation	Posted - 2008.01.16 02:25:00 - [175] Two minmatar are hard at work in a Bestower's waste tanks. One turns to the other and says: "Hey, aren't you worried about this Mad Minmatar thing?" The other turns around and says: "Why should I care? I'm Amarr!" And then they both get beaten for slacking, insolence, and attempting to impersonate an Amarr. --- Why is a Minmatar tall, tan, and covered in scars? If it was short, pale, and immaculate, it'd be an Amarr! --- Knock knock. Who's there? A minmatar. A minmatar? Hon! Fetch the whip, we've got us an escape-ee! ---- A lack of profits to the un-believers! Glory and funds to the empire!
Ezekial Alexander Caldari Re-Awakened Technologies Inc Electus Matari	Posted - 2008.01.16 06:12:00 - [176] So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing. So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up. "Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!" And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams. At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Megathron the Gallente is flying, killing him instantly. And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims... "Goddamnit, I missed!" Quote: Fanboy is a pejorative term used to describe an individual who is utterly devoted to a single subject, or to a single point of view within that subject, often to the point where it is considered an obsession. Fanboys remain loyal to their particular obsession, disregarding any factors (often including logic) that differ from their point of view. GOD HATES FANBOYS Amarr Deficio
Tarkan Kador Amarr PanTarkan Kador Holdings	Posted - 2008.01.16 08:50:00 - [177] A Brutor slave takes his girlfriend to his Amarr master. The Brutor says, "My girlfriend is good in bed, and I'll let you have her, but in exchange, you have to set me free." The Amarr says, "That sounds fair, so I'll make you a deal. If I have sex with her and I like it, I'll make her my slave, and set you free." The Brutor says, "no problem." Fifteen minutes later the Amarr returns and says, "I don't know if I want to trade. You see, she is pretty good, but my wife is better. Besides, my wife would kill me if she knew" The Brutor says, "let me check her out for myself, because she might be having a bad day. If she isn't the best, I'll call the whole thing off, and you can keep me here." Two hours later, the Brutor returns and says, "It looks like I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. You were right. My girlfriend is good, but your wife is better."
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Heretic Army The Covenant Alliance	Posted - 2008.01.16 15:05:00 - [178] Originally by: Ezekial Alexander Edited by: Ezekial Alexander on 16/01/2008 06:46:38 So a Gallente and an Amarrian, both in the finest battleships money can buy, are testing out their new weapons in an asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid, but his blaster goes far wide of the mark and zings harmlessly off into space. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian frowns from within his pod, but says nothing. So they move on to a different belt, and the Gallente once again targets an asteroid, and once again his particle cannons miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he yells. The Amarrian, at this point, speaks up. "Take the Lord's name again, and he himself shall strike you down!" And yet again they move on to another asteroid field. The Gallente takes aim at an asteroid a scarce three kilometers away, but yet again his blasters, which cost more than most ships do, miss their target. "Goddamnit, I missed!" he screams. At this point, a ripple begins to appear several kilometers to the starboard of the vessel. A rift in space, time and reason rips itself open and an unearthly light begins to flood into the universe. A beam of purest white energy shoots forth from the rift - and smashes through the Megathron the Gallente is flying, killing him instantly. And an almighty rumbling voice proclaims... "Goddamnit, I missed!" Hey, you stole that one from me! It's in this very thread! ----- "I am prepared to meet my maker; whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
Kailea Shandrasekkar Caldari	Posted - 2008.01.17 03:21:00 - [179] There's an old Raatan tale i'd like to share with you. Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am." "It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in great excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me." So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no balls. I'd say you must be Gallente." . The price demanded for the most precious of all things is life itself - ultimate cost for perfect value.
Ezekial Alexander Caldari Re-Awakened Technologies Inc Electus Matari	Posted - 2008.01.17 05:14:00 - [180] Originally by: Andreus Ixiris Hey, you stole that one from me! It's in this very thread! Obviously you didn't re-read the passage. There was a small change that made a lot of difference. ((Thanks for posting it though))

Devilish Ledoux Caldari Naughty People The Gurlstas Associates	Posted - 2008.01.17 05:46:00 - [181] Three Caldari marines were sitting around a campfire on a training installation, swapping war stories. The Deteis marine told a story about how his company had disembarked from a cruiser, boarded a Gallente battleship and, under heavy fire, overpowered the ship's defenders and taken control of the bridge. The Achuran marine told a story about how his company had breached a hostile mothership and made their way to the bridge, where they killed the capsuleer captain and took control of the ship. The Civire marine listened to their stories quietly, as he stirred the campfire with his ****. _ Now Hiring Pirates, Anarchists and Terrorists.
Shintoko Akahoshi Omerta Syndicate	Posted - 2008.01.17 08:34:00 - [182] Q: What do you call a useless guy hanging around a bunch of Minmatar? A: A holder! Q: How do you know if a holders throne is level? A: The drool is coming out of both sides of his mouth! Q: What did the holder get on his IQ test? A: Drool! Shin's writings
Phoenicia Black Sea Industries Cult of War	Posted - 2008.01.17 09:59:00 - [183] Why did the chicken cross the road? So that Caldari may live... badabumPSH Sig removed, inappropriate content. If you would like further details please email [email protected] - Saint
Mad Scorpion Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2008.01.17 13:25:00 - [184] Edited by: Mad Scorpion on 17/01/2008 13:25:00 What's black, blue, red and squishy? Mad Scorpion cra.cks his knuckles Someone telling to many Brutor jokes. Hehehe....... Mad Scorpion
Janu Hull Caldari Terra Incognita Dark Matter Coalition	Posted - 2008.01.21 17:17:00 - [185] IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY, ALL PASSENGERS ARE EXPECTED TO ASSIST IN THE APPLICATION OF DUCT TAPE. -sign found on a Minmatar cruiser.
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Heretic Army The Covenant Alliance	Posted - 2008.01.21 19:01:00 - [186] MirrorGod does not sleep. He waits. MirrorGod does not warp. Planets and stargates move to him. MirrorGod does not jump. He goes straight through. MirrorGod does not dock. Stations are built and deconstructed around him. MirrorGod does not mine. When he enters a belt, asteroids instantly reconfigure themselves, drive to a station and sell themselves on the market. When MirrorGod uses laser cannons, they do kinetic and explosive damage as well. Doomsday Devices are actually phones with MirrorGod's number on them. The only known U-turn done while in warp was done roughly two months ago when CONCORD realised they were responding to a call-out on MirrorGod. MirrorGod can bubble high-sec. MirrorGod has a ninth hi-slot. MirrorGod has a Tech 3 armour repairer. MirrorGod can hull tank. MirrorGod has trained Amarr Battleship 6. MirrorGod can overload a Cloaking Device. MirrorGod's only weakness is that he cannot use shields effectively, as errecting a deflector field big enough to contain all of his awesome was considered uneconomical. The only thing that MirrorGod did not create is God. Whether God created MirrorGod is debateable. ----- "I am prepared to meet my maker; whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
Atomos Darksun Havoc Inc Blood Blind	Posted - 2008.01.23 03:14:00 - [187] I tried to salvage a Minmatar wreck for 10 minutes until he started firing at me. ----- They've gone to PLAID!!
Conlin Gallente Sarz'na Khumatari Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2008.01.24 09:17:00 - [188] Q: How many Amarrians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: FORNICATION! It's a sin to screw anywhere, even in light bulbs.
Rakivic Dynasty Corporation	Posted - 2008.01.24 15:33:00 - [189] Q: What do you get if you put two drunken ship designers in a room? A: The Raven (Symmetry be dammed) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Becq Starforged Minmatar Ship Construction Services Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2008.01.24 21:21:00 - [190] Originally by: Rakivic Q: What do you get if you put two drunken ship designers in a room? A: The Raven (Symmetry be dammed) Lies. The Raven (along with several other Caldari designs) are the result of a design methodology in which there are two designers (one for the left half, one for the right half) who never meet. -- Becq Starforged proprietor of Starforge Industries, a subsidiary of Minmatar Ship Construction Services At Starforge Industries, the world of tomorrow is being blown apart today!

Mad Scorpion Minmatar Masuat'aa Matari Ushra'Khan	Posted - 2008.01.25 06:10:00 - [191] Originally by: Rakivic Q: What do you get if you put two drunken ship designers in a room? A: The Raven (Symmetry be dammed) But then again you have the Drake. It's so symmetrical, it's boring to watch. Mad Scorpion
Dostillevi	Posted - 2008.01.25 08:18:00 - [192] Edited by: Dostillevi on 25/01/2008 08:25:45 Edited by: Dostillevi on 25/01/2008 08:22:39 An Amarrian holder and his two Matari slaves die in a horrific accident while undocking from a station in Jita. Soon after the three see giant pearly gates with a lone man standing guard. The first Matar whispers excitedly to the second, "look, these must be the gates to the afterlife. We're finally free!" The second grins and whispers back, "That man must be the gatekeeper, here to judge our lives. Finally our holder will get what he deserves for all those years of torture and cruelty." "Indeed I am here to judge you," says the man, as he hears and knows all. "The worthy shall pass beyond these gates into bliss while the unworthy shall be cast down the dark road to oblivion." As he says this, a fiery and dark path appears next to the pearly gates. "You," says the gatekeeper, and points to the Amarrian. "Step forward and be judged!" The look on his face is terrible, and the holder trembles as he steps forward. "Your life has been a mockery to all existence! Look at the pain and suffering you have caused! By your hand thousands have died, and you have relished in the anguish your actions hath wrought! Take comfort that there is no worse fate than oblivion or it would be yours. Begone!" And the flames on the path to oblivion leaped high. "Aha!" shouts the first Matari, jumping in front of the terrified holder. "Justice at last. Tell us gatekeeper, what fate lies in store for us?" The gatekeeper visibly calms as he reflects on the lives of the Matari. "Ah yes, you two have lived faithfully even under the heavy hand of this holder. You have suffered much and yet you have persevered. Your consciences are clean," he says, stepping back towards the pearly gates and assuming the silent reverie he had been in when the trio had arrived. After a few seconds of silence the second Matari spoke up. "Is that it? Aren't you going to let us through the gates?" Surprised to see the three still there, the gatekeeper glances down the long road to oblivion and then to the holder cowering off to the side. "You two didn't expect him to walk, did you?"
Andreus Ixiris Gallente Heretic Army	Posted - 2008.01.25 12:00:00 - [193] Originally by: Mad Scorpion But then again you have the Drake. It's so symmetrical, it's boring to watch. The Dominix is symmetrical - but that just means it's equally ugly on both sides. ----- "I am prepared to meet my maker; whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
Malcolm Gerhardt Gallente Arctic Fox Industries and Materials	Posted - 2008.01.29 00:01:00 - [194] A Caldari and an Amarr and a Leprechaun walk ino a bar The Leprechaun looks around and says "Damn, I'm in the wrong joke!" Keep your Head low, Your Mind high and Your Mouth Shut


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